Status: Unfinished and won't be updated.
Time After Time
Twelfth
There was an uncomfortable silent followed after they left that cafe. Rose really wanted to know why those girls were asking for his signature but she knew that it would only discomfort him.
So she tried to start a conversation by yawning while she was the one who was driving.
"I'm actually pretty bored now… there's no kangaroo in the road, not even on the side of the road and all we see is tree. I can't believe that so many people spend hours and even days on the road."
He sounded a bit interested, "There is actually a billion way to have fun on the road if you're not driving."
"Really? You sound like you know a lot about travelling and stuffs. I bet you travel a lot with that royal family of yours."
He chuckled and Rose was so relieved. He gazed at the distance as he remembered something, "Yeah, I sure did… it was fun, but it doesn't last forever."
Then they talked about family when Rose told him that she actually almost never travel.
"I just didn't grow up with travelling. I still remember that when I was in elementary, all my friend was going somewhere in summer but I stayed at town, trying to have fun in the beach alone."
"That actually sounds sad, Rose," he chuckled. "What, were your parents working on summer or something?"
"Oh, no, I didn't grow up with them."
"… no?"
"No, I… mmm, how do I explain it? They were dead when I was younger. I never get the chance to know them. My mother's cousin, Angela, took care of me until I graduated from high school. She was very kind to me, so I always told her, 'That's alright, you don't need to bring me on a holiday or anything. I'm happy enough that you take care of me.' She's a really nice person, though. She's an angel. My parents were different. I've heard they did bad things, but…"
She gulped and continued.
"… but I didn't remember anything. I had a pretty rough childhood because I was forcing myself to understand that it wasn't someone's fault that life was being, you know, unfair to me when I was still young. I cried a lot when I remembered that I don't have parents, like real blood parents and some kids always said bad things about my parents, but I always ignored them… almost always, actually. I punched one of them in the face on third grade. I got punishment but they didn't really do anything to me again until we graduated."
"… you punched one of them in the face?"
Rose sighed, "Yeah. Chad Cassidy. Tall, green eyes and red curly hair. He actually cried so loud after I punched him I was afraid I broke him or something. But maybe he deserved it for being so mean."
"That was pretty badass, actually."
She chuckled, "Thanks. What about you yourself, Gustav?"
"I… have a mother and a brother. Haven't seen my dad in ages. I don't think we've ever getting along, so… I didn't feel like I missed anything. I grew up with my mother and… yeah… that's basically it."
He sounded as he doesn't really want to talk about it.
"I just feel really mean for not contacting them for a while now. But they know I'm fine and I'll get back in touch with them once I'm ready."
Rose smiled while she was staring at him so he smiled as well.
"How does it feel like to have a brother, Gustav?"
"What? Why? Do you want one?"
"I always want one! I want any kind of sibling, actually. At least I won't play alone when Angela was busy… it gets pretty boring real fast, you know."
He stared at her and there was something in his expression.
"What?" Rose felt slightly embarrassed.
"No, I was just imagining a tiny Rose Lette, playing alone in an empty house, while all of your friends were somewhere in Europe or Asia…"
She chuckled, "That sound just sad, I know."
"I think you're a very strong person because of that, Rose."
"Yeah. I was never good at being normal, but I'm happy with who I am. I don't think I should think about what makes my life so… unusual or so unhappy. I like to think that everyone has chance to do good things in this life. After all, it was a gift that I was born and I realize that I need to give something back to life for receiving that gift a long time ago."
"…"
"Sorry, I must be sounded weird…"
"No, I just think you sound so… mature? Wise? Positive? Like you're actually 35 and have learned something from life."
She laughed, "I'm 23, but thank you for your kind words. It's flattering."
They visited Kiama after Jervis Bay. The sky was getting cloudy and they didn't find the famous Kiama Blowhole to be particularly interesting that day.
"Well, it's a fun hole that sprays water when a wave hits, basically."
"I was hoping there was 30 meters air spraying to the air or something."
"This isn't Yellowstone National Park. If you wanna see something like that, go travel to States with that royal family of yours."
He laughed, "We actually went to America, but we didn't visit the place where they have it."
"Here, I'll show you something interesting. We need to walk up there, to that old church. There's a cemetery of the first fleeters."
"What's a 'first fleeter'?"
"Oh, basically, it's the group of the first people in the some of the first ships that came to Australia in eighteenth century."
"I don't really understand why old graveyard would be interesting for me, but… let's give it a try."
The cemetery was tiny. There were less than fifteen tombstone in there and the rest of the cemetery was people that was cremated.
"So… what do you think?" Rose asked. "I think it's pretty exciting to see things like this."
Gustav shrugged, "It actually makes me wonder whether I'm going to die in this land or not."
Rose's mouth fell open.
"… Gustav, no, don't say that… I'm sorry."
He stared at her and Rose could see he was struggling to smile, "That's alright. I know you just want me to have fun. And I'm having fun now. Let's go home after you walk Lestat for a while now."
She nodded, feeling guilty.
They didn't talk about anything interesting for the rest of the day and they bought pizza before they went home because Rose said she would be too tired to cook. Once the went home, they rested on Rose's sofas and Lestat went straight to sleep ("I don't believe it. That dog was created to sleep and eat," Rose groaned and Gustav laughed). After they ate almost all the pizza, they both sat on different sofa, sighing and talking about small unimportant things like how they can find sands on their pants.
"It's almost midnight now. You might wanna go back now, Gustav…" she yawned and stared at him. He didn't look sleepy. He looked like he was thinking about something.
"You know, Rose, about today…"
"Yeah?"
"I feel like I can talk now, but I'm really really nervous so… yeah. I'm trying," he stared at her and she could feel that he really was nervous. "… what if I'm not just Gustav?"
She could answer that question, but she could see that Gustav was afraid. So she was afraid as well. Today was really fun and she was afraid that thing won't be the same again once she knows who he really is.
"Um… what do you mean by that?" she mumbled.
"What if I was a completely different person before I met you?"
"… isn't that pretty normal?"
"Huh?" he sounded surprised. "You would think it's normal?"
"Yeah. Sure. I mean, we're all have our past…"
He smiled but for only a few seconds, "Yeah, we sure do… I just… I'd let you know that there was a big change in my life. Not a very good change. I'm still pretty angry about it now…" he moved on the sofa and Rose could see that he was uneasy about this. "… and I feel better when no one knows that I'm actually angry because they don't know what I'm angry about. It's so much hard to stop being angry if you're in the condition where everyone understand that you're angry and upset and they try to do something about it but obviously they can't…"
She was mute.
"… anyway," Gustav sighed. "I'm having a really good time with you now and I don't wanna ruin it. What makes things even harder is that you're not actually trying to find out who I actually am and you wait for me to tell you."
She glad that he felt the same way. But she couldn't help but asked, "Is that wrong?" Rose suddenly felt scared. "Should I Google you the first time you mentioned your name? Although that would be pretty creepy if you do that to your new neighbor…"
"No, no, no, it's actually better that you don't push me to confess or anything," he sighed, again. "But I feel guilty. You're being really nice to me but I still keep things from you… things that I don't let you know."
"And do you think you can be happy with people while you're hiding something from them?" she asked without really thinking.
"I don't know," Gustav looked confused. "I'm afraid that I would be angry to you as well. Staying with people who understand what is wrong with me makes me feel like I'm being reminded that there is thing that I can't do anymore. But I'm pretty sure no one is as upset as me."
For a second, he looked as he was both angry and also in pain.
"No one."
Rose gulped.
"Gustav, that's okay."
"You think? I don't think it's okay," he growled.
"You don't have to be so hard on yourself. I kind of feel as if you have responsibility to people that I don't know and you're holding that burden of responsibility yourself. … I… I don't know, I probably shouldn't say that, I don't understand your condition. But here's what do I know; you are not alone. Right now, you still have me. And if there's anything that I can promise you is that you will still be my friend, the Gustav Wood that I know, even though I finally know about your past or anything."
He scoffed in disbelief, "Yeah, right."
"… I'm serious! I'm your friend, okay?"
"OH YEAH? LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE STILL MY FRIEND IF YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF COWARD I ACTUALLY AM!" he shouted in anger.
Rose startled and Gustav shook his head.
"I'm sorry, I'm just… I'm just really upset and angry and sad and I feel every kind of stupid feeling that ever exist in the world. I know you meant well. I know you're always meant well. I'm just…"
"That's alright," it was so much pain for her to see him like this. So much pain that she wanted to cry again.
"… let's go to bed. We're both tired, right?" he sounded cold when he decided to leave the conversation.
"You're right. … good night, Gustav."
"Good night."
He didn't stare at her again before he disappeared behind the closed door.
Rose went to bed without really realizing what she was doing, not when she brushed her teeth, not when she was wearing her pajama. She lied with her eye wide open on her bed. Her body was tired, but her mind was awake.
She felt like the time where she know who Gustav really is would come. And when it comes, it is going to come big.
So she tried to start a conversation by yawning while she was the one who was driving.
"I'm actually pretty bored now… there's no kangaroo in the road, not even on the side of the road and all we see is tree. I can't believe that so many people spend hours and even days on the road."
He sounded a bit interested, "There is actually a billion way to have fun on the road if you're not driving."
"Really? You sound like you know a lot about travelling and stuffs. I bet you travel a lot with that royal family of yours."
He chuckled and Rose was so relieved. He gazed at the distance as he remembered something, "Yeah, I sure did… it was fun, but it doesn't last forever."
Then they talked about family when Rose told him that she actually almost never travel.
"I just didn't grow up with travelling. I still remember that when I was in elementary, all my friend was going somewhere in summer but I stayed at town, trying to have fun in the beach alone."
"That actually sounds sad, Rose," he chuckled. "What, were your parents working on summer or something?"
"Oh, no, I didn't grow up with them."
"… no?"
"No, I… mmm, how do I explain it? They were dead when I was younger. I never get the chance to know them. My mother's cousin, Angela, took care of me until I graduated from high school. She was very kind to me, so I always told her, 'That's alright, you don't need to bring me on a holiday or anything. I'm happy enough that you take care of me.' She's a really nice person, though. She's an angel. My parents were different. I've heard they did bad things, but…"
She gulped and continued.
"… but I didn't remember anything. I had a pretty rough childhood because I was forcing myself to understand that it wasn't someone's fault that life was being, you know, unfair to me when I was still young. I cried a lot when I remembered that I don't have parents, like real blood parents and some kids always said bad things about my parents, but I always ignored them… almost always, actually. I punched one of them in the face on third grade. I got punishment but they didn't really do anything to me again until we graduated."
"… you punched one of them in the face?"
Rose sighed, "Yeah. Chad Cassidy. Tall, green eyes and red curly hair. He actually cried so loud after I punched him I was afraid I broke him or something. But maybe he deserved it for being so mean."
"That was pretty badass, actually."
She chuckled, "Thanks. What about you yourself, Gustav?"
"I… have a mother and a brother. Haven't seen my dad in ages. I don't think we've ever getting along, so… I didn't feel like I missed anything. I grew up with my mother and… yeah… that's basically it."
He sounded as he doesn't really want to talk about it.
"I just feel really mean for not contacting them for a while now. But they know I'm fine and I'll get back in touch with them once I'm ready."
Rose smiled while she was staring at him so he smiled as well.
"How does it feel like to have a brother, Gustav?"
"What? Why? Do you want one?"
"I always want one! I want any kind of sibling, actually. At least I won't play alone when Angela was busy… it gets pretty boring real fast, you know."
He stared at her and there was something in his expression.
"What?" Rose felt slightly embarrassed.
"No, I was just imagining a tiny Rose Lette, playing alone in an empty house, while all of your friends were somewhere in Europe or Asia…"
She chuckled, "That sound just sad, I know."
"I think you're a very strong person because of that, Rose."
"Yeah. I was never good at being normal, but I'm happy with who I am. I don't think I should think about what makes my life so… unusual or so unhappy. I like to think that everyone has chance to do good things in this life. After all, it was a gift that I was born and I realize that I need to give something back to life for receiving that gift a long time ago."
"…"
"Sorry, I must be sounded weird…"
"No, I just think you sound so… mature? Wise? Positive? Like you're actually 35 and have learned something from life."
She laughed, "I'm 23, but thank you for your kind words. It's flattering."
They visited Kiama after Jervis Bay. The sky was getting cloudy and they didn't find the famous Kiama Blowhole to be particularly interesting that day.
"Well, it's a fun hole that sprays water when a wave hits, basically."
"I was hoping there was 30 meters air spraying to the air or something."
"This isn't Yellowstone National Park. If you wanna see something like that, go travel to States with that royal family of yours."
He laughed, "We actually went to America, but we didn't visit the place where they have it."
"Here, I'll show you something interesting. We need to walk up there, to that old church. There's a cemetery of the first fleeters."
"What's a 'first fleeter'?"
"Oh, basically, it's the group of the first people in the some of the first ships that came to Australia in eighteenth century."
"I don't really understand why old graveyard would be interesting for me, but… let's give it a try."
The cemetery was tiny. There were less than fifteen tombstone in there and the rest of the cemetery was people that was cremated.
"So… what do you think?" Rose asked. "I think it's pretty exciting to see things like this."
Gustav shrugged, "It actually makes me wonder whether I'm going to die in this land or not."
Rose's mouth fell open.
"… Gustav, no, don't say that… I'm sorry."
He stared at her and Rose could see he was struggling to smile, "That's alright. I know you just want me to have fun. And I'm having fun now. Let's go home after you walk Lestat for a while now."
She nodded, feeling guilty.
They didn't talk about anything interesting for the rest of the day and they bought pizza before they went home because Rose said she would be too tired to cook. Once the went home, they rested on Rose's sofas and Lestat went straight to sleep ("I don't believe it. That dog was created to sleep and eat," Rose groaned and Gustav laughed). After they ate almost all the pizza, they both sat on different sofa, sighing and talking about small unimportant things like how they can find sands on their pants.
"It's almost midnight now. You might wanna go back now, Gustav…" she yawned and stared at him. He didn't look sleepy. He looked like he was thinking about something.
"You know, Rose, about today…"
"Yeah?"
"I feel like I can talk now, but I'm really really nervous so… yeah. I'm trying," he stared at her and she could feel that he really was nervous. "… what if I'm not just Gustav?"
She could answer that question, but she could see that Gustav was afraid. So she was afraid as well. Today was really fun and she was afraid that thing won't be the same again once she knows who he really is.
"Um… what do you mean by that?" she mumbled.
"What if I was a completely different person before I met you?"
"… isn't that pretty normal?"
"Huh?" he sounded surprised. "You would think it's normal?"
"Yeah. Sure. I mean, we're all have our past…"
He smiled but for only a few seconds, "Yeah, we sure do… I just… I'd let you know that there was a big change in my life. Not a very good change. I'm still pretty angry about it now…" he moved on the sofa and Rose could see that he was uneasy about this. "… and I feel better when no one knows that I'm actually angry because they don't know what I'm angry about. It's so much hard to stop being angry if you're in the condition where everyone understand that you're angry and upset and they try to do something about it but obviously they can't…"
She was mute.
"… anyway," Gustav sighed. "I'm having a really good time with you now and I don't wanna ruin it. What makes things even harder is that you're not actually trying to find out who I actually am and you wait for me to tell you."
She glad that he felt the same way. But she couldn't help but asked, "Is that wrong?" Rose suddenly felt scared. "Should I Google you the first time you mentioned your name? Although that would be pretty creepy if you do that to your new neighbor…"
"No, no, no, it's actually better that you don't push me to confess or anything," he sighed, again. "But I feel guilty. You're being really nice to me but I still keep things from you… things that I don't let you know."
"And do you think you can be happy with people while you're hiding something from them?" she asked without really thinking.
"I don't know," Gustav looked confused. "I'm afraid that I would be angry to you as well. Staying with people who understand what is wrong with me makes me feel like I'm being reminded that there is thing that I can't do anymore. But I'm pretty sure no one is as upset as me."
For a second, he looked as he was both angry and also in pain.
"No one."
Rose gulped.
"Gustav, that's okay."
"You think? I don't think it's okay," he growled.
"You don't have to be so hard on yourself. I kind of feel as if you have responsibility to people that I don't know and you're holding that burden of responsibility yourself. … I… I don't know, I probably shouldn't say that, I don't understand your condition. But here's what do I know; you are not alone. Right now, you still have me. And if there's anything that I can promise you is that you will still be my friend, the Gustav Wood that I know, even though I finally know about your past or anything."
He scoffed in disbelief, "Yeah, right."
"… I'm serious! I'm your friend, okay?"
"OH YEAH? LET'S SEE IF YOU'RE STILL MY FRIEND IF YOU KNOW WHAT KIND OF COWARD I ACTUALLY AM!" he shouted in anger.
Rose startled and Gustav shook his head.
"I'm sorry, I'm just… I'm just really upset and angry and sad and I feel every kind of stupid feeling that ever exist in the world. I know you meant well. I know you're always meant well. I'm just…"
"That's alright," it was so much pain for her to see him like this. So much pain that she wanted to cry again.
"… let's go to bed. We're both tired, right?" he sounded cold when he decided to leave the conversation.
"You're right. … good night, Gustav."
"Good night."
He didn't stare at her again before he disappeared behind the closed door.
Rose went to bed without really realizing what she was doing, not when she brushed her teeth, not when she was wearing her pajama. She lied with her eye wide open on her bed. Her body was tired, but her mind was awake.
She felt like the time where she know who Gustav really is would come. And when it comes, it is going to come big.