Status: Completed
'Cause the Hardest Part of This is Leaving You.
Save Yourself, I'll hold Them Back. Part II
Dad comes upstairs and sits on my bed. I’m standing at the window watching the dusk. The sky is full of something, the clouds low down and expectant.
" I hear you want Frank to move in, " he says.
I write my name in condensation on the window. My finger marks smeared across the glass make me feel young.
He says, " Your mom might agree to the occasional night, Gee, but she’s not going to let Frank live here. "
" Mom said she’d help me with my list. "
" She is helping. She’s just bought us all tickets to go to Sicily, hasn’t she? "
" Because she wants to spend a whole week with you! "
When I turn to look at him, he frowns at me as if I’m someone she’s never seen before.
" Did she actually say that? "
" She’s in love with you, it’s obvious. Travel isn’t even on my list any more. "
He looks bemused. " I thought travel was number seven. "
" I swapped it for getting you and Mom back together. "
" Gerard! "
It’s weird, because of all people, he should understand about love. I fold my arms at him. " Tell me about her. "
" Who? "
" The woman you left us for. "
He shakes her head. " Why are you bringing this up now? "
" Because you said you didn’t have a choice. Isn’t that what you said? "
" I said I was unhappy. "
" Lots of people are unhappy, but they don’t run away. "
" Please, Gee, I really don’t want to talk about this. "
" We loved you. "
Plural. Past tense. But still it sounds too big for this little room.
He looks up at me, his face pale and angular. " I’m sorry. "
" You must’ve loved her more than you’d ever loved anyone. She must’ve been wonderful, some kind of magical person. "
He doesn’t say anything.
Simple. A love that big. I turn back to the window. " Then you should understand how I feel about Frank. "
He gets up and comes over. He doesn’t touch me, but stands very close. " Does he feel the same way about you, Gerard? "
" I don’t know. "
I want to lean on him and pretend that everything’s going to be OK. But I just smear my name off the window and look out at the night instead. It’s strangely gloomy out there.
" I’ll talk to Mom,’ he says. " She’s seeing Mikey to bed, but when she’s finished, I’ll take her out for a beer. Will you be all right by yourselves? "
" I’ll ask Frank over. I’ll make him dinner. "
" All right. " He turns to go, then at the doorway turns back.
" You want some sweet and lovely things, Gerard, but be careful. Other people can’t always give you what you want. "
" I hear you want Frank to move in, " he says.
I write my name in condensation on the window. My finger marks smeared across the glass make me feel young.
He says, " Your mom might agree to the occasional night, Gee, but she’s not going to let Frank live here. "
" Mom said she’d help me with my list. "
" She is helping. She’s just bought us all tickets to go to Sicily, hasn’t she? "
" Because she wants to spend a whole week with you! "
When I turn to look at him, he frowns at me as if I’m someone she’s never seen before.
" Did she actually say that? "
" She’s in love with you, it’s obvious. Travel isn’t even on my list any more. "
He looks bemused. " I thought travel was number seven. "
" I swapped it for getting you and Mom back together. "
" Gerard! "
It’s weird, because of all people, he should understand about love. I fold my arms at him. " Tell me about her. "
" Who? "
" The woman you left us for. "
He shakes her head. " Why are you bringing this up now? "
" Because you said you didn’t have a choice. Isn’t that what you said? "
" I said I was unhappy. "
" Lots of people are unhappy, but they don’t run away. "
" Please, Gee, I really don’t want to talk about this. "
" We loved you. "
Plural. Past tense. But still it sounds too big for this little room.
He looks up at me, his face pale and angular. " I’m sorry. "
" You must’ve loved her more than you’d ever loved anyone. She must’ve been wonderful, some kind of magical person. "
He doesn’t say anything.
Simple. A love that big. I turn back to the window. " Then you should understand how I feel about Frank. "
He gets up and comes over. He doesn’t touch me, but stands very close. " Does he feel the same way about you, Gerard? "
" I don’t know. "
I want to lean on him and pretend that everything’s going to be OK. But I just smear my name off the window and look out at the night instead. It’s strangely gloomy out there.
" I’ll talk to Mom,’ he says. " She’s seeing Mikey to bed, but when she’s finished, I’ll take her out for a beer. Will you be all right by yourselves? "
" I’ll ask Frank over. I’ll make him dinner. "
" All right. " He turns to go, then at the doorway turns back.
" You want some sweet and lovely things, Gerard, but be careful. Other people can’t always give you what you want. "