Ohh, You're Pregnant; I Thought You Were Just Fat

As i sat there i closed my eyes and dreamed of a better day to come, it was not going to come even wishing for it would make me look and feel less like a real person. Which was nothing new these unbareable moments had happened since my mothers death. My mother who I seemed to only remeber as the sweetest woman in the world, even almost 10 years after her death I could not seem to recall a moment when she was mean to me I could recall the moment when, I had done the most unthinkable thing, i always seemed to remeber it no matter how many times I tried to block this horrible memory it reappeared. I hate you mom i wish you would die and how just days later I was told she was dead. As this thought came over me tears fell down my face. What was I even thinking trying to raise a child, what if Ryan pulled another one of his stunts where he started a fight and left. I reassured myself that thoughts like that were silly and point less. Which should of been my thought from the begining but how could i be sure of those feelings being stable. I could not, even if i begged I would not have an real reassance that things would always stay this way. I laughed so loud you know the kind of laugh as if I had farted or done something embarrassing and was simply trying to get over it . Suddenly "Wake UP" was heard from my wake up call.