Like You Wanna Be Loved

Jordan, Geno, Sidney and I spent what was left of the day talking and laughing, Jordan and Geno were having a blast telling me embarrassing stories about Sidney; particularly about the early stages of our relationship.

“On your first date,” Jordan started another story. “Sid took you to dinner. He parked at the restaurant and went to open your door. As he was running around the front of the car, he slipped on a patch of ice and fell flat on his face.”

I gasped and quickly covered my mouth to hide the fact that I was laughing.

“That’s the same response you had when it happened,” Sidney pointed out. “By the way, I can tell you’re laughing even if your hand is in front of your face.”

“Sid grumpy,” Geno observed.

“Yeah, I kind of am! You keep reminding my girlfriend of all of the embarrassing moments in our relationship. She’s going to start wondering why she’s even dating me in the first place!”

Sidney stood up from his seat next to the bed and stormed out of the room.

“Oh, shit,” Jordan muttered to himself. “I didn’t realize he was going to take it that harshly. I should go talk to him.”

“No, I’ll do it,” I say, stopping Jordan in the process. I hurried out of the room and found Sidney sitting a ways down the hallway on a bench. His face was buried in his hands and he wasn’t moving except for the subtle rise and fall of his shoulders. “Sidney, are you okay,” I asked as I approached him.

“No. I’m not okay, Nicole,” he responded without looking up. “I really just want my girlfriend back.”

“And what? You think I’m enjoying this,” I questioned angrily. “You think I enjoy not knowing about a major part of my life? Honestly, Sidney, this isn’t a walk in the park for me either!”

“I never said it was,” he shouted, finally looking up at me. “I’m just saying that I wish this wasn’t happening to us.”

“I think everyone wishes this wasn’t happening to us right about now, but here’s the thing: it is. This is happening and we’re going to have to deal with it. Life doesn’t always go the way you want it to, Sidney.”

“Will you stop calling me ‘Sidney’?! Goddammit, Nicole! We’ve been dating for two years! Stop treating me like you met me today!”

“In my mind, we did meet today,” I remind him.

“I understand that-“

“I don’t think you do! I think you want me to be able to just go with the flow and act like I know exactly who you are. You want me to be able to go along with all of our inside jokes and reminisce with you when I have no memory of our relationship. Honestly, I feel like I’ve been doing fairly well; I’ve held my tongue, I’ve tried to play along, but it’s not that easy for me! I really wish you could understand that. You complained that Jordan and Geno’s stories are making me question why I’m dating you when the truth is: the way you’re handling this whole thing is what’s really making me question it,” I shout before turning around and walking back to the room. Jordan and Geno immediately look up at me as I reenter the room. “Will one of you go deal with him? I just can’t!”

Jordan immediately stood up and rushed out of the room to go talk to Sidney. I slumped down on the bed and dropped a pillow over my face.

“What happen,” Geno asked from beside me.

“We got into a fight. It was stupid.”

“It’s stupid or he stupid?”

“It was,” I refused to blame Sidney for this. It wasn’t his fault that all of this happened and it wasn’t his fault that he was struggling to deal with it all. He was doing his best to cope and I would give him credit for trying. “Neither one of us are handling this situation too well and we’re letting the stress get to us. We both really don’t want to be forced to deal with this whole thing.”

“You be better soon though,” Geno promised me, wrapping his arms around me for a hug.

“I hope so, Geno. I don’t know why I let arguing with him affect me, but it really does. I’m not sure how much more of this I can take, honestly.”

“Dating a hockey player isn’t an easy task,” Jordan stated, walking back into the room. “We’re away a lot and even when we’re not, we’ve got home games and practices and charity events. Anyone willing to date a hockey player has to really care about them and I know that you care about Sid a lot. Give it some time, and I think you’ll fall in love with him all over again.”

“Thanks, Jordy. I appreciate it, I really do. He can just be so stubborn sometimes.”

“Think about it from his perspective: you weren’t the easiest girl to court. You’re sarcastic to a fault when you’re uncomfortable in a situation and dating, especially at the beginning, is one uncomfortable situation after another. He’s worked so hard to get you to fall for him and now he feels like you guys are taking a million steps backwards.”

“Okay, I can understand that. But does he not get that once we’re past this whole thing, we could be better than we ever have been?”

“That’s not really the way Sid thinks. Think of it like the season; the current game is always his top priority. He knows that by winning the current game, he’ll be that much closer to winning the cup at the end of the year. You two getting married is the cup of your relationship. But with this whole thing happening he feels like he’s playing games he’s already won.”

“Wait! Did you say marriage?”

“Yeah. You and Sid get married some day,” Geno told me like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Please explain,” I practically begged Jordan.

“You and Sid have talked about getting married a lot. The only reason he hasn’t proposed yet is because he wants it to be perfect and he wants you to be surprised.”

Somehow this news shocked me more so than anything else that day had. Here I thought I was a lonely pathetic twenty year old girl with absolutely no love life but apparently I was talking about getting married to my boyfriend of two years. I had actually become accustomed to the idea of dying alone as haggard cat lady.

“Nicole,” Sidney’s voice dragged me from my thoughts. I looked up to see him standing in the doorway, his hand jammed into his pockets (sort of). “Can I talk to you?”

Geno and Jordan both looked at me instantly to gauge my reaction. “Sure,” I responded before nodding to the two guys sitting next to me, signaling them to leave.

“Nicole, listen. I am so sorry. I know that this is not easy for you by any means and I haven’t been giving you enough credit for trying to cope with all of this. I’ve been acting like a total asshat and I’m sorry for that.”

“I understand where you’re coming from, Sidney. Jordan explained how you must be feeling and it makes a lot of sense now. I’m sorry that you’re going through this; I wish you didn’t have to.”

“Stop that!” I looked at him, perplexed. “Stop being so understanding! Why can’t you just be mad at me? Blame me for everything!”

“I was mad at you, but then I realized that it won’t help either of us. Being mad, and blaming you will not get us through this situation. I can only get better with your help, Sidney.”

Sidney was about to say something but he was cut off by the sound of my phone ringing in my purse. I grabbed it and saw Darren’s face on the screen and a message stating he wanted to Facetime. I quickly hit accept and was greeted by Darren Helm’s gorgeous, smiling face.

“How are you, darling,” he asked, looking concerned suddenly when he noticed the not so ecstatic look on my face.

“I’m working on it. What’s up? Why are you calling?”

“I always Facetime you before a game. It’s our tradition.”

“Oh, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, hun. It’s completely understandable that you forgot. So where’s Sid?”

I turned my phone around to face Sidney. “He’s right here.”

“Oh, were you guys talking? Shit! I guess I’ll leave you guys to it.”

“Is there anything I normally say to you during these conversations?”

“You always wish me luck before we hang up. You say, ‘Good luck, sweetie. I love you.’ And then you always hang up before I get a chance to respond, which is very rude of you, might I add.”

“Well, I’d hate to mess up your ritual, so…. Good luck, sweetie. I love you,” I shouted before ending the conversation quickly.