Shattered

By the time I had the babies changed and settled into their play pen, my mother had the hotels and phone numbers divided into two lists. It didn’t take long to find out that there were no Sophie Jones or Sophie Landeskogs checked into any hotels in the Raleigh area. Unless she was checked in under another name, we were out of luck. In desperation we also asked for Tori Jones’ but hit a dead end with that as well.

After a few minutes of silence I turned to my mom and said, “Well, guess that’s that. She’ll come back when she wants.”

“And what are you planning on doing when that happens?”

“Asking her what the hell she was thinking and getting her help? She’s not taking those kids anywhere until she sees a psychologist. She obviously has some shit on the go and it’s now my job to take care of them.”

“See, I was thinking I’d take them back to Kitchener with me…”

“Absolutely fucking not!” I spat out. “She left them with me and I’ll take care of them. Period. She didn’t come to you. I’ve got this.”

“Tori, you’re twenty years old and these aren’t your kids. You’re still dealing with Casey’s death. You don’t need to take this on right now.”

“Well it’s a good thing I’m not asking your permission then, I guess. Now, no offence but when are you leaving?”

She sighed heavily and picked up her phone. “Well I can tell you don’t want me here any longer but if you aren’t letting me take them back with me I’d like to spend some time with my grandkids. I’ll get a flight for tomorrow night. Jeff comes home when?”

“The next night. I’ll be fine. Speaking of Jeff, I have to go call him then I’m going to the gym. Do whatever you want with the babies. They need to be fed in about a half hour. The formula’s on the kitchen counter.”

I stalked out of the kitchen and into my bedroom. Throwing myself down on my bed, I quickly texted Jeff. “You awake?”

Within seconds my phone was ringing. “Hey.”

“Hey! I’ve got a half hour before pre-game nap. What’s up?”

“The police can’t do anything and we called all the hotels. She isn’t anywhere that we can find her.”

“I’m sorry, Tor.”

“Don’t be, babe. It’s alright. At least the police have the information and her description. I mean, if something really bad happens then… Well at least they know who to contact right? I’m sure she’ll come back. Eventually.”

“And how’s your mom?”

“She’s… Mom? I don’t know what I expected. I mean I know I needed the help but there was a bit of a blow-out. Shocker.”

“About what?!”

“Nothing? Everything? I don’t know. It all kind of boiled over I guess. We’re fine. I’m fine. Whatever. She’s leaving tomorrow evening.”

“She’s leaving you alone for a whole night and day without help?! I don’t know about that Tori.”

“She isn’t leaving me. I need her to go, babe. I love that you’re worried about me handling it but trust me, she’s only making me more stressed. I can do this. I know I can.”

“I know you can too. It’s not that I don’t think you’re capable! I just… I mean… Everyone needs help sometimes.”

“It’s only one day. Then you’ll be back!”

“Yes thank God. I mean, I know we’ve handled lots of road trips over the past year but my God Tori, this one’s hard. I miss you like crazy and I’m so worried.”

“Oh fuck off,” I replied, laughing. “I’m fine. Babies are fine. You focus on winning your games and you’ll be home in no time.”

“Fine,” he said sourly.

“I love you, Jeff.”

“Ugh. Love you too.”

“Good. Now go nap, superstar.”

I hung up the phone laughing and stared at the ceiling. “Only two days,” I whispered.

The next couple of days flew by. I was starting to get the hang of the twins’ schedules but by the end of the full day without my mom I was completely exhausted. The twins fell asleep in their playpen just as I sat down to watch Jeff’s game. Before I knew it I was being shaken awake by my smiling
boyfriend.

“How the hell?” I whispered, slowly sitting up.

“How much of the game did you actually see?” he asked, laughing.

“Honestly? I don’t think I saw any of it,” I smiled as he leaned down to kiss me. “I’m sorry. Did you
win?”

“We did not,” he replied with a frown. “But I did get a goal! You wanna move to the bed now? It’s 3 in the morning.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. We just need to move the babies into th-“

“Already done!” he said with a smile. “You were really sound asleep, eh? Lily cried and everything.”

“WHAT?! How didn’t I hear that?!”

“I was kidding, Tor. Jesus. You woulda heard the kid cry. I moved them in there no problem. Now come on. I missed cuddling with you.”

“Yeah,” I replied, rolling my eyes. “Cuddling. THAT’s what you missed.”

He turned to me and winked, while dragging me into the bedroom.

When I looked at the clock then next day I saw 11:30 and panicked. When I went into the living room and saw Jeff successfully feeding two babies I couldn’t help but stare in awe.

“What?” he asked skeptically.

“I can’t do that,” I huffed. “That’s not fair.”

“You just aren’t as talented as me babe. Accept that. Right babies? Aunt Tori just isn’t as awesome as Uncle Jeff!”

“Oh shut up. They love me way more. Also, how are you so fucking awake right now. You just got home. You’re supposed to be tired.”

“I slept on the plane on the way home and honey, you looked way more tired than I felt last night. Figured you needed the sleep more. Also, whatever happened to Christmas shopping, eh? We need to decorate the apartment!”

“Good God, Jeff. Slow down. You think it’s a good idea to go shopping with two babies? It could get pretty chaotic…”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine. We have their car seats and their diaper bags. We don’t know how long Sophie’s gonna be gone, Tor. You can’t just stay cooped up in this apartment.”

“Okay!” I exclaimed, bursting into a grin. “You broke me down. Totally just talked me into it. Let’s buy lots of decorations and get this place in tip-top shape. It’s gonna be Christmas soon Jeff!” I ran up and kissed him and the babies. “Hear that kids?! Santa’s coming!”

“There she is,” Jeff said quietly, smiling at me.

“Hm?”

“The Tori I fell in love with,” he said. “I knew she was still in there. Go get ready.”

An hour later we had the babies loaded into the truck and we were on our way to the mall. I was practically bouncing up and down in the passenger seat.

“You know, people always say I look like a kid and shit but my God I wish I could videotape you and show the boys which one of us is the mature one in this relationship.”

“JEFF IT’S CHRISTMAS OKAY? I’M ALLOWED TO BE EXCITED!”

All he could do was shake his head and laugh as I stared at him with wide eyes. “I promise I’ll calm down when we’re in the store. I just love Christmas ya know? And it is pretty nice to be out of the
apartment.”

“I knew you’d feel that way. I’m sure it’s easier with two people.”

When we walked into the mall the first thing I saw was Santa. Before I could even turn to Jeff I heard him say, “No. Absolutely not.”

“Pleaseeeeeeeee,” I begged. “The one last year was so cute! Everyone loved it.”

“Everyone made fun of it! Some of the boys STILL have it up on their fridge.”

“Oh, that’s not true. Come on. Please. For me?” I asked, shooting him my best smile.

“One condition.”

“Yes?”

“We have to get one of the babies too!”

“DEAL! Awe! That’s gonna be even cuter than ours! Come on!”

As soon as we got in line the woman ahead of us turned around. “Oh! What adorable little babies!”

“Thanks,” I replied with a little smile. “They’re great.”

“Wow,” she said when she finally looked at Jeff and I. “Talk about babies having babies.”

I felt Jeff grab my hand as she turned back around. When I glanced at him he shook his head. “Not worth it,” he mouthed.

I turned and stared at the floor. For the first time it was occurring to me – maybe it wasn’t the pressures of being a wife and mother that was getting to Sophie. Maybe it was the judgement from the people around her.