I Tried so Hard to Keep it Together.

Gerard’s POV:

I was half asleep when all of the sudden my phone went off. I checked the caller I.D. - Mikey. I let it ring a few times before deciding to answer since I’ve been ignoring everyone’s calls.
“Hello?”
“Oh my god, finally you pick up your phone! Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied. Of course.
“Ok, do you want to meet up tonight? I miss my older brother.”
“Hmm, I don’t know, I-“
Mikey interrupted me before I even finished my sentence. “Gerard, I’m not taking no for an answer.”
I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I haven’t left my house for anything except food, cigarettes, and work since the love of my life left two months ago. Maybe it was about time I went out again. “Fine. Where are we going?”
I could practically feel Mikey smile through the phone. “I heard about this local band that people won’t stop talking about at work, show’s at 7:30.”
“Sounds great, pick me up at 7?” I was getting some what excited about actually leaving my house.
“I’ll be there.” I hung up the phone without saying goodbye. I looked at the clock. 6:10. I sat up on the couch and stood up. I made my way down the hallway and into the bathroom. I shed my clothes and got into the shower and stood under the comforting spray of the hot water. I closed my eyes, letting water cascade over them and that previous night all came flooding back to me.

-----Flashback----

I’m beyond wasted right now and watching TV, waiting for my Frankie to get home, which should be in about 30 minutes. I heard a knock on the door. Groaning, I stood up and walked to the door and opened it. My eyes widened. It was Bert, my ex-boyfriend.
“May I help you?” I said with as much attitude as my voice could give.
“Gee… I need to talk to you... please?” Bert’s eyes looked like he has been crying.
“First, I’m not Gee to you… and since I’m in such a great mood I’ll give you five minutes.” I stood aside and let Bert in. We both sat on the couch and sat in an awkward silence for a few seconds before I broke it. “You should start talking…”
He drew a shaky breath and began, “Okay, Gerard, I’m so sorry for everything that I did to you… I feel horrible.” I sat there and listened as he continued, “I really hope you can forgive me because… I… uhm...” He froze.
“Just spit it out,” I snapped. Bert looked taken back at my outburst but finished what he was saying.
“I love you,” he whispered, barely audible, but I heard him clear as day.
“No.” It was the first thing that came to mind. He looked up at me eyeing me down.
“Yeah, yeah I do.”
“No, you don’t. If you did, you wouldn’t have cheated on me with over 4 guys and then left me all alone.”
“But I realized how wrong I was and that I love you! Why can’t you understand that?” This is when I snapped.
“Fuck you! I love Frank; he is the ONLY person I want to be with. You are nothing to me and never will be, you fucked me over too many times and I’m done with you.” I feel like my anger is overpowering my whole body.
What happened next surprised me. He kissed me, and I froze, unable to do anything like time stood still- that was, until I heard a very familiar voice.
“What the fuck, Gerard?!?” I gain control of my frozen state and push Bert with all my strength and he fell.
“Frankie, it’s not what it looks like!” I defend myself.
“Well, it looks like you’re kissing your ex boyfriend in our living room.” Frank looks furious.
“No! He kissed me, I swear, I didn’t even kiss him back! You have to believe me.” I was close to tears, vision blurred.
“No, you kissed back, Gee, after you confessed your love to me,” Bert chimed in, the fucking cunt. Frank gasped and threw his hand over his mouth.
“You’re such a liar!” I cried out, staring at Bert. Frank approached me and looked me right in the eyes.
“We’re over.” Frank walked right past me and stormed to our bedroom. I fell to the ground and cried.
I heard Bert laugh and I looked up, confused. He was smirking. That’s when it hit me. He planned this whole fucking thing! He winked and walked out of the door. I cried more and felt like I couldn’t breathe. Frank walked back from the bedroom with bags full of his stuff and his guitar.
“Please Frankie, please don’t leave me, I love you!” Tears were streaming down my cheeks, my voice choked with sobs.
“Bullshit. Goodbye, Gerard Way.” Frank walked out the door. I haven’t seen or talked to him since that day.

-----End Flashback----

I was pulled back into reality when the water ran cold. I got out of the shower, wrapped a towel around my waist and walked to my room. I picked out a pair of skinny jeans, a tee-shirt and my leather jacket. I looked at the clock and it was 6:55, so I slipped on my boots and sat on the couch and waited for Mikey to pick me up.
About five minutes later I heard a knock on my door. I got up and opened it. Mikey nearly knocked me over with his huge hug.
“Hey bro!” Mikey smiled.
“Hey Mikey, you ready to go?”
Mikey nodded and we walked out of my apartment and down to his car in silence. I got into the passenger seat and buckled up. I turned on the radio to avoid any awkward conversation. I stared out of the window the whole time, debating if going out was a good idea of not. We arrived at the gig. It was at a big bar about 10 minutes away from my apartment. Mikey parked the car and we both got out.
“Oh, I know security, so we can get in really quick.” Gerard smiled and nodded. They made their way to the front of the line and Mikey whispered to the guy at the door and he stamped our hands and we went in. I missed the smell of bars; I hadn’t drank a drop of alcohol since Frankie left. It was the alcohol’s fault; if I wasn’t drunk I wouldn’t have let Bert in. I would have told him to fuck off. If I wasn’t drunk I would have reacted faster to the kiss and pushed him away before Frank even walked through the door. I’ve kicked myself over it for days.
People were already gathering on the floor for the show, but Mikey and I decided to sit down for a little bit. After a few minutes, a girl walked up to Mikey and they started talking which turned to flirting. I sat there watching the stage and all the drinks passing me and craving them all. Finally the band came up, but all they were missing was the singer.
The music started to play and the singer came onto the stage. He was a slightly chubby man, and had a lot of tattoos, which I couldn’t see that clearly due to the lack of light. The singing was mainly screaming and for some reason I liked it a lot. I sat and watched from my seat and the song finally ended. The man finally talked,
“How are you New Jersey?! We are LeATHERMOUTH!”
I froze. I knew that voice. It couldn’t be, but it was Frankie, the lead singer. I felt like my lungs were on fire. I couldn’t breathe. I shot up and ran into the crowd, dismissing Mikey’s calls for me. They began another song and I got pretty close to the front but far enough were Frank wouldn’t recognize me. I admired his appearance. He gained some weight since I last saw him but it suited him well. He had short black hair now. He was beyond beautiful. I watched the rest of the show, which went by like a blur. When Frank said his goodbyes to crowd I snapped back into real time. I have to talk to him. I ran out the back door and hoped he was going to come out for a cigarette. When I got out there it was dark, I lit a cigarette and smoked it slowly hoping and praying Frank would come outside. When I heard the door open and that familiar giggle, I knew it was him. He shut the door and lit his cigarette and didn’t even notice me there yet. Frank finally broke the silence.
“Hey man, did you like the show?”
I nodded my head, not wanting him to hear my voice. Frank walked over to me and tried to look at my face but I would keep moving my head I didn’t want him to know it was me just yet. Finally he caught a glance of me and his face fell.
“Gerard? Is that you?” Frank asked in surprise.
“Yeah.” I couldn’t think of anything I could say.
“So what brings you to my show?” Frank asked out of curiosity.
“I- uh Mikey wanted to get me out of the house for once.” I decided against lying.
“Oh.”
“Yeah… Frank, are you still mad at me? Can I explain what happened please?” I practically begged.
Frank sighed. “I’m not mad, I’m hurt”.
“But Frank, you have to believe me, let me tell you what happened?” I asked trying not to push it.
“Go ahead…”
“Okay, so I was drinking and waiting for you to get home and got pretty drunk. Bert showed up at the door and he looked like he had been crying and asked to talk. Being drunk, I didn’t think and let him in. He started apologizing and then told me he loved me. I snapped on him and told him how I love you and you’re the only person for me and then he kissed me… I was frozen I couldn’t move I was so surprised and then you walked in and yelled at me and I pushed him when I could move again. And then he had to add his lies and said I confessed my love to him. When you went into the bedroom I was crying and he laughed, he fucking laughed. That’s when I realized that’s what he was planning all along. He smirked at me and winked and walked out the door. You came out and walked out too. Ever since that day I haven’t touched a drop of any alcohol and I barely leave my house…” My voice got weak on the last part of the sentence. I looked up and our eyes met. Frank’s were full of regret before he spoke.
“I jumped to conclusions and I thought what I wanted… I didn’t even get your side of the story, I feel horrible. I walked out on the best relationship of my life.” Frank looked like he was going to cry.
I put my hand under his chin and looked into his eyes. “Frankie?”
“Yeah Gee?” I smiled when he used my nickname.
“I love you.” Frank began to cry, a single tear streaking down his cheek. He kissed me.
“I love you too, I’m so sorry I left. I wanted to come back but I thought you were with Bert. Ugh, I’m so stupid!”
“Hey! No you’re not, Frankie.” I smirked. “But, just saying, you looked sexy on stage.”
“Oh really now? Even though I got fat?”
“Pshh, fat? You’re beautiful Frankie, my sexy frontman.” I smirked a little.
“Hmm… Well, I hope you liked the show, because I’ll be doing many more.” Frank smiled. “Wanna go back to the apartment?”
“I would love to.” And I sealed it with it kiss.