Time After Time

Rose woke up the next day and she felt her whole body was aching with pain. She struggled to only stand up and walking to the bathroom. She was so sad it was almost unbearable to live. Rose made bacon and egg for her breakfast and pour some dry dog food for Lestat before sitting on dinner table, but she knew that she didn't feel hungry at all. Her phone rang and she ran to pick it up. There was one person that she wished to call but it wasn't him. It was close, but it wasn't him.

"Hi Rose. I hope I call at the right time."

"Oh Ben… I'm so glad you called," she whispered to the phone. The call made her remember about her fight with Gustav and the memory about it itself almost made her cry.

"Are you alright, Rose? What happened? You don't sound alright."

"We had a fight."

"What?"

"I told him that… he shouldn't running away anymore, because that hurts you guys who got left behind but it hurts him the most. He said I don't understand him and we end up shouting at each other. It was quite messed up. But I was angry at well at him for doing what he did…"

She could only hear silence for a while, before Ben said something.

"I think you might understand what kind of fear we faced when we got the bad news for the first time. It's like we were being pushed outside all the boundaries we knew. And Gus… well, you know him. I think he's always the type of serious kind of guy and he became… how do I put it? Dangerous, when he was cornered."

She could hear that he was scared. Genuinely scared.

"It was like I don't know him anymore. I always knew what he was capable of until that day. He was so angry that I know he could do anything. Literally anything. Now you woke up the sleeping dragon, Rose, but I don't think the dragon can and should sleep forever."

"But is there any point to bring this up rather than just to make him stop neglecting people from his past?" Rose murmured.

"There is. We can do something, it's just that we can't do it without him listening to us. Now I think it's pretty much your job to make him actually facing his demon… our demon. I know that it sounds like suddenly we give you this burden…" Ben chuckled and Rose could feel that he was feeling guilty. So she quickly replied.

"No, Ben, it's alright. I know you mean well. I want to do this as well. I'm just really scared and shock now because he was really really angry. When I first knew him, he didn't seem to be interested at anything and a lot of time I couldn't tell whether he was angry or sad or even annoyed. But then we had a lot of fun and he started to laugh… he started to tell me about his life. That was why I was so surprised to see him swearing and shouting at me…"

"I know that he's in rage right now, but I'm pretty sure you everything will be alright. He's always being too hard on himself. But I think that's what make Gus is Gus. Just give Gus time, okay?" said Ben in reassuring tone.

Rose whispered, feeling like she was out of breath, "Okay."

But the next day, Gustav didn't show up.

Not even the day after.

Not also the day after that.

Rose could burst into tears any time right now and she felt sick. When Gabriella called, she told her she was just feeling kind of ill. Maybe because of the heat. Gabriella didn't sound to believe it but she left Rose alone to recover from whatever that is.

She was scared. So scared because she might just lost something precious. Too precious. But she didn't say anything. She kept going on with her life and only let herself cry at night.

And so, another week passed.

***
After a whole week of emptiness and no communication at all, Rose thought that he might already plan to leave at that moment. It was really painful to thinking that they would never go back to where they were, but Rose knew that whatever happened, in the end, Gustav was the only person who could decide whatever he wants with his life.

One day, Rose was doing her tax while Lestat howling at played song from the iPhone dock. She sighed a lot of time and wished she wouldn't have to do tax ever again when there was a knock on the door. And she knew exactly who it was.

Gustav stood there, looking as normal as ever even though his hair was slightly damp and she could smell shampoo on him, but Rose didn't feel anything. She wanted none of him. Not now when she was on bad mood because of doing tax. If he wanted to run away, that was his right, she thought. Even though Ben did tell her that he needs to face the demon.

But no one can make him. No one expect himself.

"You looked well," he said. His voice was surprisingly warm, but weak.

She felt he was nervous, but deep down, she felt she knew he wasn't nervous. You just want him to be nervous, don't you, Rose? she thought. She stared him, surprised to actually feel like she was bored of him. Maybe because of the tax. Maybe she was really bored and tired of thinking about him. Maybe. Or maybe she was just wishing.

"What is it?" she asked, trying to look as not bored as possible.

Gustav didn't say anything.

He stared down for a while before he opened his mouth.

"I don't think I want to see you anymore," Gustav finally said, smiled rather bitterly. "So I… next week, I'm going to move to Perth."

This almost came as no surprise for her.

"I see," Rose smiled back, ignoring the fact that she felt great pain inside her. She saw this coming. The fight was probably too much for him. Then she suddenly smiled widely and said cheerily, "Perth is amazing place. I went for holiday there for a couple of times. It's a great city and there's a lot of place where you can go for food… just amazing!"

He smiled as well but he didn't stare at her.

"Alright, I better going back to pack my things now."

Rose nodded and she was about to close the door as he walked away before Lestat ran through the closed door to bite Gustav's jeans.

"Lestat! No!" she shouted and ran for her dog.

Lestat was growling, pulling Gustav's left leg.

"Argh! Stop it! Bad dog!" he moaned in pain as Lestat tried to drag him back to the door.

"Stop! Lestat! What are you doing?" Rose leaned down in hurry and tried to pull Lestat by his collar back. The dog was growling and she was struggling. "Lestat!"

He barked angrily and bite Rose's hand in order to have Rose letting him go.

She screamed loudly and fell to the ground.

Gustav gasped and knelt to take her hand straight away. Lestat wasn't trying to drag him anymore. The dog made sad noises and barking in confusion.

"Rose! Oh God… your hand is bleeding… let's go to the hospital…" he panted in fear.

Rose shook her head, "Don't! Just… let me go back and take care of it… it's nothing, really…" but she cried as she said that. She was in pain, but not only the pain in her hand. She stood up and stroke her cheeks with her undamaged hand and walked back. "Come here, Les."

He followed her, trying to make her leaning at him.

She stared at him, panted and didn't understand.

"At least let me take care of your wound."

She nodded because she knew she couldn't wrap her hand with bandage properly using only one hand. So they went back and Rose sat on the kitchen counter while giving Gustav instruction about how to clean and then wrap her hand. He was standing so close to her she could even smell the toothpaste he just used to brush his teeth. She knew she was going to miss him but she realized she was going to lose him as well. At that moment, though, there was nothing she wanted more than to be left alone.

Maybe when you realize that you miss him, everything would be too late, Rose, she told herself. But she didn't care. She didn't want to care.

Rose sighed, "Gustav, you need to get back and going on with your packing now."

"You'll be alright, Rose?" he murmured, his hand was still on her wounded hand.

"Yeah," she tried to move her fingers and surprised to feel that it actually was pretty painful. She felt bad. Her body hurt, her head was dizzy and she just wanted to sleep and forget everything for a while now. So she faked a yawn and jump down from kitchen counter.

"I think you really need to go now, Gustav," she said.

She stared at him. It was really strange to actually forget how tall he was and how familiar she was with him. The sight of his hair or fingers or even his smell were something that she used to live with. She was still care about him but she couldn't do anything if he didn't want her to care about him. At times like this, she heard voice inside her head.

All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage. ¹

He nodded slowly.

"Take care, Rose," he whispered before he kissed her forehead.

Rose startled. She wanted to cry straight away and she didn't really understand why.

"Rose," he was still whispering as he leaned to her, his forehead was on hers. "Rose Lette," Gustav whispered. There was something in his voice. Maybe longing. Maybe something else. She couldn't handle it anymore. Rose pulled back and forcing a smile.

"You too, Gustav."

He smiled sadly before walked slowly to the door.

Rose stood there, the wound on her hand was beating like one big painful beating heart. She sighed. She was going to miss the sight of that tall body and broad back. But if she thinks about it, it wasn't the first time she broke up with someone. She chuckled sadly and then remembered that she wanted to sleep right away. So she walked to her bedroom, thinking about how comfortable it would be to bury her face on the cool bed sheet and cry.

---

¹ Taken from Mycroft Holmes' dialogue with Sherlock Holmes on "Sherlock: A Scandal in Belgravia, Season 2, Episode 1. The dialogue is; Sherlock Holmes: 'Look at them. They all care so much. Do you ever wonder if there's something wrong with us?'; Mycroft Holmes: 'All lives end. All hearts are broken. Caring is not an advantage, Sherlock.'