Anarchy Is Our Only Hope

Rushing down the stairs felt like an eternity; each step felt steeper than the last.

I gripped to the rails for stability, I feared my legs would give way.

Tim ripped open the door, a rush of feet clattered against the wood floors.

Before my foot grazed the last step, Jax was turning the corner.

He said nothing, he just stared. 

His fingertips grazed along the raised skin of my cheek.

He turned to face Tim, anger flashed in his eyes, the soft sympathetic gaze he had was gone.

"You did this?!" He shouted.

"No, no, no." Tim muttered.

Jax pushed him up against the wall, pressing his forearm into his throat.

Jax's voice became gravelly as he spoke.

"You piece of shit, how dare you put your hands on her?!"

Tim's breath was caught, he fought against Jax, but Jax's held strong.

"You've fucked up, Timmy." He said, menace in his tone.

I sat on the steps of the stairs, my head in my hands.

"Omph!" 

It rung in my ears, over and over. 

When a hand gripped my shoulder, I lifted my gaze.

Jax pressed his lips against my forehead.

He reached his hands around my side, I winced away.

He pushed my shirt up slowly.

His eyes widened at the sight under the basic white cotton, an extensive purple bruise was now exposed.

"You stay on the fucking floor, Tim!"

Jax grabbed Chibs, whispered something to him. 

It was only then I realized that Opie was here, he assisted Jax in dragging Tim outside.

Chibs sat down at the steps, he bundled me in his arms.

"What happened here, darlin'?" 

I knew it was not a question he was asking directly.

I felt rigid, stuck in a moment where time had no tick.

Chibs just held me, didn't say anything else, just kept me at ease.

But I needed answers.

"How did you know?"

"Your mom, she came over to the garage, frantic and in tears. We didn't know what was happening, she could hardly speak. Gemma told us what she knew."

"Is she there now?"

"Yeah, Gem was making her tea."

"Oh."

"She didn't know what we were gonna walk into."

"Nothing far from the usual, maybe a little worse." I shrugged.

"No, Nelly." He shook his head furiously. 

"This isn't right, he was supposed to raise you, take care of you.."

"Oh well, some things don't pan out that way."

He squeezed me tightly.

"It's okay, Chibs."

"No, Nelly. A father is supposed to protect you!"

His voice cracked, it was small but audible.  

He must have been thinking of Kerrianne.

"He's not my dad, my dad left before I was even born.."

"Well, he is your step father." 

"It doesn't matter anymore.."

He sighed heavily. "Let's go get you some clothes, you'll be staying at the garage."

"I have an over night bag."

"Well, get a few more thing, it'll be a few days before you come back here."

I nodded and went upstairs.

Chibs and I stood outside, the air was crisp and cool against my face.

The black sky was coated with grey clouds; the light from the moon peaked through the cracks. 

The front door opened, it had been nearly an hour since Jax and Op went out back, they appeared on the front steps.

"What did you do?" I asked as Jax cleaned off his face.

A red mark was forming just below the bone of his cheek.

"Don't worry about it." 

I pushed passed him, walking to the backyard through the side gate.

Under the low florescent light I found Tim.

He laid on the cement deck, curled onto his side, his breath was shallow, and blood dripped from his lips.

His eyes were swollen beyond average size, he looked like a creature, disturbed and distorted.

Jax followed shortly, I was furious.

"Jax, he's the sheriff's son!" 

I pushed him away as he approached me.

"Do you know the trouble you will be in if he dies?!" I frustratingly shouted.

"He's not gonna die, Nel." Jax said cooly.

He placed his hands gently upon my cheeks.

I pushed them off.

"Jax, you have no idea what you've done!"

"You're mad at me for this?" He gestured toward Tim. "Are you serious?"

"No! It's not about him, Jax! If he dies, oh well, c'est la vie! But not by your hands!"

I entangled my fingers in my hair, I was frustrated yes but I found my self at a crossroads.

Could I really be that angry? 

He tried to tame a beast which I'd been fighting my whole life, one that with each fist thrown came back stronger, and with double the vengeance.

I leaned back against the fence, inhaling slowly. I was faced with the same pain as earlier.

"Nelly, he's not gonna die and he's definitely not gonna rat, am I right Tim?"

A muffled sound came from were Tim lay.

"It's gonna be fine, he's not gonna hurt you again."

I pushed myself off the fence, and walked toward Jax.

"You can't kill him even if he does."

"Says who?"

"Please, Jax.."

His eyes met mine but they couldn't help shift to the bruises on my face.

I said to Jax. "It's not for him that I ask, I don't want you to lose everything because of him. He's not worth it."

He cupped his hand under my chin, forcing my gaze on him. 

"But you are." 

I buried my head in his chest, I didn't know what to say or how to react. 

I just needed to be close to him.

He soothed his hands down my back, and up again. 

He then pressed his lips against my head, and spoke softly. "Come on, babe."

We walked back out to the front, Ope and Chibs waited patiently.

"Chibs, you think you can check her out when we get to the clubhouse?"

"Aye." he nodded.

Jax handed me his helmet; I tightened the strap along my chin. 

My hands wrapped around his chest, my head rested atop his shoulder.

The wind filled our silence.

Sirens wailed in the distance, but even that didn't stop the mechanism of my mind.  

I felt like some silly damsel in distress.

I was being saved from some knight on a white horse, well.. something like that, and I didn't know how I felt about it.

What was once my position had been taken into someone else's hands. 

To an extent it felt good to be taken care of; to have someone else care to the point where they are willing to lose it all to protect you. 

But then there was the latter; what did I have to offer him, he offered me the thing that I might have been seeking all this time, what could I do for him?

With my mother I was the protector, the savior.

 Who was I with Jax? 

I don't think I'd lost my sense of preservation or my independence, had I?

Would I become the woman that depended on the man? 

No, probably not.

When we arrived the floors of Teller-Morrow were covered by abandoned red solo cups.

Chibs had gone inside, and Op had gone home to Stevie. 

"Surprise." Jax said with a weak shrug.

"Oh, that's what you were telling me on the phone?" 

"Yeah, but once your mom rolled in we called it off."

"I'm really sorry." 

From the corner of my eye, I caught a shiny banner reflecting off the surface of a nearby truck.

"You went through all this trouble.." I trailed off, I felt guilt wavering over me.

"Nel, don't do that."

He reached for my hand, pulling me into him.

"Missing the party ain't a big deal, we have parties all the time. Next one's on you?"

He grinned, it brought me comfort.

"At my party there will be a donkey for Tig."

He and I laughed.

"You never fell down a flight of stairs, did you?" He asked.

I shook my head no.

"Why didn't you just tell me?"

I laughed. "Looks like the tables have turned."

He gave me a stern look. 

I proceeded. "I didn't want anyone involved, Jax. Also, I wanted to avoid anything like this."

"But you told Gemma."

"I didn't tell Gemma, she just guessed. Stevie, on the other ha--."

Jax cut me off. "Stevie knew too?"

"First day I met her, she just sensed it and then I told her."

He sighed heavily. "No more secrets, Nelly."

"I promise that was my only one."

"Let's take you inside." He dropped his arm on my shoulder.

He curled me into his side, and kissed my cheek. 

I owned the grin that slid onto my face.

"Oh, Nelly!" My mother screamed when I walked in.

She rushed toward me, cupping my face in her hands.

"Mom, I'm okay." 

"I'm sorry, Nelly. I'm so sorry." She groveled continuously.

"Mom, it's gonna be okay." I placed my hands over hers. 

"It's okay." I spoke reassuringly. 

Mom sat down in a nearby chair, Gemma walked toward me with an ice pack.

"Put this on your face, you look like hell." She said.

"Thanks Gemma, you're a really sweetheart." I said with a sarcastic smile.

"Not my game, baby." 

Chibs asked my mother if she wanted a drink, they walked to the bar together.

I pressed the cold compress to my face, instantly yelping at how cold it actually was.

"Where do you freeze this thing, Gem? Antarctica!" 

"Actually, I keep it in my heart." She replied with the heaviest sarcasm.

"I knew it." 

The room chuckled, and soon it was like nothing happened.

"Chibs, don't forget to look at her. Make sure she's alright?"  

Jax asked Chibs, interrupting his flow of conversation with Millie and Gemma.

"Okay, darlin! Get on the pool table, it's time to examine ya."  Chibs said enthusiastically.

"What qualifies you anyway Chibs?"

"I served five months as a medic for the British Army, thank you very much." 

"Five months?!" My mother and I said in unison.

I tried to laugh but frankly I couldn't muster enough breath to do so; it was more like a wheeze. 

It sounded like the cackle of an eighty year old chain smoker. 

"Aye, you don't just become a medic for the British army without knowing  a thing or two!"

"Alright, I'm sorry." I waved my hands in apology.

Chibs examined my head, neck, spine, and belly; then he proceeded to press into my sternum, that frankly hurt like a bitch.

While he listened to my lungs, he told me the story of how he'd been discharged from the BA. 

"Pro - IRA activity, it's like when you shit yourself, can't get rid of the smell."

After he was done, he offered me some basic over the counter Ibuprofen. 

"I'll try to score you something stronger tomorrow; take deep breaths every hour as much as it hurts, you do it." 

I nodded and popped the pill.

"Alright, I'll see how you're doing in a few hours. Now I'm going to sleep." 

"Thanks Chibs." I wrapped my arms around him, embracing him tightly.

He returned the embrace.

I bided my mom and Gemma a good night, and went to seek Jax. 

The room door was open just a creek, water could be heard running from the shower. 

I walked in, and leaned against the bathroom's door frame. 

Jax hadn't heard me, he just had his hands placed on the tile wall.

I watched the water roll down the muscles of his back; the way each drop took a different course fascinated me. 

You know, and I would never say this outloud, but Jax was beautiful almost more so than he was sexy.

His heart was big, and he meant well.

His choice of living maybe wasn't the safest, and maybe also not the most wholesome; did good intentions outweigh the negative aspects? 

Yes.

He was selfless, and I found that to be his charm; his redeeming quality for the blood spilt.

In spite of being enveloped in a world where darkness seemed prominent; Jax still seemed like a ray of light, not only for my sake but for the sake of others.

I knew he cared deeply for me, and I very much for him. 

Where could this deep affection take us?

The water shut off, steam was covering each corner of the tiny space.

I could just barely see his wicked grin when he finally turned around.

"You trying to get a peek?"

"If I wanted one, I wouldn't be looming around like a creep to get it."

"That's what it seems like at this point."

"Oh Jax, don't be so full of yourself."

I returned the same grin he had given to me.

He spoke as he stepped out of the shower.

"Should I even bother putting a towel, or are you just gonna try to rip it off?"  

I removed the towel from it's hanger, and walked over to Jax; I wrapped the towel tightly around his waist.

"No I'm not." I said.

He said nothing, His breath just barely tingled my lips, my hands found their way onto his cheeks. 

Intoxicated in the moment I filled the final few inches.

His lips connected with mine; there was passion, there was fire, each kiss was deeper, my fingers became tangled in his wet hair.   

His mouth was hungry for mine, I leaned back against the nearest wall.

His hands were on either side of my head, his lips became gentle again as he placed soft kisses along the length of my neck. 

Even in this instance, where he and I both yearned to feel the other's concealed flesh. Jax was nearly as sensual as he was rough.

"Okay, okay." I said breathlessly. "You win." 

"Ain't a contest, babe." 

Each stroke of his lips against any part of skin was slow, almost meticulous, seeing how far he could take me. 

The steam in the cramped corners was no longer from the shower.

"I have to take a shower, Jax."

His gentle lips found their way back to mine.

"Do it later." 

His lips drug against my bottom lip as he spoke.

"Gotta do it now."

"Okay, I can take another one."

I laughed, and by laugh I mean that same wheezy cackle from earlier.

"I don't think you need anymore shower time."

He sighed and buried his head in my neck, I could feel his grin forming. 

"Alright, I'm just gonna go now." 

He strutted into the room, ripped off the towel, and threw it back at me. 

He followed these actions with a silly little dance.

I laughed, nearly harder than before.

"Is it cold or is that just your actual length?"

And as he looked down, I shut the bathroom door.

I was joking but he didn't need to know that.

Once my shower was done I stepped into the room, Jax was in bed.

He fell asleep, he'd picked up his hair and slipped pants on.

I ran my hand over his slicked back locks and leaned down to kiss his forehead.

He mumbled a soft, low, and barley audible. "Love you."

I went into bed with those two words replaying back in my mind.

I didn't want to write it off as unconscious babble but also I didn't want to think much of it. 

He might have been dreaming of that girl from Xena Warrior Princess. 

He told me he spent many a night jerking off to that one, although I reassured him that Xena was probably a lesbian. 

I didn't think of it any further, I just drifted off to sleep.