Time Is Ticking

♥♠♣Luka♥♠♣

I read the lyrics on the board and didn’t know how to respond even if I was going to let go of my vow and give him a snarky remark. I don’t know why those lyrics were so perfectly fit for an answer to my meaningless sentence that I didn’t even realize was a lyrical line until he replied. So I stood there silent, watching as he conversed with the teacher and then glided out the door.
The teacher just watched him go, a look of sheer confusion etched onto his face. The room was eerily silent, as if no one understood what to do without this Evan characters guidance.
Not knowing any other to snap the teacher out of his rather embarrassing state of speechlessness, I picked up the marker and returned the cap to its rightful position and slammed the marker back on the holder underneath the board. Then I erased the small conversation been the two teenagers that just disrupted the class rather selfishly.
The teacher blinked out of his daze and returned his attention on the class and myself.
“Um, anyway,” He cleared his throat. “Luka, please take a seat next to Ashley.” He ordered. “Ashley, please raise your hand.” I scanned the room for this hand. I found it and made my way over to the small brunette in the far corner of the room. She smiled as I approached her and I smiled back, not wanting to be rude like some people.
The teacher, whose name I soon learned was Mr. Price, emerged back into his lecture immediately after I took my seat. I tried to hone in on the lecture but a certain brunette was making it quite difficult.
Why? Might you ask? Oh, just a small little problem that has to do with the fact that she doesn’t know how to shut the fuck up.
There only was about ten minutes left to the class and I just about broke down and beat her in the head with my backpack until she just stopped moving. I appreciate the fact that she was trying to make conversation, which told me that she wasn’t a stuck up bitch that made fun of kids that didn’t act like her, but my God, did she not just notice the fact that I don’t talk much, no, at all?
With five minutes left, I can barely take it. She’s laughing now, I don’t know why, quite frankly I want her to stop. The light snort as she giggled brought back the most painful of memories, the most unwanted ones. As if losing her wasn’t bad enough, the feelings behind why I knew her, and the feelings of why she’s now gone, it was the worst.
Ashley didn’t fit a laugh like that. She isn’t as beautiful as the one her laugh reminds me of, not even close. Nothing about her could ever compare to how amazing and perfect she was.
Now she’s gone and so is perfection. She was the most, extraordinary person and women that I’ve ever known, beside my mom. She was definition of utopia to me. She meant the world to me, she was my world. I loved her more than life itself, yet here I am, here she’s not.
Just comparing the two made me sick, just knowing I’d compared her to a lesser woman, I feel like I’ve committed a great act of betrayal.
I make myself sick.
“I don’t mean to pry, but what the hell is your problem?” She whispered. The annoyance in her voice was vivid although I can tell she made an effort to try and hide it. “I’m trying to be nice but you just keep ignoring me, it’s really pissing me off.” She said calmly, sweetly even. I glanced at her direction and I swear to God I almost killed myself.
Even looking at another, new girl just makes me feel like a bastard, like I’m cheating. Like I’ve pointed out before; I make myself sick.
That fact alone pissed me off. I know I was already annoyed and upset, but now I was pissed. It could be long overdue anger from that little confrontation earlier, or maybe from dinner yesterday, seeing as I started to cry like a little bitch instead of stand my ground, not that I could in the first place. But when she said the word ‘pry’, it irked me. It just made me feel like she was as heartless as my dearest sister, whom I still love despite the fact that she treats me like shit every day.
Violent? Indeed. Do I care? Let me think… no.
I turned to a blank page in a notebook, feeling utterly retarded because I was just about to write her a note instead of just, continue to ignore her or, something that’s obviously not going to happen, hurt her little feelings and cuss her out in the middle of class.
Look, you inconsiderate bitch, I’m not going to be your friend, nor do I want to. Now leave me the fuck alone.
Just as I showed her the paper the bell rang and sprung up to my freedom. The Ashley girl looked a little red and she glared at me as I put my book in my backpack. I smiled sweetly at her and slung it over my back.
“No one calls me a bitch.” She hissed. “You’ll pay for that.” She growled and then stormed off.
Was I supposed to be intimidated by a girl no taller than five-three?
I shrugged her threat off and looked to find my next class.
It was a great a relief that the Evan kid wasn’t in it, but all that relief died when all of whom I was guessing was his buddies starred me down like I was on the menu for lunch, which was next. I shuddered, I didn’t want to die on my first day of school, and these guys looked like, hardcore jocks, no more like, NLF football players and WWE wrestlers.
I turned my back to them and took a seat in the front of the classroom for the day. That way I won’t melt from the intense stares I can still feel on my back.
The teacher finally made an appearance just as the bell rang and my damn, did I want to run out of there as soon as she did. You could tell just by looking at her small red headed frame that she was just about as bubbly as they come.
She waltzed in the classroom; a smile bloomed across her slightly freckled pale face. Her pin straight hair fell carelessly down her back as she maneuvered across the room to take her place in front of the white board. When she reached her destination, she turned to us all, starring us down with bright green eyes.
“Welcome to English class boys and girls!” She cheered. A chill flew up my spine as she locked gazes with me, her eyes danced with mischievous intentions. She smirked at me and I almost died in my seat.
I must have had a ridiculous look on my face because after a moment of silence she burst into laughter. Then she went right on to explain to us the ropes of her class. It was about the same as the last class, only she didn’t talk that much about the subject. She mostly told us about where she is from and about her family, like her name is Ivory Brosen and she’s been married for almost three years and she had a four year old daughter names Rosalie.
Then she moved on to her views on English and her style of teaching, and then she asked for questions. She took a few and then just as the class was ending, she took the final five minutes to explain the project that she wanted us to complete.
I mentally face palmed. It was a project to introduce ourselves to the class. We had to bring in items and explain them to the class and what they mean to us. I sighed as the bell rung and everyone scrambled to get to lunch and chat it up with the new people they’ve made friends with in the past two hours.
I’d just have to get my mom to email her, and I’ll just make a video or something.
I gathered my things and headed out the door. Thankfully the halls where nearly empty save for those kids who just have to desire to eat and just want to, learn more? I don’t understand those people, at all. Quite frankly, they scare me.
I walk through the line, not really hungry so I just pay for an apple juice and a bag of chips. I look around the lunchroom, wanted to find a secluded place inside, but knowing that even if I find that place, it’s still going to be loud as hell and I’m still going to want to bash my head into a wall to make all the noise go away.
Violent? I’m pretty sure it is. Is it going to happen a lot in my thoughts? Yes, so get used to it.
So I find myself wandering outside. The sun was warm on my face and the breeze was so comforting. It smelled like late summer and the remains of rain.
I headed over to the football and track field and took my seat at the very top of the bleachers, getting as close to the sun as I could. The sky was cloudless save for the occasional bird and the leftovers of the trail of a jet.
It was such a contrast from out here in this spot and in that building. Out here it was peaceful and undisturbed. In there was chaos and nonsense. Sometimes I wish I could just abandon life as a human being and become a part of the vast outdoors. That way I could get away from everything that torments me at home and in my mind. I get let go of all the memories and the pain, get away from the drama with my sister and my adoring mother that’s so nice she’s smothering me.
I can only think of one option to achieve that thought that wish, that dream. But I don’t ponder it. I can’t do that, despite all of it, my family needs me, I know my sister is just, struggling to come to terms with me right now, she needs me to be able to understand how I am, and will be. My mom needs me, I need to be there to take care of her, after my dad left, even though she tried to hide it, she’s still upset, maybe even a little depressed.
But most of all, I know that if I were to do it now, neither of them would be able to forgive me.
I pop open my bag of chips and toss one in my mouth, letting the flavors burst on my tongue as I looked up at the forever blue sky. I wondered if she was watching me from somewhere up there. I wondered if she thought about me, or if she’d already forgotten about what we had, the things we went through together. But most of all, I wondered if she was there at all.
I took my eyes off the sky, realizing I was starring for so long my eyes began to water. I rubbed my eyes with the heel of my palm and popped another chip in my mouth.
I sighed. My life was just so unstable now. I couldn’t bring myself to speak, and I don’t even remember why anymore. I just feel that every time I go to open my mouth, I feel as though I’m just moments from falling apart. I was terrified of water, just turning on the shower makes me jump and tears roll down my face.
Thinking back on the threat a received earlier, I wondered if I’d get bullied or something along those lines. Would they shove my head into a toilet like in the movies? I shuddered; just the thought makes me want to run away and never return.
I close my eyes for a while, taking breaths to calm my nerves and prepare myself to sit through three more classes in the hell society calls ‘school’.
I didn’t get to enjoy my peace for long though. The sun had left my eyes and instead of pink I saw black. I mentally stomped my foot in irritation. I just wanted to at least enjoy my lunch in peace. Was that too fucking much to ask?
I slowly opened my eyes, raising a hand to block the sun that poured through the figure that stood in front of me.
My eyes slightly widened when I finally came to see just exactly who was standing in front of me. I glared at the intruder of my peace time.
“Don’t look at me like that. I just came to talk to you, if you’ll listen.” Evan glared off into the distance and I sat up from my slouched position. He looks back me with question in his eyes. I stare at him for a moment, thinking about what I should to.
I nodded my head and he sighed, taking a seat on the bench just above mine. We sat in an oddly comfortable silence for a moment. I was starting to get irritable because I didn’t want to be late to another class today. Evan cleared his throat and I looked back at him.
“Look, I don’t have enough time to hold grudges nor have people not like me.” He began. “So, I just wanted to let you know that I had no intention of making fun of you or whatever you thought I was doing.” He looked at me and I nodded, telling him to go on. “I’m gonna be the adult in the situation and say that I’m sorry for insulting you and getting angry. I don’t know why I did that, I just got so frustrated…” He fisted a hand through his hair and his eyes flickered with pain and agitation.
I wonder what was eating him.
I tore open my backpack and rummaged through my bag for paper and a pencil while Evan seemed too lost in his thoughts to notice that I’d moved. I took out a notebook and opened up to the last page in the back and tore it out.
I don’t know what compelled me to do so, but I decided I could give him my own apology. I guess I shouldn’t have gotten upset with him as well. Maybe I overreacted to what I should have expected. I should have just accepted his question and instead of writing whatever it is I wrote on the board, I should have given him his answer.
I folded the note and tapped him on the knee where he jumped and slipped backwards and hit his head on the bench above him.
“Fuck!” He shouted. I resisted the urge to laugh at his clumsiness. He pushed himself back up into his sitting position. I place the note on his knee as he rubs his head. He looks at the note and shoves it in his pocket. “I have a thing with reading notes from people when they’re in the same area as I am…” I said awkwardly. I shrugged; I found it kind of embarrassing to be in the same place as the person who’s reading something that I wrote for them. So it worked out. “Well, how about we start over.” He said, I blinked at him, not knowing what he meant.
He held out a hand out to me and I looked down at it. I didn’t know what to do about this gesture. It was obviously a handshake; I knew that, I wasn’t a complete retard. But, to me handshakes were so, old. Not knowing any alter greeting I took it anyway, feeling like I was an old business man as I did so.
“My name is Evan Greene; it’s nice to meet you.” He smiled. I smiled back. I was going to greet him back, I really was, but just as I opened my mouth all the memories of how I first met her came rushing back.
Her smile as I greeted her, telling her my name just as I was about to do so with Evan. There it was again, the shrill laughter in her voice as she greeted me after I said my own name wrong. I jerked my hand away from Evan’s, he looked at me in annoyed confusion.
“What the hell—?” He took one look in my eyes and his expression dropped and immediately took on one of concern. “Are you okay? What’s the matter?” His arm shot out and grabbed mine as I tried to back away from him. His other gently touched my face, his thumb tenderly wiping away the tears that had slipped their way down my cheeks.
My heart shuddered violently and it was like it was breaking all over again. An urgent whimper escaped my lips and the tears started to flow harder as I bit my lip, trying desperately to stop them and pull myself together in front of this stranger.
Evan didn’t seem to care though, he just pulled me closer to him, laying my head on his shoulder and his muscles tightened in hesitation before he placed a hand on my back and gently pat in the same place. This was him trying to comfort me, trying to be a good person, yet he didn’t know me, he didn’t have too. But I was so comfortable, so touched by the gesture I welcomed it, fisting my hands in his shirt as I let out another heart wrenching cry.

I sighed quietly as I took a seat in my history class after lapping the school a few times to find it. I starred at the overhead that was projecting some corny history joke that I was quite sure that no one go, except for maybe that really nerdy kid that knew more about the Mayans than he did about personal hygiene.
I rolled my eyes at the thought and just took my attention off everything and let myself sink into the shallow waters of my mind. Note that I said shallow; I don’t want to drown, not twice in one day.
Speaking of, the whole time Evan was silent whilst he comforted me in my ruined state. Even when the bell rang all he did was jump at the suddenness but didn’t move to push me away and leave, he sat there and waited for me. But I didn’t want to make either of us late to class so I forced myself together and nodded to him in thanks.
We reached the doors and then we parted our ways, but not before Evan took a deep breath and smiled at me.
“Well, I’ll see you around Luka. If you ever need anything, my locker number is 23.” He told me and then slapped my shoulder in a good natured way and ran off through the cafeteria, tripping over a forgotten backpack as he did so.
I smiled at the memory but was shaken to reality when the final bell ran and the teacher slapped his hands together, calling the class to attention.
“Alright, listen up.” He demanded in a raspy voice. There was something about his tone that just made me straighten out my spine and not slouch.
I starred at this man. He looked to be about in his mid-forties, sleek black hair and a tall muscular build. He had icy blue eyes and a very stern jawline. I’m very sure that he has a fan base among the school’s female population.
Just as if to confirm my inquiry, the girls behind me giggled to each other and I slightly leaned back to hear what they were saying.
“Look at his eyes, they’re gorgeous.” One of them whispered.
“Just imagine them looking at you with want and desire.” The other one sighed longingly.
“Oh God, do not start that in class!” The other one exclaimed.
I rolled my eyes and slightly shook my head.
Girls these days, going for men twice their age and thinking nothing of it, it wasn’t that it was disgusting, it was just flat out weird to me, it made no type of logical sense.