How Bobby Goepfert Saved Christmas

It was the 24th of December, the whole city was covered in white. Well, not really. It was 16 degrees Celsius in Düsseldorf and all over Germany. Bobby Goepfert was in a foul mood and only snow would have cheered him up. Or at least some kind of Christmas miracle. After coming home in the middle of the night, or rather early in the morning, after a loss to Munich, he wasn’t ready for Christmas. His wife was there, as were his dogs, but there was no snow, the rest of his family was in America and there was still no NHL hockey.
He’d hardly slept at all when he got a call from Travis Turnbull. In the game he’d lost two and a half teeth, that meant no Christmas ham for him. The only thing he could eat was soup. Man, how he longed to be back with his family and at least enjoy their presence. Another guy who wanted to be back in Canada was Michael Catenacci. Cat, as he was usually called by his teammates, had hardly played a game. At the beginning of the season he’d been checked into the boards, so that he was still out with a concussion. He missed playing hockey, he missed his family and he missed watching hockey. Sure, they showed one game on Friday and one on Sunday every week, but it wasn’t the same as playing. The only games he could watch, were NHL games.
Oh, there weren’t any, because of a little thing called the lockout. If he wasn’t able to play himself, he at least wanted to be able to watch, but this wasn’t possible. And it made him even more depressed. Cat had played for the Kitchener Rangers, had been their captain, now in Germany he’d hardly had the chance to prove himself. And then they took NHL hockey away.
Bobby turned on his back and looked at the ceiling. Something had to be done about this. Not only the players were affected, the fans as well. He’d talked to numerous guys who couldn’t play because of the lockout, but he considered himself a fan of the game as well. Staying up till four or five in the morning to watch your favorite team play, sometimes with your teammates, had been exhausting but wonderful. And he missed it. When Calle Ridderwall had joined them, the two of them had made a bet. As a native New Yorker he’d said that the Rangers or Islanders would win the Cup in 2013, Calle had voted for the Bruins. Seeing that there had always been a year between cup-wins, it was his logical choice. And because he’d played for Providence.
Suddenly Bobby sat upright in his bed. He had a plan. It wouldn’t be easy, but he was sure that he could do it. He would put an end to the lockout, get the players back to their original teams and save Christmas for some of his friends and thousands of fans who wanted NHL hockey back. Some people might think that he was crazy, but when Bobby set his mind on something, he usually went through with it.
Careful not to wake his wife, he got out of bed and put on his goalie gear immediately. Where he went, he would need that. Ordinary clothes would not work. A goalie always needed his pads and most importantly his helmet. Once he was dressed and had said goodbye to his two faithful dogs, he got on the gigantic sleigh that had been standing in his garden for ages. The only problem was to get this sleigh to work. He’d need help to start flying. Eight men needed to be in front of the sleigh. And then the one with the red nose.
“You better get to my place fast, no questions, just move your asses here. I’ll explain when you get here.” He told Catenacci and Turnbull on the phone. And then he waited. His message must have sounded really urgent to them, because they turned up not even ten minutes later. “Ladies, we’re gonna end the lockout and safe Christmas!”
“Are you drunk again, Bobby?” Travis stared at his goalie on top of the sleigh. Of course he knew that goalies have magical powers, but this sounded a bit ridiculous.
“I think he’s serious.” Cat pushed his black locks back from his face, his eyes locked on Bobby to figure out what was happening. “End the lockout, huh?”
“Yes.” Bobby hopped down from the sleigh and handed both men their hockey gear. They didn’t know where he’d gotten them from, and they didn’t care. It was Bobby, after all, and he always did these kinds of things. “It’s easy, we kill the Bettman.”
“Bobby, you really are drunk!” Turnbull was shaking his head while he tried to get his jersey over his head.
“Calm down, that was a joke. We won’t actually kill him.” With a few quick movements he’d attached them to the sleigh. Goalie stick in hand, he shoved them in position, so that they now stood in front of the sleigh. “But he’ll never have anything to do with hockey again.” Carefully he climbed back up on the sleigh. What he mumbled then, couldn’t be put into words. He swung his goalie stick high in the air, still mumbling to himself. When he looked back down at Cat and Bull, they stared straight back at him. “What are you waiting for? Get your lazy asses up and fly me to Mannheim!”
And with that they were off. It wasn’t the first time, Michael and Travis were pulling the sleigh. It had happened before, but that was when there had actually been snow on the ground. Pulling the sleigh in 16 degree Celsius was tiring, but they’d make it to Mannheim. They’d get some help there as well.
Bobby parked them in front of the SAP Arena. Mannheim was a hard-working team, so they were even training on this morning. Bobby told his two teammates to stay where they were. He took off his helmet, kept the stick in hand and walked inside the building. Without further explanation he grabbed Seidenberg, Pominville, Hecht and Goc, and dragged them outside.
“Good, you’re already dressed for the occasion.” Bobby put them in front of the sleigh with the other two.
“What are you talking about?” Jason Pominville looked at him confused. What was this all about?
“I, Sir Bobby Goepfert, the Geffman, am here to end the lockout, return you to your teams and save Christmas. But for this I need your help. Are you with me, gentleman?” Once on top of the sleigh again, he put the helmet on his head. There were six men in front of him, meaning that he’d get to the next destination in no time.
“Hell yeah. Of course we are!” Dennis Seidenberg cheered, grinning at the men around him. Before the lockout he hadn’t been to Germany for years. Playing on the same team as his brother was great, but it wasn’t the same. He missed his team, he missed the other teams and he missed Boston. He even missed the Canadiens
“Well, then let’s go and get all the players in Europe!”
And so it started. They flew to Finland, Sweden, Russia, England and whatnot. Their last stop was Austria. Biel. Seidenberg and Pominville were still pulling the sleigh. In Munich they’d picked up Paul Stastny and Blake Wheeler. Bobby wasn’t mad at them for winning the day before. Not when they had a job to do. Max Talbot had been their acquisition in Finland. In Russia they’d gotten Evgeni Malkin and Zdeno Chara in the Czech Republic. Malkin was really quiet, but worked well in the team. Chara looked scary with his beard, but he’d been more than happy to see Seids again. All the other players were in the magical gunnysack behind Bobby on the sleigh. Only two players were missing now. Aprt from that everybody was on board.
Bobby told them to be quiet outside the house. Cat and Turnbull gave the ones pulling the sleigh some water and a couple of cookies they’d bought on Sweden. They needed all their strength for the flight to America after all.
Bobby with his majestic goalie mask and stick walked up to the door and knocked three times. There was commotion inside, but it took some time until someone opened the door. Patrick Kane looked up at him with big eyes. He was wearing a green sweater and a Christmas hat.
“I need you, Patrick, to guide my sleigh to America!” Bobby’s voice boomed through the whole house, making Tyler Seguin and the other guests appear in the doorway as well. All of them stared at the goalie, not sure whether they should be scared, surprised or whatever. “We want to bring you back to Jonathan.”
“Oh, well then…” Patrick turned around, only to appear a minute later dressed in his gear, ready to go. Seeing Jonathan again had made his decision a lot easier. Tyler on the other hand was a bit skeptical, but when he saw papa bear Chara wave at him, he was dressed in his hockey gear in no time and ran towards his captain, getting a big bear hug. It had been way too long since he’d last seen him.
Bobby made sure that everything was secured around the sleigh, before he put Patrick in front. He tipped his goalie stick against Kane’s nose until it started glowing. He had to be a proper Rudolph after all.
Time flew by as they flew across the ocean. Bobby was impressed by the speed and stamina of the guys, even though he’d seen them play hockey and had even played against some of them. They wouldn’t touch ground in America, though. Their first stop was Canada.
They touched down in Montreal, Ottawa, Toronto, Winnipeg, Calgary, Edmonton and finally Vancouver, where they were greeted with loud cheers. Everyone wanted hockey back and Bobby would make sure that they’d have a reason to smile at the end of the day. They’d reunited the whole teams at their arenas, urging them on to play just for the fun of it. Have fun together, shoot some pucks. The delight showing on their faces when they’d seen their teammates had nearly melted Bobby’s heart. Nearly. Because he still had a lot to do. And Chicago would be his last stop before Bettman, because, how in the world would he fly now without his Rudolph? Once they were finished with everything it wouldn’t be a problem, but right now, he needed him.
Next up were Anaheim, Los Angeles, San Jose, Glendale, Dallas and Denver. Colorado was beautiful at this time of year. But they had to keep moving. Gabriel Landeskog was more than happy to have his team back and urged them to keep up the good work. Having so much support from all the players increased Bobby’s magical powers.
Raleigh, Sunrise, Tampa, Washington and Nashville were next. It was difficult for Bobby to get some of the left-over players to come along, because they wanted to make a detour to Disneyworld. As soon as they heard the word “lockout”, though, they immediately got back on their places.
When they flew through Pittsburgh, Philadelphia, Boston, Buffalo, Newark, NYC and Uniondale, Bobby left the others alone for a few minutes. He’d grown up in New York, had been to many Islanders games as a kid. New York held a lot of memories for him. But he had to get going. He still needed to do some work.
Their last stops were St Paul, St Louis, Columbus and Detroit before they reached Chicago. Jonathan Toews was already there when they touched down, and helped Patrick Kane out of his harness.
“What’s with the nose, Pat?” he asked, ignoring the other guys around them.
“I’m Rudolph, can’t you see?” Patrick took off his helmet and stared at his friend, teammate and captain.
“Now that you mention it.” They stood there awkwardly, looking at each other, until Jonathan finally gave in to the urge and hugged Patrick. “I missed you.”
“I missed you, too. Tyler is fun to talk to, but I missed your advice.”
“I figured that much.” With the hint of a smile on his face, Jonathan turned towards Bobby. “Thank you. What will you do now?”
“End the lockout. Save Christmas… The usual stuff.” He winked at Jonathan before he hopped on top of the sleigh again. Cat and Turnbull had already strapped themselves in their harnesses, and were ready to take off. And that’s what they did. They headed towards their final destination: Gary Bettman’s house.
There was no light around the house covered in snow. Only inside were two lamps lit, where Gary was sitting, watching TV while burning hockey cards. His evil laugh echoed from the walls, making people around the world shudder. It was time that someone put an end to this.
Michael and Travis were one step behind Bobby, when he kicked in the door and walked straight into Bettman’s living room. There was not one thing inside his house that made it a little Christmassy. No tree, no ornaments, no lights. For a lot of people he’d stolen Christmas.
“You!” Bobby boomed and pointed his hockey stick at Bettman on the ground. He screeched like the little girl he was. “Get up and receive your punishment.”
“Who are you?” Bettman stuttered, trying to stand upright.
“I am the almighty Lord Bobby Goepfert. By the power of my Goalie Stick – I have the Power!” With that Bobby Goepfert pointed his goalie stick at Gary Bettman and he vanished. All three of them looked at the empty spot.
“Where is he now?” Turnbull was the first one to ask.
“I don’t know.” Bobby scratched his helmet.
“What do you mean?” Michael Catenacci stared at the back of Bobby’s helmet.
“I’m serious.” Bobby looked around, then shrugged his shoulders. “Well, he’s gone, isn’t he? Just what we came here for.”
“He’s got a point.” Turnbull texted everyone that needed to know about this so that they could start the season as soon as possible. There were still a couple of things that had to be discussed, but this wasn’t their business anymore. They’d done their job and could return to Germany.
Once they were there, Travis and Michael fell into their beds right away. Bobby on the other hand got out of his goalie gear, took a long hot shower and watched his wife sleep for a moment. Everything was right in the world now. NHL hockey would be back, Christmas was saved and his beautiful wife was still asleep, when he lay down next to her. He kissed the top of her hair, put his arms around her and started dreaming about kicking some Penguin butt on the 26th. Krefeld would go down!

Meanwhile in Antarctica
Gary Bettman shook his head and looked around. It was freezing cold out here. Where the hell was he? And more importantly: How did he get here? He only remembered three guys, apparently hockey players, invading his home. One of them had said something and now he was here. When he looked around again, he realized one thing with a start.
“Fucking Penguins.”