I Wanted to Come Back

My dearest Rose,

You will never see these letters. I write to you, only because I felt love for no other like I did for you. Two hearts breaking, twice the pain. I hope you're happy with him, with me. I hope you've changed him, made him better, better like you made me. You helped me see the world in a whole new way Rose Tyler! But that's just it isn't it? I see pain in a new way too. I feel it in a new way. Since you've been gone Rose, I've had many more companions, some of them you know. They're all gone now though, only one remains. And she's not even here.

I'm into my eleventh regeneration, my face is new. Still not a ginger, but I'm told I still have great hair. I suppose I write you these letters so that I can remember how things used to be. You, me, Mickey, and Jack. Oh! Did you know that Jack is the Face of Boe? I remember when I took you to the end of the world, he was there. But he didn't say anything, he's become very wise though. Never in my thousand years would I think of Jack as wise!

As you know, I've only got one regeneration left. When I'm gone, who will watch over you beautiful humans? I can't bear to leave, I can't stand the thought of it. There's so many emotions Rose, so many at one time. Like the Earth spinning and the sun shining and children playing in the streets and the birds chirping. The wind as it blew your hair on that beach so many rotations ago. 'Does it need saying?' I said to you, stupid foolish man I was, am. It does need saying. I wanted to say those words he says to you day after day. Rose Tyler I love you! But what is it worth now? I can't even see you're beautiful, human face. Well, I can. The TARDIS keeps an index of everyone to ever board the ship, and if I wanted to, I could make her look like you. A hologram of course, but it would be you.

River Song knows my true name, but sometimes I wish it were you that held that secret. Maybe you do, maybe he told you. Either way, when it was just you and me, everything was perfect. River is always gone. Two psycho's in one ship is too much she always says. How about one psycho and you, Rose? I could come back for you, I could burn up a thousand suns and come back for you. I've wanted to so many times. But something keeps holding me back. Maybe it's you, your echo, keeping me a better man. If you asked me if burning up the universe just to save you was worth it, I'd say yes Rose. I'd say yes a thousand times in a thousand different ways.

Rose Tyler, I will love you until the end of my days.

---

Boring. That sums up my life in the Big Apple. Born, raised, and stuck here forever. I've always wanted to see the world, experience new things, but I can't.

My name is Lily, and this is the story of how I met the Doctor.

My day started out particularly boring with a train ride to work, spilled coffee in the elevator, and a slip down the hall. I have the lovely job of sorting mail in one of the many skyscrapers of New York, you would think with all the technology now that mail would be a rarity, but sadly no. There is more mail than you would think imaginable. I feel bad for all of the trees.

Back to the story though, I was sorting mail, as usual, when a deep blue envelope caught my eye. Picking it up I peered at the silvery handwriting, surprised to see my own name written across it. I looked over my shoulders, making sure I was alone. I tore open the envelope and inside was a thick piece of paper.

'Duck', It said.

Confused I looked around the room, there was no duck. I crumpled up the paper and tossed it in the trash and went back to sorting through mail, putting them in the right slots. As I turned to catalog the next bundle a huge hunk of metal slammed through the wall in front of me. I ducked. It didn't occur to me that maybe I opened the letter a little too early, at that moment.

Dazed I looked through the hole in the wall, still sitting in the floor. A man with medium length light hair popped his head through.

"Oh, ello!" he said in a very British accent.

He pulled out a silver thing with a green light at the tip and started waving it around the hole, making a buzzing noise.

"Who are you?" I asked, still stunned.

"I'm the Doctor," he said, a smile across his face.

The Doctor? Doctor who? Doctor of what? You have no idea how many times those questions turned through my mind after that day.

"Just the Doctor, and you are?" he asked before disappearing.

Who asks a question then just leaves? This was ridiculous. First silly little blue letters, flying hunks of metal, and now a nut job with a flashlight that asks questions and doesn't sit around for the answers. I stood up and looked around the room, the metal landed on the other side of the table, a smoldering mess. What on Earth was that thing?

"You never said, who are you?" the very British voice sounded from behind me.

I turned to find him standing a few feet behind me, he was tall, and skinny. His pants were too short and his bow tie was crooked. Bow tie? Who even wears bow ties now a days? His eyes were very green and his smile was bright. He held out a hand. Gingerly I took it, I guess it's best to go along with crazy peoples imaginations long enough to get them to the authorities, right?

"I'm Lily, and you are?" I asked.

He frowned, "Weren't you paying attention just then? I'm the Doctor."

He started waving the silver thing around again, that irritating noise sounded throughout the room. He walked over to the metal piece and waved the silver thing around it.

"Yes, but Doctor who? And would you stop it with that silly little flashlight!" I exclaimed.

He stood up abruptly and crossed over to me again, the silver thing held up. I thought he was going to whack me with it so I cringed.

"This. This is not a silly little flashlight, this is a sonic screwdriver. It's all sonic-y, see?" he waved it around and then clicked it off.

This guy was truly bonkers and I needed to get him to the nearest loony bin.

"Right. So. Sonic screwdriver, and it's sonic-y. Did you send me that letter? The one that said to duck?" I asked, picking it up off the floor. It had tipped over in all the commotion.

"No, I didn't. But I will. In the future. Remind me to do that. I should still have a TARDIS blue envelop somewhere," he said as he studied the metal again.

Tardis? What on Earth was a Tardis? Tardis blue? This guy had an amazing imagination. Too bad he was off his rocker.

"Okay then. Future Boy, what is that piece of metal, and why did it try to take off my head?" I asked, walking over.

It was kind of brass colored, with big round things protruding off of it. It was sort of rectangular and scratched.

"This is part of a Dalek. Nasty things," he said, worry etched into his face.

The poor guy believed in his delusions so much that he thought they were entirely real.

"What's a Dalek thing?" I asked.

I must admit, I was intrigued by his thoughts. He almost didn't seem so crazy when you didn't think about it. I think that's what it was, was captivated me so much. If I didn't think about how crazy everything we did was, then maybe I wouldn't go crazy either.

"Ahh, ancient stuff, nothing to worry about. Well, you should worry, but I'm telling you not to worry so you won't worry. Now.. What is it doing here, in America?" he asked, it was more to himself than to me.

You tell the girl not to worry, so she doesn't worry, but I guess I'm not that type of girl, so I worried.

"Wait, wait, slow down. I'm going to worry, because it's what humans do. So, what is this Dalek thing, and why did it try to take of my head?" I demanded.

He smiled, as if recalling something from his past, but it quickly faded.

"Yes, what humans do. It didn't try to take off your head, and it's only part of a Dalek. I blew it up, and a chunk of it went flying and I couldn't stop it. That's why I have to write you that letter in the future so you'll know to duck here, in the present, your present I mean."

I looked at him, then around the room, and back to him. Present? Future? If he wrote it in the future, then it would be in the future, not the present, or well past? No, present. Or.. Is it past? Frustrated I shouted,

"Oh you crazy man! I'm taking you to the mental hospital!"

He looked up at me, surprise all over his handsome features.

"I'm not crazy. Well, not crazy in your sense. Everything I'm saying is making complete sense to me, but to you it sounds like non sense. Since that is obviously going to be a problem, you should follow me and I will tell you why it makes sense to me and it doesn't make sense to you," as he said these things he grabbed my jacket from where I'd left it and wrapped up the Dalek part up in it.

Confused I did as he said, following him out of the room and into the office, which was... Empty. Why was it empty? It should have been filled with people working.

"Doctor, where has everyone gone?" I asked, slowing down.

He stopped too and looked around, "My good friend Lily, that is a great question. Here, hold this," he tossed the Dalek scrap at me and I caught it, it was really heavy. "Don't touch it, only the jacket."

He pulled out the sonic screwdriver and waved it around, the green tip blurring with it. He stopped and clicked it off, looking at it with a frown.

"It seems like a transport.. But why move a room of humans to a different place...? That's.. Odd," he said, confusion and frustration filling his voice and face.

He started walking again and I followed, barely able to carry the Dalek part.

"Hey, yeah, girl back here, this thing is heavy," I said, stopping.

He turned and said, "Oh right. Humans, so weak."

He took it from me and started walking again. Humans? He spoke like he wasn't one.

"What do you mean? You're a human too," I said, walking beside him now.

"I look human," he simply stated.

Somewhere along the way, I had forgot he was delusional, but that sentence refreshed my memory.