The Romantic & the Cynic

Zayn looked at the shattered glass that now lay on the floor and cursed. He knew that the others were probably picturing him laying on the ground covered in blood but he had actually used a framed picture of him and Perrie he had hidden in the drawer to shatter the shiny surface. The what he assumed was a very expensive very shiny surface that he would now have to pay to replace. He heard a soft knock on his door and ran his hand through his hair before opening it to see Liam on the other side.

"Look, I'm fine," he said as he held up his non-bloody hands for Liam to see. "No blood."

Liam shuffled his feet and stuffed his hands in his pockets, looking awkward and unsure as he stood at Zayn's door. He had obviously come after hearing the commotion come from the room but now didn't know what to say. Finally he was able to stutter out a few words.

"We heard the glass and wanted to make sure you were okay." Liam paused for a second, his feet still digging into the hardwood surface underneath them.

"Like I said, I'm fine." Zayn gestured towards the shiny shards on the ground. "The mirror, not so much." He saw Liam about to speak but stopped him short. "I'll grab a broom to clean it up and pay for the mirror. Just let me know how much."

"We don't give a crap about the mirror. We give a crap about you. Our friend who is obviously struggling and won't talk to anyone about it."

Zayn held his breath for a moment, forced his anger at Perrie stop from being lashed out at Liam. He needed to explain this to Liam with the anger clouding the words. "I'm not talking because you guys won't understand." He held up his hand as Liam was about to defend himself and the others. "I'm sorry about what I said about you guys and your relationships. I'm glad that you guys are happy and that you have found people who you love and have in your lives. It's hard because that was what I thought I had. And now I don't. And that is what I can't explain and have you guys completely understand."

Liam looked at Zayn, his face showing that he was struggling to understand what Zayn was trying to explain. "I know we will not completely understand, ever. But I don't want to lose you in this. I don't want to lose my friend and I feel like I am. I want to see the old Zayn back, even if only sometimes."

"I can only give you what I have. When I need to be the Zayn Malik of One Direction I will. But when we are just us, hanging out or at the studio recording, I can only be who I can. And sometimes it won't be who you want." Zayn shrugged his shoulders as he spoke.

"And if it gets too bad? If you can't find your way out? Will you talk to somebody, even if it isn't us?" Liam's voice sounded desperate, scared for his friend's seemingly tenuous sanity.

Zayn let his hand raise to Liam's shoulder and set it gently down. "If it gets too bad, I'll let you know. And I will talk to somebody. We just aren't there yet."

Liam stood for a moment more, waited to ponder Zayn's promise. Finally he nodded and turned to head back towards the living room, letting Zayn's hand fall as he did. When Liam left, Zayn closed the door and began to clean up the mess on the floor.

Shortly after the downstairs drama, Louis and Sky had made their way down the stairs from the roof deck and headed across the back deck and through the glass doors into the living room. When they came in, they found Liam, Harry and Niall all crowded around the kitchen island, their voices hushed as they talked to each other. Sky was sure the conversation was in regards to the missing one and as she and Louis approached them, they stopped and turned their gazes towards the new arrivals.

"Hey, where did Mr. Sunshine go," Louis asked, unaware of the shattered glass and soul that lay just on the other side of the wall. "I so miss his smiling face."

It was Niall who turned his face towards Louis, his expression serious for the first time that day.

"Your friend," he said as he turned his body towards Louis and Sky and clenched his fists at his side. "He has just crashed a mirror into a thousand pieces after finding out that his girlfriend of four years may have been cheating on him. So no, he isn't Mr. Sunshine right now."

Louis held his hands up in surrender and stepped back from the group. "Hey man, sorry. I shouldn't have said it." He took a quick glance towards the hallway and ran a hand through his skillfully messy hair. "He really broke a mirror? Is he okay? Do we need to take him to see somebody?"

Liam placed a calm hand across Niall's waist and stepped towards Louis. "I checked and he's fine. He cleaned up the glass but has locked himself in his room. He still won't talk to anyone but I think he's okay for now."

Louis seemed unsure of what to say, how to respond to what he was being told. He was always the one who lightened any situation. The one who had the one-liners that made everyone laugh and forget their problems for a few moments. And for once, he had nothing. Liam was the one who was able to break the tension this time.

"Guys, let's have some dinner and give Zayn some time to breathe."

Liam moved over to the fridge and took out the paper-wrapped steaks and salad and put them on the counter. "Harry, go ahead and light the barbecue. Niall can get the potatoes and wrap them in foil. Louis and I will take care of drinks." Liam's voice was firm, back to the voice Sky had heard first thing that morning. And just like this morning, everyone listened and began moving.

For the next hour, the mood returned to semi-normal. Niall complained that he was starving as he snacked on carrots that Liam had put out. Harry vocalized how the steaks were coming along perfectly once they were on the grill. Louis joked with everyone as he set the table on the deck, lit a fir in the fire pit and sang along with the stereo he had turned on. And Liam supervised by telling Niall to stuff it, Harry to shut it and Louis to stop it.

Sky caught it all on film as she hovered around the edges of their fun. She laughed at all of them, even Liam. And she thought that maybe this job would not only pay well but it would also be fun. A good diversion for a couple of months.

Dinner eventually got made and they all sat down at the table with food and wine. The steak was perfectly cooked, as Harry made sure everyone knew, and the potatoes and salad went well with it. The conversation flowed relatively freely as well as the drinks and the group seemed to have moved beyond the scene with Zayn. Seemed to except for the regular glances towards the window that looked out from his room. The window was open but the crisp white curtains were slammed shut against the world, not even stirring from the slight breeze from the ocean as they were standing in partnership with the man ensconced inside. Sky wondered how he felt hearing the conversation float to him. Did he want to be a part of it? Did he wish that they would all just go away and leave him and the curtains in peace? Did he not know how to be a part of the group again?

The dinner lasted a couple of hours and the group eventually began to slip into a sleepy daze with the ocean crashing and the fire crackling behind them. With it being the middle of November, the fire definitely needed and Sky found herself wrapped in a borrowed hoodie and a blanket wrapped around her legs as she sat with them in quiet companionship, her camera set aside for the moment. But as the conversation lulled, Sky began to feel the need to voice the concern that no one else would. Or could. She leaned back in her chair and took her last sip of wine before placing it down on the table and speaking.

"Did you think that maybe someone should take a plate in for Zayn," she asked with no judgement in her voice. Watching a friend in pain could cause paralysis in those around them and she understood that more than they knew. When none of them could speak or look at her, she softly stood up and pushed herself away from the table. "I'll go warm up some food for him and take it in." None of the men seated moved as she made her way back to the house and off of the deck.

She reached the kitchen and made and warmed up a small plate for Zayn. A steak, a potato, some salad and two cold beers from the fridge was what she carried down the hall that had not been part of the tour Louis had given her. She stopped at the only door that was closed and assumed it was the one she wanted. She tapped gently on it and waited as she heard no movement from inside. She tapped again but this time tucked the cold beers under her arm before she placed her hand on the door handle and slowly turned it.

When the door was open enough, she tucked her head around the corner and looked inside. The room looked average, not messy and not clean, and she could tell where the now broken mirror had hung by the outline of the change in paint color. As her eyes made their way around the room , she eventually found the form of Zayn lying on his back in the middle of the bed. He had changed into a pair of track pants and his steadily rising and falling chest was bare.
"I'm not hungry," he said with an exhausted voice devoid of any energy or anger. "You can take the food and sod off."

Sky pushed the door open without answering and moved to put the food down on the nightstand beside him, opening and setting down one of the bottles of beer as well. She took the second bottle she had grabbed for herself and walked to where the window was, cracking the barrier of the curtains and letting the now soft light of the rising moon in. She turned and saw that the light was slicing across his very defined chest and had to check her breathing for moment before she sat on the window seat underneath. The conversation did filter in from outside but for the moment the words were indistinguishable. Sky was sure it was about what was happening in the room.

Zayn continued to avoid looking at her, his eyes trained on the ceiling above them but he did speak again. "You don't take hints very well, do you," he asked as he grabbed a cigarette from a pack lying on the bed and lit it before pulling it to his mouth.

Sky shrugged before opening her own beer and taking a sip. The beer had been more for show than to drink but the cool liquid still tasted nice going down her suddenly parched throat.

"I take hints very well. I just choose to ignore them sometimes."

Zayn let out a huff before putting the smoke to his lips again. He hadn't touched the food but his head did turn slightly towards it. Sky figured it was probably for the beer more than the food. Sky decided to try a different approach. One that she herself would have appreciated during her own time of grief. Talk about everything but. You had to break the dam somehow and sometimes that meant talking about things that were benign because they did hold little emotion.

She took another sip of the beer and leaned forward on the bench. "What's your favorite color?"

Zayn finally looked at her with confusion on her face. He had expected a lecture or a suck it up speech. Certainly not a q and a regarding his likes and dislikes. He decided to meet the question with surliness in a hope to get her to leave.

"Why don't you just look it up," he asked as he let the smoke escape his mouth in perfect rings. "The whole word knows everything about me, doesn't it?"

"Probably but I don't."

"Seriously? I just had my heart ripped out and stomped on and you want to know my favorite color?" Zayn could hardly believe his ears. This girl was definitely strange.

Sky shrugged her shoulders one more time before setting her beer on the table beside her. "Well, I am sure you don't want to talk about a certain blonde ex and the whole mirror thing is kind of obvious so yes, I would like to know what your favorite color is. From you and not omg.com."

Zayn shook his head as he found his hand drifting towards the other beer bottle that stood on the nightstand. "Red," he said before he sat up and took a sip, wiping his chin as it dribbled slightly down it. "According to your personal source, it is red."