Heart's in Baltimore

RILEY'S POV

*****

After leaving Alex's house, I felt all of the old feelings from when I was 17 years old blowing up in my face again. I still loved and was still in love with Alex and deep down, I knew that. I knew it when I came to Baltimore in the first place.

I loved the way he could act like such a girl with his hair. The way he just knew when something was bothering you. The way his voice just sounded so smooth and so flawless. The way his smile reached his eyes. The color of his eyes. The sound of his laugh. The feel of his touch. Everything about him.

After thirty-five minutes of driving around the neighborhood, I found myself on one of my other best friend's, Jared's, front doorstep. I knew he would be the one who was hurt the most, besides Alex. Jared and I had been friends since the 6th grade. We had done everything together for those six years following. He was who was there for me through everything and vice versa. He held me through the nights I never thought I'd get through. He was there when Alex and I had a fight. He was the best best friend anyone could ever ask for, ever.

Jared and Alex were the two people I could never have said goodbye to. Leaving without saying goodbye to the two boys was one of my biggest regrets. Even seven years later, while back in Baltimore, Maryland, I still regretted it.

Knocking on the door, I tried to prepare what I was going to say, even though I knew that I wouldn't be able to say it. It'd most likely be a repeat of what had happened at Alex's house.

In under ten seconds, the door swung open, revealing my long lost best friend, Jared. "R-riley?" he stammered, tripping over his words.

"Yeah, it's me..." I faked a smile. "I was, uh, in the neighborhood and, uh, I tho-" before she could let the sentence leave her mouth, Jared had pulled her into a tight hug.

"I missed you so much. I honestly didn't think you'd ever come back here," my best friend laughed into my hair. "What brings you around here anyways? And none of that 'I'm in the neighborhood' bullshit."

"I saw, uh, All Time Low on my TV back home... Alex wrote some song about me, saying, 'Carry on home. I'll be waiting miles and miles away. Leaving you to be forever 17. Cleaning up the messes that you made.' I took that as some sort of sign that I needed to come fix what I left back here or I'd be 'forever 17'..." I trailed off awkwardly, realizing how stupid I sounded and how stupid I was for coming back here.

"Seven years later you decide to come back and fix it? That song's been out for a few years, Ri," Jared laughed his laugh that I had missed so much.

"I know," I smiled nostalgically, letting everything sink in. "I just... I needed to come back here and see if I could let go... if I was ready to, you know?"

"Yeah, I know. I get it," Jared said reassuringly, even if he might not have gotten it. He just had that way with people; he could make you feel better by making you think he knew what you were talking about. "Be honest, though, did you come back here in hopes to fix everything then leave again or did you come back to see if you were still in love with Alex?" he asked, knowingly.

Sighing heavily, I felt my shoulders slump in my tee shirt. "A little bit of both, but he's got a girlfriend. I've got a boyfriend, so you know..."

Jared let out a loud laugh, taking me aback a little. "Lisa? Alex would leave her in a heartbeat for you, believe me. They're so dysfunctional. Besides that, it's seven years later and he's still writing songs about you, Riley," he stated as if it were obvious.

"W-what? He is?" I asked in disbelief. I thought the songs about me had finally expired and were no more.

"Yeah!" Jared exclaimed, grabbing my wrist and pulling me into his home, shutting the door behind him. "Follow me."

Abiding by his instructions, I followed my best friend into a room with a computer. "Why am I in front of a computer?" I interrogated.

Pushing his dark hair out of his eyes, Jared gave me a knowing smile. "What was the last song you heard by All Time Low that was about you?"

"Remembering Sunday and Six Feet Under The Stars."

"Look up Return The Favor. It's from their most recent album," Jared said hurriedly, bouncing on his feet.

Typing in the name of the song he had said, I clicked on the first lyric site to pop up. "This is about me?" I furrowed my thin brows together. As my best friend nodded behind me, I read the lyrics out loud. "Did you forget what I said? Trainwreck; here we, here we go again. Derailed, did I fail to mention that I put it on the line? Whether you and me could ever be, we'll never see."

"I suppose this is one of his angry songs, eh?" Jared said behind reading over the lyrics himself. "There are some happy ones that I'll show you later.

Not responding to his offer, I read some more lyrics. "How do I get away when you're begging me to stay? What do you need me to say? You're anything but ordinary. What do you want me to do? I've given it all to you. I wish you would return the favor. Are you gonna throw it all away? Are we gonna do this all again? Maybe it's all pretend. The game should end. I guess nobody wins."

"Look up Time Bomb. It's from the same album," Jared spoke when I finished reading the lyrics of the song.

Typing in Time Bomb into the search engine, I clicked on another lyric site, reading the lyrics out loud again. "There's no way out of this, so let's stay in. Every storm that comes also comes to an end. Resistance is useless. We're just two kids, stupid and fearless. Like a bullet shooting the lovesick, there's only one way down this road." Sitting silent for a few seconds, I flickered my grey eyes at Jared. "He still loves me...?"

"He's still just as crazy over you as he was in high school, Riley. You just have to get him to admit it," Jared said, rolling his brown eyes as if it were obvious. "Also, you're still head over ass for him, too. You just have to realize it. Which you will, eventually, I assume."

I couldn't contain the huge smile on my face as I flung my arms around my best friend. "I love you, best friend."

"I love you, too, kid," he smiled, hugging me back just as tightly. "But, I assume I'm not the last stop on your trip. So, go fix things with everyone else, kiddo. Then come see me and we'll catch up properly."

"Deal," I grinned, bidding my goodbye to my best friend and getting in my car. Seeing Jared went better than I had expected, but one thing was still in my head. "He's still just as crazy over you as he was in high school. Also, you're still head over ass for him, too. You just have to realize that. Which you will, eventually."

Alex was still in love with me?

-----

An hour and a half later, I had talked to Zack, Rian and Jack as well, explaining why I left and why I was back and everything in between that they wanted to know.

Jack was always the biggest supporter of Alex and I; resulting in when he had found out that I had a boyfriend back in Seattle, he screamed and pouted that I break up with him for Alex. When I had protested, saying Alex, too, was in a relationship, Jack simply scoffed and said, "If you could call that a relationship" and left it at that, leaving me even more confused than I was before.

Before following up on my promise to Jared, I decided to stop at Alex's house again to catch up a bit more. When I pulled into his driveway, though, I noticed that there was another unfamiliar car parked next to his. Maybe he had a family friend visiting for a few minutes or something, I thought, pushing the thought of Lisa being there out of my mind.

Well, I tried to. This time when I knocked on the big, white door, a petite blonde answered the door, looking just as confused as I felt. "Um, I'm here for, uh, Alex?"

With a fake smile plastered on her face, she giggled. "Sorry, sweetie; we don't really want any," her eyes looked me up and down, making me self conscious, "fans at our private home. Just wait until a show or something to meet him," she shot me the same smile before she began to close the door.

"Um, I'm no fan," I rolled my grey eyes, running a hand through my tousled hair. Assuming that the blonde in front of me was Lisa, I chose my words carefully. "I'm one of Alex's friends from high school... I was here earlier."

Narrowing her eyes to little slits, the girl finally turned around, calling for Alex, her hair whipping around with her. "Why were you here with my boyfriend?"

"I told you, Jesus Christ. We were good friends in high school and I moved away and I'm visiting for a little while," I tried my best to be polite to her; I really did. I'm not a normally rude person. Just the way she was speaking to me - like I was below or something - was beginning to piss me off.

Before she could remark back to me, Alex's familiar brown hair appeared from behind the doorway. "Oh, hey, Riley! I see you met Lisa," Alex smiled, but the smile wasn't genuine. I could tell just by the way it didn't reach his eyes. He wasn't happy and that was damn obvious.

"Yeah; it was a pleasure," I said with fake enthusiasm. If Alex wanted to pretend this girl was perfect, I'd let him keep living in that fantasy. "I was just wondering if you wanted to go down to the diner we used to go to back when we were kids, then we could go hang out with Jared afterwards, if you're up for it," I smiled sweetly at my ex-boyfriend, feeling his current girlfriend's eyes seer into my face.

"Oh, yeah! That'd be really cool; just let me put some sneakers on and grab my phone and I'll be right out!" Alex's smile instantly reached his caramel eyes; making me feel accomplished. I could still make him smile like he did back in high school.

Just as Alex disappeared down the hallway, Lisa's eyes glared into mine. "What is your issue?" she barked at me.

"I don't have an issue...?" I cocked a plucked brow in her direction. "I told you, Lisa. Alex and I are just friends from high school."

"Don't act like I haven't heard about you," the blonde rolled her eyes at me. "That Jared guy is always telling Alex how he should go 'find you' and break up with me and go back to you."

"What do you mean find me?"

"Apparently, you didn't move away like you said earlier," Lisa shrugged carelessly. "You ran from all your friends here, didn't you?" she queried, but not giving me enough time to reply. "A few months after Alex and I got together, I met your little friend, Jared. He was always pestering Alex to go find you, wherever you were. That you guys belonged together. I knew I didn't like Jared the second I laid my eyes on him," the short girl scoffed. "He needs to mind his own business, really. Alex loves me. You guys aren't getting back together, okay? So go tell your little friend to mind his own business before it becomes a problem," she smirked at me; she knew exactly what she was doing, I knew she did. She knew if she insulted my friends, I'd get mad. She was hoping I'd make a scene; make Alex pissed at me.

I wasn't letting her win, though. "Okay. I'll let him know when Alex and I go over there later tonight," I smiled graciously at her, as she stared at me in disbelief. She had been defeated and just by the look on her face, I knew she couldn't stand it.

"Well, I'm ready to go!" Alex's voice sounded from behind the small woman. "Bye, Lis. See you later," he smiled weakly at her, rushing at the door.

"Love you, 'Lex!" she called out in a cheery voice to Alex's back.

Turning on my heel, I rolled my eyes once my backside was facing her, stifling my laughter when Alex replied with a simple, "You too", causing her to slam the door shut.

Hopping into the driver's seat of my car, as Alex jumped into the passenger seat, I started the car, glancing over at my ex. "I don't know if you've realized it, but you're girlfriend's a bit of a bitch."

"Trust me, I know," Alex laughed, rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry, by the way, if she said anything that might've pissed you off. Lisa tends to get really jealous and... annoying, sometimes."

"If you think she's a bitch, why don't you break up with her?" I finally asked the question that had been itching me for the past few minutes as I pulled out of Alex's driveway.

"Uh... I don't know," Alex hesitated. "Everyone's moody sometimes, right? I mean, she has good moments that I stick around for," he smiled weakly.

"You seem to forget that I know when you're faking a smile, 'Lex," I laughed lightly. "I'm not going to force you to tell me anything, though. I just want to point out that she told me about how Jared thought you should've went and found me after you started dating Lisa."

"You're crazy if you think Jared only told me to go find you when I started dating Lis," Alex chuckled softly to himself. "That started the minute we realized you left and weren't coming back. It was always 'Alex, if you love her, go find her, dammit' or 'Alex, GO FIND HER. SHE LOVES YOU.'"

"...Why didn't you come find me?" I thought out loud, mentally slapping myself for asking such a stupid question.

"I was scared, I guess," Alex answered almost automatically. "You were a lot of my firsts, Ri. My first love. My first time. Stuff like that... I was scared to face the rejection if I did find you. Let's say, hypothetically, if I found out you were in Seattle and I flew out to see you. I wouldn't be able to handle it if you just told me to go home. To not come back. I was scared that you wouldn't want me back, that I'd have to come back to Baltimore without you. So I just didn't risk it."

"I wish you would've came and found me, 'Lex..." I confessed to my ex-boyfriend, taking a left on the road in front of me. "Things would be so different now..."

"I know, Ri. A part of me hates myself for not going to find you or at least not even attempting to look for you."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks. He hated himself for not even bothering to look for me...

A million and two different thoughts were running through my head as the car fell silent, but one in particular stuck out to me.

If Alex had came and found me in Seattle, would I have taken him back then?