Hold On Until May

Savannah woke up around noon, and her house was deadly silent. Currently, she was on winter break, so she didn't have school for a couple of weeks…thank god. She was a junior, blonde, and was intelligent. However, she grades reflected an idiot due to absences. She was scared to go to school. Anxiety fills her mind as the bus rolls up to the school, and she runs away when it unloads. She runs to the mall next to her school, and spends all day there. Girls make fun of her, calling her a slut or saying she’s ugly. Boys treat her like a prostitute. Her teachers act as though she had killed someone when she gets a bad grade. The first two years were different, though. She used to love going to school. She had tons of friends, tons of confidence, she was never bored. She used to get good grades, and teachers would love and praise her. She’d never be alone. But now? Savannah had lost all of her friends. She lost that self-esteem. Her teachers predict she’ll be a dropout. Her counselor is disappointed in her. Savannah always wants to try so hard, but anxiety and fear get the best of her. She wants to succeed, she wants to try hard and get pleasant results. She had dreams of going to college and becoming a doctor, a vet, an interior designer. But now those dreams are crushed. Her GPA will never get her into a four-year college, let alone into a career. No one will listen to her cries. They make a joke out of it, they under-estimate it and tell her she’ll be okay, that she needs to try harder. There’s no solution. Savannah felt like a failure, and nothing has made it better.
She shook her head away from those thoughts and swung her legs around the edge of the bed. She dreaded the thought of going through another lonely day with nothing to do and nobody to hang out with.
Savannah went to the bathroom and stared at her face in the mirror. It was relatively clear, but little bumps here and there scattered upon her cheeks. She hated them. She has tried everything to get rid of them, but nothing works. Frowning, Savannah popped one blackhead after another, until her face was red, sore, and inflamed. She sighed and washed her face, hoping cold water would relieve the swelling.
Next was to brush her teeth. She showed her teeth in the mirror, and was pleased at the top row. They were straight enough, which was the exact opposite of her bottom row. Crooked, leaning different ways, and crossing over each other. Ugly, ugly, ugly teeth. She sighed and brushed them thoroughly, longing for the day when she got lower braces. When her family could afford them, that is.
Lastly was her contacts, and she actually liked this part. Her eyes were a clear, piercing light blue, bluer than a perfect day in spring. Putting in contacts was like entering a whole new world, a brighter new world. Everything went from fuzzy and blurry to perfectly clear in seconds. She put the contacts’ case back on the shelf and went to her room.
Her face was still red and bumpy, but at least the swelling went down some. She rubbed some toner on her face and some acne medication on afterwards. Next, she took out some concealer and dabbed it all over her face, heavily. She covered that up with a layer of foundation, and then some mineral powder.
Why can’t I be naturally pretty?
She finished the rest of her makeup with pink blush, rose-colored lipstick, black waterline eyeliner, mascara, and filled in her eyebrows.
At least I look a little presentable.
Her aunt would say, “Too much makeup!” along with a disapproving glance from her mother. Her uncles would see her as a whore, and probably treat her like one. No one actually knew that she wore that makeup because she thought she was ugly.
Ugly, ugly, ugly.
Next was her hair, and she took it out of the bun she had it in. It fell in damaged waves, falling just below her bosom. A couple years back, she had a freak-out and horribly cut her hair. However, instead of going to go get it fixed, she kept it like that, and it was just now growing out. It didn't look as bad, but there were still some parts that were uneven and ugly. Her family couldn't afford nice shampoo and conditioner, or a good straighter and blow-dryer. However, she did have two very expensive products that made her hair a little bit better: serum and glossing cream. She put those in, and sprayed her hair with a heat protector before straightening it. Her split ends looks horrible, but her blonde hair hid them a little.
Lastly, she picked out her clothes. She loved wearing band tees and she thought she looked cute in them, but today was just not the day. She put on some black leggings, an oversized beige sweater, and some black flats. She thought she looked nice.
-♥-
Lauren checked her phone and saw that is was Christmas Eve. Great…lovely. She sat on her bed, and that exact position brought back memories of earlier that year.
Savannah looked into the mirror, and saw a girl with short, brown hair and a pimply face. Ugly. Ugly Ugly Ugly. Why did she have to dye her hair brown? It made her look like a twelve year old boy. An ugly twelve year old boy. Her hair was chopped up, and had horrible split ends. The brown brought out the split ends even more…
She blacked out, and the next thing she knew, she was lying on the floor, crying her eyes out and holding two empty bottles of pills. She felt high. She felt her heart racing. Did she really just swallow a hundred pills…?
Savannah stared at the floor. Never again…no matter how depressed she got, she’d never attempt suicide again. She had hope for the future.
She felt her phone vibrate, and she took it off her nightstand. It was one of her few friends, Lauren:
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-Hey! There’s a Pierce the Veil concert tonight, would you like to come with me? My friend canceled and you’re the only one I know that likes them. (: x
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Savannah asked if she had the tickets already, and Lauren said yes, and that Savannah didn't have to pay her back. So Savannah called her mother, and her mother said that she should go.