I Can't Breathe

Nail:

2 years ago I was drafted by the Sarnia Sting of the CHL. It was what I wanted, but it meant I had to leave my family and loved ones behind. One of the people I left behind was my girlfriend, Nicole. I loved her, but I knew playing in Canada would make my NHL dreams a reality. When I told her I was leaving we got in a huge fight and had a terrible falling out. I've done my best to focus on hockey the past 2 years and I've forgotten about the fight. Although, I might have to deal with it all again because I'm going back to Russia before the NHL draft. Now that I'm back home, I don't know if anything will resurface with Nicole. I know I want to settle any issues between us, but I don't know if she feels the same way. I just want her to know I feel terrible about the way I left and I never intended to hurt her the way I did.

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"Nail!" "Privet mame!" My mom didn't even let me inside without giving me a big hug. "Come inside." "Nail!" "Hi guys!" A bunch of my relatives were inside and all very happy to see me. "So Nail you happy to be home?" "Of course mom." She shot me a smile and quickly went back into the kitchen to check on I'm sure 20 different things she was cooking. I moved around the room to greet everyone and see a few old friends. After everyone ate a bit and mingled, the crowd started to diminish as people were leaving. "So Nail, you happy to be home?" "Of course. It's nice being able to see the family and old friends." My friend and old teammate Pavel sat across from me and we talked about the last time I was home. "So what about you know who?" "Huh?" "Come on Nail you know who I'm talking about." "Who Nicole?" "Yeah, you excited to see her?" "No, I mean,I want to but I don't know how she will react. Like, I don't know if she really wants to talk." "So talk to her." "When? How?" "Call her, go to her house. I don't know, but if you take to long to think about it you might miss her." We got up and took some dishes into the kitchen. "I guess you're right. But I'm not sure what to say. Sorry I left, but I want things to work between us?" "It could work, or it could start another fight between you two." "I guess I will have to think some more." I put the dishes in the sink as my mom brought more in. "Ey, mama, imeyut tu razgovarival s Nicole, tak kak ya uyekhal v Sarnia?" "Da, neskolʹko raz. Pochemu?" I looked at Pavel and he shrugged his shoulders. "What about?" "She always asked how you were doing. She also came over to watch all of your games." "Did she ever say why she didn't just talk to me herself?" "Yeah, she was scared to. I don't know what happened between you two, but she definitely hasn't been the same since you left." My mom looked back at me with a sincere smile and left the kitchen. "See, maybe Nicole does feel the same way you do." "Maybe."
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Nicole

It's been 2 years since I've seen my ex-boyfriend Nail. He left to play hockey in Canada and we had a bad falling out. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't seem to get over him. All my friends told me to forget him because of the fight we had, but nothing worked. I called his mom every now and then to ask how Nail was doing, and I would go to his house to watch his games with his parents. His mom could tell I didn't take him leaving well and she offered to talk whenever I needed it, which I occasionally took her up on the offer. Now that Nail will be back before he leaves again for the draft, I'm not sure what will happen between us. I know I want to talk to him about everything and try to settle whatever issues there may be, but since we haven't talked for years, he could have forgotten about everything that happened between us. Whether Nail wants to, we will have to talk during his return home at some point.

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Nail

After everyone had left, I sat in the living room with my parents. "So Nail, was everyone over here a nice surprise?" "Yeah, it was, thanks mom. And dad." My dad laughed and mom just smiled. "Your welcome. You know there is someone who has been dying to see you." I looked at my parents confused, I thought I had seen all my friends and family already. My mom got up and left to go get the mystery person and my dad just flipped through the channels on tv. "Hadi!" I quickly sat on the floor as our dog came running into the room. "I can't believe I forgot about you for a second!" "He really missed you Nail." "I believe it." I grabbed a chew toy and started playing with Hadi. "Nail." "Yeah mom?" "What really happened between you and Nicole?" "Mom." "I want to know son, from what I've seen she hasn't gotten over it." "Yeah I'm not sure I have either mom so I'd prefer not to go into okay?" "Okay, but I think you need to talk to her and attempt to fix things." "Okay mom, I get where you coming from, but it's not as easy as you make it sound." "Alright, I just want to see you both happy again." "Mom, I'm happy." "Not as happy as you were 2 years ago." She quickly left the room and I could tell she was upset. My mom loved Nicole and I together, and I know she wants things to work between me and her, but she doesn't really know how hard it could be.

(The next day)

I woke up and went to the kitchen to see what my mom was cooking. "Morning Nail." "Morning mom." I gave her a hug and she handed me a plate. "Mom, you know I can cook for myself." "Once you get drafted and are living somewhere else you can make your own meals, but while you are here I will take any opportunity to cook for my little boy that I can." "I'm not little anymore mom." "I know, I can tell by how much food you eat now." She laughed looking at the plate she had given me. "So, what are your plans for today?" "See old friends. Maybe talk to Nicole." I looked down at my plate and I felt the gaze of my mom burning into my brain. "Really?" "Yeah. I can't come home after leaving for two years and not say anything to her." "I'm sorry for being pushy last night about that, I just look at her and see she isn't her old self." "It's fine, I'm glad you were concerned, and I'm glad you told me she feels the way she does. I feel a bit better about wanting to talk to her knowing she stills thinks about me." "Well enough about the past. Are you excited for the draft?" "As excited as I can be. I mean, I probably won't get nervous until the day of." "I believe it." I got up to get more food but my mom gave me a slap on the wrist. "Save some for your father." I laughed. "Okay, I'm going for a run." "Alright."

It was weird running around town, seeing so many old places I used to go. I'd forgotten how much I loved it here. I guess that's the North American effect everyone was talking about. Running through town I stopped in front of a store who's owner I used to know all too well. I walked inside and the woman behind the counter quickly ran over to hug me. "Nail! Kakim ty byl?" "Khorosho. Vy?" "I've been good. When did you get back?" "Yesterday." "Wow, I didn't know you were coming home." "Yeah, I leave in a few weeks for the draft." She put a hand to her cheek. "Oh my gosh. Nail, I'm truly proud of you." "Thank you." "So, have you talked to her yet?" I looked to the floor and shook my head. "She really missed you, I just want you to know that. She was always asking your mom about you." "Yeah, my om told me." "I know she will be happy to hear you're going to be drafted." "I was actually planning to talk to her a little later, about everything that happened between us before I left. I will probably tell her then." "Sounds good." "Can you tell her to come by my house a little later tonight? Just say my mom asked her to come over?" "Sure." "Well, thanks Mrs. Koledov." I gave her another hug before I left. "You're welcome Nail." I left the store and put my ear-buds back in an jogged back home.

(That night)

"Mom." I walked into the living room. "Yes Nail?" "I talked to Mrs. Koledov earlier, when I was out for my run." "You did?" She looked away from the tv and sat up a bit. "Yeah, I asked her if she could tell Nicole to come over, she was going to tell her you asked to see her." "Oh okay." My head snapped toward the door as I heard knocking. "Good luck honey." I gave her a faint smile. "Thanks." I took a deep breath before I opened the door. "Hey my Yakupov my mom said you-" She looked up and saw me standing in the doorway and I saw the tears fill her eyes. "Nail?" "Hi." She quickly wrapped her arms around me in a hug and I hugged her back. Memories flashed through my head, it felt like time had stopped and we were the only ones alive. I really did miss her, no matter how much I tried to forget her, I couldn't. I closed the door and we took a walk to the beach so we could talk about everything. "When did you get back?" She looked at me as I wiped the sand off my hands. "Yesterday." "You know I was hurt, when you left." "I know." I looked up at her as she tried to control all the tears. "I'm not upset you left, I'm upset with the way you left." "Trust me, I know." "You told me the day of Nail! Did you not think to give me a warning you were leaving?" "I did, I just, I couldn't find the best way to do it." "Well, I'm sure anything else would have been better." She looked out at the water and I quickly sat in front of her.

"Nicole. Look at me please!" "I loved, no, I love you! I always have, I always will. And know what I did was pretty shitty, but no matter how many goals I got, how many autographs I signed there was one thing that was always better. Being able to call you my girlfriend. But I messed that up, and I knew coming home I wanted you to know that. And you can tell me I'm a terrible person and whatever else you want to say, but it won't change my feelings for you." I wiped the falling tears from her cheeks and she stood up. "Nail, if you think you can say all this and it changes what happened it doesn't." I quickly got up and walked over to her. "I never said that, but we have to try and settle things between us so we can at least have closure or something." "You mean the fight?" "Yeah I mean the fight. Nicole, that fight wasn't us. We never got angry at each other like that before." "You want to know why I got so mad?" I looked at her waiting for an answer. "Because I love you. When I got upset about you leaving you said I wasn't supportive and didn't care about you possibly playing in the NHL. Well who went to your house to watch all of your games no matter what time they came on? And who always called your mom asking about you? I mean I never heard my mom say you called and asked about me, you mom never said anything either." "Look, I didn't think you wanted anything to do with me anymore, I thought you were done with me." She wiped her eyes and looked up at me. "You still could have asked Nail."

"Nicole, please. I wanted to ask so bad, but I didn't because I thought she would never have an answer. There were so many nights I wanted to come home and forget it all, but I knew that wouldn't solve anything. Look, I'm not here forever. I leave in a few weeks for the draft, and wherever I'm selected is where I'm going to end up living. I didn't want to leave for that draft without saying anything. I have an extra ticket for the draft, it's yours if you want it, but I'm not gonna force you to go if you don't want to." "Can I think about it?" "That's all I ask." I gave her a faint smile and she gave one back. I gave her a hug and we walked back to my house and she waited for her mom to pick her up. I hope Nicole thinks about everything and at least comes to the draft, maybe then I can prove to her that us fighting and splitting up wasn't the right thing to do.