Even Without Words

Kellin

Gabe made me sit on the counter in his bathroom and helped me straighten my hair. I ended up being super fussy since my hair in the back wasn’t cooperating and put on a red beanie. I borrowed one of Justin’s shirts since he was the only one who had anything that would fit me since I’m so small. I pulled on the tightest pants I owned and waited around for Vic. I was fixing my hair some more in the bathroom when Jack walked in and Jesse disappeared.

“Well don’t you look smoking,” Jack said to me before kissing his boyfriend. I smiled shyly and there was a knock on the door in Gabe’s room. Gabe and I ran out and I was starting to feel an anxiety attack beginning. I was shaking a little when Gabe opened the door. He stepped aside and I saw Vic with his jaw hanging open. I fidgeted a little, not nearly as nervous as before but still decently scared. Vic looked perfect in his white shirt and black hoodie. I didn’t deserve him.

Vic just held out his hand and I took it hesitantly. He pulled me out into the hall and down the stairs. He didn’t say anything but keep looking at me every once in a while. I started wondering if I didn’t look good or something and started having a panic attack. I’m not good enough for him, I’ve known it all along. We were only just outside when Vic stopped to look at me.

“Kellin?” He asked, looking concerned. “What’s wrong?”

By this point, I was shaking too badly to even write so I just gave up. Vic’s arms went around me tightly and I didn’t move at all. I didn’t hug him back but I didn’t push him away either.

“Baby,” He whispered. “Calm down. You look better than gorgeous and you’re more perfect than any other human being I know. Please try and tell me what’s wrong.”

Wait, did he say there was nothing wrong with me? I replayed his words in my head and buried my head in his chest. When I calmed down, I pulled out my notepad and scribbled on it.
I was worried I wasn’t good enough for you since you’re so amazing and I have so many problems. I handed it to him.

“No Kells,” Vic said and took my hand. “I don’t deserve YOU.”

Please. Have you looked in a mirror? You’re only the most handsome guy I’ve ever seen.
“No, you win that fight,” Vic told me. “Come on, let’s get going or we’ll be late.”

Vic pulled me over to a car in the student parking lot. I realised I didn’t even know he drove or had his own car, but it would make it a lot easier than walking everywhere. He opened the door for me and I slid into the passenger seat. He drove us to the mall and I looked at him funny.

“Trust me,” I heard him say. “I stole a plan from Jack.”

I giggled as he helped me out of the car and we held hands as we walked into the mall. Vic pulled me into the dollar store and I was even more confused.

“We’re gonna sneak food into the movies,” he whispered to me. “Pick whatever you want.”

My eyes lit up as I looked into Vic’s brown ones and smiled. I grabbed a couple bags of candy as Vic laughed lightly. I had some skittles, some pretzels and some gummy worms. Vic paid for the candy and we walked to the movie theatres by the food court. Vic hid the candy in his pockets before we went in and looked at what was playing.

“What do you want to see?” Vic asked me. I pulled out my notepad and scribbled on it. “I thought you didn’t like scary movies?”

But I have you to protect me. I smiled widely at him and he bought our tickets. We walked together, holding hands into the theatre. We picked some seats and got comfortable. It was a little chilly in the theatre but I didn’t want to bother Vic so I tried to stick it out.

Vic knew me better than that though and ended up giving me his sweater anyways. He was wearing a long sleeved red plaid shirt underneath and I smiled a little as I pulled my arms through the sleeves. He’d thought of everything and for once I didn’t have to feel bad about taking his sweater because he wouldn’t be cold. I laid back against his side as the movie started.

I was still scared out of my mind but having Vic’s arms around me and being able to hide my face in his side was comforting. I wished I could watch scary movies as easily as he could but then I took it back because it’s a brilliant excuse to cuddle up to him. When it was over Vic was grinning at me.

“Come on Kells,” Vic said. “That demon was as scary as Darth Maul and he looked like him too.”

I laughed a little with Vic as we walked out to the car together. It wasn’t a long drive back to the campus and Vic sang with the radio. I scribbled on my notebook as he was parking.

You have a really nice voice when you sing you know.

“So do you,” He replied with a smirk. “Why don’t you talk because I know you can.”

My dad used to tell me I sounded like a girl and that I wasn’t his son as long as I sounded like I did so I just shut up completely. He ended up leaving anyways and I knew it was my fault. My eyes started to water.

“Oh Kellin,” Vic said and brushed away the tears with one of his hands. “He was wrong. You have a beautiful voice. You should really use it so everyone can hear it.”

I shook my head and pulled my feet up on the car seat. Vic ended up helping me out and we went for a walk on the beach. We ended up in our cave.

“Can you at least talk just once?” Vic pleaded with me. “Just for me?” I sighed heavily and leaned against him.

“No,” I replied with a grin. It was the first time I’d actually talked in years and the sound scared me a little even though it was my own voice. Vic smiled down at me and kissed me. “Don’t get used to it.”