Saint Fidelity

It was strange- for the first time in my life... I felt somewhat normal. I wasn't pacing around my room, sick to my stomach at the thought of having to leave my sanctuary again. I wasn't cowered under the covers, hiding from the outside world. I was sitting on my bed, reading a book. Like a normal person.

It wasn't the first time I'd done that, of course, but it was strange how easily it had come to me. I knew the only reason it did though, was Niall.

I think it was because I had learned to get somewhat close to someone. I knew that I did have the ability. It wasn't like the thought of meeting new people didn't still scare me, it terrified me in fact... but it wasn't taking over everything I did in my spare time. At the moment at least.

It didn't take long for my mind to spin out of control, however... It was only a matter of time. Halfway through the sixth chapter of 'To Kill A Mockingbird', I felt a familiar anxiousness build up in the pit of my stomach.

My mind was full of images of me, in a huge crowd surrounding by people I didn't know. I reached out, I tried to run, but there were people, staring with huge, unfeeling eyes at every corner I ran to. My hands started to shake as I gripped the book, and my finger slid down the page, catching on it, ripping through the thin skin on the pad of my thumb. I saw the blood quickly bead on top of the paper cut, and it immediately calmed me.

I hardly thought about what I was doing- I somehow had turned the book on it's side, and was rubbing the pages back and forth across my wrist. It took a few tries, but I opened a few thin cuts along my skin. I felt a long breath of relief leave my lips as the skin started to swell and redden. It'd been far too long since I'd felt that rush, that release, even if it was as small as it was.

I turned my book right side up, and picked up where I left off, reading until the fresh cuts on my arms were scabbed over.

---

"Macie, it's dinner time!" Margaret, one of the only nurses I'd taken a liking to called out to me. I hastily pulled my sleeves down so they hung past my palms, and jumped from my bed.

"I'm not hungry," I called back to the closed door she was behind. She had the courtesy not to open my door without warning, one of the reasons I liked her.

I heard a small laugh, then she started speaking again. "You know that doesn't work around here, Macie. Look, I set up a little dining room in one of the spare rooms for you and Devilyn. You won't have to be around anyone else."

"...Okay. Let's go then," I said hesitantly, staring at the doorknob as it turned. Margaret was standing on the other side with a warm smile.

"Come on, then."

I nodded, following after her to my own personal cafeteria. I realized then, that as normal as I had been feeling, it was all a lie. I was still a freak, I was still in a god damn mental ward. I ran my hands up and down my sleeves, rubbing the scabs off of my paper cuts, turning them raw.

I really did belong in Saint Fidelity.