Troublemakers

I hadn't spoken to Niall in nine hours. That's nine hours filled without sleep, fueled by coffee with more sugar than creamer. I spent at least seven of those hours replaying yesterday's events over and over in my mind. I kept trying to find a way things would have been different. I kept trying to convince myself that if I would've never left for England my father would still be here. I blamed my mother for not seeing the signs, I blamed Niall for fighting with Louis instead of just letting him on the damn plane, I blamed my boss for giving me the opportunity- shit I even blamed God.

The past two hours were filled with Niall trying to get me to talk to him, my mother shooting me worried glances, and my Nonna's eyes filling with tears every couple of minutes. I couldn't find the words to make him go away and the anger in my chest was only building the longer I sat in that room surrounded by everyone's pain.

I watched blankly as Niall tugged on my hands, shooting me pleading looks with his blue eyes, but I felt nothing. The only thing I could feel was my anger, my pain- and it was fucking suffocating me. I breathed in sharply through my mouth as he uttered the words, "okay," ever so gently.

"Would you just stop?" I snapped.

He looked a little taken aback at my outburst as he reached to reclaim my hands with his own. I stood and shoved him away, trying desperately not to have this conversation here. I stormed away from him, away from all of them, as fast as I could. Everyone had their own spiel, their own words to say to lend you some form of comfort. I just wish people would realize how ridiculous they sounded. Nothing was okay because I just lost the one person who meant the world to me. Nothing was going to be okay, because he was never going to sit at the head of the table and make toasts to family on Christmas again. When I come to visit, he isn't going to pull me into his arms and call me silly names. There is always going to be this hole that needed to be filled, so no, nothing was going to be 'okay.' Not ever again.

"Victoria, will you just let me help you?" Niall sighed, having followed me out onto the balcony.

"Help me?" I chuckled darkly, "there isn't anything you can fucking do to make this okay, so will you just fucking quit already?"

Niall rubbed his face with both of his hands, before turning it from side to side in frustration, "if you would just let me in, Tori, I could ease your pain."

My chest clenched along with my fist and I turned away from him, "this isn't something you can put a band-aid on."

"I think it's time you headed back to London, Niall," I bit my lip and glared at the sky before me, "you're not doing anything, but making things worse here."

His hands on my waist shocked me, causing me to turn abruptly to face him. He was looking down at me slightly, his blue eyes pouring into my own. He was hurt, but I was hurt more, so he looked away first. My hands were on his chest to keep him from pulling me closer, because the last thing I wanted to do was cave. When he looked back at me he had this defeated look in his eyes, something I never thought I would see in someone with a spirit like his, "is that what you really want?"

I didn't hesitate, "yes."

When he nodded his head I watched as his features hardened to guard himself from me. I could literally watch his realization wash over his face. I knew exactly what he was thinking without him having to say a word, because it was an emotion I had watched wash over many a face. I was nothing but trouble, nothing but heartbreak, and I had just punched his heart in its metaphysical nuts.



Niall left later that day, my mother giving me a knowing look. She knew that I never let anyone in, and in a moment like this that wasn't going to change. She was upset with me, but we were both to defeated to fight over it.

We spent the next day calling funeral homes, making arrangements with the church, informing the family members and friends that didn't already know, and gathering things for the service. By the time night fell and the phone stopped ringing I didn't have an ounce of anything left in me. I had given all I had to give, and I wasn't sure I would be able to crawl out of bed tomorrow. I wasn't sure I would be able to wake up.

I threw myself onto my old bed and bawled myself up around a single pillow. I buried my face in the pillow and screamed, my shoulders shaking as I sobbed for the first time since the hospital. I heard the door click shut and I felt the bed dip, strong arms enveloping me as I cried. I knew who it was without having to look, because only one person ever caused my skin to burn the way he did. I wasn't sure when he got here, or why, or how, but he was here- and I couldn't stop myself from crying now.

He buried his face in my hair, not bothering with soothing words or apologies, he just held me as I lost it. He didn't push me, didn't tell me that I would get through this, and somehow that was all I really needed. Somehow, he was all I needed.

When the tears slowed I rolled over to face him. His eyes were sad, but he was giving me a small smile and I couldn't stop the small chuckle from falling past my lips. He wiped my face with his palms, before bringing my lips down to meet his own. It was soft, gentle, and so unlike everything we had shared in the past.

"Hello, love," He whispered as he wrapped one arm around my waist, and used another to prop his head up.

"What are you doing here?" I sighed, so confused and emotionally defeated that I didn't know if I would be able to deal with this particular drama in my life.

"Wrong question," He teased, "the right question would be, 'where have you been?'"

My shoulders eased, all the tension vanishing momentarily. We shared that moment then, everything slowly coming together in my head. The nights we spent together, the fights, the bickering, the hate- all of it made perfect sense. I realized then that I should have believed what he said before I left, and that it should have been him on that plane in Niall's place. I realized that after all of the mistakes that Louis and I had shared, there was one that we couldn't take back.

"I love you," I whispered, causing his eyes to crinkle the way they always did when he was smiling wide.

We had fallen in love with one another, somewhere between one night stands and raging insults, and for the first time in three days I felt like things might get better.