I Wanted to Come Back

Basically, the Face of Boe, or Jack as I was told, used to be a person just like me. Well, kind of. He was a Time Agent and all kinds of other things, he used to travel with the Doctor and other companions, and he couldn't die. Well, figuratively. I sat and talked with him and the Doctor for about an hour, but then the Doctor said he wanted to check the place out a little, pop in on old friends. That's when I took my chance.

"Jack... I... I have a question," I said hesitantly.

He stared deeply in my eyes before answering, "Yes, Lily?"

I took a deep breath, "Who's Rose? He called me Rose."

He exhaled deeply and sort of shook his head, no pun intended.

"Ah.. Rose. She was one of his companions a long time ago... The saddest story of the Doctor, I think."

I nodded, "Could you.. Tell me about her please?"

I felt like I needed to know, had to know, as much as I could about her.

"She was.. She was something else. She loved the Doctor, and the Doctor loved her. They were fire, but everyone is star crossed in their own way, aren't they?"

I scooted closer to his glass tank, "What did she look like?"

He smiled, "Blonde hair, with green hazel eyes. She had the brightest smile, and the most heart breaking tears. She was something else. I think that's why the Doctor fell for her. She made him feel his humanity."

She sounded amazing, and I was slightly jealous. It was ridiculous, the Doctor would never love me, I was just a companion. But so was she.

"How- What happened to her?" I asked.

"She got stuck in a parallel universe, Lily. He couldn't save her, just like he couldn't save a lot of us."

It hung in the air between us, and I realized how much he really carried around with him. I didn't know why I reminded him of his Rose, but I wanted to find out. I wanted to help him. I also realized that maybe the Doctor couldn't save a lot of people. Maybe the Doctor messes up a lot, and he just can't bare it, can't look back.

"Jack... Do you think it's possible to.. I dunno. Hallucinate things, but feel like I dunno. You're a different person, in a different time?" I asked.

"Anything is possible, you should know that already Lily. You climbed into that blue box, and ended up here. And now here, isn't something one could travel to on a whim," he said.

He was actually kinda wise, I would be taking that back in the future though.

"I suppose you're right. But... There's something about... I've seen something Jack. Something I'm not entirely sure about. I think... No. I'm just crazy is all," I couldn't bring myself to tell him about what I saw.

"You're seeing things? What types of things?" he asked.

I hesitated, "I... I think it's me, and the Doctor. We're in this sort of place, with cabins or pods all along the walls. Everything is green, or at least the lights are. And... There's these things, people, and they're covered in boils and there's blood on their skin-"

"Oi, what are you going on about?" that already familiar voice asked.

I jumped and turned, trying to keep the color from draining my face, "What? Nothing, just trying to pry an old story out of Jack!"

His eyebrows lifted and he said, "Right, well, don't let him tell you any stories. Mind you he is known through time and space as a bit of a scadge... No offence Jack, really."

They both shared a laugh and I sat there slightly confused, I had no idea what a scadge was, but I wasn't sure I wanted to know. I would have to talk to Jack some more before we left, I had to know what I was seeing, if it was real or not. I just couldn't bear it.

"Right, well. Lily, it seems there's nothing wrong here, so I think we should be on our way. Try for Barcelona again," he said.

I frowned, I didn't want to leave just yet. I couldn't.

"You go on ahead of me, okay? I want to look around a bit, is that okay?" I asked.

"I suppose, just don't touch anything."

He said his goodbyes to Jack and left, when I was sure he was gone I knelt in front of him, putting a hand on his glass.

"What is it? You have to tell me!" I whispered.

His face was concerned, no doubt, "Lily, I think somethings are best left unknown. For now at least. We will meet again, sooner rather than later it seems. You must not worry, now go on, you shouldn't leave the Doctor waiting."

I frowned, why wouldn't he tell me anything? Why was the Doctor keeping secrets? Why was everything so strange?

"Fine. I'll hold you to that. Good-bye Jack." I got up and left.

---

"So, what were you and Jack talking about?" the Doctor asked as I opened the door to the TARDIS and stepped inside.

I shut the door and turned to him, "Nothing much. I tried to get him to talk about some of his adventures, but he wouldn't give any up."

He laughed, "Oh, he has come a long way since we first met. I was a different person then, quite literally actually."

I smiled, "What do you mean?"

"Oh that Jack. He was a right flirt, he was. If it moved, he hit on it. Though he is more for the home team than anything, if you catch my meaning."

I laughed, "Really? I would never have guessed it! Well, he is just a head after all now..."

He shrugged, "How about some real fun now?"

I sat down around the console and nodded, a smile plastered on my face.

A look crossed his face and my own dropped. He was thinking about her again, I was reminding him of her.

"Doctor... Jack... He told me about her. About your Rose. I- I'm sorry," I whispered.

His brows furrowed and his lips pursed, after he exhaled he looked around the room, tears brimming his eyes. I wanted so bad to go to him, but tears were filling my eyes too. I couldn't explain it, I couldn't help it. Sorrow, anger, confusion, love, fear all coursed through me all at once.

"Who am I?" I asked.

"You're.... Rose," a voice replied.

"That just isn't possible. I'm Lily. I'm from America, I'm from New York. I'm me!" I yelled.

"Do you really believe that? Do you remember that? Is that you?

"Of course I-" but I didn't.

I couldn't remember any of the things that were supposed to be me. Just the things that were her. But I wasn't her. I didn't think her thoughts, I thought my own. I didn't feel like her, I just had her memories. Her memories with the Doctor, her love. The me that I was, it was still there, but it was faded. I could still feel it, it was still me. There were just two people inside of me. Me, and her.

I was completely crying now, tears were flowing down my cheeks and he was staring down at me, lips trembling.

"I'm so sorry Lily," he whispered.

"Doctor... She's in here... Rose. I can... All her thoughts, memories, they're in here with me. I understand it all now, I think," I said, trying to order everything the right way.

"Oh Rose. I knew you were in there, I knew it was you all along. You never stop fighting for me, for us. You always come back, you brilliant girl. I love you," he whispered, "I was a fool not to say it on that beach so many rotations ago. I love you so much Rose Tyler, and I'm the biggest fool in the universe for you."

I smiled, the Doctor and I were finally back together. My Doctor, my crazy beautiful, reckless, loving Doctor. And I was Lily, and I was Rose, I was both. I felt everything in a new way, I was one person, just a combination of two.

"I had to come back to you, you know that. I love you so much Doctor. My Doctor," I said.

He got down on his knees and we embraced, I missed these hugs. I missed him. We held each other and cried for a very long time.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make it sooner," I whispered.