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Shh, Quiet You Might Piss Somebody Off

The Beginning

“BAM FUCKING MARGERA” I yelled he ALWAYS takes my clothes when I shower.

Ok so always was exaggerating but it frustrates me none the less, because all I have on is a towel wrapped around my body running around the house looking for my clothes. Usually they are in his room scattered. So when I went in there and they weren’t anywhere in sight. Did I mention I live in Castle Bam? Well I do but I’m not alone, along with bam there are 11 other men living with us. There are Raab, Rake, Dunn, Novak, Dico, Steve o, Knoxville, Wee-man, Chris (partyboy), Preston and lastly Dave E.

Yes I live with 12 super immature men but hey, I loved them anyways. So I was kind of freaking out. My clothes were missing and yes I checked the other boys’ rooms but not one article of clothing. I also was aware the boys were not in the house, so I went to the pool. And of course they were all there Speedos and all. Not a pretty sight on most. Then I looked at a smiling Bam with my clothes in a basket hanging over a pool. I smiled back once and idea hit me. I went to Bam’s room and gathered his clothes as well. I put on a pair of his boxers and a HIM shirt before returning to the deck.

Boy was I glad Bam made a water slide a couple days ago from the deck to the pool. Ape was not so thrilled that was also the day Bam and all of us went to the river to prove a point to Vito. I won’t go into details. I ran full speed ahead onto the slide and into the pool. When I resurfaced my clothes were them dumped on my head and I was faced to a very pissed Bam. I simply stated “revenge is a bitch” cause everyone who knew Bam knew damn well he wouldn’t of backed off from dumping my clothes in the pool. I simply beat him to the punch.

I gathered out clothes and then washed, dried, and folded them. I still had Bam’s clothes on so I decided to keep the boxers and changed into my hot pink bikini with a black Avenged Sevenfold tank top. I sighed while looking at it. I left Huntington Beach, California after my mom and dad were in a very deadly car accident. I couldn’t stand to be there anymore that’s where I left. We were all teary eyed and I left it at that. I was homeless. I only had enough money to get me to West Chester Pennsylvania. Bam was driving home when he saw me. We talked and as painful as it was to tell him he said I’d fit right in.

And I am not skinny. And I’m not obese. I’m un comfortable in my skin and sometimes I’m not. I have red hair that’s more of an auburn color with black underneath I also have a lip ring and one day will make it into snakebites. I put my aviators on and went outside. I was at ease between Chris and Johnny. I was on the verge of sleep, when a shadow covered the sun startling me. When I noticed it was Bam with a bucket filled with god knows what and dumped it on me before I had time to run. The smell was revolting. I was heaving and Bam was still in front of me, and I puked on him. I smiled yes it was nasty but hey it’s the Jackass crew everything they do is nasty. Bam looked at me and was about to upchuck to that’s when I made a mad dash for it. I ran to my room and locked the door. I took yet another shower and made sure my clothes were safely locked up. I got out and changed into my jean shorts and HIM shirt.

I noticed that my phone was flashing red. I took it and saw 35 missed calls/texts. It’s odd because everyone I talked to is outside. All the numbers had California area codes. I opened the last text.
’Hey Kassi! I know this is out of the blue but I haven’t talked to you in what...5 years?? That’s too long if you ask me. Oh and it’s Zacky you remember...Baker? Vengeance? ANYWAYS call me!! I’ll be waiting.

Wow I didn’t even want to know how they got my number. I smiled and pressed talk.

“Hello?” I heard a sexy male voice answer.

“Hi is this uh Zacky?” I asked hoping not to sound to desperate.

“ this Kassi?” he asked with a noticeable grin in his voice.

“Maybe” I said grinning as well.

“HOLY FUCKING JOHNNY CHRIST! How the fuck are you?” he asked with excitement running through his voice.

“Haha good. And since when are you using short shit’s name in vein??” I asked playfully.
And that’s how our conversation went for an hour or so until Bam decided to knock down my door with a sludge hammer.

“FUCK! Zacky I have to go!”

“Ok well ask them about the camping”

“Ok bye!” I said hanging up.


I yelled I was mad. Now I have no privacy what-so-ever. And in this house that was something I treasured dearly.

“SO ask us what?” Bam asked being nosy and ignoring me like always.

“Zacky Vengeance from Avenged Sevenfold is going camping with the band and wanted to know if you and the guys wanted to go.” I asked

“What about you?”

“Of course I’d be going dipfuck.” I said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Damn well now I don’t know.” He said acting all disappointed.

“Fine you can stay here and I’ll take the boys and we’ll go” I said getting up.

“Uh yea no how about they come here and we meet and we’ll see where it goes from there.”

“I’ll be damned Bam Margera being thoughtful?” I asked gasping.

“Yea well it happens once in awhile” he said acting all innocent. “Well are you going to call?” he

“I suppose” I dialed his number and that would be the phone call that changed my life.

“Yellow?” A voice answered.

“Uh hi is Zacky there?” I asked smiling, I knew very well who it was.

“Maybe… Who’s this? Is this his girly friend?” he asked obviously holding in a laugh.

“Ha-ha no is this manly friend?” I asked being just as childish

“Touché, but no this is Jimmy”

“Oh. My. God. Like, as in The Rev Jimmy?! Like no way!” I said going all fan girl on him. I wasn’t a fan girl but hey, it was fun messing with him.

“Uh ooh kay here’s Zacky.” He said as if I scared him.

“Jeez Kassi what did you do scare him?” Zacky said laughing

“OH!! IT’S KASSI LEMME TALK LEMME TALK LEMME TALK!!” Jimmy yelled as though he was a little kid. God I missed him.

“NO! later okay?” Zacky said. Jimmy replied but I didn’t understand what he was saying. It was silent for a minute.

“Anyways what did Bam say?” Zacky said breaking up the silence.

“He said you guys come to West Chester and all of you can meet and we’ll see where it goes from there”

“Ahhh okay. When are we supposed to leave?”

“Um…let me go ask.” I said getting up and going to find Bam. It was a disturbing walk. Wee man was riding Preston like a horse. Chris and Steve-o were sitting there posing awkwardly in their Speedo’s. I don’t even want to mention what Raab and Dunn were doing. I had to shield my eyes and hold my breath as I walked passed them. I finally found Bam, Who was happily shoving his face with food. If only he knew what was going on in the other room.

“Hey Bam Bam when are the boys supposed to get here?” I said hearing Zacky laugh at Bam’s nickname.

“Well I was hoping for tomorrow.” He said taking a bite of banana, I again laughed. Then realized what he said.

“What?!?! Really?!?!” I asked. It was super soon.

“Do they want to?” He asked tossing the peel in the garbage.

“Hey Zacky is tomorrow good?” I asked smiling. I desperately hoped he’d agree. Not that I liked him. Like A lot. Or anything.

“Um…y-yea I suppose. I’ll go get the boys and we’ll start packing” He said, the smile was obvious.

“YAY!,” I said jumping up and down, gaining a look from Bam. “I mean ok” I said laughing.

“Ha-ha okay I’ll see you tomorrow I guess” He said.

And with that we hung up. I was feeling butterflies. I better not let anyone know how nervous I was, being around the Jackasses, it was never good to let them know that type of thing.


I looked over at him and there was a white clear sticky looking substance covering him, and where he was standing. It smelled horrible. Raab and Dunn were laughing so hard. Remember when I said I didn’t want to mention what they were doing in the hall? Well I guess I should tell you. They were Cumming into a bucket. It must have took a lot of men and a lot of time for how much there was. Bam was furious he stormed off to take a shower. It was all over. I was feeling queasy. I went outside while the boys fought over who cleaned it. They were arguing for a good twenty minutes before I stepped in.

“DIPFUCKS STOP ARGUING I HAVE GUESTS COMING OVER TOMORROW SO CLEAN IT UP RIGHT THE FUCK NOW OR I WILL BEAT YOUR ASSES!” not only was I mad it was disgusting. They obeyed and both cleaned it up. Bam finally came down and smelled very good. He must have really cleaned. We were both sitting on chairs with our feet on the counter.

“Clean it again” Bam said.

“Bu-“ Dunn started

“Do it or you can move out.” Bam said.

He must have been super pissed he never says that unless he’s serious. The rest of the night was tense. Nobody else dared pull a prank. We found out all the boys helped out on the prank. So right now I was the only one on good terms with him. It was 11:00 pm so I said goodnight to the boys hugs and kisses yes. I was on my bed thinking about tomorrow. My old boys meeting my new ones. And I got to see Zacky. He’s very dreamy. I drifted off to sleep for a hopefully very fun tomorrow.

“WAKEY WAKEY EGGS AND BAKEY!!!” Chris yelled at me.

“Nooo..” I said with my head into my pillow

“Kassi did I ever tell you how stupid it is to say no to party boy?” he said turning on the party boy theme song. I felt my be going up and down. I was too scared to look up and see him in his thong and bow tie.

“Dude Chris what the fuck?” A very tired Johnny said coming into my room.

“I thought I’d give her a nice wake-up call” Chris said.

“What’s going on?” Steve-o said followed by Raab, Dunn and Preston.

“Raab where are you?” Bam yelled

“Kassi’s room.” He yelled back then Bam, Wee-man, Ehren and Dave showed up.

“What the fuck is this? A party? Get out of my room!” I yelled kicking Chris’s feet to the side causing him to fall off my bed. I could hear him groaning. I looked at the clock and saw the red numbers beaming 12:30

“Kassi get your lazy ass up! The boys will be landing in a hour!” Bam said spanking me. Very hard might I add.

“Fine fine go let me get ready.” I said rubbing my stinging butt. And with that he left with the others not too far behind. Boys. I got up washed my hair dried it straightened it, went to my closet found my dress that went to my knees and made my boobs looks good. I got my wedges out of the closet as well. I guess you could say I wanted to make an impression. I applied cover-up eyeliner and mascara. And made my way down to the smell of pancakes.

“Ohhh yummy” I said as I noticed a huge stack of pancakes at my seat. Of course Ape made it. None of these men knew how to work an oven. Or a microwave for that matter.

“Hey Ape.” I said with a huge smile. I walked up to her and put an arm around her. She was pretty much my mom.

“Hey hun sleep well?” she asked putting the butter and syrup in front of me as the others made their way to the table.

“I think I over slept.” I said taking a bite of pancake.

Other than that brunch was quiet. It was now 12:55.

“Okay Kassi lets go!” Bam said

“I wanna go to!” Dunn yelled.

“YEA!” the rest yelled in agreement. I was nervous what would they think if there was 13 people waiting for them. A smile crept on Bam’s face. That was never a good sign.

“Okay lets go!” He yelled grabbing his keys and running off to the car. Seeing as I was the only girl, I got front.

With that everyone piled outside. It took 3 cars for all of us. We arrived at the airport and at their gate 27 minutes later which made it 1:27. Three minutes till I saw my oldest best friend and crush.
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