'Cause the Hardest Part of This is Leaving You.

I start with assault, shove my elbow hard into a woman's back as I get on the bus. She spins around, crazy-eyed. " Ow! " she yelps. " Watch where you're going! "
" It was him! " I tell her, pointing to the man behind me. He doesn't hear, is too busy carrying a screaming child and yelling into a phone to know I blamed him. The woman sidesteps me.
" Arsehole! " she tells him.

He hears that. In the commotion, I dodge the fight and find myself a seat at the back. Three crimes in under three minutes. Not bad.
I rifled through the pockets of Frank's motorbike jacket on the way down the hill, but all I found was a lighter and a bent smoke.
I decided to go for crime number four and light it up. An old guy turns around and jabs a finger at me. " Put that out! " he says.

" Piss off, " I tell him, which I believe might count as a violent behavior in court.
I'm good at this. Time for a little murder now, with a round of the Dying Game.
The man three seats in front of me is feeding takeaway noodles to a little boy on the seat next to him. In the opposite aisle, a woman ties a scarf around her neck. A counselor I saw at the hospital said it's not my fault. She reckoned there must be loads of sick people secretly wishing malevolence upon the healthy. I told her my mom says cancer is a sign of treachery, since the body's doing something without the knowledge or consent of the mind. I asked if she thought the game might be a way for my mind to get it's own back.
The bus sweeps past the cemetery, the iron gates open. The dead slowly opening the lids of their coffins. They want to hurt the living. They can't stop. Their throats have turned to liquor and their fingers glint under the weak autumn sun.
Maybe that's enough. There are too many people on the bus now. Down the aisles, they blink and shift. I force myself to look out the window. The place seeming suddenly familiar. I use to go to public school along here. Me and Mikey at separated schools. Without him here with me now I feel imbalanced, improper. Even without Lindsey I feel improper. I miss her. I get off the bus in the market square and phone her.
She sounds like she's underwater.

" Are you in a swimming pool? "

" I'm in the bath. "

" On your own? "

" Of course I'm on my own! "

" You text-ed me you were at college. I knew it was a lie. "

" What do you want, Gerard? "

" Breaking the law. "

" What? "

" It's number four on my list. "

" And how are you planning on doing that? "

Before, she'd have an idea. But now, because of Matt, she lost her definition. It's like their
edges are blurred together.

" I was thinking of killing the President. I quite fancy starting a revolution. "

" Funny. "

" Or the Queen. We could get a bus to Buckingham Palace. "

Lindsey sighs. She doesn't even bother to hide it " I've got stuff to do. I can't be with you
every day. "

" I haven't seen you for ten days! " There's a silence. It makes me want to hurt her. " You
promised to do everything with me, Lindsey. I've only done three things on the list. At this
rate I'm not going to get anything done in time! "

" Oh, for God's sake! "

" I'm at the market. Come meet me, it'll be fun. "

" At the market? Is Matt there? "

" I don't know, I've only just got off the bus. "

" I'll meet you in twenty minutes. " she says.

*~~~~~~*

There's sun in my coffee cup and it's very easy sitting outside this cafe watching it shine.
" I think you're a vampire. " Lindsey says. " You've sucked all my energy away. " she pushes her plate aside and rest her head on the table.
I like it here-the tang of rain in the air and a row of birds near a bin.

" What kind of birds are they? "
Lindsey opens one eye to look. " Starlings. "

" How do you know? "

" I just do. "

I'm not sure I believe her, but I write it down on my napkin anyway. " What about clouds? Do you know what they're called? "
She groans, shifts her head on the table.

" Do you think stones have names, Lindsey? "

" No! Neither do raindrops, or leaves, or any of the other stupid things you keep going on about. "
She makes a nest with her arms and hides her face from mine completely. She's been grouchy ever since she got here and it's beginning to piss me off. This is supposed to be making me feel better.
Lindsey shifts in her chair. " Aren't you cold? "

" No. "

" Can we just go and rob a bank or something? What are we even doing? "

" Will you teach me how to drive? "

" Can't you ask your mom? "

" I did, but it's not working out. "

" It'd take a million years, Gerard! I'm probably not even allowed. I only just learned myself. "

" Since when did you ever care about what was allowed? "

" Do we have to talk about this now? Come on, let's go"

She scrapes her chair back, but I'm not ready yet. I want to watch the black cloud drive towards the sun. I want to watch the sky turn from grey to charcoal. The wind will pick up and the leaves will rip off the tree. I'll race about catching them. I'll make hundred of wishes.

" My dad use to bring me to this cafe when mom was pregnant with Mikey." I tell Lindsey. " She was completely addicted to milkshakes. We used to come here everyday till she became so fat her entire lap disappeared. "

" Oh my God! " Lindsey snarls. " Being with you is like being in a horror movie! "
I look at her properly for the first time. She hasn't made any effort; is just wearing shapeless jogging pants and a sweatshirt. I don't think I've ever seen her without make-up before.

" Are you alright, Lindsey? "

" I'm cold. "

" Did you think the market was on today? We're you expecting to see Matt? "

" No! "

" Good, because you don't look great. "

She glares at me. " Shoplifting, " she says. " Let's get it over with. "