Anarchy Is Our Only Hope

Four days had passed since my mother was murdered.
It was ruthless, cold, calculated. My mother left this world bleeding in agony.

For that, Tim had to suffer worse. I felt no remorse for what I planned to do.

Tim lacked tact, smarts, or any real god damn common sense. All he ever had was a father in a position of power; in his world there was never a dire need to have wits.
But even good old dad can't protect Tim from his "karmic retribution."
He was going to pay; be it drowning in his own blood, but damn it, he was going to.

I rolled a small joint, and inhaled deeply. I wanted relief from my own tortured mind.
It was four am, I'd been awaken by a dream. Frankly, it was more like a nightmare.

The last time I saw her face displayed it's self so vividly; I felt like I could reach out and feel her skin.
It became grim when her pores began oozing blood; and her voice was just a wallowing moan filled of sorrow.
I'd bolt right out of bed! My chest would tighten, I'd cry to the point where air could not travel to my lungs. I felt encased in her death.

But tonight I was staying in the clubhouse with Jax, I didn't want to wake him.
Sure, he would mummer things in his sleep; but overall, he slept like a rock.
In his dreams his world was free of 'girlfriend drama'.. At least, that's what I imagined for him.

I started wondering if maybe all I was doing was bringing more heat to a situation that was already engulfed in flames.

Jax's world was one of freedom, he lived in a world where everything was under each own's beliefs. If you were opposed to standards of society than the door for anarchism  was open.  But, could one survive all that it entails?
Sure, not everyone jumped into the flames head first; but everyone was close enough to feel the burn.
Jax fears nothing, Jax cowers for no one; but I feared that my shit would destroy the life he's been molded for.

He was already bending so far back for me; would he be able to look past his love to save himself and the club?

My lungs rose awake as I took another hit of the spliff.

"Hey, you gonna roll up and not offer me a hit?" a low croaky voice spoke from beside me.

"So, so, sorry, Jax. I didn't want to wake you." I said sarcastically, a grin followed.

"I can't believe you, Nelly." He ran his hand across his face, a wicked smile plastered across his lips.

"I'm just being considerate, baby."

"Jesus Christ, more like inconsiderate."

I slipped the joint between his lips. "Shut up, you ass."

He pinched the joint between his thumb and index finger. "Thank you. darlin'."

His eyes wandered over the red digits on the clock. "It's five in the morning. Why are you awake?" morning light began to rise, and project on the carpeted floor.

".... Weird dream... I just couldn't go back to sleep."

"The same one?"

I nodded. "Every fucking night."

He pulled me into his side. I nestled my head on his chest. "Everything will be alright, once Tim is taken care of."

"You know, now that we're on that subject, I think maybe you should just pull back a little... I don't this shit to land on the club."

He deeply sighed. "We talked about this, Nelly."

"I know but I want you to reconsider."

He placed the joint in the ashtray beside the bed. "Nelly, you're fucking crazy if you think I'm gonna let you go after Tim alone."

"I can handle it, once Juice figures out where he is..I can take it from there."

"Nelly, I don't know if you know this, but the club knows how to handle these things pretty well."

I laughed. "You're an asshole."

"I'm telling you, everything is gonna be okay. Now, you're just gonna have to trust me."

I trust him, that's not the matter of hand, maybe.. If I get to Juice first, I can get rid of Tim before anyone is the wiser.

"Look at me." He said firmly.

I averted my eyes to his; his brows furrowed in solemn manner.

"Tell me you'll let me take care of it?"

I found it painful to lie, and tell him yes. I needed a new subject, something far away from this.

"Jax, have you ever loved another person?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, like, me?"

"Truth?"

I nodded, and he began to speak.

"One other girl. It was a couple years ago, Tara, she ran away from this life, the club, and me.  It fucked me up, destroyed me,even.
After her, I didn't plan to ever get into anything serious. I'd get any crow eater to take care of the bare necessities."  

He paused, and reached for the joint in the ashtray. "Then, I met you.. Jesus Christ, that sounds so fucking corny!"

He inhaled the smoke and continued. "But, it's true. It's a different love.
With Tara, it felt like there was in end game; a ninety minute romance movie that was just waiting to roll the credits.
But.. you and I? It feels stronger; the love I got for you feels real, like it's the kind of shit that feels like it's gonna last. I see you, and I see the girl I want riding the back of my Harley for the rest of my days.
You're not scared, you're not gonna run from fear. You power through it like a fucking train, and you keep going."

He ran his free hand along my back; his middle finger stroking down the length of my spine. 

"You are a piece of work, Nelly.. and yeah, things are a little crazy, but we've got each other, don't try to shelter yourself away and take everything alone. I will help you."

He pressed his lips against the top of my head. "I promise, nothing is gonna blow back on the club; nothing is gonna hurt you, i've got this."

I traced my fingers along his chest."The reading of the will is today."

"When?"

"Ten thirty."

"Alright, I'll push some things back and go with you."

"No, no, no. You've been pushing things back for the past three days. I'll go on my own."

"Go with Chibs."

"Jax, you do know that I can do things on my own, right?"

"I know you're fully capable, Nelly. But nobody knows where Tim is, he could be looking for you."

"Wow, that's paranoia at it's finest."

"For my own sake, go with Chibs."

I let out a long sigh. "Fineeee." I continued. "You know.. I only go with your ridiculous antics because of how big your penis is."

His eyes crinkled with a smile as he stifled a laugh. "Oh, I know darlin'."

"Come here, you big dummy." I placed my hand on the sides of his face.

His body relaxed as I pressed my lips against his, his smooth mouth glided over mine.

His hands lingered down my back, he placed me on top of himself.

His breath was warm, laced with the scent of cigarettes and alcohol.

Our lips overlapped, his caught between my teeth, mine trapped between his.

My cheeks flushed, his heart pounded.

My mouth left his; I kissed his forehead, trailed my lips across his chin, and drug them down his neck.

A low, rugged groan rose from his throat as my teeth bit his soft skin.

His neck grew red, while my mouth grew hungry.

His hands grasped for my bottom, I pressed myself against him.

A guttural noise left his lips.

Very few fabrics separated our bodies from being closer but it hardly matter, as our skin sparked against one another.

We switched roles, his body hovered over mine. His fingers traced along side my face, his eyes smiled back at me, but that raw hunger laid behind them.

His other hand trailed slowly up my thigh.

Jax's beard scratched along my neck as his lips grazed against my ear.

"Stop.." I giggled softly.

"You don't mean that." his voice was gravelly as he spoke.

"I don't." my voice caught as his mouth trickled down my neck.

I turned my head, bright red numbers yelled in my face.

"Jax?"

"Mm?" he responded as his hands drove up my shirt.

"I have to.." his hand squeezed my breast. "Ohhh....." I moaned.

"What'd you say?" his words muffled by my skin.

"I have to go."

"Don't."

I rolled atop of him. "I have too." I looked down at his flushed face.

"And you have too." I continued.

He sat up, I straddled his lap.

"You're right, you're right." his arms coiled around my waist.

I pecked kisses around his face and neck.

"Gah, I don't have time for this!" I threw my hands up and jumped off him.

His smirk was cemented onto his face as I crossed into the bathroom.

"You're an asshole." I said as I closed the door.

I walked outside to the Teller-Morrow garage. Chibs was underneath a car when I approached him, I kicked his leg and he rolled out.

"What can I do for you, darlin'?"

"Jax is being paranoid, do you think you could accompany me downtown?"

"For wha'?"

"My mom's will reading."

"Oh, Nelly.. Of course. Gimmie fifteen minutes to clean up?"

"Hey, why didn't you ask me?!" Tig interrupted.

"Because you have about as much sensitive as a god damn cactus." I retorted.

"I happen to know that cactus is a very sensitive plant!"

"I'll keep that in mind, Tiggy."

Thirty minutes passed. "Chibs! Come on, we are gonna be late!" I exclaimed.

"I'm comin'!" He walked toward me with something in his hands.

"What's that?"

"It's an urn." he said. "I bought it for your ma."

"Oh, Chibs..." I fumbled with my fingers. "Thank you, it means a lot to me."

It was trimmed with gold details, the base color was purple, my mother's favorite color..

He embraced me. "Don't thank me, lovey. It's the 'least I could do."

"Well.." I cleared my throat. "Let's get on the road."

We took the Teller- Morrow tow truck downtown, we had to find the lawyer's building.

"He said it was Fierstein and Goldberg."

"Fierstein and Goldberg? Wha' kind of a name is tha?!"

"Jewish, they are lawyers after all."

"There it is!" Chibs pointed at a tall glass building.

Chibs parked across the street. "Do you want me to go in with you?" he asked.

"If you don't mind.."

"Lovey, I don't mind at all."

He turned off the engine and we proceeded into the building.

The office was extravagant, each desk was crafted with the finest woods, everyone was bustling at fast rates, not one face even looked up from their PDAs.

"Hi, my name is Nelly Fitzgerald. I'm here to see Mr. Fierstein.." I said to the woman at the front desk.

She spoke into her intercom, a thick new york accent leaking through. "Mr. Fierstein, Nelly Fitzgerald is here to see you."  she looked up at me, delight crossed her face when he saw Chibs. "You and your?"

"Friend." I rolled my eyes at her less than subtle advance.

"You and your friend can have a seat." she flashed a pearly white smile.

We sat on the uncomfortable waiting room chairs. "Looks like someone wants to bone you, Chibs."

"A lot of women find me irresistible."

I snorted. "Oh, yeah.. Real ladies' man."

A tall man in his mid forties donning a blue suit walked toward us.

"Nelly Fitzgerald?" the tall man asked.

I nodded, he introduced himself. "First, I'm sorry for your loss, Miss Fitzgerald.  My name is Earl Fierstien, I'll be reading your mother's will to you." He placed his hand on my shoulder. "Please, follow me to my office."

I sat down in a black leather chair, across from Mr. Fierstein.

He gave me all the legality of the wills.

"Your mother left you a safe box, now all the contents in the box are yours and only yours. Your mother listed you as her sole recipient on the will."

I nodded.

He slid a metal box across his desk, I brushed my fingertips along the lock.

My imagination ran wild on what could be inside.

"Here's the key." He handed over the silver key.

The lid popped open as soon as I turned the key.

Some jewelry, a note, and stacks of money lay inside.

"Oh.. Wow..."

I reached for the note, the paper was old and fragile.
I pulled up the corners and began scanning the words scrabbled out in pen.

The last line of the letter would change everything.