Over You

"Kaden!"

The sound of my own voice was distant in my mind. I couldn't hear myself talk, breathe, think, or even cry. I was numb, completely unattached to the world. All I could see was the small, black body bag, carrying out a lump of some sort. But I knew what that lump was. There was no denying it anymore. It was over, I was over. My world was now gone, and I had nothing to live for.

I could see my mother crying on the doorstep, her knees being scratched up by the stone cold concrete of our small front porch. My father held her, soft tears leaking from his eyes, the whole scene was a blur, and all I saw was the body bag.

I sidestepped my parents and bolted toward the coroner and the lone police officer. Neighbors were emerging from their small houses, their young children coming out, curious expressions adorning their small round faces. His was like that, full of curiosity, the want to see the world bursting from his ice blue eyes that are the same as mine and my mothers.

The officer saw me coming. He was a friend of my dad’s before he retired, and still is somewhat. But not as close. Before I could even reach the stretcher carrying away the only thing I have ever lived for, I felt strong arms wrap themselves around my tiny waist and yank me backwards.

"No!! Let me go! Please!!"

I screamed and cried, and fought until I could no longer move. I gave up and fell limp against the officer whose name I couldn't recall at the time. My mind couldn't grasp anything, not even my father’s best friend’s name. Eventually, the officer dragged me back up to where my parents were. I felt another pair of arms wrap around me, then the other pair left. After that, everything is a blank space that has been erased from my mind.

There was no other choice, I couldn't keep this in my mind anymore, it had to go. So I forgot. Or I tried to at least.

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My life wasn't always a hell hole. It uses to be great. I used to have more than just one friend. I used to have a family that stuck together and would never break apart. But that was when I also used to have a little brother.

Kaden was nine years old when he got sick. At first, we didn't know what could be wrong, maybe just the flu, or so we assumed. But it steadily got worse, and he never improved. So we made the trip to the ER, only to get the worst news imaginable.

Leukemia. That's what was destroying my little brother. A terrible sickness where his own body turned against him. They said there was nothing that we could do, besides medicine to try and make his days better, and just waiting. Those two and a half years were the worst years of my life. I wasn't even out of high school yet when he died. I was about to turn eighteen, only four days after Christmas. He died on Christmas Eve.
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The day went by in a blur. The sky was grey, the threat of rain hanging over our heads as we prepared to bury my brother. I sat on a bench in the local church, my mother and father on my right and my best friend Maddie on my left. I held tightly to Maddie's soft, pale hand and held my tears at bay. The darkness of the room overcame me instantly as the preacher stepped up behind the podium.

"We gather here today to celebrate the life of the once young John Kaden Childs....." then tuned out. This was not a celebration. This was us burying a damn child. My younger brother. Not celebrating the life of him. We are here to mourn, not celebrate.

I began to squeeze Maddie's hand harder, the overbearing urge to cry creeping up on me. I could feel my throat clogging up, my eyes began to blur and I couldn't see a thing. But then the service was over, and we were on our way to the cemetery to finish the 'celebration' so they call it.

There was a tent set up right in front of his grave. Three chairs were set up for my mother, father and I right beside his medium sized, mahogany casket. It took all I could not to turn and walk away from the sight, but, my hand was clasped tightly by my mothers, and I knew I couldn't leave her. So I went up there, the tears slowly starting to form in my eyes.

Everyone was already present and waiting for us. There were people on either side of us as we walked down the small isle. I felt small drops begin to hit the top of my head, so my mother quickly pulled us under the tent. Some that could fit stood beneath it as well, while others lifted up their umbrellas and prepared for a down poor.

The preacher began to say more words, but I didn't listen. By this point, the rain is starting to get worse, and they were trying to quicken the ceremony so they could bury him. I felt my parents stand up and watched them place their red roses on top if his casket.

Oh shit, it's my turn now. I slowly stood up from my seat and walked towards the grave. I stepped out from underneath the tent to stand directly in front of him, and I almost couldn't do it. I felt my throat close up, and a sob crept from my mouth. I felt the tears slip freely down my face, so I placed the rose on him. The final goodbye I would ever give him was this, and then it was over.

"Goodbye Kaden, I love you..."

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After that, life went downhill. My dad started drinking almost none stop, my mom was never home. She was always working because she couldn't fathom the thought of my brother not being there.

I partied every night, all night. I barely passed through my senior year of high school, and then college was not an option. Two years later my dad died from alcohol poisoning. His liver completely shut down because it couldn't contain anymore alcohol basically. After that, my mom went insane, and now lives in a mental institute. As for me, well, I just live wherever I end up. I never stay in the same place for too long, maybe two years at the most.

Maddie is always with me. She's been an orphan since she was nine, and since she was eighteen, didn't like her foster parents, and was practically attached to my hip, she came with me.

We lived in my car for a long time, then we settled in one place and got jobs to get enough money for food and a small kitchenette type place. We stay in a place long enough, that way when we have enough money from work, we pack up and leave.

Now I'm twenty-three years old, I live in my car most of the time with my best friend, we're basically hobos, and I have almost no money. I'm on my way back to my home state, Arkansas, but I never intend to go back to that place, that little town where my life went to shit.

I never thought my life would end up like this. I always thought I would do great things. Damn was I wrong.