Teenage Dream
Teenage Dream
Chapter Five
Love Me In The Morning
Anthony's POV
I woke up calm on June 1st but by 4PM I was losing my mind. Ian apologized to me and I let him in, screwed. Like an idiot, I started writing down my thoughts in a notebook and was too lazy to put it away afterwards. And it just so happened to be the day when Ian decided to show up unexpected at my house. But who the hell else would visit my house during the day? And like a bigger idiot, I didn't put it away before answering the door. Ian and I made up and it was too late to hide the book once he was in my room. If I did, he would definitely get curious and look in it. So I had to leave it out in the open hoping he wouldn't look at it while I said I had to take a shower. The only smart thing I had done that day was fake being mad at him. I couldn't let him know that I missed him and forgave him already. I tried to shower as fast as possible but I kept getting distracted by my racing thoughts. Oh my god. Is he reading it?? It's empty on the first few pages so if he looks inside he won't think there is anything in there. Calm down. But it has all my secrets and if he finds out I'm sooo dead! Dammit Anthony you are sooo stupid! My hands clutched my wet head until it hurt. I had been in the shower for several minutes but I had barely washed my hair.
"Just calm down…" My hands were shaking as I rubbed soap over my skin, unable to take my own advice. Legs, arms, underarms, hands, back, face, feet, ah the floor's slippery! I'm gonna fucking die in this shower if I don't chill out. Just calm down and focus. As soon as the water washed away the soap and my hair was clean I turned it off, nearly falling when my wet feet slipped on the tile. "Just get dry. And get the fuck back in there and see what he's up to…" My fresh clothes stuck to my damp skin as I left the bathroom, forcing myself to look calm as I entered my room. Ian was sitting on my bed playing with my rubix cube, not looking at me as I watched him for a few seconds, trying to read his facial expression. He was calm and distracted, seemingly oblivious to my notebook. I lazily put my clothes in the closet then eyed my mini diary, relieved when it was in the exact same place as I left it and looking untouched. While his eyes were on the cube I slowly grabbed it and did my best to act chill and look like the notebook was no big deal. For the rest of the time Ian would be hanging out in my room that day, I was going to keep a secret eye on the desk drawer I placed it in.
Keeping up the mean attitude, I sat in my computer chair stiffly, ignoring the fact that Ian was there. I desperately missed him and after realizing that I couldn't get rid of the crush I had on him from the kiss, I accepted my feelings but it was still hard to control myself. I wanted to sit next to him, look into his ocean-blue eyes and get lost in them then finally let myself feel all the amazement I got when I kissed him. I had fallen in love with Ian but there was no way I could let him know that. So instead of doing what I wanted, instead I turned on the computer and looked on the internet like I was interested, hearing the clicking sound of the rubix cube as Ian twisted and turned it. But another sound was heard about a minute later and it grew louder. It was Ian starting to laugh. He chuckled at first then burst out into a fit of giggles, my paranoia shooting through the roof when it turned into uncontrollable, loud laughter. Is he laughing at me?? Did he read it?? His pure joy went on for more seconds than I could take. I spun around to see Ian laying on his side, clutching the small cube and a huge grin on his face and his eyes shut tight, his body shaking and laughter spilling from his open jaw. "What are you laughing about??" I shrieked in hysteria, my voice high-pitched and full of fear.
His laughter stopped and he was looking at me like I was crazy. "…I was just thinking about Spongebob." He could have been lying or been truthful. "What?" His blue eyes rolled. "I just realized that they can light fires underwater. They're like in the freakin ocean and they have campfires and shit. And his house got lit on fire in the episode where he had to write an eight-hundred word essay about what not to do at a stoplight. It's physically impossible to have fire underwater. Calm down, Anthony." My over-reaction was a dead giveaway if he read my diary. I don't know how much longer I can be mean to him. Especially when his sparkling eyes look through my body and violate me, and his sweet voice makes me shiver. Having no comeback, I turned back to the computer. MySpace couldn't keep my attention when Ian appeared by my right side, putting his face into my field of vision. I forced my eyes on the screen and not on him. "Anthony, please stop being mad at me. I'll do anything to make you think of me better." The smile he gave me was suspicious. "You can step away from me." I replied coldly, nervous as fuck on the inside.
But Ian did the exact opposite. He got closer. So close that he kissed my right cheek, immediately making me blush and tense up. My bad mood was breaking. I flew back in my chair and pushed myself away from him, horrified. "I said I don't feel that way!!" I shouted desperately, sounding so scared instead of angry. He just grinned, his blue eyes alight and his white teeth flashing at me. "Yeah you kinda do." In the time it took to blink Ian had lunged towards me, his hands clinging to the arm chairs and his lips on mine. Again. I can't do this! My face was hot, my heart was racing, and my eyes were shut and refused to open. Maybe two seconds went by before I caved. I pressed into his kiss, proving I was lying by the way my lips pushed back on his. I had no idea how many seconds had passed by but that kiss was even better than the first. All my pent up emotions spilled out in my mind and I saw pink swirling in the dark, the color of love. It was so right. I wanted to be proved wrong. I was so scared of him finding out about my feelings but in that glorious moment I wanted him to know. Even if he didn't feel the same way.
A shaky breath left me when Ian pulled away, our eyes opening and connecting, mine dazed while his seemed cool and collected. "You read it…" I whispered, the fear that had been gripping onto me fading away even as he nodded. I was too love struck. My mind was fuzzy with little voices telling me I loved him and he had to be the one. My eyes were lost in his and they read me as much as they read my notebook. "Yeah. I was curious. But I'm glad that you weren't really mad at me. I'm so glad it was an attempt to cover yourself up. It's okay, Anthony. I won't judge you for how you feel. Now do me a favor." I blushed again when his hand reached out and grabbed my wrist, gently lifting me out of the chair to stand right in front of him. Being just a little bit shorter than me, Ian was looking up into my eyes as if they were as amazing as his were. He was smiling as his face was inches from mine. "Make me feel that warm and fuzzy again." H-he wants me t-to kiss him again?? This whole time he never felt-oh shut up dude. My hands clutched his sides as our lips met for the third time, taking my breath away and euphoria sweeping over me like a warm breeze. I felt his arms snake around my neck and his body press into mine, closing any space between us.
I don't get it….our first one was good he said. Maybe these kisses affect us in the same way. Awesome. I refused to let his body go when we parted, and Ian was only smiling more, so suddenly changed. Or was he feeling the same way all along? Who knew. Maybe I had to find out. "S-so um. Why…um. Did you like feel this way all along or…?" That time he was the one who blushed furiously. "Well…not really. But once I read everything, it made think back on how great our first kiss was. And I wasn't laughing from Spongebob. I was laughing because after everyone telling me I couldn't ever get someone to love me, someone already had. I was important. And cherished. By someone I was so comfortable with. And I knew that person liked me for my personality instead of my looks. I was special and meant something. And dammit I knew that if I felt so fantastic from kissing you, it had to mean something. After all that confusion I was just plain flattered. With a kiss that amazing…what would a relationship with you be like? Would I reach a level of happiness I've never had before? Should I be in love?"
Oh. My. God. Is he serious? "Ian…would you like to find out?" I asked him out for a second time and I wondered if he would say yes again. Ian unraveled his arms around me and I took my hands for myself, watching as he turned from me in deep thought. "…Anthony, am I that incredible to you?" His tone was soft and he sounded doubtful. Not taking time to think, I nodded even though his back was to me. "So incredible now. And I know that I'm taking no time to think all this over, but I just feel like I-I would treat you so right. This is a lot of pressure and this is all so new but…I've said yes. Take time to think if you need it." I wanted to add that if said no I would be okay with it. But I would be lying. I just didn't want to scare him away. He never knew what first love felt like. I did. More than ever. Fuck the modern rules of a teenage boy. I looked at Ian's scrawny and skinny not curvy body and found it attractive. I looked at his teenage boy face which wore no makeup. He wore no jewelry or charming accessories. He was simple but amazing if that made sense. The seconds ticked by and he was quiet.
He was staring down at the floor then turned his head just enough to glance at me. "What about me is cute?" Ian kept getting more doubtful and it was my job to make him seem as remarkable as he really was. I reached out and turned him around so he could look into my eyes as I stated my opinion. "It's not about being cute. It's about the things I see in you that I treasure. Ian, I like how just drawing a dumb picture in sixth grade caused us to become best friends. I like how we grew up together and went through big changes in our lives together. You laughed at me when I hit puberty then I laughed at you a month later, and we both found ourselves hilarious instead of embarrassing. And even though we based our lives around stupid fun, when things got serious we were there for each other. You weren't selfish in our friendship. You did everything in your power to make me happy and I did the same for you. That's what friendship is all about. You made my life so much better and you'll always be the closest person to me. And I just…I see that now and I know I can take us a step further." Ian was surprised but I had a feeling he would have told me the same thing.
His stumped expression made me grin. "And you're pretty cute." His eyes lit up and he smiled. "Yeah?" He sounded like an excited child. I nodded happily. "It's cute when you have bedhead in the morning when you sleep over. It's cute when you scream like a girl from the littlest things. It's cute when you have dumb blonde moments. It's cute when you get hurt trying to make me laugh. And you're cute when you say I'll always be your best friend. You're cute when your smile makes your blue eyes light up and dimples form on your cheeks. And you're freakin adorable when you get bashful. Your cheeks get all pink and your palms get sweaty. Your eyes look away and you shrink to seem smaller. And it's even cuter when you feel awkward. You don't know how to respond to something and you just stay where you are all quiet, begging for a way out of the long and weird pause. Your general hyper and careless behavior is classic but now I love seeing your quirky and soft side." During my talk, my face had gotten closer to his, letting me see his bashfulness firsthand. Ian was blushing, awkwardly smiling and looking away from me. "O-oh. You're making me feel so special. Like I'm…um." He chuckled slightly, blushing more when my grin widened. Is he really going to go out with me? He looks pretty love-stricken. Damn. I'm amazing.
"Um. What was I talking about?" Dumb love was real. I had it with my first girlfriend. And now Ian had it. And it was adorable. "You being a Power Ranger." He giggled childishly. "What? No. I was stuttering and not getting to the point. But before I do, we gotta like…see what we're in for right?" He went on when I didn't say anything. "Like, couples hug all passionately and shit. Hug me like that." His description of a warm, gentle, and loving embrace made me laugh. "Ha ha, okay. I'll put my arms around you. All passionately and shit." Ian laughed over my right shoulder as my hands pressed him to me, my arms wrapped around his skinny sides softly. Ian's arms were wrapped tighter, making me feel like I was in a small bear hug. Our hug wasn't like a bro hug us guys were supposed to do. It lasted for probably half a minute and our crushy feelings were invisible but I could sense that they were emanating from us and swirling and mixing together. Would all of our hugs be that sweet and cuddly? Ian's arms left my torso and his hands quickly grabbed my face and pulled it onto his, kissing me roughly and quickly. Whoa. I guess you gotta kiss passionately and shit, too. Damn. I got you right where I want you. Our forceful kiss broke when I couldn't fight back a grin.
Ian's clammy, warm palms rested on my face while my arms were still holding his sides. "Are you ready to get to your point, Ian?" He nodded slowly. "…Yeah, I think so. I've never known what actual love-dovey romance felt like because I've never gone out with someone. And this is some pretty intense stuff. I've never felt this way before. Like, I would look at a hot chick and be like "damn". But that kind of attraction isn't really how I feel now. Like this stuff is…I don't have a word for it. Maybe…this could be awesome. If every time we met, we could feel this…passionate and shit." We both laughed and a few seconds of silence passed, Ian thinking something. "Anthony…would we…make this work? If I went out with you?" Ian got serious for a moment, and I was glad he was using his brain to think rationally. "I know I would. And even though you've never had a first love, you don't need to be super experienced to make a relationship work. You don't need to know what you're doing. That's the fun of it. Being a blundering fool, love struck and doing things based off your feelings for that person. It feels great to hand your heart over to them, entrusting them not to break it. And it's a mind-blowing experience when they give you their heart, and it's your job to nurture it with your love, keep it as safe as they're keeping yours. I've had my heart crushed more than once, but it was by experienced hands. And I know that you won't crush mine. Because I won't crush yours. Love is learned by doing. Do you wanna do this?" My words of wisdom were turning into epic speeches and I saw that Ian was taking my words seriously.
A few seconds passed by before he smiled innocently and removed his hands from my face to softly clutch his chest, grabbing onto something invisible and pulling it from within himself, and it was so adorable when his cupped hands symbolically offered me his heart. Awww. I raised my hands to softly place them inside his, scooping up what I imagined as an orb giving off a red, pink, and yellow hue, glowing and warm. Ian bit his lip and watched my hands as they gently retreated into my chest, not to the point where I put it in, but once I accepted his heart I pulled out my own, having no idea what it looked like but knowing he did. He was mesmerized when my hands placed into his, Ian softly excited as he brought my heart to his chest, looking up at me and grinning ecstatically. "Anthony…you have my answer." All I could do for a few moments was stare at his face and think back at my past girlfriends and see that I had never done something that unique and special with all five of them. Ian and I had just become official, and so what if we were both guys. I had never experienced that type of love before. It was so astounding I just knew that we would last a long while, if not forever. I never would have thought…but I can do this.
"Anthony?" His voice snapped me out of it but it took a second to gather up a response. "Y-you said yes. And you mean it this time. That's great!" My dreamy expression changed to joyous joy and I yanked on his shoulders to give him a bear hug, fully accepting my new feelings. But just because I had fallen for a boy, it didn't mean I would become girly like a straight-up gay guy. I would still be my guyish dumb self, but the insults I usually threw at Ian would turn into sweet compliments. It made me wonder if it would be hard to adjust to that. I was doing a great job so far. I guess it wouldn't be. Ian struggled to talk as the air was pushed out of his lungs. "Y-yeah. I have a…question!" When his tone got higher I let him go, Ian having to catch his breath before asking: "Shouldn't we kinda keep this a secret? I don't think our family will understand…" That was a very good point. My mom was proud of her boyish and straight son. She liked how I rough-housed and was wild and crazy. She would probably have a heart attack, a seizure, a stroke, and an aneurism if she saw me kiss Ian. "Yeah, you're right about that. How about when we hang out I make sure my door is locked and if it's at your house your door is locked, or our families are all out of the house. Basically, let's make sure we're totally alone when we're all lovey-crushy-dovey." He agreed, our number one rule going to be set in motion next time we met.
Before we could talk about our new development Ian's cell phone rang in his pocket. He had a blank expression of his face during the quick call. All he said was: Hello, um, and okay before he hung up. Ian shrugged and gave me the "Oh well" look. "My mom just got home and she wants me to go and help her cook dinner. I gotta go." I didn't protest and walked him to the door, wrapping my arms around his neck in the nicest goodbye hug I could give. "Call me, text me, email me, the works. You know I'm never busy when I'm home." Ian said, his eyes widening suddenly with his hand on the door knob. "God, I don't sound clingy do I??" The gasp he gave made me laugh. "No. I want to talk about "us" more. I'll get ahold of you by freakin bird delivery if I have to. Now go. Before your mom devours my head for keeping her waiting." Ian chuckled, biting his lip and saying: "Bye." sweetly. He remained smiling as he left, getting on his bike and speeding away to his house. I watched him ride down the street from the doorway until he turned right, disappearing behind a house. He feels so far from me already. This is one secret…I'll never tell.
During dinner that night, I gave a bittersweet smile when my mom asked me what I did that day. "Just had a lazy day." She was satisfied with my answer and didn't ask why I was so spaced out. I was happy that I was in love again but I was sad that I would be keeping a giant secret from her. I couldn't imagine how many times I would have to lie to her, but I could imagine how guilty I would get as time went on. But I would make sure she would never find out. All the deceiving I was going to do would be worth it. I would let nothing ruin my new love. "Anthony, you should get active this summer." If my mom was going to tell me to play sports I would immediately turn on the "ignore" button in my head. "You have a car now and you've got a job making websites for people to pay for things, you can seriously go out in Sacramento and do stuff." She rolled her eyes when I just stared at her. "Like go hiking, go to the movies, go drive to interesting places, I don't know. I just don't want you to be stuck in your room all summer doing nothing." Her motivation technique was more annoying than anything. "Yeah, sure mom. I'll…get right on that." She upped the motivation. "Go with your friends. Go do stuff with those kids you hung out with at school." Oh, she meant the ones who hated me. "Eh, all twenty of them are going on a big road trip up north. So many people, so much traveling, it's not fun if you ask me. I wanna stay in Sacramento." My teenage laziness irked her.
"Well promise me you'll get out of the house this summer. You're too young and fit to be lounging around eating junk food, wasting your brain, and being bored every day. Go do something. You have a car now. Use it." Now her motivation was turning into commands. "Okay, whatever. I'll do something." She finally surrendered when she heard my annoyed tone. God, I'll freakin spend all summer at Ian's. At least his mom doesn't annoy the shit outta me. "And Anthony, why don't you ask out one of your girl friends from school? They're probably nice and it could do you well to have a summer love." She looked so surprised when I stiffly got out of my chair, took my plate, threw the rest of my food away, then stormed off saying angrily: "I don't think so." I left her alone at the dining table to spend the rest of the night in my room, frustrated. I was in bed by quarter to ten, laying under the covers in the dark and squinting from the bright screen light on my phone.
"Ever had one of those days when u think ur mom is the devil?" I texted Ian, shutting my eyes during the few minutes it took him to text back. "Ha ha maybe. But my sis is mostly the devilish one. Idk why she's so evil. What did ur mom do?" It was annoying just to recall it. "She was telling me to do stuff all summer. Like im busy every day during school. Like I need some freakin time to be lazy. She was telling me to go hiking and go hang out with other people. She doesn't know that all my other "friends" have abandoned me. So the only person I can hang out with now is u." The way I made that sound could have been taken the wrong way. You could never really tell someone's mood when you weren't talking to them in person. "Oh darn. I'm afraid I'm busy all summer. See I got this new person I'm dating aanndd I kinda gotta spend time with them as much as possible." My deep frown turned into a grin. What a smartass. "I see. Have u taken them on a date yet?" That made me wonder just what kind of a date we could go on. Girls liked to go eat somewhere fancy and be treated like royalty. So how was that supposed to work?
"Not yet and idk how dates really work. I don't think it's like how people in the movies do it. Cuz with adults it's like a $200 dinner then crazy sex and I don't think I have the money or the experience (if u know what I mean)" I laughed into my covers, the idea of Ian and I doing it so bizarre and probably awkward. The way two guys did it was horrifying. "LOL. I've been on some dates before. U gotta eat food somewhere (too pricey and u seem whipped) then go out and do something together that's romantic, then take them home, walk them to their door, say goodnight, and go home only getting to first base. But I gotta tell ya Ian. I've seen this person ur dating and I don't think it's a girl. Hate to break it to ya dude. And u don't have a car so how can u take them on a proper date? Hmm…u better leave it up to that person. I know they have a car and more experience with dates." It was cute how he was playing along and all that dating talk was letting me know that shit was getting real. It was exciting. "Oh okay cool. And u don't think I'm dating a girl?? It's true I've never seen them wear a skirt or dress. But idk…I could have sworn it was a fine and proper lady." I giggled, his sick comment causing me to picture myself in a skirt, making me quietly laugh until I was breathless. I did make a pretty girl.
"T__T Look in their pants and I think you'll see differently." My cheeks were hurting from the constant grinning I was doing. "Nah I don't think I wanna move that fast and plus I bet I'll get bitch slapped the moment I even glance down at their jeans. I'll take ur word for it. And I'll let them make the date plans. It doesn't have to be right away or anything fancy. As long as I get to be alone with them I'll be happy." I quieted down and smiled with a big, warm and fuzzy feeling around me, and my covers weren't the reason. "I bet they'll keep that in mind. They'll show you how much of a charmer they are. You'll be all charmed out by the end of the night, whenever that date may be." I yawned in the darkness, the bright screen tiring my eyes as I constantly stared at it for minutes. "I look forward to it. So what u doing?" My eyes were opening and closing and my phone was starting to slip from my hand. "Lying in bed. Iam tired gota slep now all tried. Talk termarow oky?" My text made little sense but my fingers were getting too heavy to fix it. "lol okay. Goodnight Anthony." The only goodbye I could give was "N" before the rest of my energy was spent turning off my phone and putting it under my pillow. My eyes could finally close for the rest of the night. I gotta take Ian on a date. I never would have thought…
For as long as I had known my best friend, I had rarely made Ian nervous. He was always his dumb hyper self. He said and did whatever he wanted, not caring how it would make him look. Ian was fearless of me. So it was a complete shocker when I drove to his house at 5:30PM on June 4th and saw a different side of him. I was calm but excited as I knocked on his front door, ready to act like a total gentleman after almost a whole year of being a punk teenager. I had to be proper and sweet. I was picking Ian up for our first date. I didn't wear anything fancy like adults did; wearing clean clothes was proper enough for me. After waiting on the doorstep for a few moments the door opened and Ian shyly appeared, converse on his feet, slim black jeans on and a light grey shirt; his outfit looked proper enough. It was so bizarre to see him smile bashfully at me and stand so hesitantly before me. But that's what happened when someone was newly in love. "Ready to go?" I asked with a soft smile, a pro at dates while he had never even gone on one. "Yeah." He tried to say confidently but his voice was small and meek. I found his awkward and crushy behavior cute so I didn't ask him why he was nervous as he followed me to my car; the answer was obvious because I was the same way on my first date.
The most stunned look came over his face when I opened his door for him, and I tried not to laugh. "Won't you let me be a gentleman?" I asked as he just stood on the sidewalk. "Y-yeah…" My mouth broke into a grin as he got in my car, and I wanted to laugh as I shut his door and went to the driver's side. He's so awkward. He's never awkward. It's sooo funny…I like this date already. Ian was quiet; he probably didn't know what to say on a date. He didn't know that you talk about the date once it was over. It was still strange to me how we used to easily talk to each other for years and now he was so shy around me. But he would open up. "Want to know what's on the agenda for tonight?" My cool tone seemed to calm his nerves some. "Yeah." All he said since I knocked on his door was: "Yeah." It made me wonder if he would say anything different. "Well we're going to dinner right now-someplace I'd knew you'd like-then it's off to a movie, and finally we'll spend some alone time outside, enjoying the warm summer air. Sound good?" It came no surprise to me when he said: "Yeah." for the fourth time.
As I drove on the highway at sixty miles an hour, Ian simply watched the cars pass ahead of us and other ones that fell behind. He wasn't making conversation. Ian always had things to talk about. Maybe he didn't want to screw the date up with the weird conversations we always had. He probably thought it would take away the romance. I was the same way with my first girlfriend. On my first date with Sandra something-I forgot her last name-I didn't have many things to talk about that she would enjoy. I didn't watch the shows she did and didn't like the same movies either. So totally unable to find common ground with her I remained quiet, but the stupid part was when she demanded me to explain why I was acting so shy. When I said we weren't really alike, Sandra said she could make me like the girly things she did. Instant turn-off. Our relationship lasted a month before I called it off. I hadn't heard from her since. And I didn't want to. So if having nothing in common was the stuff that killed relationships, then why was Ian acting like it applied to us? We were into the same damn stuff, and the only thing that could fuck up our date was him being all shy and secret. I had to keep him talking. And break his cycle of "yeah"s.
"I know where I'm taking you to dinner but the movie is up to you. Anything you wanted to see?" He shrugged, indifferent. "Eh, a comedy would be good. You want to see one?" I nodded but not sure which comedy I wanted to see. But the movie itself didn't matter. Being with Ian mattered. Hearing him laugh and have a good time mattered. And making his first date amazing mattered the most. "So Anthony, where are you taking me for dinner?" It was good to see he was speaking up. A smile was on his face. He was starting to open up. It was just me; he had nothing to be scared of. "I'm not saying. It's a surprise. You'll like it; that's the important part." Ian sighed and agreed, trusting my judgment. It was almost 6PM when we arrived at an all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant that was self-serving with the food. I knew he had never been there before by the way his eyes looked around the big place decorated with Chinese statues, paintings, and furniture. His fingers fidgeted when he breathed in the heavy smell of cooked Asian food. He stayed quiet behind me as I told the lady at the front desk that I needed a table for two. There was already a small Asian waiter who led us to a booth on the right side of the restaurant next to a big window. Ian and I sat across from each other and asked what drinks we wanted. She said she would be back with our soda and we were left alone.
His eyes went from the table up to me, and he had a sly smile on his face. "I do like this place." Ian's blue eyes lit up as he looked around some more, the yellow lighting shining down on his face. "…The ceiling is so high…and the room is so big. God I want that dragon statue." He got a real serious look on his face when he gazed back down at me. "Let's jack it." I burst out into laughter when I turned to see what statue he was talking about. It looked to be made out of a grey marble, was around eight feet long and seven feet high. And it had to weigh hundreds of pounds. It did look kickass though. The big Chinese dragon was snarling and had huge fangs and whiskers and had like six feet. It would be cool to have. "Ha ha ha! I don't think even the strongest man in the world could move that thing. How about we jack the food instead. With our mouths. Sound good?" Ian laughed with me as his eyes made their way to the statue than back to me. "Y-yeah okay. Ugh, and look at all that food. Just waiting for us to get some. It's all shiny and steamy…" My stomach growled and my mouth watered when I stared at the self-serving area in the middle of the restaurant, the metal tables packed with different types of food, soups, and desserts. I jumped when our middle-aged waiter put my Pepsi and his 7UP on our table, appearing out of nowhere. In a heavy Chinese accent she said we could let her know if we needed anything before she left again.
Ian sipped his drink with a smirk, finding my sudden surprise funny. "Dude, do Chinese ninjas exist?" He shrugged. "Um no ninjas are Japanese. Samurai too…maybe she's a dragon. Dragons are sneaky right?" I imagined Mushu from Mulan. "I have no idea. Maybe she's half Japanese. Not enough of a ninja to kill but enough to sneak up on people in a restaurant…" We laughed together and went to get our food, thinking we had great food on our plates until something even better looking appeared before our eyes. We hadn't even made it halfway through before our plates were full of hot Asian food, forcing us to go back to our table and eat what we had. We dug into our food before simultaneously gasping to cool down the scorching hot food in our mouths. The freezing soda took away the burning but then froze my mouth, my stupidity toping itself. Ian laughed at my pained face while grimacing from his first bite. Our date wasn't that romantic but it was funny as hell. No girl had ever made a date this fun. Learning from that hard lesson, we waited for our food to cool and talked in-between. "Hey Anthony, what do like, couples do when they're together?" Ian asked, looking more serious than I wanted him to be. If he was a girl then he would probably know from watching romantic movies. But he was a guy; action movies were better than romantic ones by far.
"Um…well they're soft and cuddly with each other. They say how cute each other is and they always point out the small things about their lover that makes them happy. When they hang out during the day, they go do fun things together then at night they fall asleep together. I'm not talking like sex. Couples do that anyways but that's for a different reason. When it's dark and quiet at night they hold each other in their arms on a comfy bed and wake up in the morning, the first thing they see being their absolute favorite person in the world." I sounded poetic but it was true. Two people in deep love did that. Ian frowned at me, his tone bittersweet as he asked honestly: "Have you fallen asleep like that with your past relationships?" The sad look on his face was telling me that he wanted to seem more important than the other five before him. "Truthfully, no. I could have spent all day with a girl but at night I wanted to be alone. I wanted me time. Where I could think without behind interrupted. Where I wouldn't have to constantly keep talking and entertaining them. I didn't let my girlfriends sleep over, and I didn't let them sleep in my bed. This was a turn-off because all girls dream of falling asleep with their boyfriend, thinking it's so super sweet. They asked if I wanted to and they didn't like it when I bluntly said no. I never felt like any of them was "the one" so I never put deep dedication to our relationship."
Ian's facial expressions changed rapidly in just a few seconds. He went from disheartened to content then to sad. Did he want to fall asleep in my bed? He already had. Dozens of times when he slept over throughout the years. If he did want to spend the night with me, he would want to in a romantic way. We were dating after all. Would it feel strange to hold him as we fell asleep? Ian went quiet after mumbling: "I see." He gazed down at the table to think and I let him have time to himself. He wanted knowledge of being in a relationship with me, and even though my experiences could be helpful to him, I wanted him to think and find the answers in himself just like I did with my first partner. We started eating in quiet, Ian having a constant, unbreaking gaze that was either on his food or on the table. His brow furrowed and he looked like he was solving extremely hard math equations. He was thinking. And it was okay that we stopped talking five minutes ago. He wasn't a fast thinker. Whatever he was pondering, he was really trying to figure it out. A slow look of horror crept onto his face as I watched him and his small gasp concerned me. Ian looked me straight in the eyes and asked in horror: "Am I like, the girlfriend? The one who like, is supposed to be treated all special while you're the charming guy?" He was trying to keep his voice down but he sounded truly scared.
It made me laugh but his expression didn't change. He thought he would be like a girlfriend to me. "N-no, dude. You're a guy. Not a girl. With my past girlfriends I had to be Mr. Macho and act all brave and look like some knight. But with you it'll be a whole new experience. I'll treat you like…you're my boyfriend. Hell, I might want to be treated all special and let someone else be the macho one. I can hold you in my arms, Ian. But you can hold me in yours, too." The smile I gave him seemed to calm his nerves. "So you're telling me we'll both be the guy in the relationship." Ian gave the biggest sigh of relief when I nodded. "Finally. Something makes sense." I see what's going on here. "Ian, you don't need to learn how to be in a relationship. It comes naturally. We've been together for almost four days and we haven't had enough time to spend together. It's like all of a sudden when we want to hang out we're busy. But chill, Ian. Just do what you feel is right. You know more about love than you might think." I guess having him think wasn't the best idea. "O-oh. Um…okay." He smiled sheepishly, hopefully getting the gist of what love was really about. I wasn't entirely sure myself. I hadn't found "the one" yet. Was it Ian? But that was why I was dating him after all. To see if he could show me what love really was.
The topics of our conversation started straying away from our relationship and went onto random ass shit we usually talked about. And our heavy plates turned light while our stomachs became packed, not needing seconds even though more delicious foods awaited us. We left at 6:40, my wallet thirty dollars lighter as we headed off to the movie theatre. We forgot that the third Harry Potter movie came out that day so of course we had to see it. Since we were too lazy to read the books and reading sucked in general, we wondered what the movie could be about while we waited in line for sodas, our stomachs too full to handle popcorn or candy. The trailer had something to do with black ghost things but Ian was sure Voldemort would come back as the Easter Bunny. I had theories of my own but we would see for ourselves as we settled into a row in the middle of the room. A dog in the theatre ads told us to turn off our cell phones and we did; who wouldn't listen to a talking dog? It turned out that the first two Harry Potter movies were bright and happy compared to the third. The wizarding world was dark as shit and evil was starting to emerge or something. And some random criminal wanted to kill Harry while a man named Lupin was trying to protect him. The ghosts were called Dementors and they were a constant problem in the movie. Ian and I got mind fucked when the good guys were more evil than the bad guys, and the prisoner named Sirius Black was Harry's godfather and friend to his family. And Sirius wasn't crazy and didn't kill a bunch of people. The movie was action-packed, loud, a little nerdy, and hella crazy. We had a great time at the theater.
The part I had been looking forward to all night came at 10:40 when I drove us to a park just outside our neighborhood. The night was pitch black, the air was calm and quiet, and nobody was around. Ian was somewhat confused as we got out of the car but I just smiled at him. "It's a good night for a walk." He looked a little more confused, probably thinking I meant exercising. But the "Oh" look came over his face when I stood on his right side and offered my left hand to him. It finally clicked that it was a romantic walk in the park. Ian started looking sheepish and bashful again when we locked hands, shivers going up my spine as his warm and soft skin met mine and his fingers gently placed themselves on the back of my hand. We started walking over the grass in sync, slowly heading nowhere in particular, the only lights guiding us being the lamp posts next to the cement path for joggers. The night was so silent that not even cars could be heard on the main streets. It was just how I imagined it. With just me and Ian free to be romantic outside in the warm summer air. "Anthony, this date has been awesome. I feel so amazing now. I feel important and needed. And it feels great having someone care about me so much. And it feels even better because it's you." Ian's eyes that gazed down at the grass flashed up to me, the sweet smile he gave making me feel warm and fuzzy. "Aw thanks. I've done my best to make you extra happy tonight. But it just won't be this night. Every time I'm with you now, I'll keep a smile on your face and give you every reason to like me more than a friend. Way more." There was little lighting in the park but I didn't need light to tell Ian was blushing.
"I-I never would have thought that the first relationship I would be in would be with a guy. With you. And I found it so strange how I've been straight this whole time but when you kissed me…something deep inside me caught on fire. Something burst into flames and I couldn't extinguish it. I look at other guys now and feel nothing, like I've always done. I look at girls and feel nothing, too. Instead of seeing a "hot" girl, I might think she's pretty. But nothing inside me makes me feel attracted to her. That's never happened. But when I look at you…I-I get this melting feeling. Like I don't have to do anything. Like I can't do anything. It feels like I can only be next to you, wanting to be hugged and kissed. Wanting to hear you whisper sweet words in my ear, knowing how much you care about me. I want to feel your arms around my shoulders and your hands on my back. I want to be needed and have the responsibility of making you like me more than a friend, too. So if it looks like I don't seem love-dovey this soon, it's because I feel all melted and well, shy." So that was why. It made me chuckle, never hearing of people melting when they're in love before.
"Don't worry about it. That feeling will go away when you get more comfortable around me, no longer thinking of how to be a good boyfriend. Soon you'll take my hand proudly, kiss me when you want, and hug me even if it's in a totally random situation that has nothing to do with love. I used to be shy in a relationship, but after a while you see that they will do nothing to hurt you and love when you show how much you adore them. Man, Ian. You wanna even touch me you can. Not that way, but if you want to wrap your arms around my shoulders when we're watching a movie all alone, do it. You wanna put your head on my shoulder and sit as close to me as you can when we're just hanging out? Feel free. You want me to constantly be around you? I'll be there. I want to feel special and needed too. I want to be held and hugged and kissed. I want you to show me how much you care…because for as long as we're together, I'm going to be making you happy every second you're with me." I forgot how much of a poetic speaker I was when I was in a relationship. It had been so long since I was in love. Ian gripped my hand tighter, heat cuddling our palms. "Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. Maybe I've been thinking too much. I'll start doing more. I shouldn't be uncomfortable around you. You're Anthony. I've never been more comfortable and relaxed with anyone else. And this is just one step further. I like it. I like it a lot. I like it because it's with you. I don't see you as a dumb jerk best friend anymore. I see you as…all these good words that would take too long to say." Adorable…
"Awww! Then it's settled. We can be lovey-dovey as much as we want. And if we can only be that way when we're alone, then we should go walking or hang out on the playground at night. That jungle gym is still so much fun even though we should feel too old for it." Ian completely agreed, sharing all the fun and sometimes painful memories of playground memories he had when he was a kid. Reminding myself that we were on a date and not just hanging out, I checked the time and saw that we were walking for fifteen minutes. It was time to take Ian home. It was proper to get your date home before 11PM. "I should get you home." I told him with a smile, turning around with the two of us walking back to the parking lot which was just a short distance away. We basically walked in a circle without realizing it. Ian stifled a yawn as we were back in the car, totally relaxed unlike when I picked him up. It only took two minutes to pull up to his house, and I said: "Nah ah ah." as his fingers wrapped around the door handle. Looking baffled, he waited as I got out of the car and walked around to his side and opened his door for him. My gentleman-like behavior was shocking to him. Ian got out, looking bashful and shy again. "Won't you let me be proper?" I asked charmingly as I shut the passenger door behind him.
He nodded slowly, finding it hard to keep direct eye contact with me. It was shocking me to see him so shy. Like a nice guy, I walked him to the front door, calm but excited. "I hope I made your night wonderful." We stood on his porch as the last part of our date dripped away slowly. Ian nodded and smiled at me, his fingers twitching at his sides. "Y-yeah. It was awesome and romantic. It's great to be like this with you. Do I have to wait the classic three days to see you again?" His honest question made me grin widely. "No. We're best friends underneath this new relationship. Come over tomorrow if you want. Or I could come to your house. I want to see you again." Ian bit his lip and stiffened when I gently leaned in to softly kiss his left cheek, sticking to the first date rules. No kissing on the mouth or heavy clinging. Sure we knew each other for a long time but it was no excuse to be too close on the first date. My lips left his warm skin and it made me smile to see Ian's eyes sparkling in the dark and his cute face beaming with soft joy. "Have a good night, Ian." My voice was low and his was even lower as he mumbled: "Okay." He gave a small wave and as he was halfway through the front door he smiled bashfully and tried to say confidently: "Goodnight." I gave a small wave back and Ian shut the door gingerly, my hard work at our date paying off.
I couldn't wipe the grin off my face and stop the fluttering beat of my heart as I got back in my car, checking my phone to see that it was 10:59. I got him back home just in time. God damn I'm good. I-I can't stop smiling. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Time to go home. It didn't matter if I got myself home before eleven, but apparently my mom was concerned why I was home so late. She found it even weirder when I walked through the kitchen with a grin on my face and the few chuckles I couldn't keep down. "Where have you been?" Her tone sounded like she wasn't interested but a little annoyed. "Just chilling with Ian." She was disturbed from my really good mood. "W-well why are you home so late?" Not even her nagging could dampen my spirits. "J-just lost track of time when playing videogames." I was in the hallway and she still wouldn't leave me be. "Why are you so happy?" The right thing to do was say she was glad I was happy instead of question it. I felt no guilt as I lied: "I'm the ultimate champion at Mortal Kombat." Finally she stopped with the interrogation and I made it to my room safe, keeping my secret so easily from her. She could never find out I was dating Ian. "Some things are better left unsaid." The excitement was wearing off as I got more and more tired. My fingers fumbled while locking my door and undressing, leaving my clothes on the floor and crawling into bed in boxers and an old white t-shirt.
"Fuck I'm tired." The calm dark of my room made my eyes heavy and my body relaxed. My white covers felt like clouds and even as my eyes were shut and I was getting so sleepy, my mind still had some things to say. Everything…went perfectly. I'm great at this love thing. And Ian will be, too. It's too early to say the L word…but hopefully that date made him feel some more um…feelings or whatever. He likes me now…but because of how great I treated him…could he really…will he…love me in the morning? I heard no more of my thoughts, only the quiet night softly spilling tranquility into my ears and the dark resting on my closed eyes. I had such a great night. With someone who might have been the one.
Love Me In The Morning
Anthony's POV
I woke up calm on June 1st but by 4PM I was losing my mind. Ian apologized to me and I let him in, screwed. Like an idiot, I started writing down my thoughts in a notebook and was too lazy to put it away afterwards. And it just so happened to be the day when Ian decided to show up unexpected at my house. But who the hell else would visit my house during the day? And like a bigger idiot, I didn't put it away before answering the door. Ian and I made up and it was too late to hide the book once he was in my room. If I did, he would definitely get curious and look in it. So I had to leave it out in the open hoping he wouldn't look at it while I said I had to take a shower. The only smart thing I had done that day was fake being mad at him. I couldn't let him know that I missed him and forgave him already. I tried to shower as fast as possible but I kept getting distracted by my racing thoughts. Oh my god. Is he reading it?? It's empty on the first few pages so if he looks inside he won't think there is anything in there. Calm down. But it has all my secrets and if he finds out I'm sooo dead! Dammit Anthony you are sooo stupid! My hands clutched my wet head until it hurt. I had been in the shower for several minutes but I had barely washed my hair.
"Just calm down…" My hands were shaking as I rubbed soap over my skin, unable to take my own advice. Legs, arms, underarms, hands, back, face, feet, ah the floor's slippery! I'm gonna fucking die in this shower if I don't chill out. Just calm down and focus. As soon as the water washed away the soap and my hair was clean I turned it off, nearly falling when my wet feet slipped on the tile. "Just get dry. And get the fuck back in there and see what he's up to…" My fresh clothes stuck to my damp skin as I left the bathroom, forcing myself to look calm as I entered my room. Ian was sitting on my bed playing with my rubix cube, not looking at me as I watched him for a few seconds, trying to read his facial expression. He was calm and distracted, seemingly oblivious to my notebook. I lazily put my clothes in the closet then eyed my mini diary, relieved when it was in the exact same place as I left it and looking untouched. While his eyes were on the cube I slowly grabbed it and did my best to act chill and look like the notebook was no big deal. For the rest of the time Ian would be hanging out in my room that day, I was going to keep a secret eye on the desk drawer I placed it in.
Keeping up the mean attitude, I sat in my computer chair stiffly, ignoring the fact that Ian was there. I desperately missed him and after realizing that I couldn't get rid of the crush I had on him from the kiss, I accepted my feelings but it was still hard to control myself. I wanted to sit next to him, look into his ocean-blue eyes and get lost in them then finally let myself feel all the amazement I got when I kissed him. I had fallen in love with Ian but there was no way I could let him know that. So instead of doing what I wanted, instead I turned on the computer and looked on the internet like I was interested, hearing the clicking sound of the rubix cube as Ian twisted and turned it. But another sound was heard about a minute later and it grew louder. It was Ian starting to laugh. He chuckled at first then burst out into a fit of giggles, my paranoia shooting through the roof when it turned into uncontrollable, loud laughter. Is he laughing at me?? Did he read it?? His pure joy went on for more seconds than I could take. I spun around to see Ian laying on his side, clutching the small cube and a huge grin on his face and his eyes shut tight, his body shaking and laughter spilling from his open jaw. "What are you laughing about??" I shrieked in hysteria, my voice high-pitched and full of fear.
His laughter stopped and he was looking at me like I was crazy. "…I was just thinking about Spongebob." He could have been lying or been truthful. "What?" His blue eyes rolled. "I just realized that they can light fires underwater. They're like in the freakin ocean and they have campfires and shit. And his house got lit on fire in the episode where he had to write an eight-hundred word essay about what not to do at a stoplight. It's physically impossible to have fire underwater. Calm down, Anthony." My over-reaction was a dead giveaway if he read my diary. I don't know how much longer I can be mean to him. Especially when his sparkling eyes look through my body and violate me, and his sweet voice makes me shiver. Having no comeback, I turned back to the computer. MySpace couldn't keep my attention when Ian appeared by my right side, putting his face into my field of vision. I forced my eyes on the screen and not on him. "Anthony, please stop being mad at me. I'll do anything to make you think of me better." The smile he gave me was suspicious. "You can step away from me." I replied coldly, nervous as fuck on the inside.
But Ian did the exact opposite. He got closer. So close that he kissed my right cheek, immediately making me blush and tense up. My bad mood was breaking. I flew back in my chair and pushed myself away from him, horrified. "I said I don't feel that way!!" I shouted desperately, sounding so scared instead of angry. He just grinned, his blue eyes alight and his white teeth flashing at me. "Yeah you kinda do." In the time it took to blink Ian had lunged towards me, his hands clinging to the arm chairs and his lips on mine. Again. I can't do this! My face was hot, my heart was racing, and my eyes were shut and refused to open. Maybe two seconds went by before I caved. I pressed into his kiss, proving I was lying by the way my lips pushed back on his. I had no idea how many seconds had passed by but that kiss was even better than the first. All my pent up emotions spilled out in my mind and I saw pink swirling in the dark, the color of love. It was so right. I wanted to be proved wrong. I was so scared of him finding out about my feelings but in that glorious moment I wanted him to know. Even if he didn't feel the same way.
A shaky breath left me when Ian pulled away, our eyes opening and connecting, mine dazed while his seemed cool and collected. "You read it…" I whispered, the fear that had been gripping onto me fading away even as he nodded. I was too love struck. My mind was fuzzy with little voices telling me I loved him and he had to be the one. My eyes were lost in his and they read me as much as they read my notebook. "Yeah. I was curious. But I'm glad that you weren't really mad at me. I'm so glad it was an attempt to cover yourself up. It's okay, Anthony. I won't judge you for how you feel. Now do me a favor." I blushed again when his hand reached out and grabbed my wrist, gently lifting me out of the chair to stand right in front of him. Being just a little bit shorter than me, Ian was looking up into my eyes as if they were as amazing as his were. He was smiling as his face was inches from mine. "Make me feel that warm and fuzzy again." H-he wants me t-to kiss him again?? This whole time he never felt-oh shut up dude. My hands clutched his sides as our lips met for the third time, taking my breath away and euphoria sweeping over me like a warm breeze. I felt his arms snake around my neck and his body press into mine, closing any space between us.
I don't get it….our first one was good he said. Maybe these kisses affect us in the same way. Awesome. I refused to let his body go when we parted, and Ian was only smiling more, so suddenly changed. Or was he feeling the same way all along? Who knew. Maybe I had to find out. "S-so um. Why…um. Did you like feel this way all along or…?" That time he was the one who blushed furiously. "Well…not really. But once I read everything, it made think back on how great our first kiss was. And I wasn't laughing from Spongebob. I was laughing because after everyone telling me I couldn't ever get someone to love me, someone already had. I was important. And cherished. By someone I was so comfortable with. And I knew that person liked me for my personality instead of my looks. I was special and meant something. And dammit I knew that if I felt so fantastic from kissing you, it had to mean something. After all that confusion I was just plain flattered. With a kiss that amazing…what would a relationship with you be like? Would I reach a level of happiness I've never had before? Should I be in love?"
Oh. My. God. Is he serious? "Ian…would you like to find out?" I asked him out for a second time and I wondered if he would say yes again. Ian unraveled his arms around me and I took my hands for myself, watching as he turned from me in deep thought. "…Anthony, am I that incredible to you?" His tone was soft and he sounded doubtful. Not taking time to think, I nodded even though his back was to me. "So incredible now. And I know that I'm taking no time to think all this over, but I just feel like I-I would treat you so right. This is a lot of pressure and this is all so new but…I've said yes. Take time to think if you need it." I wanted to add that if said no I would be okay with it. But I would be lying. I just didn't want to scare him away. He never knew what first love felt like. I did. More than ever. Fuck the modern rules of a teenage boy. I looked at Ian's scrawny and skinny not curvy body and found it attractive. I looked at his teenage boy face which wore no makeup. He wore no jewelry or charming accessories. He was simple but amazing if that made sense. The seconds ticked by and he was quiet.
He was staring down at the floor then turned his head just enough to glance at me. "What about me is cute?" Ian kept getting more doubtful and it was my job to make him seem as remarkable as he really was. I reached out and turned him around so he could look into my eyes as I stated my opinion. "It's not about being cute. It's about the things I see in you that I treasure. Ian, I like how just drawing a dumb picture in sixth grade caused us to become best friends. I like how we grew up together and went through big changes in our lives together. You laughed at me when I hit puberty then I laughed at you a month later, and we both found ourselves hilarious instead of embarrassing. And even though we based our lives around stupid fun, when things got serious we were there for each other. You weren't selfish in our friendship. You did everything in your power to make me happy and I did the same for you. That's what friendship is all about. You made my life so much better and you'll always be the closest person to me. And I just…I see that now and I know I can take us a step further." Ian was surprised but I had a feeling he would have told me the same thing.
His stumped expression made me grin. "And you're pretty cute." His eyes lit up and he smiled. "Yeah?" He sounded like an excited child. I nodded happily. "It's cute when you have bedhead in the morning when you sleep over. It's cute when you scream like a girl from the littlest things. It's cute when you have dumb blonde moments. It's cute when you get hurt trying to make me laugh. And you're cute when you say I'll always be your best friend. You're cute when your smile makes your blue eyes light up and dimples form on your cheeks. And you're freakin adorable when you get bashful. Your cheeks get all pink and your palms get sweaty. Your eyes look away and you shrink to seem smaller. And it's even cuter when you feel awkward. You don't know how to respond to something and you just stay where you are all quiet, begging for a way out of the long and weird pause. Your general hyper and careless behavior is classic but now I love seeing your quirky and soft side." During my talk, my face had gotten closer to his, letting me see his bashfulness firsthand. Ian was blushing, awkwardly smiling and looking away from me. "O-oh. You're making me feel so special. Like I'm…um." He chuckled slightly, blushing more when my grin widened. Is he really going to go out with me? He looks pretty love-stricken. Damn. I'm amazing.
"Um. What was I talking about?" Dumb love was real. I had it with my first girlfriend. And now Ian had it. And it was adorable. "You being a Power Ranger." He giggled childishly. "What? No. I was stuttering and not getting to the point. But before I do, we gotta like…see what we're in for right?" He went on when I didn't say anything. "Like, couples hug all passionately and shit. Hug me like that." His description of a warm, gentle, and loving embrace made me laugh. "Ha ha, okay. I'll put my arms around you. All passionately and shit." Ian laughed over my right shoulder as my hands pressed him to me, my arms wrapped around his skinny sides softly. Ian's arms were wrapped tighter, making me feel like I was in a small bear hug. Our hug wasn't like a bro hug us guys were supposed to do. It lasted for probably half a minute and our crushy feelings were invisible but I could sense that they were emanating from us and swirling and mixing together. Would all of our hugs be that sweet and cuddly? Ian's arms left my torso and his hands quickly grabbed my face and pulled it onto his, kissing me roughly and quickly. Whoa. I guess you gotta kiss passionately and shit, too. Damn. I got you right where I want you. Our forceful kiss broke when I couldn't fight back a grin.
Ian's clammy, warm palms rested on my face while my arms were still holding his sides. "Are you ready to get to your point, Ian?" He nodded slowly. "…Yeah, I think so. I've never known what actual love-dovey romance felt like because I've never gone out with someone. And this is some pretty intense stuff. I've never felt this way before. Like, I would look at a hot chick and be like "damn". But that kind of attraction isn't really how I feel now. Like this stuff is…I don't have a word for it. Maybe…this could be awesome. If every time we met, we could feel this…passionate and shit." We both laughed and a few seconds of silence passed, Ian thinking something. "Anthony…would we…make this work? If I went out with you?" Ian got serious for a moment, and I was glad he was using his brain to think rationally. "I know I would. And even though you've never had a first love, you don't need to be super experienced to make a relationship work. You don't need to know what you're doing. That's the fun of it. Being a blundering fool, love struck and doing things based off your feelings for that person. It feels great to hand your heart over to them, entrusting them not to break it. And it's a mind-blowing experience when they give you their heart, and it's your job to nurture it with your love, keep it as safe as they're keeping yours. I've had my heart crushed more than once, but it was by experienced hands. And I know that you won't crush mine. Because I won't crush yours. Love is learned by doing. Do you wanna do this?" My words of wisdom were turning into epic speeches and I saw that Ian was taking my words seriously.
A few seconds passed by before he smiled innocently and removed his hands from my face to softly clutch his chest, grabbing onto something invisible and pulling it from within himself, and it was so adorable when his cupped hands symbolically offered me his heart. Awww. I raised my hands to softly place them inside his, scooping up what I imagined as an orb giving off a red, pink, and yellow hue, glowing and warm. Ian bit his lip and watched my hands as they gently retreated into my chest, not to the point where I put it in, but once I accepted his heart I pulled out my own, having no idea what it looked like but knowing he did. He was mesmerized when my hands placed into his, Ian softly excited as he brought my heart to his chest, looking up at me and grinning ecstatically. "Anthony…you have my answer." All I could do for a few moments was stare at his face and think back at my past girlfriends and see that I had never done something that unique and special with all five of them. Ian and I had just become official, and so what if we were both guys. I had never experienced that type of love before. It was so astounding I just knew that we would last a long while, if not forever. I never would have thought…but I can do this.
"Anthony?" His voice snapped me out of it but it took a second to gather up a response. "Y-you said yes. And you mean it this time. That's great!" My dreamy expression changed to joyous joy and I yanked on his shoulders to give him a bear hug, fully accepting my new feelings. But just because I had fallen for a boy, it didn't mean I would become girly like a straight-up gay guy. I would still be my guyish dumb self, but the insults I usually threw at Ian would turn into sweet compliments. It made me wonder if it would be hard to adjust to that. I was doing a great job so far. I guess it wouldn't be. Ian struggled to talk as the air was pushed out of his lungs. "Y-yeah. I have a…question!" When his tone got higher I let him go, Ian having to catch his breath before asking: "Shouldn't we kinda keep this a secret? I don't think our family will understand…" That was a very good point. My mom was proud of her boyish and straight son. She liked how I rough-housed and was wild and crazy. She would probably have a heart attack, a seizure, a stroke, and an aneurism if she saw me kiss Ian. "Yeah, you're right about that. How about when we hang out I make sure my door is locked and if it's at your house your door is locked, or our families are all out of the house. Basically, let's make sure we're totally alone when we're all lovey-crushy-dovey." He agreed, our number one rule going to be set in motion next time we met.
Before we could talk about our new development Ian's cell phone rang in his pocket. He had a blank expression of his face during the quick call. All he said was: Hello, um, and okay before he hung up. Ian shrugged and gave me the "Oh well" look. "My mom just got home and she wants me to go and help her cook dinner. I gotta go." I didn't protest and walked him to the door, wrapping my arms around his neck in the nicest goodbye hug I could give. "Call me, text me, email me, the works. You know I'm never busy when I'm home." Ian said, his eyes widening suddenly with his hand on the door knob. "God, I don't sound clingy do I??" The gasp he gave made me laugh. "No. I want to talk about "us" more. I'll get ahold of you by freakin bird delivery if I have to. Now go. Before your mom devours my head for keeping her waiting." Ian chuckled, biting his lip and saying: "Bye." sweetly. He remained smiling as he left, getting on his bike and speeding away to his house. I watched him ride down the street from the doorway until he turned right, disappearing behind a house. He feels so far from me already. This is one secret…I'll never tell.
During dinner that night, I gave a bittersweet smile when my mom asked me what I did that day. "Just had a lazy day." She was satisfied with my answer and didn't ask why I was so spaced out. I was happy that I was in love again but I was sad that I would be keeping a giant secret from her. I couldn't imagine how many times I would have to lie to her, but I could imagine how guilty I would get as time went on. But I would make sure she would never find out. All the deceiving I was going to do would be worth it. I would let nothing ruin my new love. "Anthony, you should get active this summer." If my mom was going to tell me to play sports I would immediately turn on the "ignore" button in my head. "You have a car now and you've got a job making websites for people to pay for things, you can seriously go out in Sacramento and do stuff." She rolled her eyes when I just stared at her. "Like go hiking, go to the movies, go drive to interesting places, I don't know. I just don't want you to be stuck in your room all summer doing nothing." Her motivation technique was more annoying than anything. "Yeah, sure mom. I'll…get right on that." She upped the motivation. "Go with your friends. Go do stuff with those kids you hung out with at school." Oh, she meant the ones who hated me. "Eh, all twenty of them are going on a big road trip up north. So many people, so much traveling, it's not fun if you ask me. I wanna stay in Sacramento." My teenage laziness irked her.
"Well promise me you'll get out of the house this summer. You're too young and fit to be lounging around eating junk food, wasting your brain, and being bored every day. Go do something. You have a car now. Use it." Now her motivation was turning into commands. "Okay, whatever. I'll do something." She finally surrendered when she heard my annoyed tone. God, I'll freakin spend all summer at Ian's. At least his mom doesn't annoy the shit outta me. "And Anthony, why don't you ask out one of your girl friends from school? They're probably nice and it could do you well to have a summer love." She looked so surprised when I stiffly got out of my chair, took my plate, threw the rest of my food away, then stormed off saying angrily: "I don't think so." I left her alone at the dining table to spend the rest of the night in my room, frustrated. I was in bed by quarter to ten, laying under the covers in the dark and squinting from the bright screen light on my phone.
"Ever had one of those days when u think ur mom is the devil?" I texted Ian, shutting my eyes during the few minutes it took him to text back. "Ha ha maybe. But my sis is mostly the devilish one. Idk why she's so evil. What did ur mom do?" It was annoying just to recall it. "She was telling me to do stuff all summer. Like im busy every day during school. Like I need some freakin time to be lazy. She was telling me to go hiking and go hang out with other people. She doesn't know that all my other "friends" have abandoned me. So the only person I can hang out with now is u." The way I made that sound could have been taken the wrong way. You could never really tell someone's mood when you weren't talking to them in person. "Oh darn. I'm afraid I'm busy all summer. See I got this new person I'm dating aanndd I kinda gotta spend time with them as much as possible." My deep frown turned into a grin. What a smartass. "I see. Have u taken them on a date yet?" That made me wonder just what kind of a date we could go on. Girls liked to go eat somewhere fancy and be treated like royalty. So how was that supposed to work?
"Not yet and idk how dates really work. I don't think it's like how people in the movies do it. Cuz with adults it's like a $200 dinner then crazy sex and I don't think I have the money or the experience (if u know what I mean)" I laughed into my covers, the idea of Ian and I doing it so bizarre and probably awkward. The way two guys did it was horrifying. "LOL. I've been on some dates before. U gotta eat food somewhere (too pricey and u seem whipped) then go out and do something together that's romantic, then take them home, walk them to their door, say goodnight, and go home only getting to first base. But I gotta tell ya Ian. I've seen this person ur dating and I don't think it's a girl. Hate to break it to ya dude. And u don't have a car so how can u take them on a proper date? Hmm…u better leave it up to that person. I know they have a car and more experience with dates." It was cute how he was playing along and all that dating talk was letting me know that shit was getting real. It was exciting. "Oh okay cool. And u don't think I'm dating a girl?? It's true I've never seen them wear a skirt or dress. But idk…I could have sworn it was a fine and proper lady." I giggled, his sick comment causing me to picture myself in a skirt, making me quietly laugh until I was breathless. I did make a pretty girl.
"T__T Look in their pants and I think you'll see differently." My cheeks were hurting from the constant grinning I was doing. "Nah I don't think I wanna move that fast and plus I bet I'll get bitch slapped the moment I even glance down at their jeans. I'll take ur word for it. And I'll let them make the date plans. It doesn't have to be right away or anything fancy. As long as I get to be alone with them I'll be happy." I quieted down and smiled with a big, warm and fuzzy feeling around me, and my covers weren't the reason. "I bet they'll keep that in mind. They'll show you how much of a charmer they are. You'll be all charmed out by the end of the night, whenever that date may be." I yawned in the darkness, the bright screen tiring my eyes as I constantly stared at it for minutes. "I look forward to it. So what u doing?" My eyes were opening and closing and my phone was starting to slip from my hand. "Lying in bed. Iam tired gota slep now all tried. Talk termarow oky?" My text made little sense but my fingers were getting too heavy to fix it. "lol okay. Goodnight Anthony." The only goodbye I could give was "N" before the rest of my energy was spent turning off my phone and putting it under my pillow. My eyes could finally close for the rest of the night. I gotta take Ian on a date. I never would have thought…
For as long as I had known my best friend, I had rarely made Ian nervous. He was always his dumb hyper self. He said and did whatever he wanted, not caring how it would make him look. Ian was fearless of me. So it was a complete shocker when I drove to his house at 5:30PM on June 4th and saw a different side of him. I was calm but excited as I knocked on his front door, ready to act like a total gentleman after almost a whole year of being a punk teenager. I had to be proper and sweet. I was picking Ian up for our first date. I didn't wear anything fancy like adults did; wearing clean clothes was proper enough for me. After waiting on the doorstep for a few moments the door opened and Ian shyly appeared, converse on his feet, slim black jeans on and a light grey shirt; his outfit looked proper enough. It was so bizarre to see him smile bashfully at me and stand so hesitantly before me. But that's what happened when someone was newly in love. "Ready to go?" I asked with a soft smile, a pro at dates while he had never even gone on one. "Yeah." He tried to say confidently but his voice was small and meek. I found his awkward and crushy behavior cute so I didn't ask him why he was nervous as he followed me to my car; the answer was obvious because I was the same way on my first date.
The most stunned look came over his face when I opened his door for him, and I tried not to laugh. "Won't you let me be a gentleman?" I asked as he just stood on the sidewalk. "Y-yeah…" My mouth broke into a grin as he got in my car, and I wanted to laugh as I shut his door and went to the driver's side. He's so awkward. He's never awkward. It's sooo funny…I like this date already. Ian was quiet; he probably didn't know what to say on a date. He didn't know that you talk about the date once it was over. It was still strange to me how we used to easily talk to each other for years and now he was so shy around me. But he would open up. "Want to know what's on the agenda for tonight?" My cool tone seemed to calm his nerves some. "Yeah." All he said since I knocked on his door was: "Yeah." It made me wonder if he would say anything different. "Well we're going to dinner right now-someplace I'd knew you'd like-then it's off to a movie, and finally we'll spend some alone time outside, enjoying the warm summer air. Sound good?" It came no surprise to me when he said: "Yeah." for the fourth time.
As I drove on the highway at sixty miles an hour, Ian simply watched the cars pass ahead of us and other ones that fell behind. He wasn't making conversation. Ian always had things to talk about. Maybe he didn't want to screw the date up with the weird conversations we always had. He probably thought it would take away the romance. I was the same way with my first girlfriend. On my first date with Sandra something-I forgot her last name-I didn't have many things to talk about that she would enjoy. I didn't watch the shows she did and didn't like the same movies either. So totally unable to find common ground with her I remained quiet, but the stupid part was when she demanded me to explain why I was acting so shy. When I said we weren't really alike, Sandra said she could make me like the girly things she did. Instant turn-off. Our relationship lasted a month before I called it off. I hadn't heard from her since. And I didn't want to. So if having nothing in common was the stuff that killed relationships, then why was Ian acting like it applied to us? We were into the same damn stuff, and the only thing that could fuck up our date was him being all shy and secret. I had to keep him talking. And break his cycle of "yeah"s.
"I know where I'm taking you to dinner but the movie is up to you. Anything you wanted to see?" He shrugged, indifferent. "Eh, a comedy would be good. You want to see one?" I nodded but not sure which comedy I wanted to see. But the movie itself didn't matter. Being with Ian mattered. Hearing him laugh and have a good time mattered. And making his first date amazing mattered the most. "So Anthony, where are you taking me for dinner?" It was good to see he was speaking up. A smile was on his face. He was starting to open up. It was just me; he had nothing to be scared of. "I'm not saying. It's a surprise. You'll like it; that's the important part." Ian sighed and agreed, trusting my judgment. It was almost 6PM when we arrived at an all-you-can-eat Chinese restaurant that was self-serving with the food. I knew he had never been there before by the way his eyes looked around the big place decorated with Chinese statues, paintings, and furniture. His fingers fidgeted when he breathed in the heavy smell of cooked Asian food. He stayed quiet behind me as I told the lady at the front desk that I needed a table for two. There was already a small Asian waiter who led us to a booth on the right side of the restaurant next to a big window. Ian and I sat across from each other and asked what drinks we wanted. She said she would be back with our soda and we were left alone.
His eyes went from the table up to me, and he had a sly smile on his face. "I do like this place." Ian's blue eyes lit up as he looked around some more, the yellow lighting shining down on his face. "…The ceiling is so high…and the room is so big. God I want that dragon statue." He got a real serious look on his face when he gazed back down at me. "Let's jack it." I burst out into laughter when I turned to see what statue he was talking about. It looked to be made out of a grey marble, was around eight feet long and seven feet high. And it had to weigh hundreds of pounds. It did look kickass though. The big Chinese dragon was snarling and had huge fangs and whiskers and had like six feet. It would be cool to have. "Ha ha ha! I don't think even the strongest man in the world could move that thing. How about we jack the food instead. With our mouths. Sound good?" Ian laughed with me as his eyes made their way to the statue than back to me. "Y-yeah okay. Ugh, and look at all that food. Just waiting for us to get some. It's all shiny and steamy…" My stomach growled and my mouth watered when I stared at the self-serving area in the middle of the restaurant, the metal tables packed with different types of food, soups, and desserts. I jumped when our middle-aged waiter put my Pepsi and his 7UP on our table, appearing out of nowhere. In a heavy Chinese accent she said we could let her know if we needed anything before she left again.
Ian sipped his drink with a smirk, finding my sudden surprise funny. "Dude, do Chinese ninjas exist?" He shrugged. "Um no ninjas are Japanese. Samurai too…maybe she's a dragon. Dragons are sneaky right?" I imagined Mushu from Mulan. "I have no idea. Maybe she's half Japanese. Not enough of a ninja to kill but enough to sneak up on people in a restaurant…" We laughed together and went to get our food, thinking we had great food on our plates until something even better looking appeared before our eyes. We hadn't even made it halfway through before our plates were full of hot Asian food, forcing us to go back to our table and eat what we had. We dug into our food before simultaneously gasping to cool down the scorching hot food in our mouths. The freezing soda took away the burning but then froze my mouth, my stupidity toping itself. Ian laughed at my pained face while grimacing from his first bite. Our date wasn't that romantic but it was funny as hell. No girl had ever made a date this fun. Learning from that hard lesson, we waited for our food to cool and talked in-between. "Hey Anthony, what do like, couples do when they're together?" Ian asked, looking more serious than I wanted him to be. If he was a girl then he would probably know from watching romantic movies. But he was a guy; action movies were better than romantic ones by far.
"Um…well they're soft and cuddly with each other. They say how cute each other is and they always point out the small things about their lover that makes them happy. When they hang out during the day, they go do fun things together then at night they fall asleep together. I'm not talking like sex. Couples do that anyways but that's for a different reason. When it's dark and quiet at night they hold each other in their arms on a comfy bed and wake up in the morning, the first thing they see being their absolute favorite person in the world." I sounded poetic but it was true. Two people in deep love did that. Ian frowned at me, his tone bittersweet as he asked honestly: "Have you fallen asleep like that with your past relationships?" The sad look on his face was telling me that he wanted to seem more important than the other five before him. "Truthfully, no. I could have spent all day with a girl but at night I wanted to be alone. I wanted me time. Where I could think without behind interrupted. Where I wouldn't have to constantly keep talking and entertaining them. I didn't let my girlfriends sleep over, and I didn't let them sleep in my bed. This was a turn-off because all girls dream of falling asleep with their boyfriend, thinking it's so super sweet. They asked if I wanted to and they didn't like it when I bluntly said no. I never felt like any of them was "the one" so I never put deep dedication to our relationship."
Ian's facial expressions changed rapidly in just a few seconds. He went from disheartened to content then to sad. Did he want to fall asleep in my bed? He already had. Dozens of times when he slept over throughout the years. If he did want to spend the night with me, he would want to in a romantic way. We were dating after all. Would it feel strange to hold him as we fell asleep? Ian went quiet after mumbling: "I see." He gazed down at the table to think and I let him have time to himself. He wanted knowledge of being in a relationship with me, and even though my experiences could be helpful to him, I wanted him to think and find the answers in himself just like I did with my first partner. We started eating in quiet, Ian having a constant, unbreaking gaze that was either on his food or on the table. His brow furrowed and he looked like he was solving extremely hard math equations. He was thinking. And it was okay that we stopped talking five minutes ago. He wasn't a fast thinker. Whatever he was pondering, he was really trying to figure it out. A slow look of horror crept onto his face as I watched him and his small gasp concerned me. Ian looked me straight in the eyes and asked in horror: "Am I like, the girlfriend? The one who like, is supposed to be treated all special while you're the charming guy?" He was trying to keep his voice down but he sounded truly scared.
It made me laugh but his expression didn't change. He thought he would be like a girlfriend to me. "N-no, dude. You're a guy. Not a girl. With my past girlfriends I had to be Mr. Macho and act all brave and look like some knight. But with you it'll be a whole new experience. I'll treat you like…you're my boyfriend. Hell, I might want to be treated all special and let someone else be the macho one. I can hold you in my arms, Ian. But you can hold me in yours, too." The smile I gave him seemed to calm his nerves. "So you're telling me we'll both be the guy in the relationship." Ian gave the biggest sigh of relief when I nodded. "Finally. Something makes sense." I see what's going on here. "Ian, you don't need to learn how to be in a relationship. It comes naturally. We've been together for almost four days and we haven't had enough time to spend together. It's like all of a sudden when we want to hang out we're busy. But chill, Ian. Just do what you feel is right. You know more about love than you might think." I guess having him think wasn't the best idea. "O-oh. Um…okay." He smiled sheepishly, hopefully getting the gist of what love was really about. I wasn't entirely sure myself. I hadn't found "the one" yet. Was it Ian? But that was why I was dating him after all. To see if he could show me what love really was.
The topics of our conversation started straying away from our relationship and went onto random ass shit we usually talked about. And our heavy plates turned light while our stomachs became packed, not needing seconds even though more delicious foods awaited us. We left at 6:40, my wallet thirty dollars lighter as we headed off to the movie theatre. We forgot that the third Harry Potter movie came out that day so of course we had to see it. Since we were too lazy to read the books and reading sucked in general, we wondered what the movie could be about while we waited in line for sodas, our stomachs too full to handle popcorn or candy. The trailer had something to do with black ghost things but Ian was sure Voldemort would come back as the Easter Bunny. I had theories of my own but we would see for ourselves as we settled into a row in the middle of the room. A dog in the theatre ads told us to turn off our cell phones and we did; who wouldn't listen to a talking dog? It turned out that the first two Harry Potter movies were bright and happy compared to the third. The wizarding world was dark as shit and evil was starting to emerge or something. And some random criminal wanted to kill Harry while a man named Lupin was trying to protect him. The ghosts were called Dementors and they were a constant problem in the movie. Ian and I got mind fucked when the good guys were more evil than the bad guys, and the prisoner named Sirius Black was Harry's godfather and friend to his family. And Sirius wasn't crazy and didn't kill a bunch of people. The movie was action-packed, loud, a little nerdy, and hella crazy. We had a great time at the theater.
The part I had been looking forward to all night came at 10:40 when I drove us to a park just outside our neighborhood. The night was pitch black, the air was calm and quiet, and nobody was around. Ian was somewhat confused as we got out of the car but I just smiled at him. "It's a good night for a walk." He looked a little more confused, probably thinking I meant exercising. But the "Oh" look came over his face when I stood on his right side and offered my left hand to him. It finally clicked that it was a romantic walk in the park. Ian started looking sheepish and bashful again when we locked hands, shivers going up my spine as his warm and soft skin met mine and his fingers gently placed themselves on the back of my hand. We started walking over the grass in sync, slowly heading nowhere in particular, the only lights guiding us being the lamp posts next to the cement path for joggers. The night was so silent that not even cars could be heard on the main streets. It was just how I imagined it. With just me and Ian free to be romantic outside in the warm summer air. "Anthony, this date has been awesome. I feel so amazing now. I feel important and needed. And it feels great having someone care about me so much. And it feels even better because it's you." Ian's eyes that gazed down at the grass flashed up to me, the sweet smile he gave making me feel warm and fuzzy. "Aw thanks. I've done my best to make you extra happy tonight. But it just won't be this night. Every time I'm with you now, I'll keep a smile on your face and give you every reason to like me more than a friend. Way more." There was little lighting in the park but I didn't need light to tell Ian was blushing.
"I-I never would have thought that the first relationship I would be in would be with a guy. With you. And I found it so strange how I've been straight this whole time but when you kissed me…something deep inside me caught on fire. Something burst into flames and I couldn't extinguish it. I look at other guys now and feel nothing, like I've always done. I look at girls and feel nothing, too. Instead of seeing a "hot" girl, I might think she's pretty. But nothing inside me makes me feel attracted to her. That's never happened. But when I look at you…I-I get this melting feeling. Like I don't have to do anything. Like I can't do anything. It feels like I can only be next to you, wanting to be hugged and kissed. Wanting to hear you whisper sweet words in my ear, knowing how much you care about me. I want to feel your arms around my shoulders and your hands on my back. I want to be needed and have the responsibility of making you like me more than a friend, too. So if it looks like I don't seem love-dovey this soon, it's because I feel all melted and well, shy." So that was why. It made me chuckle, never hearing of people melting when they're in love before.
"Don't worry about it. That feeling will go away when you get more comfortable around me, no longer thinking of how to be a good boyfriend. Soon you'll take my hand proudly, kiss me when you want, and hug me even if it's in a totally random situation that has nothing to do with love. I used to be shy in a relationship, but after a while you see that they will do nothing to hurt you and love when you show how much you adore them. Man, Ian. You wanna even touch me you can. Not that way, but if you want to wrap your arms around my shoulders when we're watching a movie all alone, do it. You wanna put your head on my shoulder and sit as close to me as you can when we're just hanging out? Feel free. You want me to constantly be around you? I'll be there. I want to feel special and needed too. I want to be held and hugged and kissed. I want you to show me how much you care…because for as long as we're together, I'm going to be making you happy every second you're with me." I forgot how much of a poetic speaker I was when I was in a relationship. It had been so long since I was in love. Ian gripped my hand tighter, heat cuddling our palms. "Thank you. That makes me feel a lot better. Maybe I've been thinking too much. I'll start doing more. I shouldn't be uncomfortable around you. You're Anthony. I've never been more comfortable and relaxed with anyone else. And this is just one step further. I like it. I like it a lot. I like it because it's with you. I don't see you as a dumb jerk best friend anymore. I see you as…all these good words that would take too long to say." Adorable…
"Awww! Then it's settled. We can be lovey-dovey as much as we want. And if we can only be that way when we're alone, then we should go walking or hang out on the playground at night. That jungle gym is still so much fun even though we should feel too old for it." Ian completely agreed, sharing all the fun and sometimes painful memories of playground memories he had when he was a kid. Reminding myself that we were on a date and not just hanging out, I checked the time and saw that we were walking for fifteen minutes. It was time to take Ian home. It was proper to get your date home before 11PM. "I should get you home." I told him with a smile, turning around with the two of us walking back to the parking lot which was just a short distance away. We basically walked in a circle without realizing it. Ian stifled a yawn as we were back in the car, totally relaxed unlike when I picked him up. It only took two minutes to pull up to his house, and I said: "Nah ah ah." as his fingers wrapped around the door handle. Looking baffled, he waited as I got out of the car and walked around to his side and opened his door for him. My gentleman-like behavior was shocking to him. Ian got out, looking bashful and shy again. "Won't you let me be proper?" I asked charmingly as I shut the passenger door behind him.
He nodded slowly, finding it hard to keep direct eye contact with me. It was shocking me to see him so shy. Like a nice guy, I walked him to the front door, calm but excited. "I hope I made your night wonderful." We stood on his porch as the last part of our date dripped away slowly. Ian nodded and smiled at me, his fingers twitching at his sides. "Y-yeah. It was awesome and romantic. It's great to be like this with you. Do I have to wait the classic three days to see you again?" His honest question made me grin widely. "No. We're best friends underneath this new relationship. Come over tomorrow if you want. Or I could come to your house. I want to see you again." Ian bit his lip and stiffened when I gently leaned in to softly kiss his left cheek, sticking to the first date rules. No kissing on the mouth or heavy clinging. Sure we knew each other for a long time but it was no excuse to be too close on the first date. My lips left his warm skin and it made me smile to see Ian's eyes sparkling in the dark and his cute face beaming with soft joy. "Have a good night, Ian." My voice was low and his was even lower as he mumbled: "Okay." He gave a small wave and as he was halfway through the front door he smiled bashfully and tried to say confidently: "Goodnight." I gave a small wave back and Ian shut the door gingerly, my hard work at our date paying off.
I couldn't wipe the grin off my face and stop the fluttering beat of my heart as I got back in my car, checking my phone to see that it was 10:59. I got him back home just in time. God damn I'm good. I-I can't stop smiling. I've never felt this way about anyone before. Time to go home. It didn't matter if I got myself home before eleven, but apparently my mom was concerned why I was home so late. She found it even weirder when I walked through the kitchen with a grin on my face and the few chuckles I couldn't keep down. "Where have you been?" Her tone sounded like she wasn't interested but a little annoyed. "Just chilling with Ian." She was disturbed from my really good mood. "W-well why are you home so late?" Not even her nagging could dampen my spirits. "J-just lost track of time when playing videogames." I was in the hallway and she still wouldn't leave me be. "Why are you so happy?" The right thing to do was say she was glad I was happy instead of question it. I felt no guilt as I lied: "I'm the ultimate champion at Mortal Kombat." Finally she stopped with the interrogation and I made it to my room safe, keeping my secret so easily from her. She could never find out I was dating Ian. "Some things are better left unsaid." The excitement was wearing off as I got more and more tired. My fingers fumbled while locking my door and undressing, leaving my clothes on the floor and crawling into bed in boxers and an old white t-shirt.
"Fuck I'm tired." The calm dark of my room made my eyes heavy and my body relaxed. My white covers felt like clouds and even as my eyes were shut and I was getting so sleepy, my mind still had some things to say. Everything…went perfectly. I'm great at this love thing. And Ian will be, too. It's too early to say the L word…but hopefully that date made him feel some more um…feelings or whatever. He likes me now…but because of how great I treated him…could he really…will he…love me in the morning? I heard no more of my thoughts, only the quiet night softly spilling tranquility into my ears and the dark resting on my closed eyes. I had such a great night. With someone who might have been the one.