Saint Fidelity

There was something about his eyes.

They watched every movement I made, flicked from my hands, to my face, back to my hands, almost like an animal stalking it's prey. They were absolutely beautiful, the mix of colors in them fascinating. They had this devilish light to them, this pain... but at the same time, they were almost ghosts of feeling, not the actual feeling themselves. Something in his eyes was dull, lifeless.

"May I ask you something?" Niall asked, eyes still fixed on me. They were unwavering... he was unwavering. Every time I tried to dodge his glance, or his questions, he pulled me back in.

"Erm, yeah. Sure..." I answered, sort of uneasily. Although I was sort of used to him, he still frightened me. I didn't know how to process half the things he said.

"Your wrists... What did you do?"

I blinked curiously at him, pondering the question. I wasn't exactly sure what he meant by that. I did what a lot of the patients here had done- I'd self-inflicted the wounds upon myself, as I thought he did too. "I... found my Dad's razor blades when I was thirteen. It calmed me," I explained slowly, awkwardly turning from his gaze. "What about yours? What's your story?"

"It wasn't a frequent thing. I only did it once... to die." To my surprise, he laughed. As if it was no big deal. "It didn't work though. Only put me here, and emotionless."

"Did it hospitalize you?"

"Oh yeah. Coma and everything." Niall smiled. He seemed perfectly content with talking about these things. It was almost like it wasn't him he was talking about. He had no sadness in his voice, no regret. "I was just so... sad, I guess. I felt guilty that I'd stayed in the closet. I should have saved my friend, you know?"

I nodded slightly, frowning. "It wasn't your fault, though."

"I know it wasn't. I don't feel bad anymore, either... you don't have to worry," he flashed me a grin, resting his hands on the table and fidgeting aimlessly. "I'm sorry if I'm frightening you. I understand the whole anxiety thing a bit. I felt like that a lot after the murder... I couldn't be around people I didn't know."

I'd probably met dozens people with a similar fear as the one I had. In a place like this, it was hard not to run into someone else with the same affliction... however, I'd never spoken to them. The fact that Niall sympathized made me happy, despite the tragic circumstances. "You're not scaring me, don't worry."

"Well, that's good. Talking to you is nice," he said, eyes directed at the ceiling. "I haven't really spoken to anyone since I got here."

"You seem to have a bit of influence over those guards, though." I accused, and he grinned at me.

This grin wasn't a normal, human grin. It had something animalistic, and unfeeling behind it. I almost jumped back in fear, but his expression quickly changed. "I guess so. I think they're afraid of me."

"Why would they be afraid of you?" I didn't want to be rude, but Niall wasn't exactly buff. The guards were huge to say the least, and could probably break him in half if they really wanted to. What did they have to be scared of?

"I think they know I could kill them... but that's not the scary thing. Anyone could kill anyone if they really wanted to... I think it's the fact that if I did kill them, I wouldn't feel bad no matter what. I wouldn't feel anything. It'd be like... snapping a twig."

The way he said that made me shiver. He was frightening, there was no doubt about it. Niall was a scary sort of person. It was the fact that he looked so innocent, so normal and attractive.. yet he was totally unfeeling. A human robot that could make relationships just to manipulate. I knew that, and yet I was completely drawn to him.

"You wouldn't though, would you?"

With that, Niall shrugged, the eery smile still etched into his features. "I have had some violent tendencies since the accident."

"Like...?" I didn't even know why I was asking. If I knew the truth, I'd be absolutely terrified of him. I'd get so anxious knowing he was even in the same building with me. It was better not to know, yet curiosity got the best of me.

His expression suddenly faltered, and he stared down at the ground. "Honestly, I don't remember."

And, that was the end of that conversation.