Time Is Ticking

♥♪♫Evan♥♪♫

I stumbled up the steps, my chest tightening.
Blood.
I could taste it, feel it, thick, hot.
Blood.
My blood, it hurt, I was scared, was I gonna be okay, or is this it?
I toppled into the bathroom, coughing into my hand. The sight of the blood made dark spots invade my vision. I pushed the glasses on my face onto my head as I dropped and bent over the toilet, the water turning red, and the acidic tastes of tuna touched my tongue as I emptied out the contents of my stomach. My heads was spinning and I felt like I was going to force up my heart through my throat. I held myself as I violently shuddered and tried the clear my throat, hoping for a good stream of air again.
Moments later, I had a chance to reach up into the cabinet above the counter.
Red cap?
I needed the bottle with the red cap. The emergency bottle of pills that are at this moment, the only things that are gonna keep me out of the hospital tonight.
Red cap!
I grabbed the bottle and popped the top open, pouring two pills into my hand. My fingers trembled as I plucked a paper Dixie cup off the stack we had on the counter. I filled it with water and threw the pills in my mouth and gulped down the water like I haven’t had a drop in days.
I shuddered a sigh and crushed the cup in my hand, growing every irritated with my life. I was sick of these scares, I was sick of thinking that at any moment, I could be gone, never to come back again. If the universe was going to take me, then dammit, do it!
I shoved the bottle back into the cabinet and quickly returned to the toilet to cough up once again, more metallic tasting liquid. I cringed at the mess in the porcelain bowl, and flushed it down to wherever it goes. I grabbed a towel, and ran warm water over it, looking at my reflection in the mirror.
I looked weak and scared, the corners of my mouth stained with blood. My skin was pale, all the color to me was gone for now. So I basically looked like I was dressing up as a vampire for Halloween.
I washed my face and brushed my teeth again, repeating twice, just to remove the putrid taste from my mouth, I barely succeeded.
“Evan! Bring your friend, dessert it ready!” My mom called, she mustn’t have heard anything that had gone down just moments ago, then I remembered.
“Oh shit, Luka!” I raced down the stairs, pulling the glasses back over my eyes as I jumped into the garage. There he was, huddled under the small table, holding his ears, his eyes pinched shut.
Everything was a mess. There was glass spread out everywhere, the burner was out of control, there was a mixture dripping off the table. Then there was small Luka, trembling under the table, waiting.
“Don’t worry; if anything happens I’ll protect you, you’ll be fine!”
That was a promise, I promised him.
I quickly turned off the burner and pushed the contaminated table away from over Luka. I wiped my hands on my jeans before I reached out and took one of his hands from his ears. He looked up at me through the protective goggles with watery wide eyes, and my heart sank as a tear tore its way down his cheek.
This isn’t the first time I’ve felt this way. This isn’t the first time that, when someone was crying, I wanted to break down and cry with them. I felt the same exact way that day on the bleachers, when Luka looked so broken, so frightened, so, so hurt. However, this is the first time that I gave in, and let my emotions take me.
“Don’t cry, please. I—I’m so sorry.” I bit my lip as a shudder passed through my body and my eyes filled with ready tears. “Shit.” They spilled over, fast and heavy. I looked away from Luka, moving to walk away, to get away from him. I didn’t need him, or anyone seeing me this way. I wanted to escape to my room, to stare at my lava lamp as I sat and repeatedly chastised myself for allowing myself to cry in front of other people.
I wanted to punish myself for being so weak.
As I went, I was held back, pulled down even and I was forced to look eye to eye with Luka’s now void of any fear. “Wha—huh?”
It happened pretty flashy after that. The small, kind smile curled up at the corners of his mouth. He jerked me towards him and my forehead touched against his shoulder and he stroked my hair.
I was stunned; everything was so sudden and unexpected.
Here I was with the boy that was the talk of the school. He was the ‘freak’, the ‘outcast’. They all called him weird and a douche. But they don’t know him, I do, and right now, he’s far from that. Here he is, going out of his way to comfort me. Maybe it was just him getting even with me, but, I’ve never felt so warm, and welcomed.
I wrapped my arms around his small frame and fisted my hands in the fabric of his shirt. And for the first time, I let myself go, and I jumped into that sea of despair and trauma that’d threatened to drown me every waking moment.
But I wasn’t going to be gone for long, I’d resurface, because now I have a piece of reality and happiness that I was holding onto, right here.

My mom never pressed on the matter that we needed to get inside and eat our dessert. In fact, she never called for us a second time. No, it gets even stranger; she wasn’t even in the house when Luka and I came in the house.
All that was there were two small plates, each with large slices of pound cake. At first I was thoroughly worried, but then I caught a whiff of the lemon glaze on top of the cake and I almost melted.
All the while Luka stared at me with thoughtful eyes as he took more civilized bites of his cake.
The night ended rather awkwardly.
“So, uhm, are you okay to walk home alone? It’s kind of dark.” I asked as I led him to the front door. He looked at me and rolled his eyes, glancing at the small table we also kept by the door. He snatched the pen off of it and placed it on his skin.
Don’t treat me like a vulnerable woman. I’m a boy, I can handle myself. I live literally 4 houses away.
He stared at me, lips pursed in annoyance, after I narrowed my eyes just to read what he wrote. “Sorry, habit.” I admitted. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He handed me the pen and opened the door to let himself out.
I twirled the pen in my fingers, not knowing what to say. Sure, I’d said goodbye, but I felt like there was more to be said, there was something on the tip of my tongue that I needed him to hear.
“Wait!” I shouted just as he was about to close the door. He opened it and stepped back into the house, raising an eyebrow at me. I looked back into the house, my mom suddenly appearing on the couch, magazine in her hand like she was actually interested in it when I already know that she’d read that issue seven times, four months ago when it arrived in the mail and it has a special article on Johnny Depp, her ‘future lover’ as she likes to say.
I frown at her and push Luka gently out the door, still glaring at my nosy mother as I closed the door, after making sure I wouldn’t be locked out. I turned back to him and he looked slightly impatient, but I can see that he held it together, that he wanted to know what I had to say.
“Thank you.” I blurted. “I’m sorry that I did that to you, I’m sorry you had to see me that way. But I’m thankful that you didn’t let me walk away, that you made me stay.” I looked at him through my eyelashes that hid my eyes. I wasn’t that good at showing my gratitude, so I was nervous that this attempt was bad.
To my astonishment, he smiled at me, nodding in acknowledgement. He waved and then took that journey down the street to his house.