Fool Like Me

I tried to calm my breathing as Emma curled my hair, inhaling deeply and slowly allowing my lungs to deflate.
“Nervous?” she asked, smirking.
“Extremely,” I answered, tapping my fingers impatiently on the counter in front of me. I was ready to get this part over with. I was notorious between my friends and family for being impatient, often times something as trivial as waiting for medication to be filled got under my skin.
My phone beeped, and before I could even read who the text was from, the phone was swiped from my hands.

“That better not be Gabe,” my mother said, squinting at the device in confusion. “No communication today! Not until the big moment.”
I rolled my eyes, “Mom, give me my phone, it could be something about work.”
She handed it over reluctantly, still eyeing me suspiciously. I tried to hide my smile as I read the text. It was from Gabriel.

Can’t wait to see you. I love you. PS I’ll be the one in the tux ;)

I bit my lip, allowing a small smile to grace my lips, rules be damned. I quickly typed out a reply, sending it before my mother could swipe my phone again.

I love you too. PS There will be a lot of guys in tuxes… and I HAVE always thought Suarez was handsome ;)

His reply came back almost instantly, earning a small chuckle from me.

I knew you had a thing for guys who can speak Spanish. If you get us confused, I guess I can live with being the other man. It’s kind of kinky.

In no time, Emma had finished curling my hair and my sister Christine had done my makeup beautifully. Though she was my elder by five years, my sister and I had always had a close relationship, for which I was so thankful. Everyone was bustling around, anxious and barking orders at one another. It was stressing me out even more, but I knew if I yelled at them they’d think I was having some sort of pre-wedding meltdown.

I looked at myself fully in the mirror, still in my jeans and blouse. It’s my wedding day, I told myself. It was hard to believe. After almost six years of a crazy, romantic, sometimes impossible relationship with Gabe, we were really doing it; we were committing ourselves to each other forever. I’d never imagined myself as a person to get married, even well into my relationship with Gabe. We hadn’t really talked about it much, and I’d always assumed he had the same intentions as I did.
I remembered quite well our first mention of the possibility of getting married. We had just gone out with his bandmates for drinks, meaning we were both a tipsy and on the brink of being incoherent if we had drank anymore. For being as toasted as I was, I remembered that night perfectly.

3 years prior

“I could do some damage on some burritos right now,” I said through a yawn as Gabe and I walked down the sidewalk.
“I could do some damage to you right now,” he growled, stopping us long enough to nip at my ear and kiss my cheek before grabbing my hand and leading us on toward the apartment.
Before he had even locked the door, we were pulling our jackets off one another, kissing deeply. He pushed me against the wall, grinding his hips against mine as we kissed.
“Fuck, princesa,” he sighed, looking me square in the eye. We stayed there for a moment, the silence speaking for us. I loved him. I loved him so much it physically hurt me sometimes. As irritating and impossible as he could be sometimes, I adored him.
“Come on,” he kissed me once, sweetly, before leading me to the bedroom.
He positioned himself over me, trailing kisses along my jawline as his hands roamed my sides and back.

“Wait, I have to take my heels off,” I whispered between kisses.
“Leave them on,” he said into my neck, nipping lightly at the flesh. I yelped a little and he pulled back, smirking.
“I’ll never get tired of that,” he kissed my nose, running a hand through my hair.
“Of what?” I questioned.
“Getting little reactions out of you,” he said, trailing a finger down my bare side, causing me to buck my hips slightly.
He kissed me, more hungrily this time, and chuckled, probably to hide a moan, as I raked my fingernails down his back. I knew his weak spots as well as he knew mine.

“I love you,” he whispered into the semidarkness of our bedroom, still slightly out of breath and tracing his fingertips over my bare flesh.
“I love you too,” I smiled like an idiot. Three years into our relationship and I still acted like a giddy schoolgirl around him.
He was quiet for a moment, watching his fingers. I knew he was thinking about something, so I gave him time to get his thoughts together, knowing he would speak up when the time came.

Sometime later, he said quietly, almost a whisper, “Do you think we’ll ever get married?”
I was taken aback. We had never had this conversation before, I wasn’t quite sure where he was going with this or why he was asking.
“I… I don’t know. Why do you ask?” I said carefully.

“I don’t know, with Ricky getting engaged, it got me thinking about it. Just a thought. I never really saw myself getting married, but… I don’t know, I don’t really think it would be that bad. It would be kind of cool, actually. To, like, show someone how much you love them by ‘eternally bonding yourself to them’,” he chuckled nervously. He always rambled when he was nervous or excited. “It’s romantic, you know? I never really saw it that way, but I don’t know. I’ve kind of changed my views a little. And really it shouldn’t change your relationship at all. People say marriage ruins relationships, but I don’t buy that. It’s a romantic, great wedding, and then you carry on as you were, just with a piece of paper saying you’ll be together forever… I guess I’m figuring out that I really do want to get married someday. And my mom would be so happy, seeing both of her sons get married.” He continued tracing patterns onto my skin, leaving goose bumps in his wake, waiting patiently for my reply.

“That actually makes a lot of sense to me. I agree. It is romantic, it’s the ultimate act of romance and love. I never saw myself getting married either, but…” I paused, knowing this was what he was getting at with his rambling. “But being with you makes me want things I didn’t know I ever wanted. Things I didn’t think I would ever want, at least. Things just… changed. And they make sense now.”
I didn’t directly say that I wanted to marry Gabe, though I found myself wanting to marry him right on the spot. I wasn’t articulate all the time, and my words didn’t come out smoothly as his did. But I knew that it would make sense to him, he would know what I was trying to say. We were telling one another that our outlook for our relationship had changed, long term. If we stayed together, which I presumed we would, we would get married one day. I smiled into Gabe’s chest, kissing his collar bones.

I looked around at the people who were arranging flowers, bobby pinning curls, and double checking every guest list, seating chart, and itinerary. It felt weird to have everyone doing everything for me, I felt uneasy about it. I wanted to help, but every time I tried, everyone waved me off, telling me to relax and enjoy the day.

“So, what next?” I asked, looking to my mother for an answer.
“Well, you have another twenty minutes before you should be in your dress, so you can just relax,” she patted my hand and kissed my forehead.
“Oh, there she is!” Gabe’s mother exclaimed, hurrying over to me and hugging me tightly.
“Jeanette, I’m so happy you’re here!” I smiled at the petite woman. I adored Gabe’s mom, and from what I could tell the feelings were mutual. From the moment Gabe had introduced me to his parents, they had made over me like one of their own children, perhaps even more so.
“I’m sorry we’re late,” she sighed, “Diego decided to lose his dress shoes the morning of the wedding so we had to search the whole house for them.” She rolled her eyes playfully at me, and then looked at my mother. “What can I do to help?” They started discussing reception plans, and refused to let me join in, so I was forced yet again to sit quietly and watch as everyone bustled around me. Victoria smiled brightly as she hung her dress on a nearby door and sat next to me.

“Hello, Mrs. Saporta to be,” she gushed. Vicky had been one of the reasons Gabe and I managed stayed together. She had helped us through a lot.
“Hey, you,” I poked her.
“What have I missed?” she looked around the room, taking everything in.
“Not much,” I sighed, leaning back. “Abby almost spilled apple juice near my dress and I thought my mom was going to turn into a three-headed beast for a minute. There’s a new ‘no kids’ rule for this room.”
“Oh, God,” she laughed.
“Any news from the outside?” I asked dramatically.
“Yes, actually. Gabe wanted me to tell you he loves you. The guys are here, with Gabe of course. I think they’re gonna come see you. I’d also like to go see Gabe if that’s okay.”
I huffed, “Everyone is allowed out of this room, and to see my husband, but me. But that’s fine,” I smiled sheepishly at her.

Ryland walked into the room a few minutes later, already in his tux, and popped his collar as he walked over to Victoria, Emma, and I.
“Ladies,” he bowed slightly. “Lovely as always.”
He took my hand and kissed it dramatically as we laughed at his ridiculousness, but soon enough he had fixed his collar.
“You really do look beautiful, I can’t wait to see you in the dress.”
“Thanks, Ry,” I stood to hug him.
“Nervous? Please don’t puke, if you throw up on or near me…”
“I’m not going to puke!” Laughing, I slapped his arm. “I guess I’m a little nervous, just ready to get this show on the road.”
“I couldn’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve said that. You two are perfect, I’m just glad you’re finally getting married. Serious question though.”
“Shoot,” I eyed him carefully.

“Do you think my left,” he angled his face, “or right,” and then the other way, “side is better? I’ve been looking the mirror but I need an opinion. This is a once in a lifetime thing, I want the pictures to look good.”
We rolled our eyes at him, and I pushed him away from me.
“Get out of here, fucker.”
He gasped, but laughed, patted my head, then made his way out of the room after hugging Victoria and whispering something in her ear.
“That’s Ryland, right?” asked Emma.
“Yep. Quite the character, you can definitely tell he’s into acting.”

“He’s so charming,” she said, smiling. I noticed Victoria’s jaw tighten a little bit, and I had to hold back a sad smile. Gabe and I were the only ones who really knew that Victoria and Ryland both had feelings for one another, and had for quite some time, but things were complicated. They didn’t want to make things in the band weird, first and foremost. Their main concern was making their bandmates feel awkward, or that if they broke up it would ruin the band for good.
“That he is. Kind of off the market, though,” I said in a final tone of voice.
“They usually are,” she laughed it off, seemingly unaffected by it as she went to help my mom. I bit my lip and put my hand over Victoria’s. She smiled at me.

I shimmied into the dress, pulling my hair out of the way so Christine could zip it up. Turning, I looked expectantly at the women who were smiling excitedly. They all gasped and smiled even brighter, giving their approval.
“You look beautiful, absolutely beautiful,” said Victoria.
Turning to the mirror, I took a full look at myself. Everything felt right. I was buzzing with excitement, and most of my nerves were gone.
Within what felt like seconds, my mother was excitedly pulling my hands, tears in her eyes.
“It’s time.”

I walked out to the entrance to the sanctuary of the church, standing behind our groomsmen and bridesmaids who were waiting for the music to start. Butterflies were back in my stomach, and suddenly I felt a pang of nervousness.

William appeared at my side, smiling softly and looking me once over. My father and I had never seen eye to eye, and he was very against my marrying Gabe. Growing up, Christine had always been the one to get along with Dad, and as adults not much had changed. He was the one who suggested that William be the one to walk me down the aisle. It hurt, more than I was willing to admit, but I wasn’t going to let him put a damper on the day.
“You look incredible, Celia.”
“Thank you,” I teared up. Seeing William was the breaking point. William had been my best friend in elementary school, though we had gone to different high schools we still kept in touch. Even with the success of his band and his touring, we were still able to remain best friends, and I was so thankful for everything that he had done for me. William was actually the reason Gabe and I had met in the first place.

“Thank you,” I breathed. “For everything.” I knew he would understand. He turned, looking me straight in the eye, and I swore he was tearing up.
“No, thank you. I’m so happy for you.”
I smiled nervously, noticing it was almost time for me to walk.
“Don’t let me fall, don’t let me puke,” I instructed, grabbing his arm tightly.
He chuckled, still facing forward, “I’ve got you.”

Turning that corner, with every eye on William and I, was one of the most nerve-wracking moments of my life. But my eyes were locked on one thing, one person, and that was Gabriel standing at the end of the aisle, smiling brightly. It felt like falling in love with him all over again, my stomach was doing flips and I wanted to run down the aisle to him.

Six years prior

Gabe’s point of view

“Yeah, La Toya, go clean the bus or something,” I sat on Victoria’s lap, laughing as she struggled to push me off. Vicky was the only girl I’d ever met who could deal with the band and crew’s bullshit, as well as the touring lifestyle, without whining and complaining; she enjoyed it as much as we did.
“Yo! Bilvy! Adam T!” I quickly stood and ran to give him a hug, as well as Sisky, who was on his right. On his left, however, was a beautiful brunette I’d never met. She was eyeing me down, giving me a cautious but curious smile. Before her stare could get to me, I quickly introduced myself.

“And who is this wonderful creature? I’m Gabe,” I extended my hand, which she took with a laugh. “Let me know if you like what you see, princesa,” I winked at her as I licked my finger and ran it down my abs.
“Charming,” she said, voice full of sarcasm, as she finally took her piercing gaze off of me so she could look around.
“Ugh, Gabe. Another girl shows up and you’re terrorizing her already,” Victoria pushed me to the side, introducing herself to the girl. They seemed to hit it off pretty well, because soon enough they were heading to catering together.

“She’s cool, right? That’s Celia, Bill’s known her since he was young,” Sisky nodded.
“Oh, that’s Celia. Hmm, finally putting a face to the name. So, are you two…?” I looked at Sisky.
“Oh, what? No.” He laughed as though the idea were ridiculous.
So she wasn’t off limits. Excellent.
As we sat on a nearby ramp, Bill gave me a look.
“Gabe,” he said warningly. “No. I know exactly what you’re thinking, and just… no.”
“Oh, come on, William. She’s cute,” I smiled, watching her and Victoria sit and talk over at catering.
“And also the equivalent of my sister. And you’re… you. No offense,” he added with a smirk.
I rolled my eyes, exhaling quickly.

“What’s got your panties in a bunch?” asked Celia. She and Victoria had found seats with us, Celia in a chair just in front of me.
“My hooker cancelled, guess I’m all alone tonight. Well, not exactly alone,” I waved my hand around in her face. She pushed my hand, smirking up at me.
“Ouch, you can’t even get paid companions to have sex with you. And how does that make you feel?” She quickly sat as though she were a psychiatrist, asking me about my problems.
“Oh, I can assure you, princesa, I don’t have to pay women to have sex with me. My charm works on everyone.” Victoria and Celia both snorted in reply.
“Yeah, somehow I highly doubt that,” Celia smiled at me.
“It would work on you,” I said excitedly, leaning forward. “Have a drink with me tonight, you know, to prove me wrong,” I winked at her.

She laughed, somewhat scoffed, and said, “Is that your way of asking me out on a date, because you seriously need to work on the presentation, dude.”
I smirked, “Suit yourself, you’re seriously missing out on all this though?” I motioned to my body, wiggling around for her.
“I think I’ll manage,” she winked.

Later that night, we were all around the buses drinking, and I was waiting, pretty impatiently, for Celia to show up. Victoria had said some time ago that she was going to find her but had yet to return.
“Looking for something?” asked someone next to me as I looked around the party. I turned to see Celia standing next to me, smirking up at me. She was the perfect kind of short. I’d have to bend way down to kiss her. The thought made me lick my lips. Dammit Gabe, focus, I told myself.

“Not particularly. Brave of you to show up,” I smiled over at her, taking a swig of my beer.
“I do it for the kids,” she said dramatically.
“You had anything to drink?”
“We kind of pregamed on the bus,” she smirked. “I’ve had a few shots.”
“I do like a girl who can handle her alcohol. You want a drink?”
“You trying to get me drunk, Saporta?” She laughed, but meanwhile grabbed my hand and pulled me toward the alcohol.

“What do you want?” I asked, pretending to be Vanna White and waving my arm in front of the many bottles and coolers we had set up.
She inhaled as she pretended to think, “Surprise me.”
“Oh, bad choice,” I winked. I mixed her a RedBull and vodka, handing it to her once it was finished.
She took a swig, not a sip like most girls would have, and nodded.
“I like it. I’ve never actually thought of mixing the two, but it works.”
“What?! That’s my signature drink, princesa. You have a lot to learn.”
“Teach me, oh wise one,” she rolled her eyes in sarcasm.

After talking to everyone for a while and another drink or two, we had made our way to the edge of the party again. With alcohol buzzing in my system, I was still coherent and nowhere near belligerent, which was a feat in itself for me, and I was working up the courage to ask her to join me on the bus.
“Come to the bus with me,” I said quietly after Bill had gone to get another drink and find his bandmates.
“First you get me drunk, then you try to pull me away from the party. Are you trying to kill me?” she asked in mock seriousness, her eyes wide.
“Damn it! Caught me,” I laughed.
“Let’s go,” she nodded, looking up at me with sparkling eyes and sincerity.

The bus was dark, but I didn’t turn the lights on. There was enough light filtering through the windows for us to see. We sat on the couch and talked for a while until we heard someone outside. We peeked out the curtains to see Ryland and Nate, laughing stupidly and probably about to come on the bus.
“Quick, hide!” she giggled.
“Follow me,” I grabbed her hand.
Once we were in my bunk, we listened with bated breath for them to come on the bus. I could still hear them outside, but so far they hadn’t opened the door. I felt like a little kid again playing hide and seek. Finally their voices faded and I was left in the quiet with Celia.

“Damn, I’m good.”
“What are you talking about?” she laughed. We were whispering despite ourselves. It may have been our closeness, the quiet, or the dark. Probably all three.
“I got you drunk, away from the party, and in my bed on the first day I ever met you. We getting married next week?”
She laughed, loudly this time, but then whispered, “Oh, shut up. I should have known you had a plan.”

I looked over at her, barely able to see her in the dark but her eyes still sparkled.
“I have a question.”
“What would that be?” she breathed.
“Go on a date with me. A real date.” It had been a really long time since I had actually asked a girl on a date. It felt foreign and unfamiliar, yet it felt right at the same time.
“That’s not a question,” she teased.
“Celia,” I begged.
“No. That’s my answer.” My heart dropped. I thought the night had gone so well. We were really hitting it off, from what I could tell. We had stopped teasing one another and started having actual conversation. And it was the best conversation I’d had in a long time.
“Wh-why?”
“Because you have to do more than get me drunk and talk to me to take me on a date,” I could see her smiling in the semidarkness.
“So you’re a wine and dine kind of girl, damn,” I pretended to be disappointed.
“Ask me again in a week. After I actually know you.”
“I’m gonna hold you to that,” I teased.

After talking for about another hour, the band started coming back onto the bus one by one, so eventually we fell asleep in my bunk together. I awoke with my arm around her waist, and instantly smiled. I, Gabe Saporta, was actually infatuated with someone, and not just for the night. And I was actually pursuing her.

Celia’s point of view

I kissed William on the cheek once we were at the end of the aisle, and turned to stand in front of Gabe. He was waiting to lead me to the altar, and we both had tears in our eyes already. He took my hands, smiling and biting his lip.
“You look beautiful,” he said through tears.
“So do you,” I said, and we both laughed. Everyone smiled at our small exchange, and it was time for the ceremony to begin.

Exchanging vows was the most emotional thing I had ever done. I could barely get through Gabe’s without sobbing, I had no idea how I’d even speak when it was time for mine.
“Cel,” he began breathlessly. “First and foremost, I love you more than anything in this entire world. The day I met you, something changed inside of me. For the good. You have been the most influential person in my life, you’ve made a man of me. For that, I’ll never be able to truly repay you. We’ve definitely had an interesting relationship, for the good and bad. I don’t deserve the love you that you give me, or the way you take care of me. You are so good to me, and I can only hope that I’m adequate enough to keep you forever. When I almost lost you, that was the most scared I have ever been in my entire life. Those six months were the hardest of my life. I love you. I love you so much. And I am so excited to begin forever with you. Thank you for being mine.” By the time he finished, he was fully crying and I was sobbing.

“Well,” I began through my tears, laughing as I tried to pull myself together. “I don’t know how I’ll follow that up, but I’ll try.” I took a deep breath. “When I met you, you were the loudest, most obnoxious man I had probably ever met.” The crowd laughed, as did Gabe. “But something struck me about you. There was an automatic connection between the two of us, and it didn’t take either of us long to figure that out. We’ve grown so much together. After all this time, our relationship is still exciting, I still get butterflies when I see you. Without you, my life would lack the spark that keeps me going. You are so much a part of who I am that to take you away would be to take half of me away as well. I just… I love you so much.” I smiled, starting to get choked up again.
After a small exchange, and of course a kiss, to which our friends wolf-whistled and cat-called, we were officially married.

“And for the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Gabriel Saporta!”
We were met by tumultuous applause and teary-eyed, smiling faces.
After making our way down the aisle together and into the car, it was time to go get changed for the reception.
“Now the real fun begins,” Gabe said, caressing my face with his large hand. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too. So much.” I smiled into our kiss, unable to keep the happiness inside.

“I’m tired of making entrances,” I spoke as we were getting ready to enter the reception hall.
“I’m a little used to it. Only one more,” he kissed my nose.
“Get a room,” smirked Suarez as he walked up.
“That’s for later, plus I need to eat so I can keep my energy up,” I retorted quickly.
“Gross,” he laughed, though he gave us a genuine smile. “So how does it feel?”
“Better than anything ever. This is better than our first date, better than when we were officially together, better than when we got back together, better than when we got engaged,” Gabe rambled, and I smiled, reminiscing about all that we had been through. There had been a six month period that we had spent apart. I had broken up with him, which had been the hardest thing I had ever done.

2 ½ years prior

Gabe stumbled through the door to our apartment, waking me from my half-consciousness. I had been waiting for him to come back for hours, and it was now 2 AM.
“Babe, what are you doing up?” he asked, walking up to me and placing his hands on my hips. He was drunk, that much was obvious. But I had gotten pretty used to Gabe coming home drunk lately.
“I’m leaving, I’m, uh, going back to Chicago.”
“Oh.” He looked at me for a moment. “Well when are you coming back?”
Silence. The longest silence of my life.

“Gabe, I’m not. I’m leaving for good. I… I can’t do this anymore.” I got choked up, though I had told myself I wasn’t going to cry until afterward.
“Wait, what are you talking about Cel?” He was suddenly very sober, placing his hands on my face, but I quickly pushed them away.

“Gabe,” I said through a sob, “I’m breaking up with you.”
He looked at me like I had just told him the world was ending. In a way, it was. I saw the ground crumbling from beneath his feet as he pieced everything together, noticing all of my bags packed by the door. We had never officially moved in together, though I spent a lot of time in New York with him when he was home. It took a long time for me to pack up everything I had strewn around his apartment.

“Celia,” he said carefully. “Please don’t do this. I can change, I can fix this. I promise, Celia. You just can’t leave me, you can’t do this.”
I shook my head as tears rolled down my face, “Gabe, I have to. I’ve told you, I’ve tried so hard to deal with everything. You’ve told me every line in the book and nothing has changed. I have to go.” I pulled from his grasp, now gasping for air through my sobs as I pulled my suitcases together and turned back to face him. He looked devastated, and I knew the expression on his face would haunt me for a very long time.

“Celia,” he begged.
“I’m sorry,” I cried, then slowly made my way out the door and downstairs to find a taxi. I had a flight leaving at 6 AM, and I had figured he wouldn’t get home until the late hours of the morning anyway. I planned to go to the airport and bid my time until my flight left. The security guard downstairs, Dwight, smiled brightly at me as I appeared out of the elevator.
“You going somewhere this late, Ms. Young?” He eyed down my bags and tear-soaked face, and seemed to put two and two together. His smile quickly fell and he walked forward to help me with my bags.

“Are you okay?”
“I’m fine,” my breathing had returned to normal, so I was at least able to speak somewhat normally.
“I’ll stay with you until your cab gets here,” he followed me onto the sidewalk.
“What happened, if I’m not being too nosey?” Dwight was an older man, probably in his 60s, who was the sweetest security guard I’d ever met. I’d seen him in action, though, and knew that he was quick on his feet and could be fierce when the time called for it.
“We broke up,” I smiled at him sadly, and he nodded knowingly, as though that was what he expected me to say.
“I’m sorry, Celia. I really thought you two were great together, my favorite couple in the building. He’s been a handful lately, though. Always giving me a hard time at the door when he comes home late.”
I nodded, inhaling deeply, and my cab pulled up.

5 months later

I yawned, stretching on the uncomfortable couch and feeling my back crack.
“She’s doing okay, but you can tell she still hasn’t actually dealt with it, you know?” I heard Victoria whisper.
“Yeah, absolutely. She’s so closed up about it. She refused to even answer the phone for three days after she got back from New York. He’s worse off than she is, though. At least she’s functioning normally, pretending. He’s not even bothering to pretend,” William replied.
“I hate this. I know they still love one another, I just… I want her to know that he’s changing. And I want him to know that she still cares. It’s like they refuse to believe any of it.”
“They’re stubborn. They’ve both always been so fucking stubborn, they’re the same person in a lot of aspects,” William sighed.
“I hate it for them. I want them to be happy again,” she said sadly, and I heard her set a coffee cup on the counter.

I yawned louder this time, rustling blankets and moving around so they’d know I was awake.
“There she is!” said Bill as I walked into the kitchen and poured a cup of coffee.
“What are you doing here?”
“I’m in New York for business as well, thank you very much. Thought I’d stop by and say hello.”
“Hmm,” was my only reply for a moment until I could gather my thoughts.
“How are you?” he asked carefully. I was so tired of everyone walking on eggshells around me.
“I’m fine,” I replied, giving him a look. “Seriously. I wish everyone would quit asking me that in that same tone of voice, like I’ve just lost a member of my family or something.”

He gaped for a moment before speaking, “We’re just worried about you, Cel. You haven’t… you haven’t been yourself. We want you to be happy, and I can tell you’re not. I know you.”
“I’m fine,” I said quietly, avoiding their eyes. I didn’t want to have this conversation.
“Well, cheer up buttercup, because we’re all going out for drinks tonight, and you are coming. No excuses,” Victoria interrupted me as I opened my mouth to protest. I was in no mood to go out and get drunk and put on a happy face, especially since there was a good chance that Gabe would be there.
“Fine,” I sighed, and they both smiled in triumph.

I pulled my hair to one shoulder as we arrived at the club, feeling nervous and jittery.
“Calm down,” laughed Victoria, putting her hand on my bouncing knee, “it’s going to be fine.”

And it was fine. Until Gabe showed up with his ex-girlfriend on his arm, the one he had dated before me, and I started downing any drink I could get my hands on. I avoided Gabe for the most part, but I was past the point of belligerent.

“Whoa, senorita, I think it’s time to sit down for a few,” Suarez laughed, grabbing my hand and pulling me away from the dance floor. I joined our group at a small table surrounded by two couches, and noticed that Gabe wasn’t present. I quickly pulled my heels off as I sat beside Ryland, feeling the full brunt of how drunk I’d actually become.
“You wanna go home?” William asked quietly from my left.
“No, William, I do not want to go home,” I said bitterly. “Sorry,” I said quickly, giving him an apologetic look. He simply shrugged.

“Well, look who it is, Gabanti in the flesh,” I heard Suarez announce, and looked up to see Gabe and his girlfriend, I had forgotten her name at the moment, standing by the table. We made eye contact, but he quickly looked away.
“Bianca, it’s nice to see you again,” William said in a forced voice.
Everyone was looking awkwardly, and subtly, between Gabe and I.

“What?” I asked, looking around at everyone. “We’re obviously not getting back together now, he’s obviously moved on so there’s no need to look so worried. We’re not going to break out in a feud.”
“Celia,” William said behind me, but I stood to avoid his grip on my arm.
“No! Stop it. I’m so sick of everyone treating me like I’m some sort of fucking charity case. Yes, we broke up. We fucking broke up. And it was tragic and oh so sad, and it fucking sucked. But I’m tired of everyone trying to get me to talk about, and everyone walking on eggshells around me all the damn time. I’m fine. And obviously you are too,” I directed at Gabe, waving my heels in my hand as I spoke.

“I…” Gabe didn’t know what to say, and Bianca was completely flabbergasted.
“You know what the real icing on the cake is though?!” I was speaking directly to Gabe now. “The fact that I left you, which was the single hardest thing I have ever had to do, and broke my own heart in the process. And you acted like you were completely crushed, completely heartbroken, but you didn’t come after me. You didn’t chase me, you didn’t even bother. You gave up that easily on three years of what I thought was the most meaningful relationship of my life, what I thought was going to be my forever. That’s what really gets to me.” I was crying now, unable to hold anything back in my drunken state. I realized I looked like a mess, but now that I had started, I was unable to stop. “You were my world, Gabe. My everything. But you became someone I didn’t understand anymore. When my sister had her miscarriage, my life fell apart almost as much as hers did. And I’m sorry I was such a mess for so long, but you were impossible, Gabe. You were drunk all the time. All the time. And I made the decision to leave you because I thought it would be best for both of us, but you didn’t even bother to come after me. And now, now you’ve already moved on?! I… I can’t understand that, Gabriel. I really can’t. You begged me, you pleaded, for me to stay that night. It broke my heart and it broke yours too, but yet you’re the one who’s okay, the one who didn’t chase after me when you had the change. So congratu-fucking-lations on your new, successful, happy relationship. It’s nice to know that I’m the one who fell apart. The one everyone is afraid to say your name around. The one who is now the drunk, crying, crazy mess. Thank you, Gabriel. Really,” my voice was full of contempt.

“Celia,” he stepped forward, holding an arm out to me and receiving an incredulous look from Bianca.
“Don’t bother,” I sobbed, pushing him out of the way as I stormed to the exit. I didn’t know if anyone was following me, I didn’t really care.
I sat on the curb about two blocks down from the club, still sobbing and holding my heels in my hand. I felt a hand on my back and felt someone sit next to me. I leaned into them, whoever it was, and sobbed until I had gotten it all out. The person sitting with me simply rubbed my back and whispered the occasional “Shh.”

Finally, I took a deep breath and looked up to see Ryland sitting next to me, smiling sadly at me.
“I’m sorry,” I laughed at myself, wiping tears and makeup from under my eyes.
“Don’t you even apologize,” he whispered, wiping a bit of mascara I had missed. “You needed that. Granted, Bianca is pissed at Gabe, Gabe is a mess, and everyone is a little confused and upset, but other than that, you needed that.”
“I shouldn’t have drank so much tonight,” I looked blankly at the asphalt in front of me.
He inhaled deeply, “Probably not, but it happens. And you’re okay. That’s what matters.”

After a long pause, Ryland rubbing his thumb across my palm, I finally worked up the courage to ask what I had been dying to ask everyone, “Why didn’t he chase after me,” my voice cracked again.
“Why didn’t he come after me, how did he move on? Why was he so… okay? Did I mean so little to him?” I looked at Ryland, devastated.

“Celia,” he said, laughing a little bit, “he was a mess after you left. For three months straight he was drunk. We were worried sick about him. We kept trying to get him to call you, and he kept saying, ‘She doesn’t want me, I need to accept that.’ That’s all he’d ever say.” Ryland frowned a little. “He was so torn up, Cel. I’ve never seen Gabe like that. He’s still not over it. Just a few days ago I found your pictures on his bedside table. And as far as Bianca goes,” he shook his head and rolled his eyes. “She’s just a distraction for him. They’ve only been going out for a few weeks, he doesn’t have any feelings at all for her. We all know he’s just using her as a way to keep his mind off everything. I tried to tell him that using another girl wasn’t the way to get over you, and he got pissed. He’s never been that mad at me. He’s not over it, Celia. He’ll never be over it. You two are meant to be together, and I know deep down that you’ll be back together one day. I feel it,” he pulled me closer.
“I just don’t know, Ryland. I really don’t know.”

1 month later

“I don’t want to talk to him, or see him!” I whispered angrily at William. He hadn’t told me that Gabe would be at Genevieve’s birthday party. I had a sneaking suspicion he was trying to get us to talk to one another.
“It will be fine,” he laughed, pulling me outside.

“Yeah, I think that’s the real problem with switching crew members, you know? It ruins the family aspect of touring,” Sisky told Victoria.
“Right? I don’t get how bands can just hire members for one tour and then find completely new crew! I love that our fans know part of the crew as well, that’s how it should be, you know?”

“Can I talk to you?” asked someone, tapping me on the shoulder. I turned to see Gabe, dressed smartly in jeans, a chambray shirt, and a brown jacket. I hesitated, and he smiled to urge me.
“Sure,” I sighed, bidding goodbye to Sisky and Victoria, who both raised their eyebrows at Gabe and I.

“How are you? I would have been over here sooner, but I was playing with the kids,” he smiled, looking over at Genevieve and her friends, who were running around and screaming.

Gabe’s point of view

“I’m okay,” she nodded, biting her lip nervously. I hated that I made her uncomfortable. “How are you?”
“Good, I’m good. I wanted to, well… I wanted to apologize for what happened last month,” I began, but she interrupted me.
“Why? It was my fault. I was the drunk, crying mess. I’m the one who should be apologizing.” Her tone was harsh.
I frowned. “Because I didn’t attempt to make things right. Again, I just let you walk away without trying to fix things. I was an idiot, again. I want to make things right between us, though. I don’t know if we’ll ever be able to get back together, and I understand that, but I want things to be okay between us. Because I can’t live with this distance, this uncomfortable silence.”

She didn’t say anything, simply watching the party in front of us for a moment.
“Well, I appreciate that. I really do. But it’s not going to be that easy, Gabe. Six months later, you can’t decide to change things and expect me to just go with it,” she said bitterly.
I sighed, “I don’t expect you to just-“
“Then what’s the point of this, Gabriel? Do tell.”

I was speechless. I hadn’t expected her to be so bitter, so stubborn about the situation. Sure, I hadn’t expected to waltz into the party and be her prince charming again, but I didn’t expect this at all.
“Why do you have to be so stubborn?” I laughed a little bit, but suddenly realized that was not the right thing to say in the situation.
“Stubborn!” she scoffed. “You’re one to talk about stubborn, Gabe Saporta. Never in my life…” she muttered, walking away from me and into the midst of the party. I grabbed her hand, to try and get her to listen to me.

“Wait, Cel, just listen to me please,” I spun her around and she crossed her arms, looking at me pointedly. Instead, out of impulse, I kissed her. I didn’t know why, something had just overtaken me and soon enough I felt my lips on hers. She pushed me back roughly, looking at me angrily before swinging her right arm and punching me square in the eye. Everyone in the party had been watching our exchange, and everyone was silent as Celia stormed into the house and I stood there with a swollen eye.

“Well… That went better than expected,” I smirked at everyone, earning a few laughs. The party quickly continued, and I’d found William.
“So, uh, that was… interesting,” I laughed.
“If that’s what you wanna call it,” he smiled. “I think she’s had time to cool off, you should go find her.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right. Maybe she’ll even me out and punch my left,” I joked before making my way inside. I didn’t have to do much looking; she was sitting on a barstool in the kitchen.

“Hey,” I elbowed her as I sat down beside her, smiling despite the pain I was feeling, both in my heart and in my eye.
“Hey,” she choked, refusing to look up at me.
“Princesa,” I cooed, moving closer and pulling her face to me. I wiped her tears, kissing her forehead softly.
“I’m so sorry I punched you in the face,” she said through tears. “It’s already bruising,” she said, tears rolling down her face again at the sight.
“Shh, it’s okay. I deserve it. I probably deserve a few more, too. So when this one’s healed I’ll get you to re-do it. You’ve got a nasty right hook.”
“Stop,” she laughed, looking down at her hands again. She got ice out of the freezer and put a few cubes in a dish towel. She sat next to me again, this time facing me, and carefully placed the ice on my eye.
“Ow, oh my god!” I yelled, and she jumped, pulling the ice back with wide eyes. “I’m just kidding.”
She slapped me, “You asshole!”

“I am, though,” I sighed. “I… I’m so sorry I didn’t come after you. I don’t know what I was thinking. Twice I let you get away from me and I’m not letting it happen again. I’m an idiot. Celia, you’re the love of my life. And I know that I’ve royally fucked up your trust, and I don’t know if things can ever be right between us, but I am more than willing to try. I will do anything it takes. Because I love you so much, more than anything.”
She pulled the ice back from my face to examine my eye, sighing as she considered what I had just said.
“I love you too, Gabe. I love you too,” she sighed, smiling softly at me.

Celia’s point of view

Our reception was laid back, and there was a stage set up so our musician friends could play. After the DJ played for a while, Gabe suddenly looked at me with a smile.
“Gotta run,” he kissed me, making his way to the stage with the rest of Cobra Starship.
Emma, my childhood friend, and my coworker Jasmine joined me as I watched my husband on stage.
“So,” Gabe said, “There are a lot of songs I could perform for that amazing woman sitting over there. But I decided that one I wrote myself would be most fitting. Love you,” he winked at me before the music began.

“Your daddy always said you should stay away from a fool like me, a fool like me.
And when your momma sees me callin’ on your telephone, the bitch hangs up on me, huh! Sorry, Daphne,” he apologized to my mom, earning laughs from everyone.
“Remember that time I blew your mailbox up
I was just kidding about that (kidding about that)
I'm sorry that I hit your dog with my bike
But he's still got three legs (he's gonna be just fine)
And baby, baby I ain't too sure that
I know how to change anymore
But this I know for sure..
I just got eyes for you
Even though your friends say:
Oh my God, how can she be with him?
Oh my God leave his ass!”

“Did all of this stuff really happen?!” asked Jasmine with a laugh.
“Yeah,” I nodded, smiling. “Yeah, it really did.”
When Gabe and I had first gotten together, he thought it would be really funny to put firecrackers in my mailbox. My parents and friends, who didn’t like Gabe at all for a long time, didn’t think so, however.

Flashback

“Gabe’s supposed to be here by now, isn’t he?” asked Emma somewhat sourly. I knew my friends didn’t really like Gabe. They thought he was loud and obnoxious, and not good enough for me. Sure, he was loud and obnoxious. But he was the sweetest guy I’d ever met. Just then, my phone went off, and I read the text I’d received.

Come outside ;)

As we stepped onto my front steps, a loud cracking split the air. We all looked around for the source of the sound, and I noticed that the mailbox was smoking.

“Oh my god!” I exclaimed, running over to the mailbox but still keeping my distance. When the crackling had finally finished, and smoke was filling the air, I opened the mailbox to find the remains of many packs of firecrackers filling the mailbox.
“Gabe,” I muttered in annoyance, and he was laughing hysterically by his car, a lighter in hand.
“Ugh, he’s an idiot,” muttered Brittany, following everyone Emma and Hailey inside.

“You’re stupid,” I laughed, giving him a quick kiss before I pushed him roughly. “And you better replace that mailbox or my parents are going to hate you even more!”
“I don’t even know why they all hate me so much. I’m just so hot,” he posed dramatically.
“Yeah, keep telling yourself that,” I giggled, slapping his ass as we walked into my house.
I giggled, thinking about Zeus, who was my three-legged bulldog. He hadn’t always had just three legs though…

Flashback

“I am so sorry, I should have been paying attention, god I’m so sorry. Is he okay?” Gabe was rambling apologies in the vet’s office as we awaited news on Zeus’s condition. Gabe and I had been riding bikes, and even after I told him to be careful because Zeus likes to chase us, I heard a yelp and knew something bad had happened. Zeus had been unable to stand on his right hind leg at all, so we took him to the vet.

“Well, the bones are crushed here, as you can see, so we can attempt reconstructive surgery, or we can amputate. It’s up to you,” Doctor Goode said to Gabe and I. I looked at Gabe, who looked devastated. I, however, couldn’t help but smirk.
“Guess I’m gonna have a three-legged dog now.”

I noticed that my friends were grinning, and even my parents were smirking a little bit at the lyrics Gabriel had written about them. I felt like everything had finally fallen into place.

“Your daddy always said you should stay away from
A fool like me, a fool like me
And when your momma sees me callin' on your telephone, she hangs up on me
That bitch hangs up on me
Yeah I know
That I'm a grown ass man
Who still acts like an idiot
But Lord he must have been in a good mood the day
He let a girl like you
Choose to take a fool like me.”

I loved watching Gabe on stage. No matter how many times I watched them live, it never got old. I never got tired of watching him dance around and sing his heart out, because it was what he loved to do. And to see him light up like that was the best feeling in the world.

“I never meant to drive your car into that tree
I'm still real sorry about that (sorry about that)
And I know I can't get it right
But I would do anything, anything
For my
Baby, baby you ain't too sure that
I know how to change anymore
But this you know for sure...
I just got eyes for you
Even though your friends say:
Oh my God, how can she be with him?
Oh my God leave his ass!”

I looked at my father instantly as he sang the part about driving my car into the tree. I remembered that night all too well.

Flashback

“Gabe,” I warned as he swerved around in the road to mess with me. I hated when he drove my car, he always did stupid stuff just to get on my nerves.
“What? He laughed, it’s not like I’m going to-“
“Gabe!” I screamed, pointing at the deer that had run into the road. We swerved and I was thrown forward roughly in my seatbelt.
“Oh my god, are you okay?” asked Gabe frantically, unbuckling my seatbelt for me.
“I’m fine, I’m fine,” I touched my palm to his cheek, giving him a reassuring smile. We couldn’t have been going over 25, as we were in a residential zone, and the tree that we ran into had been right next to the road.

“I can’t believe you would let him drive your car!” My dad yelled. We had gotten back home after calling my father for help and, of course, he was furious. “And you! Well I thought that you would be more responsible with my daughter in the car with you. I cannot believe this happened, you had no right-“
“Dad,” I said furiously. “I’m an adult. I can choose what I do and with whom. And don’t you dare blame this on Gabe, he did what anyone would have done. We’re not hurt, so you can just back off. Come on Gabe,” I growled, pulling him behind me.

Gabe was finishing the final chorus as I noticed that my father was actually smiling.

“Yeah I know
That I'm a grown ass man
Who still acts like an idiot
But Lord he must have been in a good mood the day
He let a girl like you
Choose to take a fool like me,” the song finished and everyone applauded. Of course, I had tears in my eyes, as I couldn’t keep my emotions under control the entire day.

Finally, it was time for Gabe and I to leave for our honeymoon in Tokyo. It was such an unconventional place to honeymoon, but he loved Japan so much and hadn’t been in a while, and I had never been at all, so we decided to go with it.

“Bye, Mom,” I hugged her tightly. She was crying, and grabbed my father’s hand once we parted.
“Well, have a good time,” my father said awkwardly, leaning in to actually give me a hug. Once he pulled back he looked at me for a moment and said, “I’m just… I’m really proud of you, Cel. And I’m really happy for you. I hope that you two have years of happiness, and all that,” he said sincerely. I started crying again, leaning in for another hug.
“Thank you,” I whispered. That was all I had ever wanted, for him to be proud of me.

“Bill,” I said breathlessly, giving him a big hug.
“You two be careful over there. I’m so happy for you,” he said, giving me a soft smile.
“I love you,” I told him, giving him another tight hug.

When I hugged Victoria, I noticed that when we parted she and Ryland had grabbed one another’s hand. I elbowed Gabe, and he grinned at them, receiving eye rolls and mischievous smiles.

After more goodbyes, we were on our way to the airport for our 15 hours of flying. I leaned my head on his shoulder in the back of the cab, feeling a bit drained. The last thing I wanted to do was spend the rest of our day and part of the night flying to Tokyo. But I was far too excited for the honeymoon to be too annoyed by the flights.

Once we were settled onto the plane, I truly did feel like I could fall asleep.
“Why don’t you take a nap now? So you’ll be awake when we land,” he ran a hand through my hair. He had booked us first class tickets for the flights even after my many protests. He told me that he wanted everything to be perfect.
“I think we’re gonna be pretty alright,” I smirked at him, admiring my newly acquired wedding band.
He scoffed, “We better be. You marry a hot piece of ass like this and he takes you Tokyo first class? You better not complain!” He snapped a few times.
I simply laughed and kissed his lips before settling next to him and leaning on his shoulder. I closed my eyes, already dozing off. The last thing I felt was his hand grabbing mine.

We were definitely going to be alright.