Like You Wanna Be Loved

“There she is,” a loud, booming voice shouted behind me as the door slammed open.

“She not wearing clothes,” another voice with a thick accent noted.

“Oh, shit,” the first voice cursed. “Sid, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize you weren’t going to wait at least a little while before doing that.”

The door slammed shut again but I never bothered to look at them. I was still staring at Sidney thinking about what he said. ‘He was visiting his girlfriend. Then why is he here with me? I can’t be his girlfriend; I’ve never met him before today.’

“Are you gonna get that,” Sidney asked expectantly, pulling me from my thoughts. He was staring at my nightstand where my phone was ringing.

I snatched up my phone and hit the answer button without checking the caller id.

“Hello?”

“Hey, it’s Darren,” the voice came back in response.

“Who,” I questioned, extremely confused. ‘I don’t know anyone named Darren.’ I pulled the phone away from my cheek and found a picture of Darren Helm, Red Wings forward and love of my life, staring back at me.

“Darren Helm; you know, your best friend.”

‘My best friend?’ I almost had a heart attack right then and there. ‘Be cool, Nicole. Be cool.’

“Of course. Sorry. I just didn’t hear you right. What’s up?”

“I was wondering if you got your surprise yet.”

“Do you mean Sidney?”

“So I take it you got it. Can I talk to him possibly, pretty please?”

“Uh, sure,” I mumbled before handing the phone to Sidney. “He wants to talk to you. I’m gonna go get dressed.”

I quickly grabbed some clothes out of my closet and opened my bedroom door. Jordan Staal and Evgeni Malkin fell on the floor at my feet, obviously having been leaning on the door eavesdropping. Shaking my head, I stepped over them and into the bathroom.

I changed, hung up my towel and grabbed my makeup bag. I wiped a thin line of eye liner on my eyes and brushed on some mascara. I couldn’t stop my thoughts from running away from me as I got ready. ‘Sidney said that he was surprising his girlfriend. Darren called Sidney my surprise. But I can’t be Sidney’s girlfriend. I just met the guy. Speaking of, how is it that Darren is my best friend? I’ve only ever dreamt of meeting the guy. (Okay, meeting was the least of things I’d dreamt about him, if you get what I mean.) Jordan and Evgeni seemed to act like they knew me too. How is it that I know a ton of hockey players and don’t know it? I must be going batshit crazy. This is not okay. What am I going to do? I have three NHL players sitting in my room right now expecting their friend/girlfriend to walk in and greet them appropriately.’

I hurried back to my room to find Sidney still on the phone with Darren. Jordan and Evgeni were lying on the floor wrestling quietly because Sidney glared at them anytime they made noise.

“Can I talk to him again,” I asked Sidney. He nodded, holding up a finger to signal that it would take him a second to cut off Darren from whatever he was rambling about.

“Hey, Darren. Nicole wants to talk to you again,” he said into the phone before handing it over to me. I quickly exited the room and ran to the nearby LC closet. I locked myself in the room, surrounded by milk crates of random paperwork.

“Darren,” I asked, trying my hardest to stop myself from breaking down. “You’re my friend, right?”

“Your best friend,” he corrected. I could hear the smile in his voice. “Why do you ask?”

“Darren, I think I’m going crazy.”

“Oh, don’t worry sweetheart. I’m sure that you're going to get accepted into your program in no time.”

“That’s not what I’m talking about,” I told him. “Darren, I don’t know who you are. I mean I know who you are, but all I know is what I’ve read on the internet. I don’t know Sidney. I don’t know Jordan. I just have no clue what’s going on. I feel like I’ve gone completely insane but no one has realized it yet.” I couldn’t stop myself. I started crying while curled up in a ball on the floor of the closet.

“What do you mean you don’t know us? Nicole, we’ve been friends three years. You’ve been dating Sid for two years. How could you not know us?”

“That’s exactly my point! In my mind, you’re all NHL players that I would kill to know. Nothing makes sense. I’m a Red Wings fan but I’m dating the captain of the Penguins who I’ve never met. Jordan and Evgeni act like I’m their little sister. I just don’t know what’s going on or what I should do.”

“You need to tell Sid. That’s what you need to do.”

“I can’t just walk up to the guy and be like, ‘Hey, I know that we’ve been dating for a few years and everything but I have no clue who the fuck you are.’ I can tell that he really cares about me and I’m really not good at breaking bad news. Darren, I don’t want to hurt the guy but at the same time, I can’t just pretend like I’m in love with someone I don’t know.”

“Okay. I will call Sid and try to explain everything as best I can. I need you to stop crying though. I can’t stand listening to you cry, hun. You’re killing me.”

“Okay,” I sighed, wiping my nose and trying to calm down.

“Also, however Sid decides to handle the situation, go with it. If he wants to take you to a hospital or therapy you go. If he wants you two to just try to talk things through, you do that. His instincts rarely ever fail him.”

“Okay. Thank you, Darren.”

“Of course, sweetheart. I love you. Don’t freak out thinking you have to say it back now; I’m just reminding you that it’s true. I love you. Sid loves you. Jordan and Geno love you. All of the guys here in Detroit love you and we’re all going to do what it takes to make sure that you get back to 100% as quickly as possible. Now remember, you said you’d stop crying for me. I’ll call you later tonight.”

I hung up the phone without saying another word. I know that I promised Darren that I’d stop crying, but I couldn’t. All of these people loved me and cared about me so much. I mean, sure, I loved Darren. But it wasn’t like the way he loved me. I idolized him. I loved him as a hockey player that did great things for my team, but he loved me as his best friend.

Then there was Sidney; I’d been dating the dude for two years and all I know about him is that he plays for the Penguins and that he’s Canadian. I can tell just by the way that he looks at me that he thinks the sun shines out of my ass and yet I kind of hate him for his team’s successes. I feel so bad that I don’t love him like I can tell he loves me but I just don’t feel that way for him. I’m sure I felt the same way before; I wouldn’t have stayed with him for two years if I didn’t, but now I only feel resentment and a slight hatred.

The amount of pressure I felt was just too much. I was completely able to recognize the fact that most of the pressure was coming from me though. It was one of my greatest character flaws; I always put way too much importance on trivial things. Realistically, I could guess that Sidney would freak out, but I didn’t think he would burst into tears or hate me for not knowing who he is. But once I get myself in the wrong mindset, it’s hard for me to get out of it.

“Nicole,” I heard Sidney’s voice call from the other side of the door. “It’s Sidney. Can you open the door for me?”

“No,” I called back through my tears.

“Please, Nicole,” he pleaded. “We need to talk about what’s going on with you.”

I didn’t respond. I just sat there crying. I didn’t want to face him. I didn’t want to see pity and hurt written all over his face just yet. I heard the door knob start to jingle and soon the door opened to show Sidney crouched with an unfolded paper clip in his hand.

He didn’t say anything as he opened the door. He just grabbed me and held me tight. It was the only way to get me to calm down. I was known for trying to push people away when I was upset even though I knew that it would only leave me upset longer. I tried pushing Sidney away but he just held on tighter, knowing that it was what I needed. I finally accepted the fact that Sidney wasn’t going to let me go, and just cried into his shoulder. He rubbed my back which was the greatest feeling in the world.

When I finally managed to calm down, Sidney pulled away and looked into my eyes. “Why didn’t you tell me something was wrong?”

“I was afraid of hurting you,” I admitted reluctantly.

“Nicole, you should never be afraid to talk to me. I love you. If something’s going on with you, I want to know about it.”

“I’m glad I know that now,” I replied sarcastically.

“I think we should take you to a hospital and get you checked out. You said it’s not just me, right? You don’t remember Staalsy or Geno either, do you?”

“No, it’s not just you,” I told him, relieving his worst fear. It would have killed him if it was just him that I’d forgotten.

“Okay. I’ll go grab your purse. Why don’t you go downstairs and get in the car, the doors are unlocked. I’ll send Geno and Jordan down after you just in case you get lost.”

I trudged downstairs, walking through the bathroom on my way and making sure that my mascara was still intact before I went out in public.