Shattered

By 3 o’clock they had run every test they could possible think of and I was drifting in and out of sleep while Jeff was in and out of the room talking to doctors.

“Everything so far is looking good, babe!” he reported with a grin. “Obviously they’ve only gotten a few results back yet but that’s positive!”

“I can’t believe I have to stay in here for 4 days,” I muttered. “It’s going to be so boring.”

“It won’t be that bad,” he replied. “You have cable! You can watch my games!”

I couldn’t help but giggle at that but it was cut short when Jeff’s phone started ringing.

“Hey Gabe! What’s up?” Jeff said into the phone. I watched his eyes widen as he set them on me.
“She’s there right now?”

“What?!” I exclaimed, only hearing one side of the conversation. “Sophie?”

Jeff nodded his head towards me as he said into the phone, “Well, does she seem okay? Do you want me to come to the apartment?” After a brief pause he responded with, “Yeah, yeah. I understand. We’ll see you soon. Call me if you need me, eh?”

A few seconds later he hung up the phone. “Well, Sophie showed up at the apartment.”

“Well at least she’s ALIVE! Is she okay? What did he say?”

“He said she looks fine and unhurt. She was surprised to find him there but they both agreed they needed to talk. He said he’d bring her and the babies here on his way to the airport.”

“Good. I don’t want her alone with them until I see her. She might just take off with them again. Holy fuck. What a relief,” I muttered. “Such a stress relief. This is definitely good for the baby.”

Jeff came over and sat down on the bed next to me. “Definitely good,” he said, leaning down to give me a quick kiss. “I’m interested in seeing how she explains herself.”

“Yeah, me too. No point in stressing about it right now though. Right now, we need to worry about us. And this baby. And the best thing for this baby is for me to not lose my sanity. Therefore, we are going to need to seriously figure out something to do for the next few hours because I’m already bored.”

“Okay, okay,” Jeff said with a grin. “I’ll go downstairs and get you some magazines or something. I’ll text Gabe too and get him to grab whatever book it is you’re currently reading from our room before they come.”

“You are the best baby daddy ever,” I said with a little smile. “I’m just so happy you were the one to knock me up.”

“Yeah, you definitely got lucky. Baby’s gonna have some good genes,” he replied, turning and shooting me a wink as he walked out of the room.

The next few hours passed excruciatingly slow as I anxiously waited to be reunited with my sister.
The minute I heard the knock on the door I felt the tears spring to my eyes. The second she walked in and saw me crying she rushed over to me and pulled me into a hug. “I’m so sorry, sis. So sorry. I hate that I did this to you.”

“Where the fuck were you Soph?!” I exclaimed, pulling out of the hug.

“I just, I needed out Tori. And I know that’s an awful thing to say but it was so overwhelming. I didn’t like, go crazy or anything though. I went to get help. I’ve been getting help.”

“Hey, hun, I’m sorry to interrupt but I’ve got to get going,” Gabe cut in. Sophie went over and he pulled her into a hug. “I love you,” I heard him whisper to her. “We’re going to figure this out.”

“I know we will,” she said back. “Call me when you land.”

“Absolutely,” he responded. After giving both Jeff and I a hug and kissing the babies goodbye he was out the door.

“Um, I’m just going to run out and get us some supper alright? Let you guys talk,” Jeff said, giving me an encouraging smile.

As soon as he was gone I got Sophie to bring the babies over to the bed so we could cuddle with them. “Alright,” I said when we got comfortable. “Everything. Now.”

“It’s post-partum,” she said quietly, almost with embarrassment. “And I knew it. I knew there was something wrong from when I first brought them home. It’s just – it isn’t something you want to admit to, Tori. You’re out here struggling because of what happened to Casey and I’m home with two perfectly healthy, beautiful babies that I don’t want. No, that sounded bad. It isn’t that I didn’t WANT them –“

“It’s okay, Soph,” I said quietly. “I researched it all. I figured it was something like that. I understand it’s more complicated than you didn’t want them.”

“Exactly. And then I got in a fight with Gabe and it scared me. We never fight. Then I started panicking because I convinced myself that we jumped into everything so fast. I mean, I’m so young and I’m a wife and a mother and I just, ran. To here, first. I figured if you could just help me out for a few weeks I’d get over it all and then I could go home. But I saw you and Jeff in the kitchen with them and you just looked like the perfect, happy family and I realized that I wanted that! SO bad. I want me and Gabriel to be that happy standing around the kitchen having a family breakfast. So, I decided I needed help. I was still embarrassed though. I couldn’t bring myself to admit I couldn’t do it.”

I glanced over at her as she went silent, noticing the tears. “It’s alright, Soph. It’s gonna be okay,” I said, wrapping my arm around her. “I understand where you’re coming from but I still wish you had just told me. I was so worried! Mom came down and we went to the police and everything. I hate to say it but I was really scared that you just, abandoned them.”

“I thought you wouldn’t understand,” she said quietly. “Are you mad?”

“I’m not mad. I’m happy you’re working on getting help though. What’s your plan with Gabe?”

“Well, the psychiatrist I’ve been seeing is obviously here. I know I could find one in Colorado but we talked about it and you could use some help right now. Congratulations by the way!”

“Thanks,” I said with a small smile. “I wish I could have told you myself. It was so weird finding out and not being able to reach you. I had your number dialed and everything.”

“Well, I’m here now,” she responded with a grin. “I’m going to stay here with the babies for the next few weeks and you’re going to take it easy. Jeff’s mom is still coming though because I have an appointment every day with my psychiatrist. We’ll stay with you until Christmas when everyone comes. Then we’ll leave and go back with Gabriel after that.”

I smiled and nodded. “That sounds really good. I like that you’re going to be here for a while.”

Jeff picked that moment to return with Subway for him and I. Sophie took one look and started standing up. “I’ll take them back to the apartment and let you guys eat,” she said quickly.

“It’s no big deal!” Jeff exclaimed. “Stay. I’m sure Tori would like you to stick around and I’m heading back after we eat anyway. You can just come with me instead of getting an unnecessary cab.”

“Okay,” she replied, nodding. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

I handed Lily over to Jeff to put back into her car seat before he passed me my food. I couldn’t help but smile as I made eye contact with Sophie. “I’m so glad you’re back,” I said.

“Me too,” she responded with the first genuine smile I had seen from her in a long time.