Time After Time

The last people to left the party were a drunken Fraser and a sober John. After they thanked Gustav and Rose, the Taylor siblings disappeared into their car and eventually the night. It was probably about 2 in the morning and Rose couldn’t help but to feel sleepy that everything seemed cloudy. Gustav was in no better condition because he was drunk. But when he saw her starting to clean up some party mess, he stood up tried to help her anyway.

Rose chuckled, “Sit down, Gustav, you’re drunk.”

He slurred, “I am drunk but I’m still pretty sober.”

“I don’t exactly know how does that works,” she giggled as she dragged a large plastic bag to contain all empty bottles from all over the rooms.

Gustav walked to her anyway and helped her collecting more trash with wobbly arms and legs.

“Thanks,” he murmured, his right palm was on the top of Rose’s head. She looked at him and chuckled.

“Okay, Gustav. No worries,” the red-haired girl nodded.

“They had a good time here. The guest,” he yawned without bothering to close his mouth while his palm continued to petted Rose in the head.

“I’m sure they did,” she kept nodding. “They must be glad to see you.”

The drunken Gustav pulled his hand from Rose’s head and proceeded to put both of his palms on Rose’s shoulders, “That’s one thing. But they also… I think they also happy to meet you.”

Rose could feel her cheeks getting warm, “I think you’re just saying that because you like me.”

Gustav shook his head a little violently, “No. I’m serious. I might be drunk, but I can tell when the others are having good time. I think you… how do you call it… make them feel less of what people think they are and more of who they actually are?”

Rose blinked, “Come again?”

“Take Josh, nice Josh, for example. You don’t know him. You don’t know he’s famous. So you treat him like another friend of mine. But what you don’t know, Rose, is that sometimes… sometimes you’re in place where your reputation makes people know your name instead of who you are. Sometimes it’s nice, but there are times when it’s not. It feels good to be famous, but it feels better when once in awhile you get to wind down… just be another human being and get to interact with other human being that doesn’t have assumption about who you are. I think that is great.”

Rose just nodded. Her eyelids were too heavy and her thought was too cloudy to think about anything deeply, but she could feel that everyone feel good tonight and it made her feel good too.

“So you’re basically saying that you’re okay with me… like this? Just Rose?”

Gustav snickered, “Just Rose is enough for the lifetime.” And with that, they went together to bed, abandoning the rooms downstairs that probably could wait until morning to get cleaned.


“Gustav?”

“Yeah, Rose?”

“What time is it?”

“Like 7 am? I don’t know. I don’t want to open my eyes.”

“Is it 25th of December already?”

“I believe so. It’s already Christmas when we went to bed, but whatever.”

“Merry Christmas, then.”

“Merry Christmas to you too, Rose.”

Rose Lette opened her eyes lazily to find Gustav lied next to her on his stomach, face buried on his white pillow. He groaned and his back slightly moved up and down as he breathed. Rose chuckled and snuggled closer to him. As the London’s temperature got colder, the harder for her to wake up or leave the bed.

“Do you want to wake up now?” Gustav took his face away from the pillow to stare at her. Rose examined his face and shook her head. He certainly drank quite a lot tonight, mostly just because the guests were drinking and he kind of had to in order to be polite. That was so like him, she thought, while staring at his bloodshot eyes.

“You feel okay?” she stroked his hair.

“My head hurts—don’t worry though, it’s just the usual hangover.”

He smiled sleepily, showing his teeth like a child somehow, so Rose smiled too. Then they just lied there in silence and none of them were going back to sleep.

In the last couple of weeks, Gustav had brought up the topic of them meeting his mother and his stepfather, but he didn’t proceed to talk about when and where. Rose felt like she knew why he hadn’t spoken further about it, but she didn’t say anything about that. She would hear it when he was ready, so as long as he wasn’t ready, she would wait.

Rose had observed, throughout her years growing up alone, that men tends to pretend that they’re not as human as women. They have to be so much less vulnerable, so much stronger, and so much less emotional than the women. But for Rose, human was always just human. Every human had their strong moments and weak moments and will continue so as long as they’re living. From the people she had connection with, Rose had learned that the more people act like they don’t care, the angrier they are, the more they actually ask to people to pay attention—the more they ask to be loved.

When she met Gustav who just removed himself to Australia, she couldn’t imagine the gravity of strength that he had to uphold, because instead of screaming to others to love him more in the time when he was the weakest, he decided to suffer alone. Rose had been lonely for the most time on her life, but she wasn’t in pain as she did so, she was just indifferent. She couldn’t bear the thought of having to be alone and suffering at the same time. She could only dream to be as strong as Gustav Wood ever was.

There were times when Gustav acted like society wants him to act; like man, or whatever they label it. But some times, he acted strong for Rose. She knew that he wanted to see his mother again. But she also knew that you couldn’t just throw yourself back to someone you’ve hurt, especially if that person is very close to you. It takes time to process things out, but Rose felt like what Gustav had to process was to forgive his own self before he could meet his mother again.

It was certainly a process she couldn’t really help, because it was about him and himself, so the only thing she could do, she believed, was to be there for him. Just be there and to remind him, once in a while, mostly when he needs it, that he was loved more than he ever knew. And she knew for sure that Gustav Wood was truly loved more then he would ever knew.


Gustav made coffee and breakfast while Rose cleaned the dining room so at least they could have breakfast. After finishing their toast and boiled eggs, Rose just sat there. Gustav, who had hard time finishing his coffee because his head was throbbing, watched her sitting there and looking to the window sleepily.

“You can go back to bed if you want, you know,” he smiled.

Rose shook her head, “I’m not sleepy. I’m tired.” She then looked at him, “Do you want to receive my Christmas gift for you now? Just a precaution, I’m not the best gift giver, so…”

Gustav almost choked on his coffee. For the past a couple of month, they spent so many time together that he didn’t realise that she could still have time to buy him Christmas present. He didn’t get her anything, not with the amount of time he spent with the band and with her.

“I’m sorry. Should I get better present?” Rose asked, even though Gustav hadn’t even seen her present yet.

He shook her head, “Oh God, Rose, I forgot to buy you anything. There, I said it. Is there anything you want, though? I’ll get you anything. Coat, maybe? Or good book?”

She hides her yawn behind her left hand before mumbled, “Anything I want, huh?”

“Yeah.”

Rose threw her sight on the window once again, thinking, before she looked back at him, “Your heart, maybe?”

Gustav nearly choked on his coffee the second time.

He laughed, “What does that suppose to mean?”

“Huh? Was it weird? I kind of want you to… like me? Or something. But if you don’t, it’s okay.”

Gustav laughed harder and enjoyed the flustered, confused look on Rose’s face. “Oh Rose,” he wanted to say something, but he just couldn’t stop laughing. When his laughter eventually reduced to chuckle, he stared her in the eye and coughed, “You already have it, okay? I don’t exactly know what you’re thinking, but, yes, I like you. That’s why I asked you to be my girlfriend. And also I make you stay in my place and there are other stuffs too… you know, like we’re kissing and others.”

Rose nodded and Gustav just wanted to laugh more.

“Do you want anything else beside my heart, though?” he put down his empty coffee cup and he wasn’t surprised when Rose just shook her head. Sampson came and meowed, asking for his breakfast.

Rose stood up, “Well, maybe you can buy some more cat food?”

“That’s not present for you.”

“Uh… can I have the entire physical collection of Young Guns’ discography, then?”

Gustav nodded, satisfied, “Now you’re talking.”


“Rose.”

“Mm?”

“I never properly ask you this before, but why are you eating so little? It’s winter. And it’s England winter. You need to feed yourself more, that’s my opinion.”

Rose looked down at her plate. “Oh, right, I guess I haven’t tell you why I eat so little…it’s not that I try to keep my weight or anything, I mean, as you can see, I’m small enough. But, uh, how do I say it? When I was being moved around before Angela took me, as you know, some people forgot to feed me.”

“What?” Gustav groaned in agony.

“Sometimes they were overly drunk or simply hate me, so…they didn’t feed me. And when they do, it wasn’t much. When Angela finally took me, we went to the doctor and…well, there’s this swelling on my stomach. Basically, it was used to a very small portion of food that I simply can’t eat anything in its normal portion. It’s so much better now,” Rose spoke faster when Gustav made the expression that looked like a mix between anger and disgust. “It’s better, I can eat…kind of like normal people. I mean, even when I’m completely normal, I’m still so much smaller and shorter than you, so…”

Gustav was the one who looked like he wanted to cry, so Rose ruffled his hair gently.

“Hey. It’s fine. I’m just like Harry, right? Harry Potter? The Vernons didn’t really feed him right, but he’s the Boy Who Lived, so…why not?” she chuckled cheerily. “I’m okay now, really. I just…I can’t eat too much, because then my stomach wouldn’t be able to accept the size of the food I swallowed, so…” she shrugged. “…Basically, don’t invite me to buffet. It’s almost useless. I’d just eat in normal portion. It simply doesn’t work for me.”

“I just…” Gustav stared at his own plate. “I can’t really imagine of not wanting to eat more. Do you have that impulse to simply eat more?”

Rose shook her head, “I think I’m happy that I’m eating normally. And that’s enough. I never remember I want more. I mean I’m not starving anymore- not like when I used too. Beside, if I eat too much, I would get pretty bad pain in my stomach. And that would be, well, painful, so I try to avoid that. I’m a little jealous to people who can eat as much as they want, really, and I even feel a little angry when people compliment me for being so thin, especially other girls, who would avoid food they love in this mad dedication so they’d get skinnier. I want to shout at them, ‘Eat them- why not? At least you can eat as much as you want, unlike me.’ It’s not like I want to be this thin, but I simply can’t eat more.”

Gustav only nodded and listened.

“But human is quirky, eh? When you’re skinny and you simply can’t eat more, you want to be able to eat more. When you’re not skinny and you want to eat more, you somehow need to prevent that from happening because society values thin people better,” she chuckled. “I guess what we can do is accept our body as who we are. I probably have this broken, not fully-functioning stomach, but it is part of me and I should appreciate it for having stomach at all.”

Gustav nodded, “That’s the spirit.”

“I have eat so much more since you move in front of you house, though,” Rose said, before she took another spoon of her mac and cheese.

“You do?” Gustav smiled.

“Well, I mean, I usually just make one small portion for myself, right? But since you come, I think of making two and somehow I think that you’d eat more than me so I started to add more portion to ingredients for two, resulting my potion getting bigger as well. It’s nice. Thank you.”

He laughed, “Why would you thank me?”

“I don’t know. I’m always so lucky since I meet you,” she shrugged.

Gustav raised his eyebrows and pursed his lips to that statement. “I’m not sure why you said that.” Before him, there was Michael and it was hard to think that anyone wouldn’t like living as his girlfriend; he was rich, well-mannered, and undeniably good-looking, even for his standard and Gustav had met a lot of people. Gustav chewed his mac and cheese and pondered whether Rose had seen Michael’s car- of course she did, didn’t she? The redhead must have been witnessed more than just his car.

Rose giggled, “You don’t believe me.”

He shrugged, “I just don’t understand.”

“Since you moved, I get to go to a journey with you around New South Wales, I got to meet your amazing friend, did another journey, and now I’m in London. If there’s something more amazing than that, I don’t know what that is.”

Gustav had finished his portion and pushed his bowl aside. “You’re not going to tell me that Michael’s friends are not fun and he hadn’t brought you to…I don’t know…his villa somewhere in Italy?”

Rose laughed. “You met Robert. You can tell me how fun it was hanging out with people like him in party with champagne and caviar. And Michael never brought me anywhere. He was far too busy to went somewhere past Queensland.”

“Oh.” He remembered Robert again. He guessed it would be tiring to be around someone like him for a long time.

Rose finally finished her part and smiled. “Do you believe me now?”

“Fantastically do,” he smiled back and pecked her cheek.