'Cause the Hardest Part of This is Leaving You.

The light is heart-breaking.

I'm in my bed and Mom sips tea next to me. I want to tell her that she’s missing TV, but I’m not sure that she is. Not sure of the time.
She’s got a snack as well. Cream crackers with piccalilli sauce and old mature cheddar. I’d like to want that. To be interested in taste – the crumb and dry cracker-ness of things.

She puts down the plate when he sees me looking and picks up my hand. " Beautiful boy, " she says.
I tell her thanks.
But my lips don’t move and she doesn’t seem to hear me.

So then I go for it.

Mom, you played baseball with me, even though you hated it and wished I’d take up something more lazy. You learned how to keep a stamp collection because I wanted to know. For hours you sat in hospitals and never, not once, complained. You brushed my hair. You gave up work for me, friends for me, four years of your life for me. You never moaned. Hardly ever. You let me have Frank. You let me have my list. I was outrageous. Wanting, wanting so much. And you never said " That's enough. Stop now. "

I've been wanting to say that for a while.

Suddenly Mikey's peering down at me. " Hello, " he says. " How are you? "

I blink at him.

He sits in the chair and studies me. " Can’t you actually talk any more? "

I try and tell him that yes, of course I can. Is he stupid, or what?
He sighs, gets up and goes over to the window. He says, " Do you think I’m too young to have a girlfriend? "

I tell him yes.

‘Because most of my friends have got one. They don’t actually go out. Not really. They just text each other. " He shakes his head in disbelief. " I’m never going to understand love. "

But I think he already does. Better than most people.

Lindsey says, " Hey, Mikey. "

He says, " Hey. "

She says, " I've come to say goodbye. I mean, you know I did already, but I thought I'd say it again. "

" Why? " He asks. " Where are you going? "

*------*

I like the weight of Dad's hand in mine.
He says, " If I could swap places with you, I would, you know. "
Then he says, " I just wish I could save you from this. "
Maybe he thinks I can’t hear him.
He says, " I could write a story for one of those true story magazines, about how hard it was to leave you. I don’t want you thinking it was easy "

I seen the place he was at on a map. They had plenty boats that would take him even further away then he was.

.INSTRUCTIONS FOR DAD.
Don't give up on Mikey. Don't you ever slide away from him, move back to wherever you were or think that any woman is important. I'll haunt you if you do. I'll move furniture around, throw things at you and scare you stupid. Be kind to Mom. Seriously. I'm watching you.

He gives me a sip of iced water. He gently places a cold flannel on my forehead.

Then he says, " I love you. "
Like three drops of blood falling onto snow