I Hope That You Find Who You Are

Kellin had been sleeping on my couch for the past two and a half weeks since he'd always get kicked out of the other guys' apartments. He wasn't sober, he was't himself. Seeing him in this state of mind killed me inside.

"Maggie, come cuddle with me!" Kellin whined from my guest bedroom stretching his arms out towards me.

"No Kell. You reek of booze. You're making me sick to my stomach just looking at you.

"Pretty please?"

"Will you shut up if I do?" I said brushing a few strands of hair from his face.

"Maybe. Maybe not." he whisered patting the spac beside him on th bed.

I tied my hair back and changed into my pajamas before walking into the room where Kellin was waiting. He was like a kid when he was drunk, you had to take care of him otherwise you were fucked all the way around.

"Maggie, I love you. A lot a lot a looooot." he said nuzzing his face into my neck.

"Yeah, I know Kellin, you have to get some sleep though. You have work to do tomorrow." I whispered trying to peal him off of me.

"I wouldn't exactly call you work if you catch my drift." he said with a slight chuckle.

"This is why the guys kicked you out Kellin, no one can take you seriously."

"I'm sorry, really.. But I did mean it."

"Shut. Up. Just go to sleep." I said drawing circles on his back as his heavy eyes began to close.

The next morning I felt Kellin's arms wrapped tight around my waist, his soft snor lingering in my ear. My heart fluttered just like high school when I stayed with Kellin. I woke up in this exact same way only my head would be buried in his chest and he's start to stir when I woke up. It calmed my nerves. I mean, when he left I wanted to scream and cry and act a complete fool but he's here now, and he's the Kellin I knew, the Kellin I loved back then.

"Good morning." he whispered hugging me.

"Mornin' sleepy head. You should probably get a shower and some coffee. I have to go to a shoot."

"Do I gotta get up? Can't we just lay here all day like we used to?" he said laying his head on the pillow as I got up to get ready.

"Come on Kell, you have a band and a career to think of. You can lay around all day tomorrow, now get up and get dressed."

I waited in the kitchen for Kellin to finally get up before I left for my photo shoot. It was for an adorable couple who had seen a lot of my work from friend's of theirs and wanted me to take their engagement pictures. They were cute, a short girl with long red hair and a tall man who you could tell just by looking at him how in love he was with his fiance. They looked like they were made for each other.

When I finished, I went through my phone seeing that I had five hundred messages from the guys in Sleeping with Sirens telling me to "get my ass to the studio". I weaved my way in and out of people on the streets until I finally found the building where the guys were.

"Oh my God, so Kellin was talking to the people making our record about having you take some photos of us for the album and stuff and they want to see your work, isn't that great?!"

"Wait, what? Kellin is getting me a shoot?"

"YES!" The guys yelled in unison dragging me into the studio. I went through hall after hall until finally we found Kellin talking to a guy, not much older than us.

"Hey babe." Kellin said hugging me "Dylan, this is Maggie, Mags, this is Dylan. We were just talking about having you shoot some stuff for us."

"Yeah, Kellin here says you're a great photographer."

"Oh, does he now? He's just saying that."

"I mean, I'd love to see some of your work, do you have anything I could look at?"

"I just left a shoot, I have those on me but nothing else at the moment." I said handing him my camera.

"This is actually really good. Would you be willing to do the photos? We'll pay you and everything."

"I dunno.. I'd really have to think about it."

"Come on Maggie! You know you want an excuse to be around your favorite guys."

"Well, yes. But still. It's YOUR album. I'm not doing it unless ALL of you agree to have me do it."

"We do." they screamed at me in unison.

"Guess that means you have yourself a photographer." I said laughing as the guys tackled me onto the couch. I attempted to sign the paper but they wouldn't budge so what tiny signature I had was pretty much a scribble now.

"I can't wait for this Mag! You understand how we work so I know that these pictures are going to be perfect!" Kellin whispered in my ear before getting off of me.

I felt the strings on my heart tug. Kellin still didn't get it. I was trying so hard to just ignore the past. Ignore him walking away. I completely understood his drunken apology but part of me wanted it to mean nothing because I had to force myself to stay here every single day that I didn't have him in my life. I loved that boy and I would always love him, but would that ever be enough for either of us?