Stare Like You'll Stay

Louisiana. One more stop until Edie was reunited with her two best friends, she needed it. Sitting on the ledge, staring out the window – Edie was looking aimlessly at the southern sky as the smell of John's aftershave filled her nostrils.

“Almost ready to go, babe?” John appeared from the bathroom fully dressed in his grey flannel and black skinny jeans. The guys were heading to one of the radio sessions to do an acoustic performance and an interview, John insisting that Edie come along so she didn't sit in the hotel all day.

“Yeah, I am ready.” Edie got off from the ledge and smoothed out her polka dot dress, adjusting one of John's sweaters she had on. He never wore the damn thing and the button up was too comfortable for her to pass up. The thing was baggy on her, meaning that it probably fell right off of John's boney arms.

Reaching for her bag, she walked over to John – their lips locking for a moment. He tasted like his spearmint toothpaste, his body smelling of aftershave, but his clothes reeking of cigarettes and alcohol.

“Are you doing okay, Ed?” John's eyebrows fumed together as he stared at his girlfriend – growing more and more worried about her. Sometimes, he thought he was overreacting, simply being overprotected towards her.

“You know I would tell you if something was wrong, John. I guess I just haven't adjusted to the touring schedule yet.” Locking their hands together, the two of them left the hotel room to meet the guys in the lobby before piling into the van that was picking them up to bring them to the venue.

As the two rode down the elevator together, she could feel his eyes on her causing her to smirk at her boyfriend with curious eyes.

“What?” She lifted her finger up to her mouth to see if she had anything stuck in her teeth causing John to laugh and take her hand back in his.

“I just really fucking love you.” The words caused her face to turn red as the sincere words left her boyfriend's mouth. When he did spontaneous things like that, she was goo in the palm of his hands.

John felt like a lovesick fool whenever he looked at Edie, she was breathtaking and he couldn't believe that she was his. He loved everything about her – every little hair on her head was perfect in his mind. Leaning in, they brought their lips together, her soft palms reaching up to rest on either side of his cheek.

“I love you too.” Edie smiled against his lips as the elevator dinged and opened, the two of them walking hand and hand towards the van full of the gangle of boys. All of them looked extremely tired, glued to the phones that rested in their hands.

After the ten minute drive to the radio station, they were all escorted inside where the guys were introduced to meet all of the radio personnel, Edie was escorted into the room where forty or so of The Maine's fans were seated, waiting on the guys.

When she wasn't with John, it was like she felt naked. Like there was a huge part of her missing and that scared her. She especially felt naked when getting thrown into a room full of girls who knew who you were. Half of them glared at her with harsh eyes while a few of them were nice and waved at her, Edie obviously waving back. She took one of the seats in the chairs that was off to the side of where the boys were, away from the group of girls.

Looking down at her phone, she used it as her safety blanket to keep her busy and avoid the group of girls who were talking with hushed whispers. Beth had texted her to say that she had finally landed in Nashville, Gabe home for a few days to watch Harley. Edie was so ready to see her and hang for a two days in Nashville they had – she needed it.

Her heart almost jumped out of her chest as screams erupted from the girls, the guy slowly walking out and waving before taking a seat on the chairs. Most radio interviews weren't like this – it was really strange to Edie. She locked her phone and gave John a small smile as he took a seat, his eyes immediately locking with hers.

As the animated radio host began to speak, Edie blurred out all of the chatter that was being said and focused on John. Even though he was tired, he tried not to show it. He smiled, a toothpick hanging from his mouth as he tried to be as engaged in the interview as he could. Whenever, he took a second to glance at Edie, he laughed to himself as her face turned a light shade of pink – a few fans from the group's eyes traveling to land on her for a moment.

She listened as the guys answered endless questions about the tour and new music and what inspires them the most – the type of questions that John doesn't mind, but gets tired of answering after a while. Soon the interview turned to taking questions from the eager fans, Pat answering a question about his favorite color and really lame questions like that. These girls needed to get more creative.

“Alright, how about this girl in the front?” The radio host pointed to a girl in a magenta tank top who perked up and looked at the boys in front of her.

“With you guys being on the road so much, do you have time to date? Do you have any girlfriends?” Edie watched as all of the girls quietly laughed and looked at the five boys with hungry eyes. John's green orbs flickered to Edie's for a brief moment. While he wanted to preach to the hilltops about his relationship, he wasn't going to put Edie through that. He knew that fans could be a little excessive, easily making assumptions and rumors when one of the guys were pictured with a girl.

“You know, it can be hard. But we make it work.” Jared started, his feet shifting a little to show he was a little uncomfortable. All of the fans were aware of his relationship with Tessa and were extremely supportive of it, Edie hoped that when fans did find out about them in the distant future, they would be as supportive.

“Yeah, I think the main thing when it comes to dating with us is finding a girl who understands the lifestyle we have and can't always be home when they need us to be. But when it comes to who we are dating and stuff like that, we are private guys,” his eyes looked at Edie once more, “and although I am sure all of you would like to know who we are dating, we like to keep that stuff to ourselves until we are ready to share.”

Sometimes, Edie wanted everyone to know about her relationship with John – she was a basket case in every aspect of her life, her relationship included. John wanting to keep their relationship a secret made Edie feel bad about herself sometimes – was she not good enough? Was he ashamed? Those thoughts constantly wandered around in her head, but she shook them out as fast as they appeared – John loved her.

Chewing on the inside of her lip, she watched as the girls stared at John with gleaming eyes when him and Jared got together to perform a few acoustic songs. She felt proud of him and how his dream of music worked out for him. She felt almost accomplished that she had the guy that everyone wanted, but that also made her insecure – she was going to be a spectacle for everyone to observe.

With Jared strumming the chords to “Waiting For My Sun To Shine” next to him, his eyes constantly flickered to Edie whenever he had the chance. She sat there with a smile on her face and there was a feeling in his soul that he couldn't explain. Over the past few weeks, John had grown to realize that he was willing to do anything for Edie – that is how much she meant to him. She was so simple, so beautifully elegant that John almost felt like she wasn't human. There was something inside of Edie White that she never shared with anyone and John wished she would let the world see it – she was his.

After the acoustic set was done and the guys started packing up, Edie stepped outside for some air – digging through her bag for her neglected pack of cigarettes. Breathing in the deathly smoke, she leaned against the brick wall outside hoping that time ticked away quicker.

Edie never wanted to be around when they were meeting fans – she wasn't ready to watch girls throw themselves at her boyfriend whenever they got the chance. Edie could never imagine doing that to a guy, so watching some random girl do it to John didn't settle right with her. She knew that John would never cheat on her, but she knew that girls could be ruthless in getting what they want.

After a few minutes went by, her cigarette down to the filter – she flicked it to the ground and turned back to peak inside the studio. All of the guys were talking to the crowd of girls, as they did at most shows. John was talking to a girl that was about to his shoulders, looking about Edie's age with long legs in black skinny jeans and red hair that cascaded down her backside. John was cracking a toothy smile as he signed something with his Sharpie, the girl's body language and constant laughing showing what her motives were.

It was like watching a scary scene in a horror movie – you want to look away so bad, but you can't. Edie was hard on herself, that was given. She constantly compared who she was to whatever girl she saw. Edie never felt adequate. The red hair leaned up and whispered something in John's ear, her hand resting on his shoulder before slowly lingering and sliding down his arm – that move alone set her over the edge.

Dragging her feet along the sidewalk, she walked back to the van that was parked on the side of the building. Climbing in, she took a seat in the back and laid down on the seat – taking a few deep breaths. She was overreacting as usual. That girl meant nothing and John probably thought nothing of her. He was used to having girls throw themselves at him every night, it was part of being a musician.

Running her fingers over her stomach, the protruding fat was enough to make her sick to her stomach. Feeling useless was something that happened to Edie a lot lately, but hey, everyone feels lousy about themselves at some point.

It wasn't long before she could hear the chatter from the guys as they approached the car causing her to sit up and act like nothing was wrong. She pulled out her phone and tried to look the least bit busy as the van door slid open and they all piled in, John taking a seat next to Edie.

Out of habit, he reached for her free hand and interlocked their fingers together as Edie leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder.

“We were thinking about grabbing Chipotle before heading over to the venue, does that sound good?” John's raspy voice whispered into her ear. She looked up at her boyfriend and nodded as he leaned forward and kissed her forehead just as the van started up.

“You look beautiful today especially when you are gawking over how amazing your boyfriend is.” Blushing, Edie laughed a little at John who was whispering all of his words into her ear, his hot breath tickling her skin.

“Almost modest there, aren't you?” Edie teased as John brought her in closer, moving their interlocked hands to rest on his lap.

“Well I must be some kind of catch to land a girl like you.” With comments like that, John O'Callaghan made it so hard for Edie to feel about herself. She always felt like she was on Cloud 9, no matter what they talked about.

He was too good for her. He was patient and he cared, he never pushed anything on her that she wasn't ready for or didn't want. That was something that she never understood. Edie was well aware of his past and the girls who had hooked up with, the parties he went and the trouble he got in. She didn't understand how a boy like John O'Callaghan was willing to be with a prude of a girlfriend who was too awkward to ever be intimate with a girl – even if she loved him her whole heart.

But if there was one thing Edie knew about tour, it led to temptation. There were girls everywhere that were willing to drop their panties with a simply wink and John, no matter how perfect he was, was still a guy and wasn't going to be able to wait forever. And that is another thing to add on the long list of what scared her.