Status: hi
Kissing In Cars
2
3 AM
We’ve been driving for a few hours now, jamming to good music and eating junk. The windows were rolled down and we sang on top of our lungs.
“Goddamnit!” I exclaimed. We haven’t seen signs of civilization since 1:30 and I needed to urinate.
“What?” He asks.
“I need to pee.” I tell him. “Can we stop over or something?”
“But there’s nowhere to stop over.”
“Just fucking stop over.” I tell him.
He stops on the side of the road and I quickly got out of the car and pull my skinny jeans down peeing on the grass. I sigh in relief.
When I got back in the car Vic was laughing.
“Oh shut up, before I castrate you, you bastard.” I tell him.
“You should’ve bought that urine funnel thing.”
“Shut up.” I turn up the music.
715 Days Before
Vic is my hero, literally. He’s saved me from everything and has always been with me through my roller coaster life. He was the only anchor that kept my feet on the ground.
I was in the restroom. Relieving myself when two girls came in, their body spray filling the air.
“So have you heard about that new girl Alyson?” One of them asks.
There were many Alysons, Alisons, Allisons in school but I’m the only new one so I am sure they’re talking about me. I flinch at the mention of my name.
“What about her?” The other one asks.
“She’s always hanging out with Vic do you think there’s something going on with the two of them?”
“I don’t think she’s Vic’s type but yeah she keeps on clinging on to him like she’s his girlfriend, skank.”
Remember when I said I was in a dark place before? Well I tried to kill myself that’s why I changed schools. Everyone kept calling me names and judging me for things I didn’t do. It started with a party, I was thirteen and it was a highschool party where only the cool kids go. I had the biggest crush on this senior named Sebastian, he was half French and his family owns a resort. He was the one who invited me to the party. Since I had this huge crush I decided to go, knowing little of the possible things that could happen. Sebastian was a great gentleman to me during the first half of the party he invited me to dance, gave me drinks, and didn’t leave me. I was about to leave when he told me to drink one last drink from the makeshift bar in the kitchen. It was pink with little strawberries on the side and I already drank I-don’t-know-how-many-cups-of-beer, one little drink wouldn’t hurt. I suddenly felt dizzy after downing the drink I had to lie down on the couch.
“Come on sweetheart let’s go to the room, to get you tidied up.” Sebastian has said helping me to go to the room, which I assumed was his. I want to tell you the details of the room were it blue? Were there posters taped on the walls? Were his clothes scattered on the floor? But I couldn’t I was too intoxicated to remember.
I couldn’t remember the following things that happened, all I know is that my body was trespassed, there was a camera and I was the laughing stock of the whole school. People called me names for something I didn’t want. People judged me, laughed at me. I didn’t want to go to school the next day. I didn’t want to live the next day.
I woke up in a hospital, my stomach was pumped, my parents were disappointed but they wouldn’t listen to me for explanation. I was alive but I felt dead inside and ever since I was empty.
The word skank hurt me too much than it should’ve. Tears stung my eyes and I quickly got the razor from my bag and let myself forget the emotional pain by giving myself physical one. I cut until I was numb, cut until the pain goes away, cut until I can’t hear the voices.
Once the girls left I cleaned my wounds using the first aid kit I kept in my bag and left the restroom like nothing happened but I was mentally absent to the world, there could’ve been a zombie apocalypse and I wouldn’t even notice. I walk to the parking lot a big empty hole in my chest my eyes looking straight forward not really looking at anything.
“Where the hell have you been?” Vic asks a huge smile stamped on his face, which quickly faltered when he saw my puffy eyes. He hugs me. “What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”
I want to stay there forever, engulfed in his hug, away from the sadness and pain. “Nah, just accidentally got soap in my eye while washing my face.” Was what I wanted to say, I wanted to give him a smile and tell him it’s okay but I couldn’t I was too weak, so I cried like a baby in his arms.
“Shhhh it’s okay.” He says doing his best to calm me down.
People were staring now, I wanted to stop crying, I itched for that razor to slice my arm or my thigh but I couldn’t I was so weak too weak so I cried harder.
“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” Vic said and I just held on to those words.
We’ve been driving for a few hours now, jamming to good music and eating junk. The windows were rolled down and we sang on top of our lungs.
“Goddamnit!” I exclaimed. We haven’t seen signs of civilization since 1:30 and I needed to urinate.
“What?” He asks.
“I need to pee.” I tell him. “Can we stop over or something?”
“But there’s nowhere to stop over.”
“Just fucking stop over.” I tell him.
He stops on the side of the road and I quickly got out of the car and pull my skinny jeans down peeing on the grass. I sigh in relief.
When I got back in the car Vic was laughing.
“Oh shut up, before I castrate you, you bastard.” I tell him.
“You should’ve bought that urine funnel thing.”
“Shut up.” I turn up the music.
715 Days Before
Vic is my hero, literally. He’s saved me from everything and has always been with me through my roller coaster life. He was the only anchor that kept my feet on the ground.
I was in the restroom. Relieving myself when two girls came in, their body spray filling the air.
“So have you heard about that new girl Alyson?” One of them asks.
There were many Alysons, Alisons, Allisons in school but I’m the only new one so I am sure they’re talking about me. I flinch at the mention of my name.
“What about her?” The other one asks.
“She’s always hanging out with Vic do you think there’s something going on with the two of them?”
“I don’t think she’s Vic’s type but yeah she keeps on clinging on to him like she’s his girlfriend, skank.”
Remember when I said I was in a dark place before? Well I tried to kill myself that’s why I changed schools. Everyone kept calling me names and judging me for things I didn’t do. It started with a party, I was thirteen and it was a highschool party where only the cool kids go. I had the biggest crush on this senior named Sebastian, he was half French and his family owns a resort. He was the one who invited me to the party. Since I had this huge crush I decided to go, knowing little of the possible things that could happen. Sebastian was a great gentleman to me during the first half of the party he invited me to dance, gave me drinks, and didn’t leave me. I was about to leave when he told me to drink one last drink from the makeshift bar in the kitchen. It was pink with little strawberries on the side and I already drank I-don’t-know-how-many-cups-of-beer, one little drink wouldn’t hurt. I suddenly felt dizzy after downing the drink I had to lie down on the couch.
“Come on sweetheart let’s go to the room, to get you tidied up.” Sebastian has said helping me to go to the room, which I assumed was his. I want to tell you the details of the room were it blue? Were there posters taped on the walls? Were his clothes scattered on the floor? But I couldn’t I was too intoxicated to remember.
I couldn’t remember the following things that happened, all I know is that my body was trespassed, there was a camera and I was the laughing stock of the whole school. People called me names for something I didn’t want. People judged me, laughed at me. I didn’t want to go to school the next day. I didn’t want to live the next day.
I woke up in a hospital, my stomach was pumped, my parents were disappointed but they wouldn’t listen to me for explanation. I was alive but I felt dead inside and ever since I was empty.
The word skank hurt me too much than it should’ve. Tears stung my eyes and I quickly got the razor from my bag and let myself forget the emotional pain by giving myself physical one. I cut until I was numb, cut until the pain goes away, cut until I can’t hear the voices.
Once the girls left I cleaned my wounds using the first aid kit I kept in my bag and left the restroom like nothing happened but I was mentally absent to the world, there could’ve been a zombie apocalypse and I wouldn’t even notice. I walk to the parking lot a big empty hole in my chest my eyes looking straight forward not really looking at anything.
“Where the hell have you been?” Vic asks a huge smile stamped on his face, which quickly faltered when he saw my puffy eyes. He hugs me. “What’s wrong? Have you been crying?”
I want to stay there forever, engulfed in his hug, away from the sadness and pain. “Nah, just accidentally got soap in my eye while washing my face.” Was what I wanted to say, I wanted to give him a smile and tell him it’s okay but I couldn’t I was too weak, so I cried like a baby in his arms.
“Shhhh it’s okay.” He says doing his best to calm me down.
People were staring now, I wanted to stop crying, I itched for that razor to slice my arm or my thigh but I couldn’t I was so weak too weak so I cried harder.
“It’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” Vic said and I just held on to those words.
♠ ♠ ♠
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