Before You Go

Of course, Alice then had to explain the entire situation to her family and then swear them all to secrecy.
"So does this mean that you'll be going straight back to London?" Alice's mother was eying her beadily over the bowl of chocolate mousse.
"No, of course not. Not 'til dinner time."
"Good," her father nodded at her as he scooped up a few berries onto his spoon. "We can't have our only daughter leaving us on Christmas Day-"
"Paul," Abi interrupted. "It's not Christmas, it's Boxing Day."
"Oh. Yes. Well, that's beside the point..."
Alice smiled down into her bowl of dessert. She did love her family, as overbearing as they could be.
They finished dessert and spent a while discussing trivial matters over the empty table: Abi's school, her plans for the future, Alice's study, and general gossip around the town. They then drifted into the lounge where, over coffee and biscuits, they proceeded to exchange gifts. With Bublé's Christmas album playing in the background it was easy for Alice to forget all the problems that were currently surrounding her. It was only as it grew dark outside that she sighed and stood up from her seat deep in the armchair closest to the fire.
"Alright, well, I suppose I'd better leave then." she said, heading towards the door to the dark hallway. Her parents and god-sister followed her into the hallway. It occurred to someone to flick the light switch, so they were suddenly all bathed in light. Hugs were administered, goodbyes spoken, and then Alice was out in the cold and walking to her car.
The drive back to London was very long and extremely uneventful. However, as the horizon ahead of her began to glow with the millions of lights twinkling below it, Alice was reminded inexplicably of the first time she had gone to London, when she was sixteen.

The car radio was blaring. Jason's car was well equipped with a phenomenal stereo system - one of the many perks of being a millionaires son. He himself was driving. Blonde hair swept in the emo style over one eye, he seemed the ultimate 'cool guy'. The five other people packed into his car were the elite of the elite when it came to being 'cool'. There was Aaron - tall and lanky and dressed only in black. He was 17 and already smothered in gratuitous tattoos. There was Rachel, with her dark blonde pixie cut and Ramones shirt. There was Siobhan with her flaming red hair and pink crop top. It clashed horribly, but that was the point. There was Ewan, the quiet one with glasses who unbeknownst to most of the population on his school occasionally modelled for Calvin Klein. And then there was Alice.
As they approached London, Alice was sitting on Ewan’s lap. They were all talking loudly and yelling at each other. They were heading up (without permission on Alice's and Siobhan's part) to London to attend a Square Rat show. As stupid as his name sounded, he was the biggest name in the underground House DJ scene.
"You're all completely wrong!"Rachel was shrieking at the top of her lungs. "You know nothing about it!"
"So tell us then!" Alice yelled back.
"Why should I have to discuss my sex life with you lot?" Rachel snapped.
"Because if you don't, we'll spread the news around town that you and your precious Tom got up to a bit of wild S&M?" Aaron turned around from the front seat and smirked at Alice.
"Oh shut up you twat! Only you would say that!"
"Getting a bit defensive, are we, Rachel?" Siobhan teased. Rachel sat back with a huff.

Alice smiled to herself as she remembered her high school friends. Things had changed slightly when they went to college. Siobhan and Ewan had for some reason decided they were a match made in heaven and run off to Manchester together. Rachel had gone to the local college, as had Jason, and Aaron had dropped out entirely. Alice, on the other hand, went to college in Blackpool. That was when she had begun modelling and through that had met Eleanor.
Alice drove straight to Eleanor's apartment and packed a bag with clothes, shoes, makeup and the essential shampoo and toothbrush. Then and only then did she head back to her own apartment.

She started awake suddenly and with no apparent reason at half past six. Blearily she sat up and gazed around her messy room. Being neat and tidy was not something she had ever been good at.
"Well here goes nothing I guess," she said aloud to herself as she got out of bed and headed for the shower. Clean, dressed and armed with a bag fill of things of her own, she headed back down to her car. It seemed to have rained overnight. Instead of snow everywhere, there was just slush. It was cold and wet and Alice was reminded of just how miserable her country really was. Throughout the entire drive to Yorkshire, Alice couldn't shake the tinge of melancholy. Eleanor sent her a text with the address, and as Alice grew closer to her destination, she became more and more nervous. She felt as though she would be an intruder.
As she turned onto the street where Louis family lived, she was startled by the amount of cars parked out on the street. She recognised Harry's car and pulled in behind it. She sat for a moment, engine off but hands on the steering wheel, breathing deeply. This was going to be a rough few days for everyone, she knew. She sent Eleanor a test to inform her friend of her arrival, and then stepped out of the car. As she crossed the street, the front door opened and Eleanor stepped out. She looked shocking.
Usually beautiful and composed, her face was bare of make-up and red and puffy from crying. She dressed in her boyfriend’s shirt, and the same jeans she had been wearing on Christmas day. Alice put the bags down and gave her a huge hug.
Pulling back, she placed a hand on either shoulder and asked: "How are you holding up? Are you okay?"
"Well," Eleanor smiled dryly. "It's pretty crazy. Everyone's upset, and we're trying to get things done but Jo and Phoebe were only released from hospital this morning, and -"
"El, I asked how you were."
"I'm..." she swallowed hard “I'm trying to be strong, for everyone else. But really I kind of just want to lie down and cry all day."
"So...not very well? I brought you this," Alice bent down and rootled around in one of the bags. On the way up, she had spotted a little chocolate shop. It may have seemed strange, but sometimes chocolate was the only way. "I thought it might help cheer you up, if even only for the minute or so it takes you to eat it."
She brandished the gold foil wrapped chocolate bear, and Eleanor smiled. A proper smile.
"Thanks, Alice. I think I definitely need this!"

It seemed that there were an awful lot of people staying in the house. In actual fact there were only seven non-immediate family members, but the house wasn't so large that the additional house guests weren't felt.
Eleanor introduced her to Louis mum. She was very nice and polite, considering the circumstances.
"I'd be glad to help out, if need be," Alice said tentatively. "With arrangements, and cooking, and...things..." she trailed off, unsure.
Louis' mother didn't say anything for a moment and Alice was worried she had said the wrong thing, but then she smiled.
"Thank you, love. At times like these, I suppose we need all the help we can get."
Thus, Alice spent the next two days helping clean the entire house from top to bottom, and assisting in the kitchen to cook for everyone.
People often cracked. She walked in on people sobbing in random places more than once. Early in the morning on the 30th, Alice awoke at 5, needing to use the loo. On her way back upstairs, she literally tripped over Louis.
"Shi- fu- Lou?"
"Alice?" He was sitting in the corridor, leaning up against the window. "What are you doing?" he had obviously been crying.
"I just got up to go to the loo - are you alright?"
"That's a bit of a stupid question, isn't it?" he asked gruffly.
"Yes, I suppose it is," Alice sighed. "I'm sorry."
"S'alright." he mumbled. Alice paused for a moment, unsure of what to do or say. She considered, for a second, kneeling down and giving him a hug, but decided against it. Instead, she just continued up the stairs. Behind her, she heard Louis sob.
It was a day of strange interactions. Having hardly seen Harry at all over the previous days, he found her in the kitchen later that morning. She was leaning against the kitchen bench, languidly poking at a pan of bacon that popped and crackled madly. She eyed him as he entered the room. Eleanor and a pair of Louis sisters were also in the room, but they were sitting quietly eating toast and waiting for the bacon.
"Hello," he said quietly once he was close to her.
"Hello," she said. She put her plastic fish slice down so as to give Harry a hug. He smelt like soap and cologne.
"You alright?" he asked without letting her go.
"Yes, I'm alright. Are you alright?"
"I guess," he stepped back and kissed her on the cheek. "I suppose I'd better let you get back to your bacon. Save some for me," smiling, Harry backed out of the kitchen.
"So that's why you're here."
Alice turned around at the sound of the voice. One of Louis' other sisters, Fizzy, was sitting across from Eleanor and glaring a Alice.
"I'm sorry?" Alice frowned in confusion. The bacon snapped loudly and she shifted them around the pan. As she did so, Fizzy spoke again.
"I thought you might actually be here because you gave a shit about my dead sister. But no, you're just here to be the rock for your precious boyfriend."
"What?" Alice slid the pan off of the hob and turned around. "Why would you even think that?"
"Oh, I don't know, maybe because I've never met you before in my life?"
"I...I..." Alice didn't know how to respond. She had never been good with confrontation. She felt like she was under a spotlight, with this younger girl glaring at her like she was some kind of foul bug that needed to be crushed.
"Fiz," Eleanor sounder affronted. "Alice is here because she's a supportive friend! I asked her to come, not Harry!"
"Well, what do you know about anything?" Now it was Eleanor that was under the spotlight of Fizzy's glare. "You're just Louis' stupid girlfriend. You don't know anything. What right do you have, inviting her here?"
"I just thought -"
"Save it!" Fizzy spat. She had started to cry now. Alice felt like an intruder more than ever. She had always been under the impression the Fizzy and Eleanor got on very well. It was understandable - grief did strange things to people - but being under fire made Alice feel like she wasn't even worthy of a glance. She saw Eleanor's face crumple slightly.
"Neither of you should be here! Just go home!" She was yelling now.
The door banged open. Everyone jumped, and turned to look. Louis was standing in the doorway, looking thoroughly pissed off.
"Would you shut up?" he snapped at his sister. "Just leave my friends alone, okay?"
He marched towards Alice.
"I'll deal with this," he nodded at the bacon. "Just...go. Somewhere." he muttered to Alice. She paused for a moment, staring at him almost fearfully. He frowned at her, and so she turned and scurried away.
She started to cry as she charged up the stairs. It was stupid, she knew, to get so upset over words. After all, everyone was tense right now, with the funeral tomorrow...but knowing this didn't make the sting any worse.
She wasn't looking where she was going. Thus, she walked into someone.
"Oh!" she gasped, teetering.
"Woah there," someone grabbed her forearm to steady her, then hastily let go. "Are you okay?"
A man who appeared to be in his mid-twenties, possibly older, was standing in front of her. "Did Fizzy get at you too?"
"Me too?" Alice asked. She rubbed at her cheeks with the backs of her hands. "So Eleanor and I aren't the only ones she's been yelling at?"
"No, you're not," he sighed. "We can't really blame her though. Some people just crack when bad things happen. She's acting like a right little bitch, but we have to be sympathetic. I'm Joey, by the way. I'm Johannah’s nephew." He held out his hand. Alice shook it.
"I'm Alice. I'm just... a friend, I suppose."
"You suppose?"
"Well, Eleanor is a close friend of mine and Harry is my boyfriend...Louis' my friend, too. I came to just help out, you know?"
Joey nodded. "Yeah. You've been a real help, too. Haven't you been doing all the cooking?"
"Yeah," Alice nodded, breathing out heavily. "Look, I just...I need a while to myself."
"Fair enough. It was nice meeting you."
He started to walk downstairs, and Alice went into her room. There, she flopped down onto her bed and cried.

The next morning, everyone awoke early. Everybody left in dribs and drabs. Eleanor and Alice were sharing a room, and they dressed in silence. Both were wearing black dresses. Alice's was backless, so she was also wearing a black cardigan under her coat. Alice helped Eleanor to pin up her hair, and Eleanor plaited Alice's into a fishtail. They stood side by side, staring at themselves in the mirror in silence. Without speaking, they walked downstairs.
Everyone giving a eulogy had taken a pill to prevent themselves from crying, but neither Alice nor Eleanor were required to take one. Instead, they got into Alice's car and drove to the church. It was a nice little chapel, very traditional. By the time the girls arrived, the parking lot was almost full. Alice parked the car and they exited. Eleanor had started to cry already. Alice reached out towards her friend, and Eleanor seized her hand gladly.
Eleanor's grip was vice-like as they began the ascent of the steps outside the church. The air was cold and silent. Around them, no one spoke. Dozens of people dressed all in black were making their way towards the doors. However, one couldn't ignore the security. Security guards and vans lined the entire church complex. It was sad, really - although a different kind of sad to the tragedy of death. Even at a funeral, they couldn't keep the cameras away. Humans were sick in their desire to be close to their favourite celebrities. They had to know everything about the people that they placed on pedestals. There was no such thing as privacy in this world.
They reached the top of the steps and paused. Eleanor took a deep breath.
"Are you ready for this?" Alice murmured.
"Ready? I'm never going to be ready for this, Alice." Eleanor shook her head. One of the pins holding up her hair came loose and clattered to the ground. Both girls stared down at it.
"Let's go," Alice broke first, and guided her friend away, into the church.
It was shadowy, and smelt sweetly of a combination of rose and lily. Where they had procured the flowers from this time of year, Alice had no idea. A few of Louis' cousins, Joey included, were dressed in tuxes and standing by the double doors into the main sanctuary. They were sombrely handing out pamphlets to everyone was passed through the doors. Alice accepted one, mumbling a thank you.
The front three rows on either side were reserved for family and close friends. Eleanor had a seat in the second row on the left, and Alice accompanied her there. Before she sat, she turned and squeezed her best friend into a tight hug.
"Thank you for being here," she whispered.
"Of course," Alice mumbled in reply. Then, Eleanor released her and she was free to make her way back to her seat. She sat right on the end of the pew. Head down, she skim read the pamphlet. Despite herself, she felt tears pricking at her eyes.
Time seemed to slow down to treacle. However, when she heard the rustling of the priest and the "All rise!" she knew that it has begun. She stood, along with the rest of the congregation. As one, everyone turned to stare at the back of the church. It was a heart wrenching sight. The casket - so small - was being carried in by six men. Alice was Louis, at the front on the left. He was staring straight ahead, eyes terrifyingly blank. Maybe it was the pills that the close family had taken to prevent tears, but he didn't look at all like himself. He didn't look like the cheeky, fun-loving man that Alice knew. The pall-bearers passed, delivering the casket to the front of the chapel before taking their seat.
Everyone sat, and the service resumed.
It was a beautiful service. Alice had only attended two funerals in her life, not counting this one - of course that was probably a good thing. It was quite high-budget, she could tell. She vaguely wondered how much money Louis had contributed to ensure that his sister had the best send-off possible. Listening to the eulogy's, Alice realised that she was quite sad that she had never really gotten to know Daisy. She was never very good at getting to know the families of those close to her. Eleanor was her best friend, and she had never met her parents. Her other friends - Ethan, Jaimee, Sarah, Louise...even Harry. She'd never gotten to know their families.
It was at this funeral that Alice realised how important it was to have a real network of people or all ages around you. She decided, there, too, to visit her parents more often.
The funeral finished with a song, as the pall-bearers retrieved the coffin and carried it slowly back out of the church. Alice couldn't stop a few tears from trickling out as they passed by her again. This girl had died - this young girl. It was heartbreaking, it really was. The immediate family followed the coffin. They were continuing out across the churchyard to the internment. Anyone else was welcome, but Alice was returning to the house to help prepare for the wake.
As the rest of the congregation trickled out, Alice went in search of Joey.
He was standing by the door, looking at something on his phone.
"Hey," Alice said, coming up beside him.
"Hey," he said thickly, and then held his phone out to her. "Read this."
Alice took his phone and looked. On his screen was a Facebook page entitled 'R.I.P Daisy Tomlinson'. It had hundreds and thousands of likes. There were thousands of messages on there - from all sorts of people, expressing their sorrow on behalf of the family. Not all of them were teenage girl fans, either. Alice felt herself tearing up again.
"That's quite sweet," she said, handing the phone back to Joey.
"Isn't it? But anyway. Are you going back to the house?"
"Yes."
"Would you like a ride?"
"Oh, no thank you. I brought my own car."
Alright," Joey smiled at her. "I'll see you there, then."
He left, and as Alice made her way to her own car, she looked across the graveyard. In the distance, there was a circle of people around a tall willow tree. Taking a deep, steadying breath, Alice looked away and opened her car door.