My W Unit

The next morning we began the trek back to the base so we could leave this world and head home. We traveled almost nonstop for four days. We were all terribly tired by the time we reached our destination. It was an interesting walk back though. As a large group, we got to know each other pretty well and even though our hostages were the 'bad guys' we ended up joking around with them. They were still our captives, but we held no hatred or well less hatred for them than when I was sprung free. My pack still wasn't fond of Sebastian, especially Deklyn and Killian, but they no longer wanted to string him up and kill him. When he wasn't trying to torture you, he was a pretty solar guy who was very informed about everything he knew.
To say we bonded with was prisoners was a very strange thing, even I no longer wanted to beat the shit out of Sebastian. Granted I was still unhappy with what he put me through in the end, I could deal with most of my other memories, but the lingering hatred was no more. So this new bond we had made things interesting when we walked in the epicenter of travel. My pack was ushering Sebastian to the ship that would be his holding cell until we reached Central Prime, when Sebastian growled and lunged at someone. Everything around us froze as Trina and Jasper reflexively moved to restrain him. I looked behind me to see Sebastian baring wolf teeth in a satisfied grin as his eyes shone silver. Then my eyes caught Deklyn's confused face and Killain's calmly hid glare. I followed their line of sight to see someone I hadn't seen in nearly 10 years. Dr. Larson had her tablet clutched to her chest as her body remained frozen and her eyes fixed on the wolf in front of her.
I sighed and quietly said, "Enough Sebastian, let's go." Sebastian took a second but relaxed and turned to continue on his way as if nothing happened. Dr. Larson's eyes slipped to me and we stared at each other just long enough for her to recognize me before I turned with dead eyes and headed to our shuttle.
"Rai, who was that?" Zane asked.
"Someone from my past." I replied, keeping my eyes forward. Zane went to stop me but Killian placed a hand on his Alpha's shoulder.
"Wait til she's ready." Killian whispered.
Zane grinded his teeth, "I'm tired of being in the dark. It's dangerous."
"I know, but Rai is going to need time. Her past is far darker than any of us could have imagined."
Zane sighed, "I'll wait as long as I can, but an Alpha not knowing things can mean destruction to a pack."
"I know Zane. I know."

Sleeping had never really come easy to me, but I could usually manage. But now, now it was like when Jay died. I rarely slept and I was going crazy. During the day my memories would haunt me, while at night Jay's dead corpse would torment me in dreams. I never knew what to do and even now I still didn't. How did I get through it the first time? Yet it was worse this time because now I had Marco and Jay asking why I had killed them. Blaming me for what happened. Why couldn't I save them?
I paced my room for the dozenth night. My mind yelled at me as Jay's feral eyes glared at me and then would switch with Marco's dead ones. My mind flashed between the two as they yelled, snarled, cried, and questioned me. This is what going insane was like, it had to be. I threw myself into my work like I did last time. Finding everything and anything to keep me preoccupied, but at night or during down time I couldn't think straight. I was already running on lack of sleep from at least a month earlier and at any moment I would snap. Apparently it was tonight for as I paced and pulled my hair and in general couldn't stop moving, I caught my reflection. I couldn't recognize that woman looking back at me. She looked completely broken with pieces of herself falling off. Then she changed and my reflection yelled at me. Her silver and gold eyes filled with rage as she pounded against her glass cell. Her eyes looked into my soul and shouted at how useless I was. I closed my eyes and tried to block out the nonexistant shouts.
Finally I couldn't' take it anymore and I threw everything off the dressing. Smashing a mirror and a few breakables, sending books and papers flying, and anything else on it tumbled gracelessly to the floor. But the condemning voices didn't silence and I continued to tear apart my room. I screamed as I tried to shut out everything, but it didn't work, it only made it worse. I was in such a frantic state that I didn't even realize that my commotion would wake the others, but within seconds of me trashing my room and screaming, the pack ran to me. I flailed and fought as someone came up behind and tried to retrain me. I continued to cry and fight until Zane crossed my arms over my chest and restrained me with a hug.
"Shh, Rai, it's okay I'm here. Shhh." Zane whispered soothingly into my ear as I rocked in his grip.
"Make it stop." I sobbed with my eyes closed and head bend back. "They won't go away! Their eyes don't seem me, but they blame me. Why did they have to die? Why! They yell. They cry. But they're silent! Why?" The rest of the pack watched in silent horror as I broke down and Zane tried to calm me.
"It's going to be okay Rai. We're here, shh no one blames you." Zane kept whispering to me and somehow managed to make sure I didn't step on anything sharp.
"I can't do this again. They shouldn't have died! He shouldn't have been alone. I should have known. It's my fault." I slowly started sinking as my legs gave out. "I should have known something was wrong. Why? Why couldn't I stop it? Why won't they go away?" I continued muttering as I went through bouts of sobbing and then thrashing until I finally blackout from exhaustion and stress.
Everyone stared at me once I finally went limp in Zane's arms. "Is she going to be okay, Zane?" Rory asked as he stepped across the room carefully.
"I don't know." Zane replied truthfully as he swung me up bridal style.
"Do you think she can come back from something like this? I mean she's done it once, she can do it again, right?" Deklyn asked this time.
"Depends on how strong her will is. Jay's death changed her a lot and even four years after his death, she still wasn't okay. She was distant and hard to read. She held on to her job as an anchor but in the process never really got to know anyone. It wasn't until these past few years she was able to finally move on and now something this traumatic happened to her. Can anyone manage to pick themelves up again after already going through this once?"
"What happened to her?" Jasper asked angrily. The wolves could tell it was more at the situation than the person. "What made her snap?"
Deklyn and Killian looked at each other and silently debated what to say. Finally Killian spoke, "She shot a wolf; her own packmate. That alone could cause at least a small break down, however," He hesitated a moment, trying to figure out how to word the next part. "As I said before, Sebastian made her relive her memories... the last one she saw was Jay's death. She became so fixated on it that it played over and over again."