Dreaming With a Broken Heart

When Dash opened the front door of her cousin’s house the first thing she heard was the dull lull of conversation coming from the kitchen. She quietly stepped inside and carefully closed the door behind her. She slipped off her shoes and slowly slid her feet across the front hall to the stairs. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard a voice behind her.

“Jesus Frenchie, where the hell were you?”

Dash turned her head to see Jack standing at the foot of the stairs. He ran a hand through his already messy hair and grinned up at her. “I think Alex was getting ready to send out a search party if you didn’t soon show up.”

The small girl chuckled, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “Yeah, I, uh, I got distracted. Sorry.”

Jack squinted, taking a step closer to the girl. “Frenchie. Are you drunk?”

Dash bit her lip as her friend’s band-mate scrutinized her. “Maybe a little.”

A grin broke out across Jack’s feature’s. “That’s my girl. I’ll go tell Alex that you’re home.”

As he turned to leave, Dash called his name. “Can you not tell Alex I’m a little drunk? Let’s keep it a secret.”

Jack nodded. “Sure thing, Frenchie.”

Dash shot the lanky man a soft smile before heading up to her room. She needed a shower, and she needed one now. Pulling a clean towel out of the hall closet, Dash slipped into the bathroom and immediately started pulling her clothes off. She turned the taps of the shower and stepped under the stream of hot water. She quickly cleansed her body and began working shampoo into her hair.

Dash had never understood why people who had done something that they regretted or felt guilty about always seemed to think that a hot shower could rid them of their regret and guilt. But as she stood in the shower, the water pounding into her back, steam wafting in the air, she finally understood. She felt as though with every drop of water that washed down the drain, she could rid herself of every touch exchanged between her and a complete stranger.

“This isn't me,” she murmured. She shook her head, letting the water run over her body. The heat felt good. “Two more minutes,” she told herself. Two more minutes and then she would forget this ever happened. She would forget all about her evening spent with the stranger at the bar. She would forget it all.



“So,” Alex replied as their waitress left their table, taking their menus and orders with her, “why didn't you want me to know that you had been drinking today?” He gave her a pointed look, his eyebrows raised.

Rolling her eyes, Dash let out a soft sigh. “Fucking Barakat.”

“For future reference, Jack can't keep a secret.”

“I guess I'll have to remember that.” She looked up from her lap to see Alex staring at her expectantly. “And to answer your question, I don't really know. I guess I was a little embarrassed that I went out to a bar in the middle of the day and got drunk.”

“Dash, it's fine. Jack does it all the time. Though, that probably isn't the best comparison,” he added as an afterthought. “But especially after the last few weeks, it's no wonder you ventured off and got drunk by yourself.”

Dash bit her lip, making the split second decision not to tell Alex about the guy she had met at the bar. He was irrelevant, unimportant, and would only cause Alex to think less of her.

“I don't know what I was thinking,” she murmured. “Clearly I wasn't.”

“Hey,” Alex said softly, leaning forward in his seat. He placed his hand over Dash's in the middle of the table and smiled at her. “You can tell me anything. We're friends, Dash. Hell, you're one of the best friends I've made in a while. And you can tell me anything.”

Dash returned the smile. “The same goes for you, Alex. I don't know how I would've gotten through everything that was going on with Sam without you. Thank you.”

“Speaking of Sam,” murmured the boy sitting across from her, speaking slowly as he gauged her reaction, “have you, uh, have you been talking to him lately?”

Pulling her eyebrows together, Dash shook her head slowly. “No,” she replied, her voice full of confusion. “Why would you ask me that?”

Alex shrugged. “Just wondering. Hey, would you want to do another meet-up with some fans tomorrow like we did the other week? Maybe meet somewhere different this time?”

“I would love to,” Dash replied, popping a piece of complimentary bread in her mouth and chewing it slowly, “but I promised the guys that I'd finish another song tomorrow. They're really on me about this EP thing. It kind of makes me think that I should have kept my mouth shut until I actually an entire album to give them.”

“Yeah that was kind of dumb on your part,” Alex agreed.

“Hey!”

“I was just agreeing with you,” he replied, trying to hide the smirk that was pulling at his lips.

“You're such an ass sometimes, Gaskarth.”

He grinned broadly and took a sip of his water, before leaning forward. “Look,” he said, “I'll tell you what, forget the fan meet-up thing tomorrow, I'll help you write. You and me. We already tried late-night, whiskey-induced writing; we'll try something else this time.”

“You'd do that for me?” Dash asked, smiling softly at the boy sitting across from her. Alex laid his hands on the table.

“We were just through this. I would do anything for you, McCafferty.”

She reached forward, taking one of Alex's hands in her own. “Sometimes I really don't know what I'd do without you.”



Dash stepped inside the dark house, holding the door behind her for Alex. She flicked on the light in the front hallway. “Hello?” she called out, sticking her head into the living room. “Anyone home?” Dash glanced back at Alex. “Did the guys tell you they were going out?”

Alex shook his head in response as he looked down at his phone. “Jack's not answering me, either. Knowing Jack he's probably dragged the guys out somewhere.”

Dash walked through the living room to the kitchen at the back of the house, turning on lights as she weaved her way through the house. She opened the fridge, pulling out an unopened bottle of wine that she had bought a few days ago. “Hey Alex, do you want a glass of wine?” Alex rested his lanky frame against the door frame of the kitchen.

“Yeah, I'll have one.”

Nodding in satisfaction, Dash took two wine glasses out of the corner cupboard and poured out two even glasses for herself and Alex.

“Do you ever wonder how we got here, Alex?” She asked, pressing the wine glass against her lips.

“We walked.”

Dash rolled her eyes. “I just meant in general, you idiot. This time last year, I was promoting our debut album with my best friends, I was with the love of my life, I was happy. Christ, my biggest worry was what I was going to get Sam for Christmas.”

“What did you get him?” Alex cocked an eyebrow and grinned at her.

She shrugged and opened the wine bottle, topping up both her and Alex's glasses. “Some new gadget thing he had wanted.”

Alex pushed his hair back and let out a deep breath. He swirled the wine in the glass and glanced over at the dark haired girl. “Do you ever still miss him?”

Dash hoisted herself up and onto the counter top. “Why do you keep bringing him up? That's twice in one day now,” she snapped.

Alex raised a hand in surrender. “I didn't mean anything by it,” he offered, “I was just asking.”

She sighed, rolling her eyes before responding. “Of course I still miss him, Alex. I honestly don't know that I'll ever stop. I mean, don't you still miss Lisa?”

Alex sighed and leaned forward, resting his arms on the counter next to the tiny woman. “Sometimes. But not always. It comes and goes.”

“Exactly,” Dash replied. “But it's always there.”

Alex smirked. “Sometimes I really don't understand you, McCafferty. Right when I think I've got you figured out, you come along and do something that I would've never expected.”

“It keeps things interesting,” she murmured, smiling softly. “I would never want to be predictable.”

“You're definitely not predictable.” Alex glanced up at her, a soft smirk still on his face. Dash shifted her gaze onto Alex, meeting his eye. They grew quiet, maintaining eye contact. Dash felt her skin flush as Alex continued to stare at her. She swallowed the lump growing in her throat and felt her skin jump as Alex's fingers brushed her own.

“Alex,” Dash breathed, her voice nothing more than a whisper. Alex straightened up and took a step closer to the girl sitting on the counter, so that his torso was pressed against her knee. “What are you doing?”

Alex slipped his hand under her jaw, gently letting his thumb trail the hollows of her cheeks. “We could do this, you know.” Dash felt her lungs constrict at the lack of space between them. “We could do this, and no one would ever have to know. It'd be our secret.”

Dash rested her hands on Alex's waist, gripping the bottom of his t-shirt in her fingers. “We really could.” As she tilted her chin up to look Alex in the eye, she could feel the tickle of his warm breath on her lips. A shiver travelled down her spine as Alex trailed his fingers up her arm.

“Just you and me,” he whispered, “just our secret.”

Alex leaned forward, resting his forehead against hers. Dash moved her nose lightly against his cheek, causing him to wrap his arm around his waist, pulling her body closer to his. “There's no going back if we do this, McCafferty.” Dash was hyper aware of every place that Alex's body made contact with her own: her legs, her waist, her back, her hands, her neck, her jaw, her forehead. It would have been so simple to move her head a fraction of an inch to initiate a kiss. But Alex was right: there was no coming back from it once they crossed that line.

“You're right.”

Dash removed her hands from their grip on Alex's waist and pulled away, separating herself from him. She pushed her hair behind her shoulders and he backed away from the counter, leaving her room to jump down. “We can't go back from something like that. And I won't do that.”

Sucking in a deep breath, Dash stepped around Alex, heading upstairs, leaving Alex alone in the kitchen.