This Is How I Disappear

What’s sad is Helena was the only thing Gerard had left. She’s gone now, and there is no way of saving her. Gerard has been ripping himself apart, turning into the monster he really is, his red hair falling out in mass clumps as his fists would grab them harshly and dislocate them from his scalp. The poor thing was ruined. He was close to her, after the band took a break for Gerard to get his self back in order, they never got back together, they still stayed close and they still talked but they knew none of them were fit to start music again. Mikey knocked quietly on the bathroom door and the first thing he saw was his big brother passed out against the shower. He starved his self, he harmed himself physically and drank so much alcohol, and it was replacing his meals. This happened a lot, Gerard wasn’t himself and Mikey had to accept it.
“Gee, wake up.” This time it was different, Mikey was inferior and needed his brother.
“Ugh”
“GERARD!” Mikey stepped back shocked at his self and looked down. “Get up, I need to talk to you.” Gerard has never seen his brother so serious, but he couldn’t get up, he was so weak and dizzy from the poison settling in his stomach. He straightened himself out and managed to get himself onto the rim of the bathtub.
“What?”
“This is what Gerard! You just can’t rip yourself apart like this!” He pointed to Gerard’s scrawny, grimy figure and the red hairs covering everything else but him. “This is not my brother, THIS is not the boy Helena fell for.”
Gerard scoot himself farther back, stunned. Fell for? That couldn’t be right, no one on in their right mind would want to fall for Gerard Way.
“How do you know?”
“You weren’t the only one close to her Gerard. Stop being so selfish and get yourself together.” Mikey hissed the words at him, Gerard felt guilty, he hated seeing Mikey angry and he knew not to say anything else. It would be like throwing more gas on the fire and the small, heartwarming thing that always made you happy to be around would turn into a ferocious monster, angry enough to destroy everything in its way. No one’s seen Mikey that mad, but everyone knew he was capable of it.
“She’s gone, you need to deal with it, the rest of us are Gee.”
“You don’t understand.” Gerard growled, he managed to get to his feet and stumble past Mikey to his room, Mikey just stared and walked down to the couch in the living room.

***
Gerard walked down stairs slowly and walked to the cabinet, glass in hand ready to drown his sorrows in more of the poisonous substances he had to drink to keep himself going. He chugged the bottle of brown liquid and coughed, falling to his knees and breaking out in sobs, he couldn’t do it anymore, he couldn’t keep living. He fingers grazed the counter and he felt an object poke him from the sink. He retracted his finger and it came back, beads of a smooth crimson liquid coming out at the surface and before he knew it, his hand was darting back, grabbing the knife and holding it close to him. He looked up slightly and saw Mikey, frowning, tears brimming in his eyes.
“Don’t Gerard. Please.” Gerard just shook his head no and before he knew it, Mikey’s hand was wrapped securely around the blade, pulling it away from him. Gerard growled and pulled on the handle, the blade swiping across the palm of Mikey’s hand in one swift motion. Mikey gaped at the open wound, blood dripping out slowly onto the ground as he began to break down. Gerard got up and walked towards Mikey, his heart dropping as he stepped back away from him
“Get away from me! You’re drifting away and I didn’t want you to disappear Gerard! Unlike me people actually care about you.” He turned away from him and sniffed, his body shaking as he took a staggered breath. “Don’t disappear Gerard.”
***
Revenge is an odd thing once you think about it, you’re doing something to even things out, even though the person you did it for is already gone. Strange isn’t it? Gerard kept his head occupied with these thoughts while he watched the men across from him turn into just another pile of nothingness to decay in the ground and let them go wherever they are destined to go. They killed Helena, they deserved it. He never thought the band would be rejoined in such odd circumstances but Gerard was happy, he got what he wanted, he was feeling better about himself and he even started eating again. But most of all he got his friends back. He doesn’t care if he had to kill men to do it, he was happy. Even now, 4 days after while he’s sitting in the hospital, trying to figure out what was wrong with him and why he was so sick, maybe it was the alcohol, but he would suck it up. But after all of it, he didn’t disappear, and he wouldn’t disappear.