All I Wanted was to be Skinny....
Deep, Deep, Deeper...
I walked into the bathroom, full of sweet syrup and fluffy waffles. I maneuvered my way towards an empty stall, checking to make sure no one else was there. Locking the door behind me, I got down on my knees. I tied my hair behind me with an old rubber-band. I shoved my first two fingers down my throat. Deep, deep, deeper. All of the food I had just eaten was straight down into the toilet. The waffles, coffee, orange juice, syrup, everything. I continued this process until I knew for sure that it was all out of me. I took some toilet paper and wiped my mouth off before flushing the toilet and leaving the stall. Before exiting the washroom, I went out to wash my hands and check to see how bad my eyes were bloodshot.
I went outside and back into the diner. I found all of my supposed friends sitting there in the large red vinyl booth set in the back. I walked over and sat down next to Gwendolyn – the cute, slightly plump one.
“Hey Ana! I can’t wait to go to your house tomorrow,” said Melanie – the fun-loving, bubbly one. I had completely forgotten about that.
“Oh…Um, I don’t think you guys can come over.” I mumbled.
“Why not?” questioned Amber – the fun, sporty one.
“Um…My mom’s not in town right now. I’m sorry. Maybe another time…?”
“If your mom’s not in town right now, that would only make it more fun!”
“I’m sorry. I just really can’t.” I said seriously.
They all nodded their heads like the robots they were. We exited the diner and all headed towards Rain’s car. Rain was the quiet and shy girl. I was the only one who she could actually talk to. I knew she had tried to commit suicide when she turned 13. I also knew that she was a foster child who no one would adopt. I gave her sympathy. She was the only person who knew I was bulimic and anorexic.
The only one.
Sadly.
We got into Rain’s deep blue car before exiting the diner parking lot. She dropped me off first. I waved to them with a false smile on my face and headed towards my front door. Before I could even touch the knob, my mother threw open the door and began yelling at me.
“ANALEIGH WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!”
“If you ever listened, you would have known that I was out with friends.”
“What? You were out? Where?” She questioned loudly.
“At the diner.”
“Oh so you were out getting fatter?” She chuckled with a devious smirk painted on her face. I stopped in my tracks and tears began to form in my eyes.
“Whatever…” I mumbled before walking upstairs.
I walked into my room and into my bathroom. I opened the drawer and found my razorblades. Shrugging up my sleeve, I held the blade to my wrist and pressed down. Not super hard, but hard enough to draw blood. I dragged it slowly across, causing droplets of blood to drip down and onto the linoleum floor. I hissed with pain and ended up dropping the blade to the ground. I had cut deeper than I thought. I grabbed a wash cloth off of the counter and held it to the cut. Before I knew it, half the cloth was soaked and I was beginning to get lightheaded. I grabbed onto the side of the bathtub before I could fall backwards. I quickly turned on the water and held my still-bleeding wrist underneath. It stung immensely, but it finally stopped bleeding. I still felt lightheaded, but I turned off the water and proceeded to get up. I cleaned up the ground and the counter before hiding my razor blade once more and exiting the bathroom. I was in there for what felt like hours, but was only minutes.
My mother came banging on my door. “Analeigh don’t you dare ‘whatever’ me!” Even though she was on the other side, her yelling was loud and clear. I flipped her off through the door so she couldn’t see. She’d yell at me for sure.
“Open this goddamn door immediately!” she screams. I walk over as slow as I can and turn the knob before I let her in. I peak my head over the side so she can only catch a glimpse at my eye and some of my hair.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to apologize to me for having attitude!”
“I’m sorry,” I say insincerely. She glares at me and slaps me hard on the one side of my face that
she can see before walking away. I close my eyes tight and hope for the pain to subside quickly. I quietly shut the door and I begin to feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I squeeze my eyes tighter and head towards my bathroom to examine the damage.
I look in the mirror and see a large, red handprint staining my pale skin. My nose is red and my eyes are bloodshot from the tears threatening to spill out. I hold them in.
/Stay strong
For everyone else/
I went outside and back into the diner. I found all of my supposed friends sitting there in the large red vinyl booth set in the back. I walked over and sat down next to Gwendolyn – the cute, slightly plump one.
“Hey Ana! I can’t wait to go to your house tomorrow,” said Melanie – the fun-loving, bubbly one. I had completely forgotten about that.
“Oh…Um, I don’t think you guys can come over.” I mumbled.
“Why not?” questioned Amber – the fun, sporty one.
“Um…My mom’s not in town right now. I’m sorry. Maybe another time…?”
“If your mom’s not in town right now, that would only make it more fun!”
“I’m sorry. I just really can’t.” I said seriously.
They all nodded their heads like the robots they were. We exited the diner and all headed towards Rain’s car. Rain was the quiet and shy girl. I was the only one who she could actually talk to. I knew she had tried to commit suicide when she turned 13. I also knew that she was a foster child who no one would adopt. I gave her sympathy. She was the only person who knew I was bulimic and anorexic.
The only one.
Sadly.
We got into Rain’s deep blue car before exiting the diner parking lot. She dropped me off first. I waved to them with a false smile on my face and headed towards my front door. Before I could even touch the knob, my mother threw open the door and began yelling at me.
“ANALEIGH WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU BEEN?!”
“If you ever listened, you would have known that I was out with friends.”
“What? You were out? Where?” She questioned loudly.
“At the diner.”
“Oh so you were out getting fatter?” She chuckled with a devious smirk painted on her face. I stopped in my tracks and tears began to form in my eyes.
“Whatever…” I mumbled before walking upstairs.
I walked into my room and into my bathroom. I opened the drawer and found my razorblades. Shrugging up my sleeve, I held the blade to my wrist and pressed down. Not super hard, but hard enough to draw blood. I dragged it slowly across, causing droplets of blood to drip down and onto the linoleum floor. I hissed with pain and ended up dropping the blade to the ground. I had cut deeper than I thought. I grabbed a wash cloth off of the counter and held it to the cut. Before I knew it, half the cloth was soaked and I was beginning to get lightheaded. I grabbed onto the side of the bathtub before I could fall backwards. I quickly turned on the water and held my still-bleeding wrist underneath. It stung immensely, but it finally stopped bleeding. I still felt lightheaded, but I turned off the water and proceeded to get up. I cleaned up the ground and the counter before hiding my razor blade once more and exiting the bathroom. I was in there for what felt like hours, but was only minutes.
My mother came banging on my door. “Analeigh don’t you dare ‘whatever’ me!” Even though she was on the other side, her yelling was loud and clear. I flipped her off through the door so she couldn’t see. She’d yell at me for sure.
“Open this goddamn door immediately!” she screams. I walk over as slow as I can and turn the knob before I let her in. I peak my head over the side so she can only catch a glimpse at my eye and some of my hair.
“What do you want?”
“I want you to apologize to me for having attitude!”
“I’m sorry,” I say insincerely. She glares at me and slaps me hard on the one side of my face that
she can see before walking away. I close my eyes tight and hope for the pain to subside quickly. I quietly shut the door and I begin to feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I squeeze my eyes tighter and head towards my bathroom to examine the damage.
I look in the mirror and see a large, red handprint staining my pale skin. My nose is red and my eyes are bloodshot from the tears threatening to spill out. I hold them in.
/Stay strong
For everyone else/
♠ ♠ ♠
Lolhaither. Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed. Please leave a comment telling me how it was and if I should go on.