Anarchy Is Our Only Hope

I made it through the night without further interruption from Tim.

Mom was not so lucky, when I saw her the next morning her face was swollen.

"I'm fine.."

The everlasting lie she told to keep herself sane.

Luckily this week Tim was filled with late night shifts, we could have peace of mind.

It was four thirty when Jax pulled into the driveway.

I made my way slowly down the stairs.

From the window I could see Jax leaning against the truck.

He looked out at the golden sky, this is when a thought occurred to me.

He was complex, a man stuck somewhere between danger and safety.

He to me, felt like safety.

Worries disappeared to nothings when I around him.

But yet still, there was danger and a mystery behind him.

One, which I needed to explore.

I opened the door and placed each crutch under my arm.

"God, I hate these damn things!"

I shouted.

"Well too bad Nel, you have to get used to them."

He opened the passenger side door.

"I'm gonna toss them out the window on the way up, just letting you know."

I grinned.

"You ain't gonna do that."

He leaned down for a kiss.

"I will do what I want."

He laughed.

"Alright, rebel without a cause."

"You know I used to call you that?"

"What?!"

I nodded as he looked at me wide eyed.

"You can't be that surprised."

"I'm a little surprised."

"Okay, well not to boost your ego."

He started the engine and pulled out the driveway.

"But all the girls at Sonoma Cross wanted to bang you."

I began an impression of one of the schools biggest sluts.

Becca McNally. 

"Oh, that biker? Sweet Jesus he makes my panties drop!"

Another impersonation followed.

"God! He's looks like Brad Pitt! He probably fucks like a rockstar!"

Jax laughed.

"You sure those just aren't your thoughts, Nel?"

"Well if they were, I would have already slept with you."

"Good point."

"Not saying, that maybe those aren't my thoughts now."

He glanced in my direction.

I could hardly look at him right now.

If I had, my cheeks may have incinerated.

"Oh really?"

"Obviously, I don't mean right now as your driving."

I continued.

"Or right now that my femur is fractured."

Rambling pressed on.

"cause well that would not be fun, just pretty much like fucking a board I guess."

"Nelly, I get it."

His hand rested on my thigh.

"I'm a rambler."

I shrugged.

"I noticed." 

He smiled, I inched closer to him.

The safety I felt from just his arm draped on my shoulder was unexplained by words.

A wooden sign told us we had arrived in Charming.

Ten minutes later we pulled into Teller - Morrow.

Gemma was outside, filling a cooler with drinks.

I stuck my head out the window and called out.

"What's the occasion Gemma?"

"It's Clay's birthday!"

Jax palm met his forehead.

"Fuck, I forgot about Clay's birthday."

He said more to himself than to me.

"It's the big five-o!"

Gemma spoke.

Jax grew increasingly flustered.

"Hey, we can go out another time. You can't miss your dad's birthday."

"Fuck, I been so distracted with some club shit I hardly even thought about Clay's birthday."

"Just wish him a happy birthday, act like you didn't forget and go with the flow, alright?"

He parked the car and turned off the ignition.

"Alright, let's do this Nelly."

The party was in full swing, bikers from nearly every state were here.

Booze and bitches were being passed around like candy.

"Nelly! Wha' happened to you?! Last time i'd seen you, you weren't on crutches!"

A semi drunk Chibs made his way to me.

"Fell down the stairs."

I shrugged.

"Oh no! Tha's terrible!"

I laughed as his words jumbled into a ball of slurs.

"Tha's why I never, ever, ever! Had stairs, those things will be tha' death of any person!"

"I have to agree Chibs."

"Feel betta'!"

A sloppy drunk hug, followed by a sloppy kiss on the cheek.

It tainted my cheek with scent of beer and rum.

"Stevie!"

I waved the girl down as she entered the party in mid boom.

"You're here?!"

The look on her face spoke more volumes of shock than her words.

"Why wouldn't I be?"

Confusion must have been visible on my face.

"I just thought well... you know what forget it!"

She reached into her pocket and pulled out a joint.

"Let's spark this by the back."

"Why not here?"

"I don't wanna share with these fuckers. They'll leave me with only a puff."

She shook her head furiously.

We walked out together and sat on a stoop.

"Go on, take the first blow. You're on crutches, this is my sympathy gift."

Stevie laughed and passed me the weed.

I inhaled and blew out slowly.

"That's some good shit, Stevie."

I passed it back to her.

"Fuck."

She coughed on a cloud of smoke.

I tried thinking back to the last time I actually had weed.

I think it was two summers ago; back when I didn't give a fuck about my mom, school, anything at all. Just the summer sun and my weed.

Stevie leaned her head back and inhaled another puff of green.

"You're gonna like this life, Nelly. I can feel it."

It was my turn, two puffs and passed.

"You know, you live and die by the club. We all live by a certain rule book, but it's our own and not the one we are given. It's the one we choose."

"Do you think there was ever a choice for Jax and Opie?"

Smoke clouded our lungs, and boy did it feel good.

"Yeah, there is always a choice Nel. They could have cut the straight and narrow, but they picked this."

She raised the joint back to her lips.

"They are free, they do what they want when they want. They are kings of the highway."

Music poured out from the garage.

"Kings of the highway.. Yeah that's one way of looking at it."

I took the joint back into my own hands.

"How do you see it?"

She asked, her eyes grew red in the corners.

Before I answered, I held a puff and released it.

"I think the fact that they are their own society is great; the government, law enforcement, the fucking president. They are all so full of shit you can smell them. So their anarchism isn't the problem.."

I paused to take another blow.

"Think about it Stevie, you and me, we are cut from the same cloth. We couldn't even be protected by our own kin, how do we know they can?"

"Trust, I trust Ope. I know right now, I can place a bet that Opie would give his life for mine."

She slammed her hand down on the concrete as she spoke.

"You have to trust Jax. When we went to the bakery for example, every time Jax looks at you.."

The bud at the end of the joint burned red as she inhaled again.

"You can see he trust you. You wouldn't be here if he didn't, so give him the same rope he gives you. Otherwise, what are you here for?"

Our joint began dwindling down.

"It's the big dick, huh?"

We laughed like hyenas for fifteen minutes, out of breath and clutching our sides.

"How do you know Jax's size?"

"Crow hoes."

Another set of hyena giggles followed.

"They gossip about how many members they have slept with. They usually flock back to their own whore pens after awhile."

She shrugged.

"You know, now that I come to think of it, no crow hoe has talked about Jax's big dick in some time."

I don't know whether it was the weed, but inside, I could have shit a rainbow. 

I was happy.

All these new feelings, I didn't know what to do with them.

"Guess there is only one place he wants to be."

She elbowed my side and winked.

"All up in your valley, bitch!"

We laughed as the last of her weed disappeared.

"So how big we talkin' here?"

"Like this."

She separated quite an immense amount of space between her hands.

"I literally saw the crow eater separate this much, but she's so loose it's like tossing a hot dog down an empty hallway!"

We laughed until we cried before we were interrupted.

"Stevie, you lighting up again?"

"Oh hey, Wayne."

She said as she wiped away tears. 

"There ain't no weed here, Wayne. I promise."

She crossed her fingers over her heart.

"Who are you? You're not selling drugs at this party right?"

This man named Wayne wore his sheriff's suit, his medal shined against the florescent light above us.

"No, I'm not a drug dealer."

"This is Jax's girl."

She once more dug her elbow in my side.

"Jax has a girlfriend, since when? No one tells me anything 'round here."

He extended his hand.

"Wayne Unser, town sheriff. Friend of the club. Etc.."

"Nelly, just Nelly. I don't have any titles." 

I laughed and shook his hand.

"Oh! Nelly! Yeah Gem told me about you, sorry kid I must have forgotten."

I shrugged.

"It's cool Mr. Unser."

"Call me Wayne."

"Okie dokie, artichoke-y!"

"Stevie, at least tell me you got that shit out of town."

"Of course I did, these guys would kick my ass and anyone who sold it."

"Good, now get lost you two! No more smoking tonight."

"Oh Wayne, you take good care of my lungs."

Stevie kissed Unser's cheek.

I waved him a farewell and went back to the party.

Stevie and I went separate ways.

She went to find the comfort of Opie.

I went to find Jax.

He sat at a wooden table outside, surrounded by men of all ages.

Some from right here in Charming, others from opposite ends of the country.

I placed my hand on Jax's shoulder.

"Mind if I steal him for a minute?"

I interrupted the group of guys from their midst of conversation.

"You can steal me anytime, baby."

A man with a wild curly mane for hair and intense blue eyes said.

"Hey Tig, why don't you find a horse to fuck? This girl is taken."

Jax chuckled and wrapped his right arm around my waist.

"Don't knock the horse till you try it."

Tig winked wickedly.

"You're disgusting."

Jax waved him off dismissively       

He and I walked to a plastic table that sat desolate in the corner.

"You having a good time?"

He asked.

"Hell yeah!"

He shook his head in laughter.

"You lit up with Stevie didn't you?"

"Just a little."

I continued.

"I feel fucking good."

I rested my hand on his thigh.

"I see that."

"You know Jax, I heard what the crow eaters said about you."

"What do they say?"

"That you're like this."

I spread my hands the same amount as Stevie showed me earlier.

He just continued to laugh at me.

"Now, did you force them to say that or is it true?"

"I can't force someone to say I have a big dick."

He took a sip of his beer before continuing.

"But you'll just have to find out for yourself."

He smirked.

If he was trying to seduce me, it was working.

I straddled his waist, forgetting any injury or any person in the room for that matter.

I truly didn't give a fuck.

He let go of his beer, his hands found their way to my bottom.

He pushed his lips up against mine, my hands pressed up against his chest.

His hands ran slowly up the back of my shirt.

His fingertips sent shivers down my spine.

His lips left mine, he trailed kisses down my neck. 

His beard tickled my skin as his lips explored it.

"It's time to sing Happy birthday!!"

Gemma's voice erupted through the crowd.

"Fuck!"

Jax and I said in unison.

We got off the table reluctantly and made our way toward the front of the crowd.

"Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday to you! Happy birthday dear Clay! Happy birthday to you!"

The crowd burst into cheers of "fuck yeah!" or "Woo hoo!"

Jax walked up to Clay.

"Happy birthday, man. I love you."

Clay grabbed the back of his head and pulled him in for a hug. 

"Thank you, son. I love you."

He kissed his forehead.

"Enough with the love shit, turn the music back on!"

Clay demanded and on the music went.

"I'm gonna go get us some drinks."

Jax made his way back to my side and whispered in my ear.

I nodded and found my way towards an empty table.

I sat down, a man that looked seven feet tall stumbled his way towards the same table.

"You want a taste of Tacoma, baby girl?"

"No thanks."

I looked anywhere but at the drunken mess.

"Come on, you must be a crow eater. This the first time I've seen you."

"I'm not a crow eater."

"You can be tonight."

He pressed his meaty palms on my back and started running it down towards my bum. 

Before I even had a chance to react.

"Get your hands off my girl, Gerrard."

Jax returned to the table just in time.

A look of panic crossed Gerrard's face.

"I'm sorry Jax, I didn't know."

"Well now you do, so get."

"I'm sorry."

He muttered, he soon disappeared into the madness that spread across the garage.

"Gerrard jumps for pussy like a dog on a bone."

He wasn't lying, minutes after me he found another girl. 

In a flash, her legs spread like butter and they were getting it on.

I laughed.

"I don't think I have ever been to a party like this."

"Well drink up, it'll start looking normal."

Jax and I began downing drinks at the table.

Tequila, chased by beer, downed by vodka, followed by whiskey.

We were like fish, if we stopped drinking our gills would give out.

"Jax, i'm gonna leave my crutches here. Let's just dance!"

Song after song, our bodies molded together. 

I knew in the morning my leg would probably hate me.

Once more, I didn't care.

I wanted to be present, living in the moment.

Spontaneity at it's finest. 

"Nelly, fuck man You know how to dance."

Jax's words slurred together in one jumbled sentence. 

"Tig! That's a man!"

He yelled across the party, Tig was on top of a pretty big bitch.

"Fuck you, Jax!"

Tig yelled in response.

The rest of the party soon became a big blur.

The sun was coming up in Charming, the party was just dying down.

Jax and I made our way inside the garage and into the small red bedroom.

I think Jax might have kicked out some people who were having sex.

But what do I know? 

I could hardly see through my alcohol stained eyes.

Jax took off his shirt and tossed it in a corner of the room.

"Oh my fuck."

It was supposed to stay in my mind, but somehow the words slipped out.

Jax bore a large tattoo on his back, identical to the back of his cut. 

"What?"

He turned to face me.

"Nothing.. Just your back tattoo."

"Oh, that? I got that like two years ago after I got patched in."

"You know.... I'm not gonna lie... That's pretty hot.."

My drunken words dragged on.

"Oh really?"

He walked towards me, in his arms I went.

"Extremely.."

"You know, I'm really drunk right now... I don't think I'll perform as well, know what I mean?"

"Mm-hm."

I nodded my head, but my hands had a mind of their own, as they trailed across his chest.

"I want to give you what you deserve."

"Cross your heart?"

I looked up at him.

He grabbed my hand in both of his and placed them over his heart.

"Cross my heart, baby."

He smiled.

All I could manage was an eye roll as I fought back a smile.

"Oh cross my heart, baby. Is that the way you charm the ladies?"

"Only one lady I'm trying to charm."

"Oh aren't you suave?"

"I think it has to do with my looks. You know some girls tell me I look like that Brad fucker."

I laughed.

"Oh god, I wonder where you heard that."

"Rumor around town."

"Gossiping Gashes."

"Have you been listening in on Chibs?"

"I heard him say it once or twice tonight."

"You want some clothes to sleep in?"

"I'm fine in this."

"What are you doing?"

Jax asked as I pulled the sheets off the bed.

"You don't know what the hell those two fuckers have in their juices, Jax."

I bundled them up into a corner and tossed myself in bed.

Jax laid next to me.

"Nelly...."

"Yeah?"

I spoke mumbled with closed eyes.

"This may be the whiskey.. But.. I am happy.."

"Of course you are, it was a fun party."

"No, here with you... Just like this."

He pulled me into him, my head rested on his arm.

His fingers were running through my hair.

"Well they say the only truth you'll get is from kids and drunks."

I said, and with that I dozed into an alcohol ridden slumber.

Sun fell through cracks in the blinds.

I woke up with a headache and an arm crossed over my chest. 

My own fingers laced around a hand with gold rings.

For a moment I was startled, then I connected the arm to it's owner.

"Good morning darlin'."

A groggy Jax spoke.

"I don't actually think it is morning, Jax."

He glanced over his shoulder and looked at a clock.

"Nah, it's twelve thirty, this is still morning after a party."

He nuzzled his head in my neck.

"I hardly remember shit, everything is a big blur."

"You don't remember when they brought that donkey in for Tig to fuck?"

"What?!"

My eyes turned into saucers.

"Nah, just kidding that didn't happen."

He laughed, his lips brushed gently upon the skin of my neck.

"You did get pretty fucked up though, you used your crutch as a homemade pole on the table."

"Seriously?!"

He nodded.

"Why didn't you stop me?!"

"Because it was funny."

"You're an ass."

I smiled and pushed his arm away.

He just wrapped it back around me.

A harsh knock came from the other side of the door.

"Bum legs, get up. We're cooking breakfast!"

Gemma did not wait for an invitation.

She burst open the door and placed my crutches at the end of the bed.

"Give me five minutes, Gemma."

She nodded and back out she went.

"I don't know how to cook."

I sunk down under the comforter.

"I'm gonna look like a dumb ass."

I sulked under the darkness.

Jax pulled away at the sheets till light was visible.

"You're not gonna look like a dumb ass. They aren't making a seven course meal, it's just breakfast."

I looked in his eyes, they rang with sincerity. 

"Gemma likes you, more than I've seen her like anyone new in a while, so she's not gonna make you look stupid."

He kissed my forehead.

"Go on, she'll be ba--"

"Let's go, Nelly! Ain't got all day!"

Gemma shouts echoed into the tiny room.

"I'm coming!"

I grabbed my crutches, and opened the door.

I heard Jax chuckle.

"You know Nel, I hate to see you go but I love to watch you leave."

I turned to face him, he rested on the bed, hands crossed behind his head.

I flashed him my middle finger.

"You're killing me, baby."

A grin spread across his face.

"Go on and spank your monkey, I know you been wanting too."

In thirty minutes breakfast was done.

I cooked around many of the club's old ladies.

The skank bank were escorted out before breakfast was even started.

"I'm not feeding those whores, they got their meals last night."

That's was Gemma's response to Luann Delaney. 

She's the wife of recently incarcerated member Otto Delaney.

"He's got seven years, but he should be out sooner with good behavior."

I didn't know if she even believed the words the left her lips.

We all made our way to the table, the men groggy with bone dry mouths, began guzzling down water.

"Hey, save some for the fishes."

Gemma said as she put down a plate of warm toast.

I put down the only thing I made, a plate of bacon, all I knew was an old seasoning recipe my mom taught me.

Every man, sat down with mountains of food on their plates.

They rambled about their ladies of the evening, food muffled their sentences, but somehow they all understood each other.

"Juice, you remember that one fat chick from last night? God, she was good!"

Tig spoke to a little Puerto Rican looking guy, he wore a cut that bore the word "Prospect" underneath.

Tig took a bite of bacon, his eyes popped to life.

"Who made this shit? It's delicious!"

He looked at Gemma.

"Don't look at me."

She directed her gaze to me.

Jax turned to me.

"And I thought you didn't know how to cook."

His lips grazed my cheek.

"I don't, it's just something I remembered from my mom."

"Well baby, cook my bacon and call me daddy!"

Tig winked.

"Oh sweetie, you wouldn't know how to eat it, if you had it."

A round of "Ohhs!" came from the guys.

"Aye! I like this girl, Jackie boy!"

Chibs draped his arm around my shoulder and laughed.

"Yeah, yeah... Whatever."

Tig muttered.

This was once more a feeling I hadn't felt before, not like between Jax and I.

This was a family..