Shattered

“YOU LEFT HIM?! WHAT DO YOU FUCKING MEAN YOU LEFT HIM?” I exclaimed, forgetting I had Jack in my arms. I hurried over and put him back into the play pen then went and took Lily and did the same.

“I left him? It’s pretty damn self-explanatory, sis. He isn’t living up to expectations.”

“He’s a LOVE of your LIFE, Sophie! You’ve been together forever and have never had an issue. What the fuck could he possibly have done?”

“I’m alone, Tori! We got married and it was great and I was pregnant and it was amazing and he was so amazing and then I had the babies and now he’s never there. I’m alone – I’m raising TWO babies all by myself and it’s too hard!”

“Soph, Gabe plays in the NHL. Away games are a part of the package. He’s gone the same amount now that he was always gone. Also, your solution to feeling lonely is to LEAVE your husband so that you’re truly alone? I know I’m not that smart one here but do you not realize how fucking stupid that sounds?”

“Stop,” she whispered, which immediately shut me up. “Please just stop.” I walked back over to her and forced her to look up at me. When I noticed the tears in her eyes I immediately pulled her in for a hug. “He’s a great dad, Tory,” she sobbed. “I’m such a shitty mom. I can’t handle it.”

“You’re a great mom Sophie! Stop that. They’re only six months old. You’re tired, stressed out and still learning. You’re doing fine!” I slowly walked her over to the couch. “Why don’t you get a nanny? I mean, I do understand that Gabe’s gone a lot. I mean, I live with Jeff. But, you can’t like, leave him. You guys love each other and you have those babies to think of, Soph.”

“Listen, speaking of the babies, I have to go buy some formula and diapers and stuff. Can you watch them while I run to the store?”

“Sure,” I replied, feeling defeated. “But when you get back, you’re calling Gabe.”

“Whatever.” She made her way into her room and quickly returned fully dressed with her purse. “I’ll see you soon, sis. Thanks for watching them.”

An hour and a half later, I had just gotten the babies down for a nap when Jeff walked through the door. “Babe, they’re starving and Sophie should have been back ages ago. I don’t know what to do.”

“I’m sure she just got caught up. Probably enjoying some time alone. They’ll be fine for another little while, yeah?”

“I have no idea? I mean, I don’t know when they ate this morning.”

“I can watch them while you run to the store if you don’t want to wait.”

“Yeah. Okay. That sounds good. When I get back we need to talk too.”

“What’s going on with them?”

“I don’t even know. We’ll talk in a bit,” I replied as I walked over to him. I leaned up and kissed him quickly. “I love you, you know.”

“Love you too, babe. Go get them formula.”

I walked back into the apartment a half an hour later loaded up with formula and diapers. “Is Sophie back yet?” I called out.

Jeff walked out of the kitchen balancing two laughing babies. “I’ll take that as a no,” I muttered. “I didn’t see her at the store anywhere. I wonder where she went.”

“I’m sure she’s fine. Just send her a text or whatever.”

“Yeah. I’ll do it later. We have to feed these little munchkins.”

“Yes we do,” Jeff said in a baby voice as he looked down at the twins. “Let’s get these beautiful baby’s bellies full.”

By the time we got the babies fed, played with them for a bit and got them back to sleep I was starting to get worried. While Jeff was cleaning up the toys in the living room I hastily dialed Sophie’s phone number. “Where the hell are you? Call me, Soph. Now,” I spat out to her answering machine.

“Do you think we should call Gabe?” Jeff asked when I curled up next to him on the couch.

“He doesn’t know that she left, babe. She said she was feeling lonely and that he was never there and that she sucked as a mother,” I cut myself off as I started to cry.

“It’s okay, hun,” Jeff said softly as he rubbed my back. “I’m sure she’s fine. She’s just stressed out. Probably ran away thinking it would make her feel better. You know her. She’ll be back tomorrow.”

“Jeff what if she has that post mortem depression thing?! What if she did something stupid?”

“Tori, stop. She isn’t that stupid. She loves Gabe and she loves those babies. She’s just struggling right now. She’ll come back and she’ll talk to you. Everything’s going to be fine,” he responded as he pulled me in tight to his side. Just as my crying started to slow down my phone started to ring.

“Sophie?” I practically screamed into it.

“Tori? No. It’s Gabe. I’ve been trying to reach Sophie all day. I don’t know where the babies are. All their stuff is gone. What the hell is going on?”

“Gabe, oh my God. The babies are here. They’re fine. Sophie showed up here with them this morning. She was a mess. She told me hours ago that she was going out to get formula and diapers and she just, didn’t come back. I don’t know what to do.”

“Oh thank fuck. The babies are okay? Did you feed them? They have to be fed like all the time. Are they sleeping now? Their routine is important, Tori. They should be asleep now.”

“They’re perfect, Gabe,” I whispered. “I just don’t know what to do about Sophie.”

“I’ve called her like a thousand times and she isn’t picking up. I keep getting her voicemail. I got home from a week long roadie early this morning and she was just… gone. And all of the baby’s stuff was gone. I tried calling all the WAGs but nobody has seen her. I never in a million years thought she’d go all the way to North Carolina. Holy fuck.”

“What happened Gabe?”

“I don’t even know, Tori,” he replied, sounding defeated. “It’s harder than I thought it would be. I know she’s feeling lonely being stuck here with them all the time but I mean, what am I supposed to do? This is my job. She probably just needs some sleep. She’ll come back. We’ll figure this out. I just want the babies to come back. I haven’t even seen them in a week.”

“Well I don’t even know where Sophie is right now, Gabriel,” I spat out, starting to get frustrated. He didn’t seem concerned with the fact that Sophie left him at all. I seemed to be the only one concerned that nobody had even heard from Sophie in hours. She had left me with her kids and just disappeared. “All I know is that I have your babies asleep in my guest room and I have no fucking idea where my sister is. I don’t really know what to do either.” I stood up and handed the phone to Jeff. “Talk to him, will you? I need to take a nap.”

A few minutes later Jeff came into the bedroom and sat down next to me on the bed. “What the hell was that, Tori?”

“That was me getting frustrated, Jeff. I understand that he’s worried about the babies. Yes. I know. He’s concerned that they aren’t being taken care of. But he’s acting like Sophie not being heard from for ages is no big deal! Why am I the only one worried about her right now? She’s been gone for what, 4 or 5 hours now? She isn’t answering calls, she left here on a bad note and she’s miserable. I have a right to be worried about her.”

“Yes, you do. But if you would have listened to Gabe he would’ve told you that she’s done this throughout the last six months. She’ll call one of the WAGs to watch the babies and she’ll just disappear. It isn’t worrying him because it isn’t new, Tori. She’s going to come back and she’s going to be focused again and it’s all going to be fine.”

“Can you lie here with me for a while?” I whispered.

“What about the babies?”

“They’re fine. They’re sleeping. They’ll cry when they wake up.”

“Yeah, okay,” he replied, crawling in bed next to me and pulling me closer to him.

“I’m sorry I’ve been so mean to you today. You just didn’t hear her this morning, Jeff. She sounded so… defeated. She’s always been so put together and perfect and her and Gabe have always been perfect and I can’t handle a broken Sophie. I’ve never dealt with that before.”

“I know, babe. She’s just having a rough time right now. She had to adjust to being a mom to two kids really fast and by herself, you know? We’ll help her through it. Her and Gabe are going to be fine. They’re meant for each other and we both know they’ll work it out. They just need some help right now. And the best way to help them at this moment is to take care of the babies until Sophie comes back.”

“I know,” I whispered, starting to yawn. I curled in closer to Jeff and let myself close my eyes. “I’m just going to take a little nap. I’m sure she’ll be back by the time I wake up.”

“I’m sure she will,” Jeff whispered as he rubbed my back. “She’ll be fine.”