Stare Like You'll Stay

Staring at her legs in the mirror, Edie didn't know why she wore skirts and dresses everyday – they certainly weren't flattering for her figure or her legs. Sighing, Edie dug deep into one of her suitcases for a pair of dark red pants, paring them with a silky nature tank top and black cardigan. She was running late as usual, letting her appearance in the mirror cause her to change her outfit three different times before deciding on one for the day.

“Ed, are you almost ready to go? Eric and Beth are waiting for us.” John opened the door to their hotel room and watched as Edie tied her brown oxfords to her feet before reaching for her small bag, giving him a small smile.

Before the show tonight, they were meeting Eric and Beth for lunch before John had to go off and do some press things. Then after, all of the bands were getting together to have a party at the studio A Rocket To The Moon has been recording in. Edie was ready to relieve some stress she had finally and get to see her two best friends.

Walking hand in hand, John and Edie wandered down the streets of Nashville towards the cafe they were meeting at, Edie ready to burst with excitement. Eric was family to Edie, it was weird being away from him for this long.

“You wore pants today.” John noticed, taking in the lack skirt on his girlfriend. It was weird not seeing Edie in a dress or skirt, it was what she lived in. Nevertheless, she still managed to look perfect.

“Yeah, I just wanted to be comfortable today.” Edie lied through her teeth as they arrived at the cafe, edie nearly sprinting towards Beth and Eric. Halvo wrapped Edie in a huge hug as John and Beth exchanged small embraces.

Beth had told Eric that Edie had been acting weird on the phone lately and he was going to get to the bottom of it over the next two days. He was always worrying about her out of habit, although he knew that John was now there to take care of her.

“Ugh I missed you so much.” Edie said to Beth as the two girls embraced, feeling like they hadn't seen each other in eternity.

“I only missed you because your cat is a little shit.” Beth told Edie, obviously kidding as she shot her a wink. The four of them found their book and took a beat, John's hand resting on Edie's thigh comfortably.

“So how has the tour been?” Eric and John began chatting it up about the tour and all of the things each band has been doing, like they normally did. When those two got talking about music, it was really hard to get them to stop.

“Its been going really well, the crowds have been so loud and big – its been nuts.” John continued on about how the shows were going, a topic Edie wouldn't know about because she was always slaving away at the merch table to catch much of their set.

“What about you, Ed? How is the merch life?” Edie looked up from her pancake she had been slowly eating to lock eyes with Eric.

“Umm, its been interesting. Its been a lot of work and sometimes, the fans aren't the nicest about things...” By things, Edie meant her and her body. She didn't like to tell John about that stuff because the fans were so important to him. However, John squeezed her leg and smiled,

“Yeah, some of them lack manners, but don't let it phase you babe.” Looking down at her food, she could feel Beth's eyes on her. John didn't understand anything about the fans that decided it was okay to stare and voice their opinions about Edie's body.

Edie was just waiting for Beth to say something, like she normally did, but her lips were kept zipped on that topic for the rest of the meal which was shocking. While Eric and John caught up, Edie and Beth talked about what they are going to do on their day off tomorrow.

“Eric isn't letting me hang out at the studio tomorrow because he thinks I am going to get in the way.” She shot a glare to her boyfriend who barely paid any mind, keeping his focus on the food in front of him and the string of words leaving his mouth.

“I am sure John and the guys will be there all day too then, we could find some cool shops to look at then – I am always down for some vintage shopping.” Edie was in desperate need of some girl time. The only girls she ever saw on this tour were crazed fans, band whores or girlfriends of the band members who were really cool, but she never held a conversation with them for long.

Once the food was gone and the bill was paid, the four of them left the cafe and headed back to the hotel to hang out for a little bit, Eric pulling Edie behind John and Beth to talk with her.

“How are things really going, Edie? I can read it all over your face.” Edie loved John more than anything, but he could be oblivious towards things – Eric knew her inside and out. Sighing, she watched as Beth tried to keep John's attention by talking about something using huge arm gestures.

“Things between me and John are great, better than ever. I am really liking this tour and stuff, but something is wrong with me. I don't know what it is. I am in this funk – some of the girls at the shows are bitches to me and I sweating bullets hoping that none of the fans find out me and John are dating because I don't want all of them watching my every move. And I don't know how to fix any of it.” Edie let out a breath as she walked side by side with her friend, keeping her voice hushed so John couldn't hear her words.

“Have you talked to John about it at all?” Edie's head hung low as they approached the entrance to the hotel lobby where Eric stopped Edie from walking all together.

“Edie, you know that these concerns and problems are just going to keep getting worse unless you talk to John about that. Don't keep things bottle up anymore.” As usual, Eric was right and Edie should know that she can talk to John. They were dating for heaven's sake!

“I'll talk to him about it tomorrow or something, I just want him to have a good show and enjoy the party tonight.” Edie gave Eric a small smile before walking off to join her boyfriend who was waiting by the entrance for her.

“What was that about?” John looked over Edie's shoulder at his best friend who was reaching into his pocket for his phone, slowly walking towards him.

“He just had a question to run by me for tonight, nothing big. Let's go get you ready for your show, rockstar.”

+++

“You look beautiful.” John leaned down and kissed Edie on the lips, leaving them there longer than normal as she exited the bathroom, fully ready to head to A Rocket To The Moon's studio. Adjusting the black boots on her feet, Edie looked at herself in the hotel room mirror. She wore black high waisted skinny jeans and a long sleeve floral shirt – she probably would have worn a skirt tonight, but she wasn't in the mood to show off her legs at this point.

Edie looked over at John who was admiring his girlfriend as she got ready for the night. He put on a freshly washed flannel shirt, paired with his black jeans and scuffed up boots. Grabbing her bag for the night, she walked over and sat next to John on the edge of the bed.

“Are you going to be in the studio the whole day with the guys tomorrow?” Messing around with the toothpick in between his lips, he shrugged.

“I don't know, maybe. You know I can be with the guys. Why?” She gave him a small smile before shaking her head,

“I was just wondering because me and Beth were going to go out and do stuff and I don't know what time I will be back.” John nodded his head, taking the toothpick out of his mouth and pressing his lips to her, letting them linger a little longer than normal.

“That sounds good, you need some girl time. You are probably going crazy being around these disgusting guys all of the time.” Letting out a small chuckle, Edie rose from the bed and crossed her arms over her chest.

“Not really, its just you.” Sticking out her tongue playfully, John got up from the bed and wrapped his arm around Edie's waist, her back pressed to his chest.

“You are so not funny.” He whispered into her ear, nearly causing Edie's knees to give in. She leaned into him as they walked towards the door in the exact same position, a giggle escaping Edie's mouth.

After hailing a cab, the ten minute drive out to where A Rocket To The Moon's studio was gave Edie and John a way to avoid being in the stinky van with the rest of the guys. By the time they arrived at the studio, people were scattered everywhere.

Edie didn't understand why she liked parties so much especially with how much she hated people. But they did give an excuse to let loose every once and a while.

Walking hand in hand with John, the two of them entered into the house that was attached to the studio, music coming from the speakers as people occupied every room of the house. Edie recognized some of the faces from the tour while others were brand new to her. John happened to know everyone though. As soon as his face appeared in the house, people were calling his name left and right – Edie getting dragged into conversations with people she didn't know.

As soon as she spotted Beth, however, she excused herself, letting go of John's hand and making her way towards her friend who was in the kitchen talking with Jared about something.

“Edie! You don't have a drink girl.” Beth said over the chatter and music as she reached for the whiskey and began mixing Edie something to slurp down.

“I probably know like six people here!” Edie observed, taking in all of the guys with messy hair and tattoos and girls with more skin showing than clothes.

“Same here!” Beth said as she handed the red cup to Edie before reaching for her own and holding it out.

“I think we should cheers to something – to all of the skanky girls that are here that think they have a chance with our men.” Beth announced to nearly the whole kitchen with how loud her voice was. Edie's face turned a light shade of pink before she laughed and did the cheers with her friend, allowing the alcohol to run down her throat with ease.

“Where is Eric anyway?”

“Who knows? Probably off talking with Nick about something or being a drunk and dancing to Whitney Houston. They are probably going to pull the karaoke machine out soon. Did you talk to John yet?” Beth was already buzzed, causing her loud personality to be even bigger. Edie shook her head to the question, knowing she probably was going to have to wait a bit before getting a word in.

“I didn't want to tell him tonight and he is going to be here all day tomorrow so I will tell him when I have time.” Glancing out to the living room, John was no longer in the spot he was before causing Edie's eyebrows to scrunch in confusion.

“John doesn't need a babysitter, Edie. Just have some fun and let loose!” Beth said as she reached for the bottle of whiskey to make a new drink, grabbing Edie's cup and filling the extra space with the copper liquid.

Beth was right, Edie was being a worry wart about everything these days. Right now, she just needed to have fun with Beth and have a few drinks like old times. Bringing the beverage to her lips, Edie took a few sips before following Beth outside so she could introduce Edie to a few of the other girls Beth knew at the party.

After that, time seemed to tick away. Edie was constantly nursing a drink in her hand, getting refills every once and a while. While she watched Beth talk and talk about Eric's sex life to the other girls crowded around them, Edie couldn't help but crane her neck around to see if John was anywhere in sight. Normally, he would text her every once and a while if they were parted at a party for too long. But, maybe he was just catching up with some old friends and forgot. This whole party was quite a bit different than the ones back in Arizona – John didn't know every single person here, so he was probably making new friends and stuff.

Glancing down at her phone, there were no texts and the time told her she had been at the party for almost two hours. Excusing herself from the group of girls, she peeked her head inside of the house and let her eyes search for the scrawny kid she was looking for.

When her eyes finally landed on him, her heart sank. Of course, there were girls crowded around him, talking up a storm in any way they could. John was too nice of a person to reject them or leave the conversation and deep down, Edie knew that John loved the attention. She trusted John enough to know he would never do anything with those girls, but Edie's mind couldn't help but wonder if John was looking at those perfect girls and realizing she was a mistake.

Defeated, Edie looked at her nearly empty cup and reached for the nearby whiskey bottle on the table, filling the cup to the rim and not bothering to mix anymore Coke with it. Edie needed an escape from her thoughts for a little while. She brought the cup to her lips and took a long sip, hoping the worries lodged in her throat would wash down with the alcohol.

Put Edie in any given situation and she will find a way to make herself seem useless and not up to standard with the other people she was with. Her eyes were glazed over as she took her seat next to Beth again, a drunken grin on her face.

By the time her cup was gone, refilled and nearly empty again, she was laughing along to anything and everything that was being said. People were starting to break off and leave the house as the party began to come down from its high, but Edie kept on running her mouth to Beth who was just as gone as she was.

“Do you remember that time Eric and I got into that fight and as payback, I locked him out of the house while he was naked?!” Beth could barely get the words out, she was laughing so hard. The two girls were nearly the only people left on the deck, both of them toppled over as they continued to laugh about the things they have done.

“Iwasdaonewhohadtopicckkhimmuppppp” Edie looked up at the night sky and was memorized as the steam left out her mouth every time she spoke, though she could barely see straight.

“Edie,” she looked over as John walked over to her on the deck causing Edie to burst out laughing.

“THE MAUUN OF DEEE HORAAA IFFFF HURRREEEEE!” She shouted as John walked over to her, getting her to stand up and regain her balance. He didn't reek as much of alcohol as she did, the roles switching for the night.

“I think its time to go to bed, they have an extra room we can use for the night.” John said as he helped guide his piss drunk girlfriend back inside. He wasn't mad that she was drunk, he just wasn't going to risk her puking in the back of a taxi or trying to get her back to the hotel room in this shape.

The house was nearly empty, a few of the guys passed out on the couch and the floor of the living room with people still walking out the door. As Edie kept on tripping over her feet, John finally lifted Edie up and carried her bridal style up the stairs.

“Wherewereyallnifff?” She slurred together as John found the spare bedroom and kicked the door closed with his foot, setting Edie softly onto the bed.

“I was inside talking to friends, Edie.” He reached down and peeled off her boots, setting them on the other side of the room. Laughing Edie sat up, resting on her elbows as John peeled off his flannel shirt to get ready for bed.

Edie's mind drifted to the girls that were talking to him tonight. They had been dating for months and she still hadn't given him sex. He was a grown man and a man like John wasn't going to wait forever. But Edie didn't have enough self confidence to even look at herself naked in the mirror, how could she do that in front of a guy?

However, with that much alcohol in her system, she had enough liquid confidence. Stumbling, she managed to get up from the bed and immediately attach her lips to John, taking him by complete surprise.

Though Edie was drunk, John went with it because he was so intoxicated by her kisses. However, when he felt her hand reach down to undo the belt around his waist, he knew it was the alcohol talking.

“Ed, please, you're drunk.” John said as he moved her hand away from his belt and tried to usher her back to the bed.

“Havv a wittle fun Johneee.” Edie said playfully as she leaned farther into John, trying to reattach their lips. John wasn't going to do this, not this way. The old him would be all for drunken sex, but he was well aware he was sober enough to know right from wrong. Edie didn't want this. If she woke up and found out what happened, she would be ruined. John wasn't going to take advantage of his girlfriend.

“Edie, you are drunk and need some sleep, okay?” He grabbed her hands from his chest and set them down slowly, trying to move her to lay down, but all Edie did was lean farther into him.

“Whyyy woonttt yaaa fukkk mehh?” Her slurred speech came out with so much distress and want that it broke John's heart. Her breath reeked of whiskey and her eyes were blood shoot, but it still didn't hurt John any less.

“You aren't yourself right now Edie, okay? You need sleep.” John tried to be gentle again, but when he tried to move her hands again, Edie shoved him away, her back falling to land on the wall behind her.

“Itss becauseee I'ma nauggghttt goood enoufff. I donntt lukkk liiiikk thoooseee othaaa girlls – yaaaa wouldddd rathaaa fukkk themmm thannnn meeee.” The words leaving Edie's mouth were daggers in John's heart.

“That's not it at all, Edie. I-”

“I seeee daa wauyyy thosss giirlls lukkk att yaa, I knooo wat yaaaaa arrr thinkkinggg. Its becausss I'm fattt, whooo wwouldd waunntt ttoo louveee meeehhhhh? Yaa coulddd doo bettaaaa mistaaa rockstarrr.” Edie leaned off of the wall and crawled onto the bed, huddling to one side allowing quiet sobs to leave her mouth.

Running his hands through his hand, John didn't know what to do or how to act. Sure, she was drunk, but there was no telling if the words leaving her mouth were true or not. John sat on the end of the bed as Edie's sobs quickly became even breaths of sleep. Had Edie been really thinking like this? For how long? Why? But most of all – how the fuck didn't John see all of this coming?