Again

Tegan had found a new activity to occupy her time and tame her curiosity. Maybe she was wrong and she didn't understand what was so important, but she was determinded to figure everything out. She took the cleanest blades she could get out of the box, put it back where she found, and she'd snucked off to her room

She'd been going this for a week. The day Jack had gave up cutting was the day that she'd started. It wasn't because she wanted to hurt herself, it was just because she just wanted to understand why people did it. That was all, and it was enough to make her drag that blade down her thigh over and over again and wait for something to happen. Nothing.

But she thought of Sara and how it was her fault, and suddenly, the pain helped. She didn't mean to do it that time, but she did. She would then sneak off to the bathroom and cut when ever she could without getting caught. She thought that she as in the clear and no one would ever know, until breakfas the next morning.

Tegan and Jack were at the table, talking about how beautiful the leaves looked when they changed color as they ate their cereal and watched Kate make a cake to prepare for some surprise that she wouldn't anounce until later. Laughter filled the air and their discussion turned funny, filling the kitchen with happiness, just like it should have been. Kate was bouncing around and getting flour everywhere as she put in her opinion, and everything seemed right. They all seemed like they were at home.

Anna ran down the stairs, glaring at Kate. She held the box of blades in her hand. Tegan turned pale with fear.

"Kathryn, why are there three blades missing?" Anna asked, trying to stay calm.

"What?" Kate turned to look at her best friend. "I didn't take any blades."

"Kate..."

"I swear to God I didn't take it. I didn't even know where it was." Kate frowned and looked over at Jack. "Jack... Please tell me you didn't..."

"I haven't cut since you took my blade, baby doll." Jack acted like calling her baby doll was normal; Kate blushed like a maniac and hoped to got Anna didn't see it. Jack continued, "Kate hasn't cut either. No new marks."

"Some one did it, and I swear to God if you guys cut one more time, I will beating you up."

Tegan fished in her pocket nervously for the blades. "Am, not will," she whimpered, holding her trembling hand out to Anna, offering her the blades. She felt scared. She was the only one who hadn't gotten yelled at by Anna and that was ruined that instant. Anna wouldn't cuddle with heron the couch when they watched movie any more, she wouldn't take her to McDonalds secretly when Kate said no, she wouldn't let her do cartwheels in the house any more, and most of all, she wouldn't love her. Anna wouldn't be her bestest feiend any more; she'd get too mad at Tegan and shove her away. She'd baby-proof the house for Tegan's sake just like she did with Kate the first month.

Oh, God. Anna was going to hate her. Her stomach was knotting and tears were stinging her eyes. Tremblinhg spread from her hand to her arm, then to the rest of her. She couldn't take this. But she tried her best to hold the blades firmly until Anna took them away from her and yelled at her. She was in for it. No more cuddles for Tegan. That was all over. Anna would go into mother mode and really rip her a new ass.

"You..." Anna stopped, her eyes wide. "Tegan, what the hell?

Tegan couldn't answer her. She wiggled her arm a bit, trying to get Anna to take the blades, but the Swede didn't. She just dropped the box and let her eyes pour tears as she walked away. She walked out the door, slamming it behind her, scaring Tegan to death.

"Tegan," Jack whispered, looking up from his bowl. "Why did you do it?"

Kate punched Jack's shoulder. "Shhh! Just eat your cereal." She smiled at Tegan. "Tegan, do you want to help with the cake?"

Tegan's heart shattered. "Why'd she leave? Does she hate me?"

Kate shook her head. "No. She loves you, actually. I think that's why she left. Just the thought of you hurting yourself broke her or something." The Princess of Nightmares held out herhand. "Give me the blades."

Tegan nodded quickly, still shaking as she leaned over and placed the bloodied and razor-sharp blades in her friend's hands. "I'm sorry."

Kate igored her apology; it wasn't needed. "I don't want you to do this any more, okay?" When Tegan nodded, she smiled and looked over at Jack. "And you, Mister, need to hand me that blade you just stole out of that box."

Jack sighed and handed her the blade. "You see everything."

"Yes I do. Oh, and who was the Zombie-Girl you told Flyzik you had a crush on? I couldn't finish reading the text, you closed it out." She winked at him and walked over to the counter to finish her cake.

Tegan sat there and stirred the rest of her now-soggy cereal miserably. Anna loved her, but that was before Tegan said she took the blades. She wanted to cry. She had never felt so afraid before in the life.

>>>

Anna came back home around six, sneaking in through the back door and trying to avoid Tegan. She couldn't face her right now. She wanted to go sit upstairs and be alone.

To her luck, Tegan was sitting on Anna's bed, holding the box of blades and looking at them all. They were labeled with moths and years, and Tegan knew how much they were used. Some had tons of blood, while some only had a little. Her curiosity sparked again, buy she would have to wait. Anna cleared her throat and snapped Tegan out of her thoughts.

Tegan dropped the blade. "Anna!" She got up and pulled the Swede into a hug. "I am so sorry, Anna. I really am. Don't yell at me."

Anna hugged her back, burying her face in her brown hair and letting out a breath. "Please don't do that, T. Please don't."

Tegan knows what she means and she nods, lettinhg herself cry. She felt lost. She disn't want to start over and have the awkwardness between her and Anna just because she was stupid and decided to hurt herslef out of wonders she had. She hugged Anna closer to her, trembling again. "Anna, do you love me? You don't hate me after this, surely, right?"

"I could never hate you," cooed Anna. "Never, ever. You're my best friend." She pulled away and wiped Tegan's tears. "I just can't understand why you would want to hurt yourself."

"I don't want to talk aout it," she mumbled. "It was stupid. But... can we watch a movie?"

"Sure," Anna agreed. She smiled at her and finished wiping the tears from her eyes. She hated seeing Tegan cry. "Come on, lets go steal the TV from Kate."

"Wait-" She stopped and pulled Anna to a stop. "Can we still cuddle?"

The way she said that melted Tegan. She nodded, stunned by her adorableness. "What's a movie without some cuddling?"