Status: Ongoing
Eternal Winter
Then Don't
We stand there a minute; my fists clutching Sam’s coat, my face pressed against his shoulder, and his chest rising and falling with his breathing. I’m not sure what I’m doing. I’m not sure where this is going. I just know that I don’t want him to leave me alone again.
Sam slowly puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer, burying his face into my hair. “I never abandoned you. I couldn’t even if I had wanted to.”
“You wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence. For two weeks, Samuel. Two weeks you wouldn’t look at me, talk to me, nothing!” I look up at him, searching his face for an answer. We stand there for what feels like eternity, neither of us saying anything. Untangling a fist from his coat, I hit Sam’s chest, “Say something!”
“I don’t know what you want me to say!” He takes my hand in his before I can hit him again, “That I couldn’t stand to see the face of a girl I like, have liked since forever, because she would never understand how I felt. That I’ve had a crush on my best friend since we were 14? I don’t know what you want me to say! I couldn’t sit there and look at you as just a friend and I knew that’s all you’ve ever looked at me as. I hate it when you say you aren’t attractive, have you not seen how other boys look at you?”
I stare up at him, “No?”
“Because you’re never looking when they do. They look at you like you’re a piece of meat. You’re one of the prettiest girls in town and any boy would be willing to do anything to get a chance with you. But you’re completely blind to this! Do you remember when you’re grandparents died and I came over because you were upset?”
“Yes. You sat with me on the floor beside my bed and let me cry. You just let me cry. You didn’t try to tell me it was going to be okay like everyone else and that was okay because I was tired of hearing it. I didn’t want to hear it.” I look down, “I eventually fell asleep against your shoulder and you put me to bed and left because ‘it’s not gentlemanly to stay in a girl’s room while she’s asleep.’”
“When you laid your head against my shoulder, do you realize how hard it was for me not to just kiss you then and there?” Sam makes me look at him, “Extremely hard. I just wanted you to be okay. I wanted so badly to make you stop hurting, to make you stop crying. I didn’t know what to say to you then either.”
“Sam-”
“Stop.” Sam’s voice is harsh, and I wince, “Please, don’t do that.”
I stare at him.
“Don’t flinch away like that. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
And we stand there for minutes; Sam holding my hand, his free arm wrapped around my waist, us both looking at one another with noting to say. Then Sam breaks the silence, “I just can’t be ‘just friends’ anymore.”
And without thinking, I put an arm around his neck and bring his face down to mine and kiss my best friend for a second time. “Then don’t.”
Sam slowly puts his arms around my waist and pulls me closer, burying his face into my hair. “I never abandoned you. I couldn’t even if I had wanted to.”
“You wouldn’t even acknowledge my existence. For two weeks, Samuel. Two weeks you wouldn’t look at me, talk to me, nothing!” I look up at him, searching his face for an answer. We stand there for what feels like eternity, neither of us saying anything. Untangling a fist from his coat, I hit Sam’s chest, “Say something!”
“I don’t know what you want me to say!” He takes my hand in his before I can hit him again, “That I couldn’t stand to see the face of a girl I like, have liked since forever, because she would never understand how I felt. That I’ve had a crush on my best friend since we were 14? I don’t know what you want me to say! I couldn’t sit there and look at you as just a friend and I knew that’s all you’ve ever looked at me as. I hate it when you say you aren’t attractive, have you not seen how other boys look at you?”
I stare up at him, “No?”
“Because you’re never looking when they do. They look at you like you’re a piece of meat. You’re one of the prettiest girls in town and any boy would be willing to do anything to get a chance with you. But you’re completely blind to this! Do you remember when you’re grandparents died and I came over because you were upset?”
“Yes. You sat with me on the floor beside my bed and let me cry. You just let me cry. You didn’t try to tell me it was going to be okay like everyone else and that was okay because I was tired of hearing it. I didn’t want to hear it.” I look down, “I eventually fell asleep against your shoulder and you put me to bed and left because ‘it’s not gentlemanly to stay in a girl’s room while she’s asleep.’”
“When you laid your head against my shoulder, do you realize how hard it was for me not to just kiss you then and there?” Sam makes me look at him, “Extremely hard. I just wanted you to be okay. I wanted so badly to make you stop hurting, to make you stop crying. I didn’t know what to say to you then either.”
“Sam-”
“Stop.” Sam’s voice is harsh, and I wince, “Please, don’t do that.”
I stare at him.
“Don’t flinch away like that. I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
And we stand there for minutes; Sam holding my hand, his free arm wrapped around my waist, us both looking at one another with noting to say. Then Sam breaks the silence, “I just can’t be ‘just friends’ anymore.”
And without thinking, I put an arm around his neck and bring his face down to mine and kiss my best friend for a second time. “Then don’t.”
♠ ♠ ♠
Okay, so I'm super mega ultra sorry for the absence.I've had a personal issue as of recently and it's been a little hard to write cute lovey things.
BUT! Here you go!
Lemme know what you think.