The Calm

Austin's POV

I started shaking, I couldn't believe it. I just sat there, rereading the news article over and over again. My sweet little Alan, a murderer? I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to go back home, but Alan was there, and he could kill me!

I stood up, clenching my hands into fists. If Alan was a murderer, why would he hang out by the bridge and save peoples lives? I know that was where he had lived, but it wasn't his responsibility to talk people out of killing there selves.

I gave the newspaper article back to the librarian and thanked her. I left and got into my car and drove home. I drove slow, thinking about what I was going to say to Alan. I pulled into my driveway, and walked to my front door. I unlocked it and swung open the door. I saw Alan sitting on the couch, watching TV, cuddling one of his cats. He turned to look to see who was at the door, and jumped up, causing the cat to fall from his lap. He rushed over and wrapped me in a bear hug.

"Your late!" He exclaimed, hugging me tighter. "But that's okay, I missed you so much." He let me go and stood on his tiptoes and kissed me on the lips. I fought the urge to kiss him back, and he finally pulled away.

"What's wrong, Austin?" He asked.

"We... we need to talk." I murmured. Alan's eyes filled with worry as he turned the TV off and sat down on the couch. I sat down next to him. "Alan, are... are you a murderer?"

The worry in Alan's eyes now turned to anger. "GOD DAMMIT!" He screamed. He stood up, and started pacing the room. My eyes followed him as he darted back and forth. "I finally find someone who makes me happy, and then he finds out about the story. Just fucking great."

"Alan, take a few deep breaths and explain to me everything that happened." I said, making sure to keep my voice calm.

He took a deep breath, and began the story. "It all started with my stupid girlfriend, Maddie. We had dated for a year and 6 months. The first year we dated was perfect. I guess she started getting bored with our relationship though, and started getting into bad things. She smoked weed, did drugs, and did stupid things like that. Finally, she got me involved with everything she was doing. All the things we did scare me, and still horrify me to this day. But I guess it gave Maddie a rush she was looking for. Finally, she decided to rob a bank, and not just some small bank, but the biggest bank that was in our state. Me, being the retard I was went along with her. When we got there, Maddie shot the 2 ladies that were guarding the money. I started freaking out, but Maddie calmed me, saying 'they were in a better place'. I took it the wrong way, and I thought killing the people would... help them. I hated my life, and I hated the world. I guess I figured everyone else thought the same thing as me. So... so I killed them all, thinking I was helping them. Helping them escape this horrid land, and get to someplace better. I didn't feel anything when I killed them, I was as numb as a statue. Before I knew it, the bank door's flew open, and some man had tackled me to the ground. Maddie, and the money, was gone, and I had killed 4 people. I still didn't feel anything, until it was time to go to court. I saw the families of the people I had murdered. They were devastated, sobbing, I saw one person with scars on her wrists, and that was when I realized I was a fucking monster. I had killed 4 innocent people, and completely destroyed the lives of the victim's loved ones. After seeing those families, I've felt empty inside. After I went to prison, I decided to move here, knowing no one would find me here. I ended up here, and and I decided to hang by the bridge, hoping that saving other people's lives would help me fill that hole. But it doesn't." Alan stopped pacing, and looked at me, his tear-filled light brown eyes gazing into mine. "I'm a fucking monster Austin. People tried killing me in prison because of it." Alan burst out balling. "They tried hanging me with shoelaces they found, or they would stab me with the sporks that were handed out in the prison cafeteria. B-but I deserved it."

I stood up, and wrapped Alan in a tight hug. I pulled away, and rested one hand on his shoulder. My other hand wiped tears away from his beautiful face.

"Alan, don't ever say that." I said. "I actually understand what you mean. You thought killing those people would get them out of this hell hole and somewhere much better than this dump." I gently kissed his temple. "That doesn't make you someone terrible."

He sobbed harder and buried his face into my neck. I hugged him again, tightly. After a few minutes, he pulled away. "I don't want to feel like this anymore Austin. I want the guilt and everything to go away."

I took Alan's hands in mine. "I promise, I'll help you. I'll get you a therapist, anything. Whatever you want, just ask and I'll get it for you."

Alan shook his head. "Don't waste your time on me. I'm just a waste of space."

"Don't say that." I said, wiping more tears away. "I love you, and you've been through a lot. You deserve the best."

Alan stared at the ground. "I was just a stupid kid. I didn't know any better. More tears formed in his eyes, and slid down his cheeks. They fell to the floor.

Alan's POV

"I was just a stupid kid. I didn't know any better." I muttered, staring at the floor. I was starting to have a flashback, shit.

("You killed 4 people, for no fucking reason at all?!" Some of the prison inmates shouted at me. I ignored them, I thought I was helping them. We all make mistakes. I shared a cell with 3 guys who absolutely hated me.

"Go to sleep!" The officer shouted, his voice echoing in the cold hallway. I laid down on the uncomfortable bed, and closed my eyes, trying to fall asleep. Once I had almost found sleep, I felt someone strangling me. I tried to call out for help, but the rope was too tight around my neck.

"There's a slight hook from the ceiling!" One of my cellmates whispered. "Hang him from there." The tight grip loosened, and I could feel someone tie it around my neck. They were trying to kill me. I deserved all of this, and didn't even bother fighting back.

"Hand me the shoelace." Someone whispered. I felt myself being dragged over to someone. They grabbed it, and stood on the top of the bunk. They tied the other end of the shoelace to the hook, and I felt myself being hanged. I tried breathing, but couldn't. After a few minutes, I passed out.)

"Alan! Come back!" I realized I was shaking violently. Austin was hugging me tightly, trying to get me to stop. I took a few deep breaths, and they started slowing down.

"I was having a flashback, no big deal." I said.

Austin kissed me passionately on the lips. "I love and support you babe."

I smiled. It was so nice hearing those 3 little words, 'I love you'. It had been years since I heard them, and it made me happy that someone finally loved me. And I was glad that he supported me too. No one had supported me, not even my own family.

I smiled, and I could feel the hole getting slightly smaller. "I love you too, Austin."