Anarchy Is Our Only Hope

It was the morning of my graduation; my cap and gown hung off my door.

My smile beamed from ear to ear.

I finished high school and was moving on to greater things, maybe soon I would be out from under this roof. 

I was giddy, I was practically bouncing off walls.

I slipped into a simple black lace dress and into shoes that strapped around the ankles. 

"You look beautiful baby."

My mom walked into the room.

Her blonde hair pulled back into a soft bun, she wore a beige dress that accentuated her small figure.

"You look great too mom."

I smiled and hugged her.

I could see her struggling to keep her composure.  

"Oh mom, don't cry!" 

Mom wiped the tears that began forming.

"I'm sorry Nel, I'm just so proud of you."

"Ugh!" I hugged her tightly, and stated. "You're gonna make me cry." 

I gave her a weak grin.

"Go on downstairs mom, I'll be down in five."

"I love you Nelly. Never forget that."

With that and a kiss on the forehead, she left.

I curled a few pieces of hair, and placed a Bobby pin on the left side.

I carried the blue gown on my forearm, cap in hand. I made my way downstairs.

"Oh! Nelly you look lovely!" Tim cooed.

"Thanks Tim.." I spoke wearily. 

"Go on, get in a picture with your mom!"

He took, what felt like, hundreds of photos.

"Well get these developed as soon as the graduations over!"  

My mother said as she practically jumped up out of her skin.

Tim and my mom were both extremely happy.

"Let's go! Let's go! Don't want to be late." They said in unison.

We all rushed out the door.

I laid the gown flat over the seat, I tried to avoid wrinkles.

We arrived at the auditorium of my school in ten minutes.

I looked around and spotted eight motorcycles parked in the corner.

Gemma's black SUV sat across the street.

I smiled to myself, as the scenery flew past us.

"You invited Jax?"  My mom turned around in her seat to ask.

"Yeah, I invited him and the MC."

"That's nice." Tim said through gritted teeth.

"Awe, that's lovely. Jax is a nice boy."

She was sincere in what she said.

Even if Tim hated him, and hindered the dinner plans she made, my mother wasn't gonna share the same disdain toward Jax.

We parked the car and walked into the auditorium.

"NELLLLLYYY!"

Stevie ran over to me, with a smile so sweet you could catch diabetes.

"Stevie!"

I embraced her in a hug.

"Ugh, you're a really gorgeous graduate."

She dropped her voice to a whisper.

"These other bitches are beat."

I laughed. "Thanks Stevie."

"Darlin'!! Congrats. You're smarter than tha' rest of us!"

I shook my head.

"Nah, you don't need all this to prove you're smart, Chibs. I mean Tig may, but not you."

I kissed Chibs cheek.

"Hey, hey! No need to be snarky Nelly!"

Tig wrapped his arm around my shoulder and kissed the top of my head.

"Forgive me, Tig?"

"Always, kid."

He smiled.

"Hey now, can Bobby Elvis share the love?"

Bobby, while tiny in size, was the man with the biggest heart.

"How are you gonna bring up Bobby Elvis, if I have yet to see you do it?"

"You haven't been around long enough, but you wait, hubba hubba."

He stroke an iconic Elvis pose, I laughed.

A cough interrupted.

Opie and Piney made their way toward me.

Opie wrapped his big arms around me, and gave me a twirl. 

Something only a man of his stature could do.

 Piney, on the other hand, just stood there.

"Well.. Congrats kid."  Piney muttered, as he patted my back. 

"Thanks Piney." 

I reached to hug the cantankerous old man, he accepted it.

"Hey, hey! Give her some room."

Clay cleared the crowd of bikers around me.

"This is only the four hundredth time you're gonna hear this, but good job."

"Thanks Clay."

Mom and Tim stood off sheepishly in the corner; oddly enough, my mother could not take her gaze off her hands.

Chibs and Tig went off into the crowd, probably finding some teenagers to bang.

Juice walked toward me, nervous and jittery,  as always. 

He had an air of naive innocence, so different from the confident men around him.

"H-Hey Nelly, you look really nice today."

His eyes flashed between the floor and right past my own eyes.

"I hope you have a good day, and um.. Congrats." 

"Thanks, Juice." I patted his shoulder. 

"Hey, where's Gemma and Jax?" I asked no one in particular.

"Right here, baby." I heard a familiar voice come from behind me.

I turned, Jax and Gemma stood there with balloons in hand.

All floating around with yellow letters saying "CONGRADULATIONS."

Jax pulled out a bear from behind his back. 

It wore a cap and gown similar to mine.

"It was all they had in the store across the street."  

He said with a slight shrug and a childish grin. 

"Oh, I love it!"

I reached my arms around his neck, his arms coiled around my waist.

He kissed my forehead. "I'm proud of you babe."

A group "Awe." came from the men behind us.

"Why don't you guys go on about your business?" Jax said with a small laugh.

"Hey Mr. and Mrs. Wallace." Jax greeted.

"Hello." Tim said coldly.

"Cut it out." I mouthed to Tim. 

Tim made it point to let Jax know how he resented his presence.

"Move on, Jax. I gotta congratulate the girl!"

Gemma pushed Jax out of the way, he simply chuckled.

"You're a smart girl, Nelly. Keep it that way."

She winked and kissed my cheek.

"Alright, I gotta go line up in the back. Your seats are over there."

I pointed to rows of seats on the left side of the auditorium. 

Jax pulled me back in for a last minute kiss.

"Don't trip up there."

"Well now you've just jinked me, asshole."

He hugged me tightly.

I whispered in his ear.

"Thank you, Jax."

I kissed his cheek before continuing.

"I'll show you just how thankful I am later."

A light laugh left his lips.

"Don't tease me, kid."

He held my face in his hands, his fingers tangled in my curls, he leaned down and parted his lips slightly. 

I filled the last centimeters between us; his lips caressed against mine.

"Okay, gotta go." I crooned, reluctantly pulling away.

I grabbed my gown and went backstage.

A through E, had all but come and gone on stage.

This is where nerves set in.

"Ella May Fagan."

A girl five people ahead of me walked up.

"Delia Feddick."

Three more people passed, and finally I was next.

Anxious jitters rushed through out my body.

"Nelly Fitzgerald."

I walked up the wooden steps on to the stage.

"WOOOO! NELLY!!!!!!!! NELLY!!! WE LOVE YOU!!!"

I looked out to the crowd, the guys were on their feet clapping like monkeys in the zoo.

I smiled widely, taking in their roars and cheers.

All other eyes fell on the group of tattooed men in leather cuts.

"YOU GO BABY!!" Jax's voice seemed to be the loudest.

My principal handed me a diploma, I was given a minute for my family to take pictures.

"LOOK AT THE CAMERA NEL!" Tim shouted across the room. 

My mother videotaped the entire moment.

"AYE, WE LOVE YOU NEL!" 

Chibs voice carried along the walls of the auditorium.

Tears clung to the rim of my eyes, everything felt like slow motion. 

Their claps felt longer, their mouths moved slower. I was enveloped by the tranquility they brought me.

I hardly heard when my principal said. "Congratulations, Nelly."

It was only after I felt his palm on my back that I realized it was time to get off stage.

I sat with the rest of my class.

My friend Ellie from chemistry turned to face me.

"Nelly, isn't that the biker guy who followed you for like ever?"

I couldn't help the grin that fell onto my face. "Yeah, that's him."

"I didn't think you were gonna hook up with him!" 

"Me neither, he just kind of.." I struggled to find the words. "He just swept me away, I guess." 

I cringed at my own corny answer.

"Well, good thing! He's smoking hot!" Ellie exclaimed.

I laughed. "Thank you."

"You think you could hook me up with one of them?" Her honey brown eyes sparked with interest.

"I don't doubt it."

"I really like that one guy."

She pointed at Tig, not being one to miss a beat he shot her a wink.

She nearly melted in her seat.

"Ellie, he's old enough to be your dad."

"So? He's sexy."

"I'll see what I can do."

I shook my head in disbelief.

"Reagan Zimmerman."

The last of the graduates made their way down the stairs.

"To the seniors of Sonoma Cross, you will greatly be missed! We congratulate you on your success and wish you more to come."

Caps began flying into the air, kids cried and held each other for what may be the last time.

I myself got wrapped up in the emotional sap of it all.

People I hadn't talked to in the longest came back around.

"Ugh, you should call me soon!" Lee Ann said.

I embraced Lee Ann, the bubbly blonde, warmly. I hadn't seen her since my tenth grade history class.

"I will!"

She walked away, I spent most of my early morning in this back and forth.

Ellie soon found herself wrapped in Tig's embrace.

Jax walked up behind me, his warm hands pressed upon my hips.

"You didn't trip." 

His breath tickled my neck as he spoke.

"I didn't let you fuck me up."

I laughed and turned to face him.

"Oh I was gonna fuck you up?"

"Mhm."

"Well, if I'm a bad luck charm.. I should just leave right now."

He began turning away from me.

I grabbed the sides of his cut and pulled him back to me.

"I don't think you want to do that."

I said in between kisses.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Because I may be forced to rethink some late night activity."

"Can't do that."

He grinned cockily, I scoffed.

"I'll do what I like." I continued. "And that happens to be you."

I smiled and hopped on his back. "Carry me."

"Your fracture is healed already."

I brushed my lips across his ear. 

"Please?" I whispered.

He stammered. 

"Uh.. Yeah, I guess I can carry you one last time."

I laughed, he carried me back to where the group sat.

"Smile, kids." Gemma said, and pulled out her disposable camera.

I held my cap out in front of Jax's chest, my head rested on his shoulder.

"Click." Gemma's finger rose from the shutter button.

I hopped off his back, he lazily draped his arm on my shoulder.

"Awe baby, you looked lovely up there."  Gemma said.

"Thanks Gem."

"Who knew graduation would be a swimming pool for young pussy!" Tig interjected excitedly.

"You're gross." Stevie slapped his arm as she walked around him.

She kissed my cheek.

"You were great, but I gotta go okay?"

"Yeah, it's cool." 

I thanked her for coming. 

She hugged me again, then she, Opie, Piney, Bobby, and Juice left.

"Wow, the herd has thinned." I laughed.

"How about we go out for brunch, on me?" 

Clay raised his hands in suggestion.

"No, we couldn't let you do that." Tim stated.

"Come on, Timmy." Clay insisted.

He wrapped his hand around Tim's shoulder.

Tim shrugged Clay's arm off.

"Okay, fine." Tim said with sulk in his tone.

My mom sat quietly in her seat.

"Come on, Millie." He grabbed her arm and lead her to the car.

"Tough guy, huh?"

Clay than wrapped his arm around Gemma.

"He's an ass." Gemma blurted.

Her and I knew what Tim was capable of, but that was our secret.

"Well let's grub!" I shouted, not allowing room for them to question her.

I rode with Gemma in her Cadillac.

"So you coming by the clubhouse later?"

"Yeah, I'll probably go home and shower first." I said.

"Oh good idea, you're gonna wanna be comfortable."

"Why?"

"Oh, no reason."

We pulled up to a restaurant that sat twenty minutes away from the school.

"Table for seven." Clay said.

"Pretty big group, y'all comin' from the graduation?"  The waitress asked. 

"Yeah, this little lady righ' here!"

Chibs engulfed me in his grip.

"Well congratulations, darlin'." 

She said with a Texan twang and beauty queen smile, she walked us over to our table.

"So Tig, you gonna call Ellie?" I asked.

"I'm gonna give her the best grad present daddy can't buy her." He winked devilishly.

"Tig, you have no shame."

"No shame, just a lot of dick to give the world."

I snorted on my water.

"Tig the pig!" Chibs inserted.

"Oh, Chibs five points for the rhyming!"

I reached over the table to high five him.

"What are you talking about? You got that sweet little piece of ass to suck your dick between G and N!"

"Oh tsk tsk, Chibs. " I shook my head in laughter.

I looked over at my mom, her gaze was focused on the mahogany table. 

She was never one for this kind of conversation.  

I didn't need to look at Tim to know he was falling deeper in his sulk.

"Aye a'leas I waited till after Nelly went on!"

Chibs and Tig bickered about who was the most perverse.

My mom soon after began speaking with Gemma.

"I think a toast is in order." Clay rose from the table.

I reached for Jax's hand, his fingers entwined with mine.

"Nelly, there hasn't been a single day in the past month that I haven't seen your face. If it ain't at the shop, it's at the house with Gem. You are a part of the family now!"

The men rowdily banged on the table in agreement. 

"I've never seen that kid so happy." He pointed his index finger in Jax's direction. "Today we celebrate you, Nel. Congrats, kid!"

My cheeks flushed crimson as he speech came to a close.

"Thanks, Clay. That was very sweet."

He simply nodded his head.

Tim's face only grew sour as the lunch progressed. 

"Isn't it a little too early to start tossing back, Tim?" 

Clay asked in a teasing matter as Tim received his second beer.

Tim's neck snapped in Clay's direction.

"No, it's not."

"To each his own." Gemma rose her hands between both men.

"Excuse me, I have to use the restroom." 

Mom's voice was barely audible over the rambunctious group. 

She just rose from her chair, and left.

"Aye, these eggs are giving me tha' runs!" Chibs exclaimed and also ran to the restroom. 

Jax brought my hand to his lips; my fingertips brushed along the curves of his mouth.

"So what time should I pick you up?"

"My mom wants to see the clubhouse, so she wants me to take her."

He looked surprised. 

"Really, does she know what she's getting into?"

"Nope." I laughed.

Jax carried his words in a whisper.

"Is Tim coming?"

"Ha! Not a chance in hell."

"Good, he doesn't seem to keen on us."

"He doesn't like anyone."

I shrugged and returned back to my plate of food.

Chibs returned to the table, wide grin on his face. 

"Cleared the tank!"

"You're gross, Chibs!" I said mid laugh.

"When you gotta go, you gotta go." He shrugged his shoulders.

My mom returned to the table, more silent than usual.

Everyone was stuffed on food and conversation, it was time to part ways.

"Alright, I'll see you later."

Jax leaned against his motorcycle, as I teetered against his knees.

"You have errands to run?"

"A few." 

"Okay, just be safe."

"Always." 

He kissed me quickly, as the other men were leaving him behind. 

He slipped on his helmet and started his bike.

I walked back to Tim's car, a wide spread grin on my face.

Tim's face was exactly the opposite.

Our ride back home was quiet.

Tim's anger was at it's boiling point.

We reached the house, I instantly hopped up the stairs and began separating clothes for the night. 

From upstairs I could hear a six pack being rattled, 

I resorted to a new idea.

I ran downstairs, in search of my mom.

She was in the kitchen, sobbing.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I walked over to her.

"Nothing, nothing."

She frantically wiped tears away.

"Mom, was it Tim?" I asked in a hushed tone.

"No, no. Not this time.."

She paused to look at me, she brushed my hair back with her hand. 

"You're growing up so fast."

I knew this was her way of telling me to change the subject.

"You call eighteen years fast?"

She laughed softly.

"Oh, Nelly... You are my life, you know that right?"

"Of course, mom."

I searched her eyes for an answer to her shift in emotions.

She pinched my cheeks. "These little cheeks, were always the highlight of my mornings."

She continued, "You always woke up with a smile on your face when you were small.  it was gone for a while, but you know what? I've noticed it coming back."

She grinned weakly and spoke softly. "My angel, my Nelly."

"Mom, I only graduated, it's not like I'm leaving the house."

"But you will, soon enough."

I laughed. "And where am I gonna go?"

"You'll be in Charming, You won't have to worry about being battered and bruised every day."

"Why Charming?" 

"Because that's where your heart is."

"Mom, don't be silly! It's too soon for all that kind of talk." I grabbed her shoulders and shook her playfully.

"Call it mothers intuition."

"Why are you talking this way?"

My eyebrows furrowed in concer.

"I've just been thinking a lot, seeing things I've ignored in the past."

Mystery lingered behind her eyes.

"Well, you wanna see Charming or not?" I smiled grandly.

I expressed my idea to her, we were to leave for Charming as soon as I was done in the shower. 

I didn't want either of us to endure a wasted Tim, not tonight.

She agreed and headed to her own bathroom for a shower.

I let steam engulf my lungs as I turned the shower water off.

I ransacked my drawers for a particular set of undergarments. 

Once I found them, I put them on and tossed clothes over it. 

I grabbed my bag, and put them in the corner of the living room. 

My mom wore a pair of jeans and a cardigan, she to had a bag in hand. 

She looked as if she was at ease, for once, I saw serenity in her face.

"I was telling Gemma, I had some old clothes I wanted to give away." Her explanation for the bag she toted.

Though, I believed she may have another thing in mind.

"Where are you two goinggg?!" Tim shouted from the couch.

"Out, we'll be back later." I said.

"Where are you going out to?!" 

He began rising from the couch, beer bottle in hand. 

"Fucking out, Tim. Don't worry about it."

"You're going to be with those white trash fuckers, aren't you?"

His words slurred together as he slurped down his drink.

"Why are there bags?! Are you leaving?! Are you leaving me?!" 

He stampeded toward my mother, he grabbed her forearms, and shook her violently.

"Are you leaving me?! Are you leaving me, Millie?!"

He shouted into her face, over and over the same question.

She kept shaking her head no, tears fell from her eyes.

He grabbed her face in his hands, closing his grip so tightly that she would no longer shake her head.

"Tell me, Mille! Are you leaving me?!" 

"No, Tim, no!" The words that left her lips her barely audible.

He threw her down to the ground, her face hit the wood floor.

His knuckles bore white, his hands were clenched tightly in a ball.

I couldn't watch him do this anymore, not to her.
I reached for one of his empty booties of beer.

Stalking quietly behind him as he stood over my mother, I cracked the bottle over his head.

Glass shattered, he stumbled but didn't go down.

"You fucking twat bitch." His eyes flashed with aggression.

He cooly ran his hands through his hair, smoothing it back in place.

His hand began to bleed, he didn't flinch.

"You try to take me down with a beer bottle? A beer bottle!" 

His words dripped with venom; his face shook with anger as each line left his lips.

"You should have gone for the knife." 

He grabbed my wrist and pinned me against the wall.

His voice was low and cold, emotion left him completely.

"You want to be a whore? Spread your legs around town and get dick from the bad boy biker? Well open up for daddy."

He forced his hand between my thighs, spreading them apart to his liking.

I acted instinctually, and shoved my knee into his crotch.  

His body curled up, he held himself against the wall, wincing and grabbing his pitiful excuse for a penis.

"Fuck you, pig." I spat in his face.

I ran over to my mother; I picked her up from the floor and rushed her out the door.

When I went back in for the bags, Tim was up with golf club in hand. 

He swung and went for my side.

I crumbled to the ground, I heard a crack when metal met flesh.

He loomed over me; he watched me like a predator preparing to take down his prey.

"You will do what I say! No more disobedience!"

He grabbed my hair and shoved my face into the ground; conciseness began fleeting as my head made contact against the floor more than once.     

I wasn't going to be anyone's prey.

I did what I always did, fought back. 

As he went to slap my face, I reached for his hand and forcefully bit into it.

He wailed, that's when my mother ran back into the house.

He walked over me and made his way to her.
I grabbed him by his boot, he fell over like a tree.

"You fucking bitch!" He screamed.

His face grew red, but I took advantage of him being on the floor and grabbed his golf club.

As I readied myself to take a swing; he rose and grabbed it. 
He threw the club across the room.

I ran into the kitchen, Tim followed.

He slammed me into a wall, my side took yet another blow. 

He took his hand and balled it up, a fist connected to my cheek.

"You think you can finish me? You're not that smart after all." 

His eyebrows rose in cockiness.

Fist after fist, I felt myself falling into darkness. 

I spit the blood from my mouth onto his face. 

"I will finish you, today, tomorrow, or in a year.. Trust me I will find a way." 

My voice shook as I spoke, but each word carried truth.

"What? Gonna have your little boyfriend do it?"

My eyes grew wide.

"You think I don't know what they do?" 

"Fuck you, Tim." 

He pushed me back on the ground.

"You better give him a good reason to do it."

He pulled at my pants, anchoring them down my legs.

I squirmed against the floor, thrashing like a fish out of water.

I grabbed to a corner of a wall, and kicked my sneaker into his face.

"Mom! Mom! Get in the car, go! Find help!" I cried out.

She stood still, frozen in fear.

 She didn't know how to react to what was unfolding in front of her.

"Mom, please! Please, I need you!" Sorrow fell from each word.

There was only two ways this was gonna end, I needed her to help prevent one from happening.

Suddenly, she shifted. She grabbed the car keys and began heading out the door.

She looked back..

"Go!" I screamed out.

Tim spit out what looked to be a tooth, and crawled on top of me.

A direct hit sent blood gushing from my nose.

I heard something roll toward me, I looked frantically for the sound.

Another beer bottle! I quickly reached for it and smashed it across his head. 

He fell over, I got on top of him and slammed his head into the ground.

He succumbed to the hits and became unconscious.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, I looked as his body just lay there.

I could do it right now, kill him..

He merited it. Oh, boy had he merited that I plunge a knife into the cavity he called a heart.

No, I couldn't kill him. 

His father would come looking for him, he would know I'd done it.

I would get prosecuted to the fullest extent, just because he was the sheriff's son.

Jax could help me dispose of him?

No, no. I wouldn't involve Jax in my problems...

I wouldn't risk the freedom he cherished, not for this bastard.

I kicked Tim's head, just to keep him out for a while.

I held my side and went upstairs, the walls supported my weight as I climbed each step.

Once I reached my room, I clicked each lock into place; making sure I was barricaded in I moved my dresser against the door. 

I changed out of my bloody clothes and into clean sweats.

I cringed in pain as I ran the dirty shirt across my face.

I turned to look into the mirror, my face was black and blue, blood was drying by my mouth.

 I was a grizzly sight.

I tried to inhale deeply, it only sent a serge of anguish through out my body.

I tucked myself into bed,I sobbed uncontrollably, I heaved as tears poured desperately from my eyes.

My breaths were tangled with dreadfully painful winces.

Who would my mom turn to for help? She had no friends that would take Tim on. 

Police? We knew that was a joke.

My phone rang.

I sniffled, and tried to breathe in.

"Hello?"

"Hey babe, I'm on my way back to the garage. You here?"

I couldn't bare carrying a long conversation, so I cut to the chase.

"I can't make it tonight."

"Why not?" 

His raspy tone creased through my phone.

"I'm just not feeling good." 

I exhaled softly, hiding the sobs that tingled my throat.

"Babe, come on? You gonna let a little cold stop you from having a good time?"

I could hear the smile in his voice.

Tears began forming in my eyes, even in agony, his voice brought warmth.

"I just can't.." 

My voice cracked under the pressure of my chest.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing babe, just have a good time okay?" 

"But it's a surprise for your grad ---." 

I hung up the phone and began to sob once more, now into my pillow.

I could hardly lay down on my side as a massive bruise was coiling around it.

Tim won this one.

And he knew, that is truly the worse part.

I lay in bed with a possible broken rib, a bloody nose and a bruise the size of China covering my side.

And all I could think about was how Tim won.

A couple hours rolled by, and that's when I heard them, engines roared outside my window.

I rose from the bed to see not one but three motorcycles outside.

Their owners were making their way to my door.

"Oh fuck."