Paralyzed by My Envy of the Night

Angelo's POV-

We just got off the plain. Chris was greated by Morticia, but Suicide wasn't there.

"How has Suicide been?" I asked Morticia. Big mistake. Morticia looked at me with tears in her eyes and CHris and the guys had look of depression. Something happened and no one told me anything.

"Angelo, there is something I need to show you." Morticia said and the tears fell down her eye.

We went out to her car and her, Chirs and I got in the car. We were headed in the oppisite direction from their house. Though the ride only took twenty minutes, it felt like a life time to me. We finally stopped and I stared in shock at where we were.

"Angelo, follow me" Morticia kept her head down and walked down the path that circled the cemetary. As we passed each tombstone, I prayed to anyone who would listen that the next one didn't read Suicide.

Morticia stopped and pointed to a tombstone crying. I walked over to it and read the words I had prayed that I wouldn't see. I lost all strength in my legs and fell to my knees.

"H-H-How?" I felt my throat go dry and tears form in my eyes. I dreaded the answer that Morticia would give me.

"She slit her wrist exactly five minutes after you broke up with her." Morticia was hardly unerstandable through the sobbing. Her voice didn't hold any hatred towards me, just pain for her friend.

"So, t-this is my f-fault?" The tears had started to fall.

"The last thing she would want is for you to be blamed. She would want you to move on and make music."Morticia came and stood next to me and placed a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up to try and stop the tears, but it didn't help. "Can I just be alone for a moment" I choked out through tears." Morticia walked away and left me there.

"Suicide, why? Over me?" I cried. "I'm sorry. I-I-I never meant for this to happen. I-I should have never done any of the stuff I did. It was all my fault."

I sat there for an hour before Chris came to find me. He helped me up and we walked back to the car in silence. The ride home was the same.

We went to, now only Morticia's house. I went upstairs to Suicide's room. Her phone was on the nightstand and the bed was made up. It was like she had just gone somewhere for a few moments and would be back any moment with a hugs and warm smile.

I went over to the bed and sat down. i picked up her phone and smiled at her wallpaper. A picture of me and her sharing a sweet, passionate kiss. I remebered that day so clearly. I seems like forever ago.

How can I go on like this?