If You're Happy and You Know It

“I’m having a kid,” Brendon announces to Spencer.

Spencer looks up with questioning eyes and asks, “didn’t you and Sarah stop having sex, like, seven weeks ago?”

“Yes,” Brendon says, like it’s the most obvious thing in the world.

“Oh,” Spencer replies. He shakes his head a little and then says, “wait, what?”

“I’m having a kid,” Brendon states again.

Spencer eyes go wide. “Hey Brendon, wait a minute. Did you knock up some girl? Look, I know you don’t really follow your parents views anymore, but knocking up some girl is really-”

“Wrong?” Brendon guesses, and puts his hands on his hips. “I know, Spencer. I didn’t knock up a girl. Seriously, who do you take me for?”

Spencer blinks. “I’m lost.”

-

Brendon gets a knock on his door at three in the morning sometime in late November. It takes everything in him to get out of bed, but not because he’s tired. No, it’s because Brendon was looking up different designs for nurseries, because he really needs inspiration. And Brendon needs inspiration like he needs Spencer Smith to get off his fucking back about adopting a kid.

Brendon looks through the peephole of his apartment door and rubs his eyes a couple times. No way. No way is Ryan Ross standing outside his apartment door in pajamas and that gay I Love LA t-shirt. Brendon hasn’t talked to Ryan since his last birthday, when Ryan text him ‘happy bday Bear’. It had to be the last time they talked because all Brendon replied was ‘tks.’

Ryan knocks again, this time harder, and Brendon quickly undoes the bolt lock.

“Fuck you, m-man,” Ryan slurs, pushing past Brendon and flopping down onto Brendon’s couch. “You’re so not adopting a-a little person. N-no.”

Brendon goes to reply, but Ryan obviously has more to say.

“No, no, no. You are not-not a-allowed.” Brendon notices Ryan’s eyes drooping shut, but Ryan seems not to care that he’s half passed out on Brendon’s couch. “Fuck, Bear. I want a l-little person, too.”

Ryan falls asleep, and Brendon throws a blanket over him after pulling off his shoes.

“Missed you too, Ry,” Brendon whispers.

-

Brendon walks out of his tiny kitchen the next morning when he hears Ryan fall off the couch. He gets tangled in the blanket Brendon threw on him, his legs bending clumsily, but he doesn’t move.

“My head,” Ryan moans, and then adds, “where the fuck am I?”

Brendon clears his throat, and Ryan lifts his head.

“You, um,” Brendon begins, rubbing the back of his neck, staring at Ryan awkwardly from the doorway. “You-you fell asleep…here. Last night.”

Ryan closes his eyes and grimaces. “I was drunk wasn’t I?”

Brendon nods his head. “Very.”

-

Ryan takes a big sip of the coffee Brendon made for him, and stares at him from across Brendon’s small kitchen table.

“So,” Brendon says, staring back at Ryan. “How’s everything going?”

“Alright,” Ryan supplies. “How about you?”

Brendon doesn’t want to admit the truth. He doesn’t want to tell Ryan that everything sucks, that writing his own lyrics suck, that he doesn’t have much to write about anymore because Sarah’s just annoying, and that he misses Ryan. So, he just settles for, “fine.”

“Sarah doing okay?” Ryan asks, even though he already knows the answer. Even the fans know the answer. Four years of being engaged and they still aren’t married. It doesn’t take an idiot to figure out what everyone knows. Everybody knows that Sarah is a big fake, and how ready she is to call off the engagement.

“She moved out. But…we’re going to make it public soon. Things aren’t…how they were in the beginning, you know?”

Ryan nods. “How’s…how’s writing going? With the band? I mean, Vices was really good,” he continues shyly. Brendon translates that to: how’s things with Dallon?

“Slow,” Brendon answers. “Slow. We’re…we’re lacking inspiration. I mean, it’s been four years since Vices and we haven’t even got another album.”

“It that why you’re adopting a kid? Because you’re lacking inspiration?” Ryan asks, his thumb tracing circles on the coffee mug.

Brendon shakes his head no. “No…I’m just. Lonely.”

“Me too, Bear. Me too.”

-

Brendon drags Ryan to the paint store to pick out a color scheme. It makes sense to him, having Ryan there. Ryan used to be a part of everything. He lived and breathed Ryan until The Split. Sarah was just the drug that got Brendon out of withdrawal. She’s not the same dose as Ryan, just some generic brand that doesn’t have the same effect. Just there to keep him hanging on, just a replacement. But now that Ryan is here, back, with Brendon, well Brendon is going to take advantage of Ryan, going to get his refill.

Ryan looks up at Brendon, holding up two paint cards. “Hey, is the little person going to be a boy or girl?”

Brendon smiles slightly, and says proudly, “a girl.”

Ryan grins, and puts the cards back. He studies a few more, before asking Brendon, “purple or pink?”

“Purple,” Brendon decides.

Ryan nods, and gives Brendon this lopsided smile that makes his heart swell. “Good choice.”

Brendon laughs. “Oh, Ryan. You’re approval of paint colors makes me feel so much better.”

A few more minutes of browsing and Ryan picks a card, and brings it up to Brendon. He holds it out expectantly, tugs on his leather jacket, and says, “she’s going to need clothes too.”

“Really?” Brendon asks sarcastically.

Ryan pinches Brendon. “Douche,” he chuckles. “But seriously, dude. How old is she?”

“Three.”

-

Ryan grins over takeout that night. “I don’t think you’re really fit to be responsible for a three year old on your own.”

“I know,” Brendon states. “That’s why Smith’s going to be the god-parent.”

“But is Spencer going to live with you?” Ryan asks, stabbing his slice of pizza with a fork. Even after all these years, Brendon laughs because Ryan won’t eat pizza with his hands.

“No,” Brendon sighs, then flashes worried eyes at Ryan. “Fuck, Ryan. What if I’m really not, like. What if I’m not suitable to take care of a kid? I can barely take care of myself, because seriously. I almost set the microwave on fire the other day, who knows what’ll happen when I get the girl.”

Ryan waves his hand dismissively. “You’ll do fine.”

“You think so?” Brendon asks seriously, taking a bite of pizza.

Ryan nods, not looking at Brendon. “You’ll have help. If Spence isn’t here I’m sure Pete will pitch in. And Bill and Patrick will definitely want to meet her. Dallon-Dallon might even help too.”

“What about you?” Brendon whispers.

Ryan smiles weakly up at Brendon, and says in a soft voice “yeah.”

-

“Ryan,” Brendon says into the phone. “Hey, it’s around eleven on December 3rd. When you get this…if you can call me, that’d be great. Oh, it Brendon by the way. Okay, um call me, please. Bye.”

-

Brendon answers the phone twenty minutes later with a relieved, “Ryan!”

“Brendon? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Ryan asks, his voice sleepy and worried.

“Ryan,” Brendon breathes, relaxing almost immediately. “Ryan she’s not falling asleep. I can’t- she won’t stop crying, and I’m freaking out. I don’t know what to do, she’s like crying and I have no idea why. And Ryan.”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Ryan says softly. “I’ll be there in, like, five minutes okay? I just need to find some pants.”

-

Ryan comes out of Rose’s room and smiles at Brendon, taking a seat next to the younger man on the couch. “She’s asleep.”

Brendon collapses onto Ryan without really realizing he’s doing it, and takes a deep breath. “You’re a miracle worker.”

Ryan smiles, and won’t admit that he likes this. He slides his fingers in Brendon’s hair and hums, “she cried louder when you left the room.”

“Did she?” Brendon asks, and his voice is all calm, with the slightest trace of giddiness.

-

It becomes clear in January that Rose won’t sleep unless Ryan puts her to bed.

Ryan won’t admit to it, but when Brendon mentioned to Ryan over the phone one day that he should just move in, he started shaking and flailing in excitement.

-

One night, when Aladdin is on it’s second play, Brendon nudges Ryan’s knee. Ryan looks up from Rose in his arms and smiles that lopsided smile at Brendon.

“I’m happy, Ryan. I like this,” Brendon whispers, and snuggles closer into Ryan’s side.

“You mean us?” Ryan asks, staring back at Rose. “The three of us?”

“Yeah, a lot…” Brendon grins. “Are you-you happy?”

Ryan doesn’t look up from Rose when he says, “No.”

Brendon recoils in the slightest. “Why-”

“Because,” Ryan interrupts, and finally looks at Brendon. “We need a bigger family.”