Before You Go

Alice felt as if someone had dropped an ice cube down her spine. She shuddered violently. The pure desolation in Louis voice made her feel as if her heart were breaking. As she watched, Harry's face fell. She could visibly see his eyes losing their familiar sparkle. Louis was full on sobbing now. Harry was holding him upright as tears started to form in how own eyes.
"Lou... what happened?" At first Louis didn't answer, but after further gentle prompting from Harry, he began to talk.
"Mum said that she... and Daisy and Phoebe were in the car... they were coming home from visiting a friend of Mum's and...there was black ice...the car skidded... I'm sorry."
Louis' voice cracked and he stopped talking. Harry was crying now too. Although Alice had never met Daisy, she felt sick to her stomach. The pain in Louis voice was almost too much bear. Neither Harry nor Louis were looking at her, so she opened the door and slipped out. She needed to find Eleanor.
As it always in when bad things happen, Alice found that she was unable to focus on anything except finding Eleanor. Alice experienced five long minutes of desperation where Eleanor was nowhere to be found - but then she spotted her standing near the speakers, talking to Danielle.
"El!" Alice yelled across the room. Eleanor didn't hear her. Alice fought through the crowd, fighting through with her elbows until she reached her friend's side.
"Hey Alice - Alice, what's wrong?" Eleanor noted Alice's pale face.
"El..I..uh...Louis needs you. Now. In Harry's room," Alice choked out. For some reason, she couldn't get Harry's face when Louis told him that his was dead out of her mind. To Eleanor's credit, she didn't question Alice's words. She just took off, pushing through the crowds. Alice followed at a slower pace. She watched from a distance as Eleanor tentatively opened the door to Harry's room and stepped inside. Alice was about to follow...but then she reconsidered. Yes, Louis was her friend, but she wasn't that close. Certainly not close enough to return to the room. Instead, the turned and headed into the kitchen. No one she knew was in there now - Niall and Izzy had disappeared, and Perrie and Zayn were nowhere to be seen. Alice headed straight to the collection of drinks. She briefly contemplated taking a shot, but decided it was easier to just grab a beer. She yanked the top off and leant against the bench as she raised the bottle to her lips. With every mouthful that she swallowed the kitchen grew blurrier and blurrier.
"Alice, there you are!" Suddenly Harry was standing beside her, tear tracks very visible on his cheeks. He took the bottle out of her hands and stood it on the bench beside them.
"How is he?" Alice asked.
"He's distraught. Alice, I need your help. We need to get everyone out of the flat."
"How?" Alice asked. It was a good question - there were several hundred people packed into their apartment and most of them were at least a little bit drunk.
"I don't know, Alice. That why I need your help." Harry pressed a hand to his temple and closed his eyes. "I hate being like this. I hate feeling drunk and sick and sad. It's not a good combination."
Alice sighed and looked down at the ground. "I can't even begin to imagine -" she began, but she stopped. "No, right, we need to clear the flat, right? How about you go out by the door and just tell people to leave and I'll go turn the stereo off and make an announcement."
Alice had started towards the living room by then, but Harry caught her wrist, pulling her back.
"Don't tell them why, alright? Don't tell them that Daisy's been killed. We can't... we don't want the media to know just yet."
"Okay, I won't." Alice promised, and Harry released her wrist. Alice blew out her breath heavily as she slipped between people to the living room. As social as she was, she wasn't the biggest fan of public speaking. Nevertheless, it needed to be done. She reached the speaker, and stopped dead. It was incredibly complex, with at least fifteen different buttons. Instead, Alice shuffled around to the back of the speaker and unplugged it from the wall. There was a sudden silence. Once the music stopped, people stopped talking. All eyes were on the speaker, and on Alice.
Gathering the hem of her dress in one hand, she stepped up into the coffee table.
"I'm sorry everyone, but we need to ask you to leave," she said very loudly. "There has been a...family emergency, and we need this apartment. So...if you could just make your way out of the door..." A few people began to drift towards the door grumblingly, but most just stared at Alice.
"Who are you?" A short red-headed woman asked.
"I'm Harry's boyfriend...I mean girlfriend. I'm his girlfriend," Alice's cheeks were flaming at her blunder. A few people were snickering. However, more and more people were beginning to leave.
"The door is that way," said a voice from the back corner. Perrie was standing, frowning, pointing in the direction of the front door. She was glaring around at the people in the room. "Please leave."
"Make me," A random man announced from the depths of the crush of people.
"Okay, I think that can be arranged." Said Zayn, who had appeared from nowhere. He was frowning menacingly at the man, who held up his hand.
"Alright, keen yer hair on. I'm just leaving now..."
It took longer than any of them would have liked, but between the boys, Alice, Danielle and Perrie they managed to clear the apartment. There was an incredibly awkward moment when Danielle and Alice walked in on a couple having sex in Louis' bedroom, but after a lot of awkward coughing and shuffling from side to side, they were banished from the apartment too. When the last surplus guest had grudgingly departed the apartment and the door had shut with a very final 'click'.
"Harry, what's going on mate?" Niall asked. He was standing in the doorway of the kitchen looking very ruffled and equally as concerned.
"Daisy died in a car accident a few hours ago," Harry told them. He was leaning against the door, eyes half closed. The noises of distress made by the rest of the band and their girlfriends echoed throughout the hallway. Alice stood at the back of the group awkwardly. Despite the friendships that she shared with all of the people in the room, she felt estranged. This was a close knit group of people, bound together by their love for each other and the fame that surrounded them all. She didn't feel at all like she belonged - at least not in a serious situation like this.
"Oh my God," Perrie had a hand pressed to her mouth, and Danielle looked on the verge of tears. Liam just turned around and walked toward the bedroom. Everyone else followed - except for the girlfriends. They all remained where they were, and glanced at each other.
"I kind of feel like it isn't my place to be here." Alice admitted at last.
"No...I don't think it is. For any of us. I might just stay here." Danielle said, but she didn't sound very sure.
"I think I might just go home," Alice said quietly, taking a step back towards the door.
"Me too," Perrie nodded, face drawn. Quietly, Alice turned and opened the door of the apartment. The rest of the floor was dark and silent now that the party was over. Taking no heed of whether Perrie was following her or not, she slipped hurriedly down through the floors and out to her car. She drove home in a frozen state. She knew that she had witnessed something terrible. She had witnessed a person being entirely broken, and she didn't know what to do about it. So instead, she went to bed.
She was woken at about 5 am by her phone buzzing irritatingly beside her head. Blearily, she reached for it and attempted to read the words on the screen.
Harry:
I'm downstairs.
Alice:
I was asleep :(
Harry:
Please. I need to talk to you.
Alice:
Fine.
Alice tossed back her blankets and then shivered. It was especially cold tonight. Slowly, she made her way to the apartment door and opened it. Harry had migrated from the foyer and was now walking along the corridor towards her. Alice jumped when she saw him - she hadn't expected him to be there. He looked terrible. Without speaking, she moved sideways and allowed him entry into her flat. He made a beeline straight for the sofa and flopped down onto it. He still didn't say anything. Alice meticulously shut and locked the door before making her way over to him.
"Is Louis okay?" Pause. "Are you okay?"
Harry unstuck his lips and swallowed hard. Alice crouched down beside him. Her knee cracked.
"I kind of feel like I'm being stabbed repeatedly behind the eyes," Harry said and he smiled. It wasn't a happy smile. It was a dry, sarcastic sort of smile that made Alice want to back away. "But then weirdly, I can't cry. I feel like it's one of my cousins who’s died. I'm so close with their family. But if I feel like this I shudder to imagine how Lou must be feeling."
Alice didn't really know how to respond. She had never really been in this situation before - but then, most people hadn't. It couldn't be common to have to watch the life of a grown man be turned upside down through the eyes of a friend (herself), a best friend (Harry) and a girlfriend (Eleanor).
"I don't know how to respond to a situation like this," Alice said at last. Harry's facial expression didn't change. "Where is he? Lou, I mean."
"Eleanor's driving him up to Yorkshire right now," Harry replied. He closed his eyes. "They'll both be up there for awhile. Until...well, until after him mum and sister are out of hospital, and Daisy's funeral is over."
He looked like there was a lot more he wanted to say, but didn't know how. He swallowed hard. Alice shifted closer to the sofa and rested her forehead against Harry's side. His arm came down to rest across her shoulders.
"Hey Alice..." They had been sitting quietly for so long that Harry's words made Alice jump. She looked up expectantly.
"Yeah?"
Instead of replying with words, Harry leant across and kissed her fiercely. It took Alice somewhat by surprise, but she kissed him back. Moving both of her arms so she could prop herself up on her elbows, and kissed him with passion.
As they kissed all the tension seemed to leave Harry. Alice felt him relax, and she was relaxing too.
Harry deepened the kiss and Alice responded without really thinking. She wasn't thinking of much, at that point, except for him. Harry broke away only so he could sit up properly and Alice slithered up onto the couch. They resumed their kiss. As time ticked by they found that their heart rates were increasing.
"Should we stop?" Alice asked breathlessly as, for a moment, they paused.
"No...let's not." Said Harry in response, and captured her mouth yet again. Thus, they tumbled from the sofa to the floor and from the floor to Alice's bed where they lost themselves in the sheets and in each other.
They fell asleep as the first pale pink hints of dawn began to tint the horizon.
Alice was awoken only an hour and a half later by her phone alarm going off. She had set if for nine to allow her to get back home in time. She tapped at the screen of her phone irritably. All things considered, she really didn't feel like getting out of bed right now, let alone leaving London.
Harry grumbled incomprehensively beside her, and opened one eye.
"Was that your alarm?" he mumbled.
"Yeah, sorry," Alice sighed. She had a headache and it hurt. "I need to go." She slid her feet out of bed, but was stopped by Harry's hand on her shoulder. "Yah?" she turned back to him.
"Did we...have sex last night?" he asked. Her heart dropped a little. Did he not remember...?
"Yeah," she said, fighting to keep her tone casual.
"Okay. I was just...I'm sorry about that."
"You're sorry about sleeping with me?" Alice couldn't stop the note of incredulousness out of her voice this time.
"No, no, not the way you think...I just...I was really upset. I wanted to wait, you know? We've only been going out for...well, for less than a day and I wanted it to be something really special between us, but...I guess..."
Alice couldn't deny the fact that she was relieved. But she also knew it was time to confess something that he didn't know.
"Look, Harry," she turned back around to face him and pushed her messy hair out of her eyes. "I have a really long history of one night stands, alright? Since I was 15, in fact. You know, it's funny, but when I was in high school/college, I was kind of a slut." She laughed dryly. "I changed though, you know? I grew up. But nevertheless, the list of guys who I've slept that I'd never before and never saw again is tragically long. And it's pretty hard to admit this but you know I'm just glad that you actually asked me out first. It's kind of a big thing for me, that fact alone."
Throughout her blithering, Harry's eyebrows rose higher and higher in his handsome face, then furrowed as he frowned at his girlfriend.
"So how many guys have you slept with?"
"I..." Alice swallowed hard. "I'm not proud of it, not at all, but...maybe thirteen or so? Fourteen I think, including you. I was drunk or high most of the time, if that makes it any better -" Alice hurriedly added, making a note of Harry's expression. She was filled with this terrible apprehension that maybe she hadn't done the right thing in telling her boyfriend...
"You did drugs?" Harry's focus had shifted now.
"Look, Harry. I'm not perfect. I've done a lot of things that I'm really not proud of. But since I've been in London I have changed. I'm still not perfect. I still get drunk and I still go to raves and get high on acid and sometimes ecstasy, and up until about four months ago I was still having the odd one night stand but that’s not who I am, you know?"
Harry was analysing her face, and as she spoke, his face relaxed.
"I understand." he said quietly. "I'm not perfect either. I can accept that. As long as you promise you won't ever cheat on me." he held out his pinky finger. Alice smirked at him.
"Pinky promises? Really?" But she linked her pinky through his anyway.

Half an hour later Alice was dressed and in her car and on the way out of London. She aimed to get into Kirkham (her hometown) at about one. She deliberately chose not to dwell on Louis and his family tragedy, and instead plugged her phone in played her favourite music as loud as it could possibly go. Even when she was in the town she chose not to turn down the car stereo. Her parents heard her coming. As she executed a careful U turn in front of her house, they were out the door waiting. It was a lot snowier this far north. There was a massive drift in front of her house and one large lazy snowman that had clearly been made by Abigail. As she stepped out of the car, bag of presents in hand, Abigail pushed past Alice's parents and came charging towards her.
"Yeah, it's great to see you too!" she gasped as Abigail engulfed her in a massive hug. Alice was her god-sister who was, essentially, being brought up by Alice's parents. She was seventeen now, in her last year of College and itching to move out. However, she wanted to go further afield than just London. It was her dream to move to the Gold Coast of Australia.
Alice followed Abigail inside where, after much hugging and kissing, they sat down to eat.
"So Alice, darling," her mother began halfway through the meal. "How’s life in London?"
"Well...it's been good and bad, I suppose."
"What's so bad about it?" her father leapt onto the subject at once.
"We'll start with the good, shall we?" Alice said dryly. "I have a boyfriend now."
"A real one?" Alice's mother said sharply. Alice sighed.
"Yes, mum, a real one. Harry, in fact." Abigail, as expected, let out a gasp.
"So okay, first you were friends with Harry Styles, but now you're dating him? Oh my God!"
"Don't blaspheme, Abi!" Alice's father snapped. Both Alice and her mother, however, were laughing.
"Yes - but Abi, you can't tell anyone. I don't think we're ready to go public yet, okay?"
"Sure," Abi promised. Alice decided not to tell them about Louis. However, when her phone buzzed with an incoming call from Eleanor, she thought that she may have to.
"I'm sorry, I have to take this," Alice apoligised, standing up. Her mother frowned at her.
"I don't think so, Alice. This is a family meal, and -"
"No, Mum, you don't understand," Alice snapped. "I have to take this call. I'll explain later, alright?"
She pressed 'talk' as she charged from the room.
"El," she began, standing in the shadowy hallway. "How are you?"
"I'm okay," she said. Her voice was choked. Alice could tell that she'd been crying. "Are you at home?"
"Yeah," Alice leant against the banister of the stair and frowned. "You're in Yorkshire, aren't you?"
"Yeah, I am. I don't think I'll be able to get home for Christmas, this year."
"Oh, El..."
"Alice, were you planning on going back to London tonight?"
"Well," Alice began. Absentmindedly she began to peel layers off of her nails. "I know my parents will want me to stay for a few days but I deliberately didn't bring anything."
"So would you be able to drive across here instead?"
Alice was surprised.
"But...that sort of thing should be for Louis and his family...won't I be intruding?"
"The rest of the boys are coming up tonight, or tomorrow morning. They're all here to support Louis, and..." her voice broke and she started crying. "I just... Daisy was like my sister too. I just need someone to be here for me too."
Knowing that Eleanor would agree in a heartbeat if the situation were reversed, Alice agreed to drive across to Yorkshire the following day.
"I'm going to have to go back to London and pick up some things. I can pick up things for you, too, if you like."
"Thank you so much, Alice," Eleanor hiccupped. "That'd be lovely. You're a true friend."
"I try," Alice said half-seriously, and Eleanor giggled.
"I know. Thank you. I have to go now, but I'll see you tomorrow."
"See you," Alice agreed. With a heavy heart, she remained in the hallway for a moment even after her friend had rung off. She was involved now, no matter how much she wanted to distance herself from this terrible tragic situation.