Untitled
June 15th 2005
[ 4:56 AM ]
[no i havent slept this night either]
Hello Mr journal.
Due today's happenings,all the emotions and shit,I've written this like a story to make sure all the feelings are in this if i someday forget about the feels,even thought they are rough,i still wanna be able to remember so yeah.
I let my fingers slide easily on the letter. He had been so clear that I could only open his letter in this very moment.
I couldn't help jaw that was tightened and my lip that was twitching as I sat there and let my fingers play over the letter, Gerard's letter.
The letter has a special meaning by just having been his. His handwritten letter to me.
Inside my body there was a war, butterflies stormed around in there.
I tore up the letter eagerly. Eager unit and the butterflies died out quickly when I was reading the letter.
''Dear Frankie.
Once you read this,I'll be long gone. Nowhere to be found.
I want you to know that I'm not the monster you sadly are familiar with.
I haven't been that monster forever.
When I was 15,I was completely lonely.
I had no-one.
I started talking to one of the ''cool kids'' who I eventually became ''friends'' with.
That's when I changed from being the old Gerard.
I was so caring,didn't hurt a fly. I was..a good person.
I was alone,yes. But I was okay.
From that,to a heartless bastard who only cared about himself.
How?
I started doing drugs to deal with my depression.
Instead of hurting myself,I started to hurt others.
I thought hurting others would pay up for all the pain my father caused me.
The drugs changed me to a monster.
I want you to know,that I'm not him.
Somewhere deep inside is the real me.
I have only showed the true me for you and my brother.
That only means that I truly love you.
I always have.
And I have never known how to handle it, I've never been able to accept the fact that I was in love with a guy, which I still am. It doesn't make sense, but there it is.
I've fallen for you.
I love you.
And I'll miss you like hell.
Goodbye Frankie.
''Sweet lovely death
I am waiting for your breath
Come sweet death, one last caress''
Yours truly,Gerard. ''
[no i havent slept this night either]
Hello Mr journal.
Due today's happenings,all the emotions and shit,I've written this like a story to make sure all the feelings are in this if i someday forget about the feels,even thought they are rough,i still wanna be able to remember so yeah.
I let my fingers slide easily on the letter. He had been so clear that I could only open his letter in this very moment.
I couldn't help jaw that was tightened and my lip that was twitching as I sat there and let my fingers play over the letter, Gerard's letter.
The letter has a special meaning by just having been his. His handwritten letter to me.
Inside my body there was a war, butterflies stormed around in there.
I tore up the letter eagerly. Eager unit and the butterflies died out quickly when I was reading the letter.
''Dear Frankie.
Once you read this,I'll be long gone. Nowhere to be found.
I want you to know that I'm not the monster you sadly are familiar with.
I haven't been that monster forever.
When I was 15,I was completely lonely.
I had no-one.
I started talking to one of the ''cool kids'' who I eventually became ''friends'' with.
That's when I changed from being the old Gerard.
I was so caring,didn't hurt a fly. I was..a good person.
I was alone,yes. But I was okay.
From that,to a heartless bastard who only cared about himself.
How?
I started doing drugs to deal with my depression.
Instead of hurting myself,I started to hurt others.
I thought hurting others would pay up for all the pain my father caused me.
The drugs changed me to a monster.
I want you to know,that I'm not him.
Somewhere deep inside is the real me.
I have only showed the true me for you and my brother.
That only means that I truly love you.
I always have.
And I have never known how to handle it, I've never been able to accept the fact that I was in love with a guy, which I still am. It doesn't make sense, but there it is.
I've fallen for you.
I love you.
And I'll miss you like hell.
Goodbye Frankie.
''Sweet lovely death
I am waiting for your breath
Come sweet death, one last caress''
Yours truly,Gerard. ''
♠ ♠ ♠
I got some help in this chapter,my best friend elle, nilssonelle @ twitter c: